Kinetic Energy

by Hayley Faiman

  Reaching out, I tuck her dark hair behind her ear, then cup her cheek. Running my thumb along the underside of her eye I give her a nod. “He’s good, sweetheart,” I state.

  I don’t leave the discussion open for more. I can’t risk saying much more. I wish that I could tell her everything, this lying by omission is getting harder and harder.

  INES

  I stand at the café, watching Thomas drive away from me. Last night was great, amazing even, and I want to believe that it meant just as much to him as it did me. I felt it just in the way he looked at me. I’m not just some fling to him, and yet, he doesn’t let me in.

  He’s holding something back, and it can’t just be the fact that I’m his student, he’s my professor, and the school would shit a brick if they knew we were involved. There’s something larger at play here, but I just can’t figure it out.

  Making my way toward my dorm, I decide that I can’t hyper-focus on what he isn’t telling me. It could be nothing, or it could be something huge. I won’t know until he trusts me enough to tell me. I’m just going to continue being available for as long as he’ll let me. It will probably end in heartbreak, but didn’t I know that from the beginning, anyway? I did. He’s almost thirty years older than me, I highly doubt he’ll want to keep me forever, no matter how badly I’ll want him to.

  I hurry to my room, unloading my backpack of yesterday’s clothes, and my toiletries. Replacing it all with my books for the day. My first class is physics, and I’ll get to stare at Thomas for the next ninety minutes. I know that I just left him, but I seriously cannot wait to see his face again.

  Rushing across campus, I slip into my seat, exactly thirty seconds before Thomas’ phone alerts him to start class. His eyes connect to mine and he shakes his head once with a smirk on his lips. He thinks I’m crazy for coming to class, cutting it so close to being late, every single time. It’s just the way I am, the way I’ve always been.

  The lecture is boring as hell, at least I think that it is. I don’t pay attention to a single word Thomas says. My eyes are focused solely on his lips, and I imagine the way they felt just a few hours ago when they were kissing every inch of my body. When they brought me so much pleasure I literally cried out, and tears fell from my eyes.

  The rest of the day goes by in a blur, and I find myself in my room on a Friday night, alone. It sucks, and I hate it. I stare at my phone, willing it to ring, but it never does, and I end up falling asleep early. I’m exhausted from my evening with Thomas. We didn’t sleep much, so I’m in need of a good night’s rest.

  Around three in the morning, I wake up hearing Jessa come into the room. She quietly changes and I hear her crawl into bed. Then she tosses and turns for about twenty minutes. “You think too fucking loud, Jessa,” I announce, my voice sounding groggy.

  “What on earth?” she gasps.

  Slowly I sit up and she does the same. I watch as she looks down at her fingers and I let out a sigh. My poor roommate, she has problems a mile wide. “Tell me what’s going on,” I gently demand.

  “Cole asked me to leave Trent, and I’m going to,” she admits.

  My lips form a smile, excitement filling me at her words. Good for her, but I’m not convinced it will really happen. Lola told me at least once a day, every day, she was going to leave her ex for months before she actually did it.

  “Why are you leaving all of a sudden?” I ask, wishing to know exactly what’s going through her mind.

  I watch as she leans back against the wall and stretches her legs out in front of her. “Remember how I told you that Trent has some appetites that I’m not comfortable with?” she asks.

  I vaguely remember the passing conversation, but Jessa is so guarded, and I don’t know exactly what she meant.

  “Well, he doesn’t care about my level of comfort, and it’s just not something I can be all right with, ever. His parents are here and Jim, his dad, he came up to me alone and he talked to me. He told me the real reason he and Margie took me in. It had nothing to do with Trent; it was because they wanted to give me a stable life, because they’ve always cared for me,” she rambles.

  Her words don’t surprise me. Jessa is a sweet girl, and I could see someone wishing to help her out any way that they could. It’s also exactly as I believed, her dickhead boyfriend was just manipulating her this entire time. I express as much to her and she sucks in a deep breath before she speaks again. Her words horrify me.

