A Blessing & a Curse

by ReShonda Tate Billingsley

  Jasmine squinted and shook her head. “What? Why?”

  “Maybe instead of you asking me a million questions, it would be better for me to just tell you what I know.”

  Jasmine nodded because there were no words left inside her. Or maybe it was because she needed every bit of energy she had to keep her pounding heart from breaking out.

  “Somehow, you found out that your mama had to leave Alabama . . . because of you.”

  She paused and Jasmine waited for more. When Aunt Virginia said nothing more, Jasmine shook her head. “I didn’t know that. All I know is that this girl told me that her father thinks he’s my father.”

  “Not ‘think,’ Jasmine Larson.” Mae Frances spoke up for the first time. Turning to Aunt Virginia, Mae Frances said, “We know that the man who raised her is not her dad, ’cause this dude over there, the report came back that he’s the daddy.”

  “The report didn’t say that,” Jasmine protested.

  Mae Frances raised an eyebrow.

  Jasmine said, “There’s a ninety-nine-point-nine percent chance that he’s my father, but there’s still that point one percent . . .” Her voice trailed off, as if her protests were beginning to sound silly even to her ears.

  Aunt Virginia patted her hand. “Let me tell you all the parts I know and then you can ask me any questions I don’t answer. Is that all right with you?”

  Jasmine gave her another nod.

  “All right, then. Your grandmother, Doris’s mother, was my best friend. From the time we were little bitty things, Ada Mae and I were great friends.”

  Ada Mae. Jasmine couldn’t recall ever hearing her grandmother’s name.

  “We grew up next door to each other.”

  “Right here?” Jasmine said, her eyes darting around the room as if she were looking for clues from the past.

  “Not here, just a couple of streets over. But all through school, till we graduated, when you saw one of us, you saw the other. We were that close.

  “Then your grandmother got married; she married Boone Young, the most eligible bachelor, the most handsome man in Mobile, Alabama.”

  Boone Young.

  “And not long after that, they had your mama. It was like the whole city, at least the black part, celebrated, ’cause the Youngs were big here back in the forties. Boone Jr. and his family owned just about every business in town: the barbershop, the beauty salon, and the funeral parlor. And everybody loved them ’cause they gave back, too. When it was time for school, they gave out school supplies to the kids who couldn’t afford them. If a family didn’t have money for a funeral, they could pay it over time. Or if someone was sick and ’bout to die, the family could start making payments on layaway. Yup, the Youngs took care of black folks in Mobile.

  “And Ada Mae’s folks were real respected, too. Her daddy was the pastor at Pilgrim Rest Missionary Baptist Church, and his daddy before him was the pastor there, too. So when Doris came along, she was the next generation of Youngs. Everybody loved that little girl; though it was sure easy to love her. Doris popped out of Ada Mae with a big ol’ smile on her face. Yup, that’s what Ada Mae told me. And Doris never stopped smiling. She was like a ball of sunshine . . . for everybody.”

  “So then, why would her parents treat her like she was dead?”

  “I’m getting to that part. You gotta let an old lady take her time.” Aunt Virginia took a deep breath. “Now, you’ve got to understand that your grandparents were good people. Boone and Ada Mae loved their little girl.”

  Ada Mae. Boone. Just from their names, Jasmine tried to imagine the grandparents that she’d never met. “If they were so good . . .”

  “Let me tell the story now! It started when your mama went to a church revival in Smackover, Arkansas, and she met this young man. When Doris came home two weeks later, she couldn’t wait to tell me all about the cute boy she met. I thought it was just a schoolgirl crush; I mean, she was only fourteen. I knew it wasn’t going to last more than a couple of weeks after she came back. But she ended up writing that boy just about every week; she was so smitten. And she showed me some of his letters, too. He was just as smitten as she was! The two of them were talking ’bout Doris moving to Smackover, getting married, and having a big ol’ family. And that was after only spending two weeks together! Your mother couldn’t wait to get back to Smackover that next summer.

