Kinetic Energy

by Hayley Faiman

  “I don’t know,” he says, his voice almost monotone. Quickly, I pull on the rest of my clothes and slip my shoes on while he finishes getting dressed as well.

  “Thomas?” I ask, my voice almost cracking.

  I watch as he runs his hand through his hair. Then, he reaches out to me with that same hand, tugging me forward. I fall against him, bracing my palms on his chest, tipping my head back to look into his eyes. “I have a ton of shit this weekend,” he whispers, lifting one of his hands to cup my cheek. His thumb caresses my bottom lip while his eyes search mine. The warmth is back in his gaze and I begin to breathe a bit easier. “I wish I could spend all weekend with you, and you alone, Ines.”

  “Me too,” I shamelessly admit.

  He leans forward and presses his lips to mine, his tongue snaking out to taste me. I open my mouth, more than willing to allow him inside. I have a feeling that I’ll always allow him inside of me. I moan as his tongue caresses and tastes me. He nibbles on my bottom lip as he breaks away, pressing his forehead against mine, his eyes closed, pinched tightly.

  “Next weekend you’re mine, all weekend, angel eyes,” he announces. “You’ll pack a bag and we’ll go somewhere,” he says.

  I smile, unable to hold back my excitement. A trip away with him, just the two of us. I can’t contain my giddiness. “That sounds amazing,” I practically choke.

  “I’ll see you in class tomorrow. I’ll text you, and hopefully we can sneak in some time together next week, maybe one night we can do dinner?” he asks.

  I press my lips against his gently before I speak, “That sounds perfect.”

  Leaving his office is the last thing I want to do, but I know that I need to. I have another class soon, and I need to grab something to eat. Thomas lets me go, but I turn back to look at him one last time.

  The odd shuttered behavior is gone, but he looks worried, as I walk away from him. I have this niggling feeling inside that he isn’t being one hundred percent truthful. Something isn’t right, and as much as I want to ignore it, I don’t know that I can.

  THOMAS

  I watch her walk out of my office and I cringe. I’m a fucking asshole. I make my way back to my chair and slump down. My desk is messy from where her ass was planted, and my office smells like our mixed scents and sex.

  I can’t see her all weekend because my wife—my wife—is coming home. I’m falling for Ines, and yet, I know that I can’t fully have her. I can’t help myself though. I try to remove myself, to take a step back, but one look into her caramel colored eyes and I’m fucking gone for her all over again.

  My office phone rings and I answer it with a gruff hello. “Hey, big brother,” Carter’s voice rings out on the other end.

  “Carter,” I mutter.

  My body relaxes back in my seat, and an easy smile forms on my lips. My little brother always causes me to smile. I watched him grow from a cute baby to a goofy kid, and now he’s a man. Granted he’s still got some growing up to do, but don’t we all?

  Carter clears his throat. “Will you come up for Christmas this year?” he asks. I don’t normally go home often. Probably because it’s where Danielle prefers to spend her time, rather than with me, and I hold some resentment toward New York in general. “I’ve met someone and I want you to meet her.”

  “I’ll be there then,” I immediately reply. Anything for my brother, and if she’s half as important as he’s trying to play off that she isn’t, then she’s probably the one. As far as I know, he’s never brought a woman home, especially for a holiday. “Can you tell Danielle to just be nice?” he asks on a sigh.

  I chuckle, Danielle isn’t known for being warm, specifically at family gatherings. She gets along okay with my father but my step-mother, Jade, and she kind of butt heads. I’ve never questioned why, nor have I listened when Danielle has tried to complain about her. To me, she makes my father happy, and after so many years of being unhappy, I’m not going to begrudge him his happiness. Plus, she gave me a brother, she gave me Carter and how can I dislike the woman? It’s impossible.

  A thought crosses my mind, and I wonder if Danielle will even be at my side by Christmas. At this point, I doubt that she will. This weekend we need to have a serious sit-down. This situation that we have isn’t working, and I’m not wishing to continue with it, especially now that I have Ines.

