Honey

by Mary Burchell

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  As Honey stood there on the great main staircase of the Gloria, watching this intimate little scene between Millicent Eldon and Dr. Anston, she was overwhelmed by immeasurable surprise. Not because Millicent was being charmingly provocative and flirtatious.' Not even because Dr. 'Anston was accepting her overtures with apparent pleasure. But because the sight of au this moved her to the most furious and ungovernable dismay. How dared this unknown girl touch her Dr. Anston in that casual and possessive manner! And how dared he allow her to do so anyway! Surely this was a moment when he should have taken a step backward and bestowed on her the kind of icy glance with which he had frozen Honey herself whenever he' considered she had erred or presumed. Honey had not felt so angry and outraged for yearsnot since the little girl next door had walked off with her doll's carriage and calmly assumed ownership. Indeed, in some curious wav, the occasions were not dissimilar. Summary justice had been dealt out over the doll's carriage in the shape of a good tug at the offender's hair. And, again to her shocked surprise. Honey realized that something in her, primitive and hitherto unsuspected, clamored for similar treatment of this incident. 111 She controlled herself, however, summoned a friendly smile to her faintly unsteady lips, and descended the last few stairs. But, even then, she remained unnoticed, and she had to go right up to Dr. Anston and say, "Hello, John," in a smaller voice than she had intended, before he realized, that she was there. She had to admit that he then made handsome amends for his previous neglect for, putting his arm around her, he drew her quite close against him and said, "Why, darling! I didn't notice you coming, although I watched the elevators. Where did you spring from?" . ' She wanted to say that she had been standing on the stairway for the past five minutes and that he had been watching Milhcent Eldon's antics, not the elevators. But, as the first statement would have been inaccurate and the second impolitic, she somehow suppressed both and merely said that she had come down by the stairs. He kissed her smilingly and, turning to Millicent, said, "You have met my Honey, haven't you?" Millicent smiled very, very sweetly and said she had. But, in spite of the smile, she somehow managed to convey to Honey at least that the experience had been ~a pretty dim and unimportant one. They went into the big, bright cocktail lounge then, and John fetched drinks for them both. Millicent toyed charmingly with hers and was very amusing. It was quite astonishing how much she had managed to see during her few days in London, and she talked with witty penetration about a play which she and Dr. Anston had 112 evidently both seen, while Honey strove to recall at least what the reviewers had said about it. Before, however, she could contribute anything brilliant to the conversation, the subject changed once more, and she had to hear about a certain exhibition. From Millicent at least she gathered that if one had not visited it, one might just as well creep out and dig a hole and bury oneself. At this point, fortunately. Dr. Anston himself assumed control of the conversation and, turning to Honey as though she were at least not subhuman, he asked her about her journey. This at least gave her a chance to speak.^and Millicent perforce listened. But there was no gaucherie about the Eldon listening. On the contrary, Millicent smiled faintly and indulgently, as though to say she could wait her 'turn. Meanwhile, of course, one could not expect anyone so naive as Honey to have any conversation above the level of a railway timetable. There is nothing more conducive to a display of dullness than someone else's bright conviction that one is dull. Honey, who was a charming and by no means unamusing person in her own circle, felt immediately that she was saying nothing worth the expenditure of the breath required to say it. And when her mother and Deborah finally appeared in the doorway of the cocktail lounge, she was hard :put to it not to rush to them and welcome them with almost hysterical relief. At this point Millicent smiled and drifted away. But even Honey's pleasure in her departure was tempered by the fact that Dr. Anston looked, after Millicent with a slightly reflective air that seemed, at ii3 any rate to Honey's excited fancy, to contain an element of regret. Plans for the evening were then discussed and, she thought perhaps by John's arrangement, it was decided that, although they would all four dine together. Honey and he would then go to a theater on their own. "Of course you will want to have your first evening in London alone together," agreed Deborah, taking up her cue with almost too much understanding, and she looked at Honey so indulgently that Honey was almost hypnotized into giving John the shy, fond glance of a devoted financee. Quite unnecessarily, he took that at its face value. And, as they all