  “He wants to be with other people, other girls, and he doesn’t care if I’m there or not. He also wants to set up meetings for me to be with other men, while he is there. I didn’t ask details on what his role would be. I can’t do it, though,” she practically whimpers.

  He is such a fucking douchebag. “Jessa,” I whisper, unsure of exactly what to say. The things I want to call him, I don’t think this is the right time for it.

  Clearing my throat, I ask a question that I’m not sure I should, “Is this like a pimp thing? Is Trent trying to make money off of selling you to other guys? What’s going on exactly?”

  She shrugs. “I don’t know. He claims he just wants to see me with other girls, and guys. It feels all wrong though. You know? I get it. I really do. I understand that people like that, but it’s not for me, and he doesn’t care how I feel. That’s not love, and I don’t love him, either.”

  I nod at her admittance of her lack of love for Trent. I knew she didn’t love him, and he doesn’t love her, no matter what he claims, he can’t, not if he wants these things from her. I don’t even know her that well, and I know she is not the type of girl who would feel comfortable doing those things.

  “But you love Cole?” I ask.

  “I don’t,” she admits. “I don’t love him because I don’t know him well enough, but I really like him. I like him more than I’ve ever liked anybody in my life. To me, that’s worth at least giving us a try,” she murmurs.

  I nod, not only agreeing but also liking her answer. I feel the same way about Thomas. I don’t know if I love him yet, but I like him more than any other guy I’ve ever had in my life to date. “Good. I’m glad that you finally see that you’re worth more than what you’ve been accepting from Trent,” I state.

  We don’t say anything else. I enjoy sitting in the quiet room with her. I think if I wanted to bring up Thomas right now, and how unsure I was feeling about everything, that she would gladly listen to me.

  However, I don’t. I’m not sure I want to talk about how he makes me feel yet. About how his leaving for the weekend makes me feel. I’m not sure I like how I’m feeling right now and that makes me feel weird.

  I just want him to open up to me. I want him to tell me whatever it is that makes his eyes go guarded, that makes the guilty look appear on his face every so often. It’s something, I know that it is, but what it is, I’m not sure of.

  Honestly, I’m not sure that I ever want to know. Not if it’s going to hurt me. Maybe I’ll just live in denial forever, or in the dark rather. I enjoy being with him, and he’s kind and generous. I wish that I could be happy with our relationship being only surface level, but I can’t.

  I want the fairy tale.

  I want everything with Thomas. As much as I want to be able to just let everything play out and live in a state of being able to settle for less than what I truly desire, I know that I can’t. I cannot be my mother, I refuse, and with Thomas, I don’t think I could live with myself if I didn’t have all of him.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  THOMAS

  The plane touches down in the city and I’m surprised that I don’t feel more anxious about this trip. I don’t really know what to expect with Danielle. I haven’t talked to her in weeks, and yet, I don’t give much of a fuck either. I just want all of this to be done.

  Standing on the plane, I reach into the overhead bin and grab my small bag. I’m only staying for the weekend, so I didn’t need to bring anything more than what fits in a carry-on.

  Walking toward the baggage c
laim, and then riding down the escalator I’m surprised that Danielle is waiting for me at the bottom. She gives me a small wave and a smile, which causes my defenses to go up. It seems she’s always played some sort of game with me, and this weekend will be no different.

  “I thought you’d be at the office still,” I mutter as I close the distance between us.

  She shakes her head. “I had to make a big show of your arrival, I figured I may as well pick you up anyway.” She shrugs. “Do you have baggage to claim?”

  “Nope.”

  Together we walk out of the airport, the silence between us is deafening. I power on my phone and grin when I see a message from Ines. It’s a picture of us together from last night. She looks amazing, her face flushed from her recent orgasm and her hair a wild mess from my hands.

  INES: Missing you.