  “She’ll be nice,” I murmur the lie.

  Carter lets out a sigh. “It’ll be good to see you, Thomas.”

  “You too, little brother,” I chuckle.

  I ask him a little about work and he responds, but as time gets away from us we each have to hurry off of the phone, him for a meeting and me for class. As I hang up, I can’t help but wonder what Christmas will bring for me. I never imagined being the one to finally end things with Danielle, she’s been part of my life for so long.

  However, I can definitely see my life without her, I’ve lived without her more than I’ve lived with her. I can’t imagine not having Ines. Even in our short relationship, she’s a bright spot in my life and she makes me feel—whole when she’s with me. I have to get my shit straightened, it isn’t fair to her that I’m not completely available and that I’m hiding things from her.

  CHAPTER TEN

  THOMAS

  The rest of this week has been torture. Against the pull that Ines creates, I’ve stayed away from her, somehow. We’ve been texting every day and talking on the phone, every night. She’s funny, hilarious even. I’ve learned more about her in just these past few days than I think I’ve ever learned about Danielle. I feel like a dick even thinking it, but it’s true. Not only do I now know her body, I know about her childhood, about most of her likes and dislikes, and I know her dreams.

  Ines has a desire to be happy, and to create a life and family. She doesn’t want fame or fortune, but to live comfortably. She’s even expressed her desire to have children, and have a traditional family, unlike what either of us was raised in.

  “I’m afraid of becoming my mother,” she whispers.

  It’s Thursday evening, and we’re both in bed. Only, she’s in the dorms and I’m here at home. I wish that she was lying next to me and that I could look into her caramel eyes. “Why, your mother seems like a wonderful, hardworking woman?”

  She sighs. “She is wonderful, and she is hardworking,” she agrees. “I don’t want to fall in love with a man who can’t love me back. My father isn’t capable of it, I don’t believe. Maybe once he was, but is it really love if he so easily walked away from us, and now only returns to beg for money?”

  Her words hit me like a punch to the gut. Am I like her father? Incapable of loving her? I feel like falling for her would be easy, but will it only end in heartache? I can’t have her completely, not while I’m still married, and not while she’s still my student. We’re stuck in this place of limbo, this place of hiding and secrecy.

  “I think that if you don’t want to be something bad enough, then you won’t be.”

  If it’s true, I don’t know, but I can’t stand to allow her to think that at her age she’s going to ruin her life—even if just by being with me, she probably will.

  “Would you change anything about your life if you could?” she asks.

  I think about her question and I let out a heavy sigh. I would change so much about my life, about my past specifically. However, that would mean that I wouldn’t have met her, but then I wouldn’t hurt her either, or possibly break her like I know I’m more than capable of.

  “If I could change anything, I would be able to have you right here next to me. If it were possible, that’s what I would change,” I admit.

  “I could be there. Just tell me and I’ll come over,” she says, sounding almost hesitant.

  I shake my head as though she can see me before I speak. “It’s not possible, angel eyes, not right now.”

  She doesn’t say anything in response and I try to change the subject. We end our call a few minutes later, a feeling of guilt in the pit o
f my stomach. I wish that she could be right here next to me, it’s ultimately where she belongs, and I hope where she will be soon.

  Once we hang up, I fall asleep. It’s a fitful rest and when I finally get up from bed, it’s Friday morning. I don’t know what time Danielle is coming home today, but I know that she’ll more than likely be here by the time I return from my classes.

  My stomach turns.

  I don’t want Danielle here—I want Ines. This weekend is going to be tough, but I have to tell Danielle that it’s over. We can’t be together anymore, and I’m probably overthinking everything. I have a feeling Danielle will be relieved once I bring it up to her.

  My classes go by in a blur, and I try not to look at Ines, but I can’t keep my gaze from staying on her the entire time she’s in my class. Her eyes meet mine as well, and she looks sad. I hate that I’m the reason for that. Not when I should be the reason for her smiles and her smiles alone. I don’t stay in my office, choosing to cancel my office hours again. Instead, I go for a walk and think.