  “But your grandmother almost didn’t let her go; she was so worried about this boy Doris kept talking about. But I talked Ada Mae into it. ‘It’s just a little crush,’ I told her. Well, your grandmother let her go because of me. And your grandmother let her go the next summer, too, even though she was even more worried. ‘Doris is getting older, you know,’ Ada Mae said. But like the summer before, I talked her into it. Then Doris came back, and that was when everything changed. A few months later, we found out that Doris and that boy had been serious.” Aunt Virginia paused. “Very serious.”

  “Ohhhhh!” Mae Frances said.

  But Jasmine just frowned, having no idea of the definition of serious in that sentence.

  Without her even asking, Aunt Virginia explained: “Your mama came back in a family way.”

  “What does that mean?” Jasmine asked.

  “Oh, Lawd, Jasmine Larson. Does she have to spell it out for you?” Mae Frances shook her head. “Your mama came back from a church revival pregnant. Lawd have mercy! What kind of Word were they preaching there?”

  “I don’t know, but Doris was sixteen and pregnant.” Aunt Virginia paused as if she wanted to make sure that Jasmine understood. She added, “And that baby was you, Jasmine.”

  Jasmine swallowed. Her mother was a teenage mom? That couldn’t be true.

  “There was no way she could have that baby here,” Aunt Virginia continued. “That would’ve been too much of a black mark on the Youngs. Not to mention on her grandparents. No, the pastor’s granddaughter could not be pregnant. So they sent her away to have the baby with an old family friend who Ada Mae and I had grown up with. They’d arranged for her to have the baby, give it up for adoption, and then come back home. The adoption agency had been chosen and everything. Your grandmother and grandfather had it all worked out.

  “But I knew the moment Doris left that she would never be back, at least not back here to Mobile. I guess I knew her better than Ada Mae and Boone. She was never going to give up her baby.” She paused. “She was never going to give you up.”

  Jasmine inhaled, trying to take in all of this.

  Aunt Virginia said, “Ada Mae went to California when you were born to do the final adoption for you and then to bring Doris back here. But Doris told her to go home without her because she wasn’t leaving California without you.”

  “She didn’t want to leave me.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement that Jasmine knew was the truth. She closed her eyes for a moment, and imagined all that her mother had given up for her. Just to keep her.

  “Doris never planned to leave you. She was never gonna do it and there was nothing that Ada Mae and Boone could do. No matter how hard they tried. They both went to California to talk to her, but they had raised an independent, think-for-herself daughter, and right then, she was being independent and thinking for herself.”

  “So, they just left her there?” Jasmine asked, trying to imagine herself as a baby, alone with her teenage mother, wandering around a city she didn’t know. Had her mother been scared? Had her mother wondered if keeping her baby had been the right thing to do?

  “Believe me, Ada Mae and Boone loved their daughter; they didn’t want to leave her. But short of moving to California themselves, there was nothing they could do.”

  “So, that was it? They just left her in California? By herself?”

  “I’m telling you, there was nothing they could do. Your mama was sixteen when she was pregnant and seventeen by the time she had you, but she was a headstrong woman. And really, I think it was more on her that she was estranged from Ada Mae and Boone. The more they insist
ed that she give up the baby, the further Doris pushed them away. After a while, I think she was the one who stopped communicating with them.”

  “So, what did they tell people? I mean, they had a child! Nobody wondered? Nobody cared that my mother had disappeared?”

  “They just said she was in school in California and after a while, people stopped asking.”

  “I can’t imagine that. Those people just gave up their child?”

  “Oh, yeah, Jasmine Larson,” Mae Frances interjected. “That happened all the time in those days. There were at least three or four girls who just disappeared when I was in high school. Never to be seen again. But we all knew what had happened.”

  “I just can’t imagine,” Jasmine repeated. Her heart ached as she pictured her mother, barely seventeen and all alone with a baby.

  “Well, that’s what happened,” Aunt Virginia said.

  Jasmine waited a moment as if she needed to muster up some kind of courage to speak the next words. “So then, it’s true. The man who raised me . . . he’s not my father?” Her voice cracked.