  Her words are simple, yet I find that they fill me with an extreme amount of warmth. I fucking miss her too, and the draw to her, to be with her rather than here is too fucking great. I cannot do this trip again. Danielle is going to be pissed, but this cannot happen anymore. Not with the way I truly feel about Ines.

  When we arrive to Danielle’s waiting car, I let out a breath. She has a driver, something she’s probably had with work for years. I should feel a sense of pride that she’s such a successful woman, that at one time she was my successful woman, but I don’t. Her success came at a price, and happiness—our happiness—was that price.

  “Take us to the penthouse,” she announces as soon as we’re settled in the backseat.

  “Please,” I call out.

  Danielle levels me with a glare but doesn’t respond. She’s rude, and entitled, and such a fucking bitch. Manners are free, and I’ve always been taught to use them, she’s old enough to say please and thank you.

  The ride to her apartment is in silence, and I’m glad for it. I honestly don’t want to hear her talk at this point. Coming here was a fucking mistake. I should have stayed home. I should have stayed with Ines.

  Once the driver turns on his hazards and double parks, we quickly exit the back seat and I wait for Danielle to walk past me, and into the building. Following behind her, I groan when we walk into her stuffy as fuck building.

  She bought this apartment right after I moved to Nebraska. I’ve only been here a handful of times, and I’ve hated it every single time. It’s pretentious, just like she is. I’ve never been comfortable, not even in the lobby, let alone in the actual apartment.

  “I set up the guest room for you. You made it clear when I was in Nebraska that you didn’t wish to sleep next to me any longer, I assume that desire holds true today?”

  I almost roll my eyes at her words, but I don’t. “Do you have an itinerary for the weekend?” I ask, changing the subject.

  “Tomorrow we have a luncheon at the club, then there’s an event in the evening. I don’t know if your tux still fits, but you’ll need to wear it or buy a new one. You can use my card if you don’t have enough money. Sunday, we have brunch at the club,” Danielle rattles off.

  My spine straightens at her dig at my finances. As if I don’t have any money when I make more than enough to support myself, and a family should I desire to do so. I bite my tongue, not wishing to get into a fucking thing with her.

  “I’m going to my dad’s first thing in the morning then, since you have the entire weekend booked,” I announce.

  I don’t wait for a response, I turn and walk away from her heading toward the guest bedroom. I close and lock the door behind me. Making my way over to the bed I sink down and close my eyes. This fucking weekend is going to be a nightmare. I decide to take a quick shower and go to bed, forgoing any dinner for the evening in an effort to stay the fuck away from Danielle.

  Once I’m showered and in bed, I pull out my phone and I look at the text from Ines that I read but didn’t respond to. I decide to send her a response now. I miss her, especially after having her soft body pressed against mine last night, I fucking miss the girl.

  Miss you more than you know.

  I power down my phone after pressing send and plug it into the charger. I need a full night’s rest, or at least I need to try for it. Lifting my arms, I place them behind my head and close my eyes.

  Sleep doesn’t find me easily, or I don’t find sleep easily. I toss and turn for hours and when the sun peeks out from one of the tall buildings, I finally give up and get up for the day.

  Hurrying to get dressed, I slip out of the house before Danielle is awake. I turn on my phone and shove it in my pocket. I’m sure I have a notification from Ines, and I’m sure I’ll get a million from Danielle, but right now I need to see my dad.

  Hailing a cab, I give the driver my father’s address and I impatiently wait in the back while he drives toward his place. It’s been months since I’ve seen the man, and I need his advice, I need his guidance—now more than ever.

  The cabby stops, and I hand him some bills before exiting the vehicle. The home that he’s pulled up in front of isn’t my childhood home. My dad and Jade bought a place when they got married, and it’s where Carter grew up, and where I’ve spent my holidays. I wasn’t upset when dad sold my childhood home, when he met Jade it was time to leave the past, in the past, and move on with his future.

  The front door swings open, and I’m surprised when the man himself is standing in the foyer. “Jade’s filled me in. She’s gone for the morning, it’s just us,” he announces as I make my way up the walkway.