  I almost call my father to ask for his advice, but I know what he would tell me. He would tell me to talk to Danielle, to make it work with her. He would definitely tell me to end things with Ines, not only because I’m cheating, but also because she’s my student. I couldn’t do it even if I tried, she’s buried inside of me now, and no way could I get rid of her.

  By the time I make it home for the evening I’m sick to my stomach with stress. Danielle’s rental car is parked in front of the house and I feel nothing but more dread as I pull into the garage. I’m annoyed that she hasn’t bought a car to leave here, that she treats this like some kind of second home, instead of our home, and right now I want her gone.

  When I walk inside, I’m hell-bent on telling her to fucking leave. That is until I see her in the kitchen. She’s cooking, something she hasn’t done for me in years. Her back is to me and her body sways to the music playing through the television.

  “Danny?” I ask.

  She stiffens before she turns around to face me. I can’t decipher the look on her face. I stand at the entrance to the kitchen, waiting for her to speak, wishing to know what she’s thinking. “Thomas,” she breathes and it’s almost vulnerable sounding. Her bottom lip trembles and my entire body goes rigid. I can’t remember the last time I saw her cry, it has to have been years ago, at least fifteen years ago.

  “What the fuck?” I hiss.

  She rushes over to me and buries her face in my chest. I don’t know what to do, so I wrap one of my arms around her back and loosely hold her. I’ve never seen emotion like this from her, I’m not sure what to do right now.

  “I want us to be better,” she gulps, tipping her head back. My eyes widen at her words. She wants us to be, better.

  My arm falls away from her, and I take a step back. I’m a bit flabbergasted by her declaration. Then my eyes narrow, unsure of what her angle could be, if she has one. I’m sure that she does, I’ve never known her to give much of a shit about me, not in years.

  “Danny?” I don’t know what else to say or do, other than keep repeating her name like a fucking idiot.

  Her blue eyes look up at me, wide, and almost innocent but I don’t know what the fuck is going on. “I’ve pushed you away. I know. You’ve been so good and you’ve stayed with me through it all. I want us to work on our marriage, maybe go to counseling,” she suggests with a small smile.

  I don’t laugh, though it’s hard not to snort at her words. She’s done more than push me away, she’s ran away—fucking sprinted. I shake my head, standing in disbelief. “You thought making me dinner, giving me a hug, and sporting a few tears would change everything?”

  “Counseling, Tommy, we need counseling,” she states, her voice a bit louder than just a few seconds ago.

  I run my hand through my hair and down my face. “Counseling won’t fix us, Danielle. We haven’t really been in a marriage for years. Definitely not the past five years,” I state.

  “It doesn’t matter, Tommy, we can fix it.”

  Letting out a breath, I place my hands on my hips and look to the ceiling. “Why now?”

  “What do you mean?” she asks, sounding almost childlike, so innocent, that if I closed my eyes, I could believe she was my Danny from fifteen years ago.

  I don’t close my eyes though. I keep them pointed directly on her and take her in. She’s dressed down in a pair of jeans and one of my old college t-shirts. Her hair is in a ponytail and she’s not wearing any makeup. She looks younger, less uptight this way. “Why. Now?” I repeat.

  She wraps her hand around the back of her neck and then tugs on her ponytail. “There’s this huge promotion that I’m up for at work. The CEO is a big family guy, he thinks that we’re not really a family because of our situation. I need to prove to him that we’re happily married. No way could you pull that off in a million years. I need us to fix our marriage just long enough for this deal. I need this promotion.”

  Her words hit me, no, they fucking slap me across the face. “We’re through, Danielle.”

  “Oh please, you’re the luckiest fuck in the world, Thomas. You’re never going to leave me,” she laughs.

  “Excuse me?” I whisper, my arms dropping to my sides.