  It was as if she didn’t want to do it, the way Aunt Virginia slowly shook her head. “I know this is hard on you, but you came for the truth. And the truth is all I’m going to give you.”

  Jasmine swallowed. “Simon Jackson is my father?”

  “Now, I don’t remember his name. But that sounds about right. After you were born, Doris never mentioned him in all the years I stayed in touch with her, though I have to admit I was surprised she didn’t go back to Smackover to find him. The way she talked about that boy, the way she talked about that town, I still don’t know why she didn’t go back there to marry him. I don’t even know if he knew she had his baby. Then, after a while, she met your father.”

  Jasmine paused for a moment, thinking about those words. And then she figured it out. Sitting right there in Aunt Virginia’s kitchen, she knew what had happened. Her mother had probably loved Simon, just like Aunt Virginia said. But then when her mother told Simon that she was pregnant, he had dumped her, and she’d never heard from him again.

  That man had just left her mother . . . and her . . . all alone.

  It must have been the look on Jasmine’s face that made Aunt Virginia quickly add, “But I want you to know that your mother was happy. She met Charles Cox, married him, and made herself a mighty good life in Los Angeles.”

  “But what about my father? I mean . . .” Jasmine paused. What was she supposed to call Charles? “What about my daddy? Did he know I wasn’t his daughter?”

  Aunt Virginia shrugged. “Those are some of the things that I just don’t know. I know your mama was married about a year after you were born. I don’t know if she met your daddy before or after. And I don’t know what she told him. All I know is that when I went out to Los Angeles to visit her when you were about two years old, your mama and your daddy were so happy. They belonged together and everything had worked out the way God intended.” She pressed her hand against her chest. “I believe with all my heart that everything worked out the way it was supposed to.”

  There were tears in Jasmine’s eyes when she nodded. She wanted to believe that, she had to believe it. “So . . . what about my . . . grandparents?” Jasmine asked, though she wasn’t sure that they deserved to be called anything more than Ada Mae and Boone. “Are they alive?” And then, she held her breath. Because suppose they were alive—would she want to see them? And if she did, what would she say to them? And then she imagined how much she’d have to repent because she knew exactly what she’d say.

  But before she could come up with all the ways that she would curse them, Aunt Virginia squashed her thoughts: “No, they’re not alive. I done outlived all of them. It’s been more than a spell with Boone; he didn’t even make it to the three score and ten that the Bible promises. But Ada Mae.” She shook her head. “We just lost her last year.”

  A tear rolled down Jasmine’s cheek and her heart ached when she asked, “So, they were alive when my mother died? And they didn’t even come to her funeral?”

  Aunt Virginia shook her head. “Jasmine, you’ve got to understand that by then, everyone was so deep into the life and the lies they’d created. Your grandparents knew about you and Serena and your . . . dad. I told them everything. But once they’d decided . . . once your mother decided that it was going to be a certain way, it just stayed that way.”

  With her palm, Jasmine wiped her tears away. “I don’t understand.”

  “Well, just because you don’t understand, that doesn’t mean that wasn’t the way it was. You ain’t gonna understand all the ways of this world and you’re never gonna understand all the people. You may have made a different decision, but for Ada Mae, Boone, and your mama, this was their decision. And it seemed to work for all of them.”

  A single sob passed through Jasmine’s lips, and she fought hard to push back the rest of her sorrow. Mae Frances placed her hand on Jasmine’s shoulder as if she knew her soul needed to be calmed.

  “So . . .” Aunt Virginia said. But then she said no more.

  “I don’t know what I’m supposed to say.”

  “I just gave you more than a lifetime of information. You don’t have to say anything else.”

  Jasmine nodded. “Well, now at least I know more about my mother.”

  “And now maybe it’s time for you to find out about your father,” Mae Frances said.

  It took a moment for those words to register and when they did, Jasmine jumped up and glared down at the woman she thought was her friend. “I know everything that I need to know about . . . that man,” she growled, thinking once again about how Simon Jackson had deserted her mother.

  Both Mae Frances and Aunt Virginia pressed their backs against their chairs. “You don’t know anything more than one side,” Mae Frances said. “You need to know the other side of the story. You need to find out everything you can about your father.”