moved toward the palatial dining roonf, he drew Honey back slightly and said, "I'm glad you approve of the arrangement." '' "I haven't said so," replied Honey, softly but rather severely because the thought of Millicent still rankled. "But you looked volumes," he assured her, and laughed with altogether too much satisfaction, she thought. All the same. Honey had to admit to herself that he looked remarkably attractive when he laughed like that. And, of course, she was glad that they were going out alone together afterward. If only because the arrangement would save her from the necessity of. acting an exacting role before her mother and Deborah. As it was, even the agreeable dinner party was a sufficient tax' on her powers of acting and selfcontrol. Her mother and Deborah vied with each ; other in plans. When Mrs. Milward once more brought up the question of an October wedding, Deborah accepted it with such enthusiasm that one . might almost have supposed it were her own Wedding she was planning. "What does Honey say about that?" inquired John Anston, which Honey thought a poor form of support."I want to finish my training first," Honey said, almost curtly. Deborah opened her lips, with every intention, ; Honey felt sure, of repeating all the protests that ; Mrs. Milward had already made on the train journey. But before she could utter any of them, rher brother said, "Yes, I think you're right. I can't ! imagine your leaving any job unfinished. Honey. It rwould give you an unhappy and frustrated feeling, I'm sure." Honey shot him a grateful glance at that, and in spite of some argument on the part of the other ladies, she was able to maintain her position with an air of reasonable good humor. "Spring, then," Deborah said. "Spring is a lovely time for a wedding." And since Honey saw no reason (other than a marked lack of faith in English springs) to oppose .this pleasant generalization, there was a great deal of enjoyable discussion leading nowhere, that served to bring them amicably as far as the coffee. Over coffee, Deborah slightly shook Honey's composure with the announcement that she had arranged a large private party at the Gloria for the following evening. She said a few relations and many intimate friends would be looking forward to ^ meeting John's fiancee there. She sounded excited. But, calling on all her courage and resolution, Honey reminded herself that this, after all, was supposed to be one of the reasons for her trip to London. And so she managed to smile and say, "How very nice,", in a charming and convincing manner. - . After that, she and John made their escape. It -. was still early for the play they had chosen, and so he drove around the park to give Honey what he called a breath of country air in London. He also chose the occasion to ask quite solicitously, "Was " there anything you wanted to ask me about?" f! He was referring, she knew, to the party and the : people his sister had arranged for her to meet; Or, if not that, then to any aspect of their position that ; she still wanted to discuss. But, in spite of that . knowledge, in spite of the many questions she ; might have asked, in spite, even, of natural caution and tact that might well have restrained her, Honey ' could think of only one thing she wanted to query. Unbidden and irrepressible, the question rose to her lips. "What do you. think of Millicent Eldon?" For a moment he looked surprised. Then, Honey was certain of it, a sort of amused reserve drew the faintest veil over the brightness of his glance. "Millicent Eldon?" He appeared to give the subject his careless consideration. "I don't know that I've thought very much about her one way or the other, Honey. Why?" Honey choked on the desire to tell him that, for a man who had given Millicent little thought, he had paid a great deal of attention to her. But she could / .' . ' 116 '. . . not say that, of course. She could only mutter, a
trifle sulkily, "I just wondered." And hoped he would leave iit there. But he carried the war into, the enemy's camp with an air of merely continuing a subject that Honey had seen fit to introduce. "What do you think of her?" he inquired politely. What Honey thought of Millicent - Eldon, of course, could not, with either policy or good manners, be put into .words at that moment. And so, also adopting an air of considerable indifference toward the subject, she said carelessly, "Oh I don't know. I haven't seen much of her. But I did wonder why Deborah-imagined she would make a suitable wife for you." "Did you?" exclaimed John, and his tone of quite unwarrantable surprise reduced Honey to a condition of almost feverish curiosity and even anxiety. "Why, d-do you think Deborah made a good choice, then?" She stammered slightly and wished desperately but unavailingly" that she could leave this thorny subject alone. ^"I think I made a better one." And gave her a quick, amused glance. -Honey was half-mollified, but only half. "Deborah's intentions were serious," she pointed out. "True. And, once I've disentangled you from this present