  “Thank fuck I don’t have to go over the details again,” I chuckle, my words being nothing but the honest truth. I’m fucking tired of thinking about this situation, let alone having to repeat it all again, sounds like a nightmare.

  Once I’ve made my way inside we walk into the kitchen, and then to the breakfast table. I’m not surprised to see that Jade not only has coffee for us but an entire breakfast as well. No matter her age, and how close it is to my own, she’s definitely a mother type, and I appreciate that she cares for me the way that she does.

  “I should have told you about Danny years ago,” my father begins.

  I shake my head, reaching for the cup of coffee that’s been set down in front of me. “No, you shouldn’t have. I wouldn’t have listened. Our relationship was a slow, painfully slow, decline. I see it clearly now,” I admit.

  “Because you’ve met someone who makes you see it?” he asks.

  My father knows me. For so long it was just the two of us, and nobody could know me better than this man sitting in front of me. I clear my throat before I answer.

  “I met someone, yes,” I admit. “I’m also tired of living this life. This being married, but not being in a marriage. Sleeping with random people while the woman who is supposed to be my wife does the same, all while living states away from each other.”

  “I was hoping you would come to this conclusion on your own, though I have to admit I’m a bit disappointed it’s taken this long,” he murmurs.

  I chuckle with a shake of my head. I should have come to it earlier, but I have to admit, as much as a limbo as Danny and mine’s life was, I had freedom and I enjoyed it to an extent. It’s just now I’ve found a woman that I don’t need freedom from, a woman that I want with me, always. A woman that I don’t want to lie to any longer.

  “I want a divorce, and Danielle wishes to wait until some big promotion is handed out at work. I need your advice.”

  My father leans back in his chair slightly and levels me with his gaze. It’s not judgmental, but it is stern. “She’ll be a bitch about it if you don’t wait it out on her terms,” he announces, and I nod in agreement. “But you don’t want to wait?” he asks, lifting a brow in question.

  “I don’t want to wait. I found someone, and I’m tired of lying to her, of keeping this from her.”

  “File when you get home, be done with all of this charade. It’s immature, and your relationship has been since the beginning. I know you loved Danny, but she has only had one mission in her life, wh
ich is her career. Don’t waste another minute playing games, son. Life is too short, and you’ve finally found who you consider to be the one?” He poses his words like a question, causing my heart to slam against my chest.

  Have I, met—the one? An image of Ines flashes in front of me, an image of her bright as fuck smile, and I know. I have. I have met the one. She’s who I see at my side from now on, nobody else. It all hits me suddenly, like a goddamn freight train. It’s her. Ines—she.is.mine.

  “I love her, Dad.” My father gives me a look of pity, and I give him a smirk. “I love the woman back in Nebraska. You’re right, this shit can’t last another three months.”

  “Don’t let it last another three hours.”

  Reaching over, I grab a scone and take a bite before I speak. “Danny will be fucking livid if I don’t go to her parties this weekend.”

  “Do you care?” he asks with a light chuckle.

  Running my fingers through my hair, I lift my eyes to meet his. We have the same eyes, me and my dad, the same shade of blue but his hold so much more knowledge than mine do. He’s telling me everything I need to know in one look and daring me to do what we both know is the right thing to do, no matter what the repercussions. “I don’t. I care about Ines,” I state. “I know she senses something, and it’s time I come clean.”

  My father grins. “Get the fuck out of here, son. Go to your woman. You bring her here for Christmas, or I’ll kick your ass,” he chuckles as he stands.

  I stand as well, and I give my father a hearty embrace. This man—he’s always been my best friend, and today he made me see that I’ve been living my life all wrong. I’ve not only been doing it wrong for me but for Danielle, too. She says she’s fine with how we’ve been, but I’m sure that she’s not. She deserves to be free, and find her happiness, just as much as I do. She’ll be pissed for a while I’m sure, but eventually, she’ll see it was all for the best.