  Jasmine raised her hand as if she wanted to slap somebody. But she held back, and instead all the tears she’d been fighting poured forth. She screamed, “I will never claim that man as my father! Never!”

  And then she ran from the kitchen, leaving Mae Frances and Aunt Virginia both with their mouths wide open.

  Chapter

  15

  Rachel

  You can’t choose your family. The words Rachel’s mother used to always mutter filled her head. That was so true, because there is no way she would’ve ever chosen to be related to the monstrosity standing in the middle of her father’s living room.

  “Lookie here!” her cousin Teeny said, wobbling his six-foot-three, four-hundred-pound frame over to her, picking her up and swinging her around like she was a rag doll. “Girl, I ain’t seen you in ten years,” he bellowed.

  “I. Can’t. Breathe,” Rachel said, squirming, trying to get out of her cousin’s massive grip.

  Teeny dropped her, laughing like he was some kind of clown. Rachel shot her father an evil eye. She had just come over because her father had needed her to sign some papers for his new life insurance policy. But he should’ve warned her that Teeny was here—and she would’ve definitely taken a U-turn and signed the papers later.

  Simon smiled, like he found the whole situation amusing. Growing up, Rachel used to be entertained by Teeny’s over-the-top antics. He was the complete opposite of his criminal brother, Buster. And as her aunt Minnie’s youngest child, he always had to be center stage. But as she’d gotten older, Teeny had become an embarrassment—loud, boisterous, sloppy—and Rachel had been thrilled when Aunt Minnie packed her family up and moved back to Arkansas.

  Rachel had only seen Teeny one other time since they had moved, at her mother’s funeral, when he showed up with his anorexic girlfriend. He was so happy, talking about how “she completed him.” She completed him all right, Rachel had thought. They were a complete number ten.

  “So, I hear you big-time now!” he exclaimed, playfully punching her in the arm a little too hard. �
�Let me hold a hun’ed dollars.” He released a crow-sounding laugh and didn’t seem fazed that he was the only one laughing.

  “Teeny lives in Baton Rouge now. He just stopped through on his way to Arkansas,” Simon said, stepping up and rescuing Rachel.

  Teeny pulled his pants up. Rachel wanted to tell him to try a belt but they probably didn’t make them in his size.

  “Yep, I’m taking my time. Since my Emily ran off with the UPS man, I ain’t got nothing but time.” A flicker of sadness passed over him, but the smile quickly returned. “Well, I’m like U-Haul, I gots to keep it movin’. So I’m driving big rigs now. Dropped a load off in Waco, now I’m gonna go pick up Mama in Pine Bluff and then we gon’ meet y’all at the family reunion,” he said. He narrowed his eyes, zooming in on Rachel. “I am gon’ see y’all at the family reunion, right? You know Uncle Bubba’s the last of grandpa’s siblings. He’s turning eighty and he wants us all there.”

  “Don’t worry,” Simon said. “We’ll be there.” He patted Rachel’s forearm. “All of us.” He shot her a sly smile, then added, “Matter of fact, we may have a new relative to introduce you to.”

  Rachel inhaled. It wasn’t written that Jasmine would show up in Smackover, so the last thing her dad needed to do was get his hopes up and go telling folks about his “newfound daughter.”

  “New relative? Whatchu talkin’ ’bout, Unc?”

  “Nothing,” Rachel quickly interjected, but Simon ignored her as he kept talking.

  “I said, I can’t wait for you to meet your new cousin.” He paused, grinning like he was introducing the world to a newborn baby. “My daughter, Jasmine.”

  That stung Rachel’s core. For thirty years, she’d been her father’s only daughter. And now, just like that, he was claiming someone else.

  “Daughter?” Teeny bellowed. He slapped Simon on the back. “Unc, you ain’t tell me you had it like that. I didn’t know your little soldiers still had ammunition. Aww, shucky, shucky now. What you look like with a little girl?”

  Rachel couldn’t help but roll her eyes as Simon laughed.