  She leans in slightly, a wry smirk on her lips. “You get to fuck pretty little young things while I’m away, then when I’m home, you get to fuck me. I don’t ask you for a dime, your money is yours to do with as you please. I’m never around to nag you or ask you to do things around this house. I’m the perfect wife. You’re lucky.”

  “I want a divorce, Danielle,” I announce.

  What she described, it’s exactly the way my life has been going the past five years and I don’t love it like she thinks. I never dreamed that this would be my life, I never imagined I would be childless with a wife that knows I fuck around on her, living separate lives. This isn’t a marriage—and I don’t feel fucking lucky.

  She jerks her head back and blinks. “No, you don’t, Thomas. You need to think about what you’re saying here.”

  “I’ve thought about it, and I want a divorce,” I state again.

  She waves her hand in the air and shakes her head as if I’m fucking crazy. I guess that maybe I am. Maybe other men would find our arrangement perfect.

  “You’re being dramatic. Come and eat dinner, relax from your day. Think about things, and you’ll see that you don’t want to change us. We’ll go to counseling and you can get all your feelings out. But, you don’t want to be alone at your age, Thomas. We’re not getting any younger, and you remember how lonely your father was before he met that woman.”

  I don’t remind her that my father had a child to look after. My father is in love with Jade, and I don’t really like the way she calls her, that woman. They’ve been together for twenty-five years, she’s Jade, and she’s the closest thing I’ve had to a mother in years, even if she’s closer to my own age than she is my father’s. God knows Danielle has zero motherly instincts herself.

  Without voicing my opinions, I sit down at the kitchen table and look around. She’s made lasagna, which is of course, her favorite. I can’t stand the shit, especially since she puts fucking beans in hers. She says some regions in Italy make it this way, and that I lack culture. I could give a fuck about culture, I don’t want goddamn beans in my lasagna.

  “Now that you’ve gotten over that little dramatization. I’ve made us an appointment with a counselor here for tomorrow. I leave Sunday evening so we’re lucky that he was able to get us in,” she rambles on.

  I ignore her, knowing damn good and well that I won’t be going to that counseling session. In fact, I think I’ll go see Ines. Maybe I’ll take her out for the day. I know I won’t spend the fucking day with Danielle and her fucking shrink. I’m done, and divorce is the only option for me right now.

  Refusing to sit down and share a meal with her, I leave the kitchen. I don’t go to my bedroom, though. Instead, I make my way toward the gue
st room. I lock the door behind me, ignoring Danielle’s voice. Stripping my clothes down, I climb into bed and a waft of Ines’ scent catches my nose.

  I close my eyes and remember when she stayed here not that long ago. I wish she were here now. My cock grows hard and I slip my hand beneath the sheets, wrapping my fingers around myself. I picture her above me, her large tits swaying as she rides me. The look of awe on her face with each roll of her hips as she takes me and takes control—it brings me closer to my release than I should be with my own hand.

  I imagine her head tipped back slightly and then the noises she makes when she comes and my own climax spurts on my belly. My breathing is labored and I reach for my discarded shirt on the floor, wiping my stomach off quickly.

  I roll to my side and grab my phone. Sending a text to the woman I can’t get out of my mind.

  Miss you angel eyes.

  Her reply is only seconds later.

  INES: I miss you so much.

  Meet me at the café, tomorrow ten a.m.

  INES: Really? For what?

  I can almost hear the excitement pour from her text. A smile tips my lips as I reply.

  A surprise. Sweet dreams my beautiful angel eyes.

  INES: You’re seriously cheesy.

  You Love it. I can’t help but smile at the words I type. She does love it. I can picture the giant smile on her face.

  INES: I do, Thomas. You know that I do.

  Can’t wait to see you.

  INES

  I feel like I haven’t seen Thomas in weeks. Standing outside of the café, wearing a pair of practically obscene short denim shorts, and an equally obscenely tight light blue tank top—I wait for him. I left my hair straight, my makeup light and I’m wearing a pair of leopard print wedge sandals.