situation, and Deborah returns to find me no longer engaged, she will probably open negotiations again," he said ruefully. "Open...." Honey looked indescribably taken aback. "Do you mean try once more to push ' .117 Millicent onto you?" She looked at him, quite aghast. "Why not?" asked John, with what Honey thought disgraceful equanimity. "But would you like that?" "I've learned to look at things as they are, Honey, not as I would wish them to- be," he replied good humoredly. "Don't be ridiculous!" cried Honey, greatly agitated. "Half the staff of St. Margaret's go in awe _of you, and you pretend that you can't even protect yourself from marrying a girl you don't want." "I never said that." "But you.. . you talked as though you might... marry Millicent if your sister were sufficiently persistent." "Oh no. I merely accepted the idea of Deborah's persistence philosophically," her companion corrected. "If I married Millicent, it would not be because of anyone's insistence but my own." Honey winced at the thought. She was not quite sure why. "Then you mean you might marry Millicent because you wanted to?" "For no other reason, I assure you. What have you against Millicent, Honey? You seem moved by the prospect." Moved by it! Honey was appalled at the very idea. And yet, as he said, what had she really against the other girl, except that temperamentally they did not care for each other? Even that was of negligible importance. For, after the breaking of the engagement, presumably Honey would see little or nothing more of Dr. Anston or his associates. ? 118 But Millicent as Dr. Anston's wife! It was unthinkable. Honey's insides churned at the thought. . "I 'don't feel," Honey managed to say coldly, "that she is the right wife for you, that's all." "Don't you. Honey?" He seemed inordinately interested. "Then you must feel you know me very well indeed." Honey was silent. ^ "Well enough to.choose the right wife for me. What type would you say? Tell me. I'm interested." "You're nothing of the sort!" burst out Honey indignantly. "You're just teasing me."' "But, dear girl, why should -I tease you? You and I are not on those terms at all," he insisted gravely. "Our attitude to each other is completely frank and realistic." "Is it?" thought Honey, bewildered. "I was quite serious in asking your opinion." He looked serious ^enough, and yet she had the idea that, he trembled on the verge of a smile. "After the ... amusing escapade we've shared, we probably do. know a good deal about each other, don't you think?" Did they? At this moment Honey felt that the Anston enigma had never been less clear to her.' "I don't know," she said soberly at last. ."I don't believe anyone ever knows very much about you. The essential you, I mean. If you think you, know a good deal about me, I daresay you're right. I'm not very complicated." She sighed a little, as - she remembered how poorly Millicent had obviously rated her. "And I'm not very well suited for what you call an amusing escapade." ^a. 119 There was a faint quiver in" her voice, because the phrase had hurt unaccountably. Perhaps he noticed that, for his tone changed subtly as he said,"Don't worry about it. You won't have to keep up the pretence much longer. It will all soon be over." He must, she supposed, have meant that for consolation. And, indeed, the words in themselves should have been reassuring. But, somehow, his insistence that this would all soon be over had an anything but consoling effect upon Honey. She was hard put not to blink away a few tears when he dfsmissed the whole subject thus and observed that it was now time they drove to the theater. The play was deservedly the most popular in London, and everyone around Honey seemed to enjoy themselves immensely. So did Dr. Anston. Only Honey herself seemed to find the full pleasure and point escape her, and a great deal of the time she sat there wondering about the future_Dr. Anston's future as well as her own, which was really rather officious of her, considering that he was really no affair of hers. Afterward they went out to supper. Honey .cheered up somewhat, and they had a good time. He told her that the party the following evening would be the only occasion when she would be expected to be on show. Otherwise she was to enjoy herself like any other "happily unengaged girl." In this, however, he had counted without Mrs. Milward and his sister. For the next day Honey spent a somewhat agitating time finding reasons why they should not buy a variety of things for her trousseau. 120 "It's never wise to leave everything until the last minute, darling," insisted Mrs. Milward, who adored a shopping spree and seldom had the chance of enjoying one. But Honey asserted with some reason that there was plenty of time left between now and the proposed spring wedding. "I shall bring some things back from the States with me," 'declared Deborah happily, refusing to listen to any of Honey's polite protests-about this. "Well, I can't help it. I've done my best," thought Honey impatiently. "She'll just have to give them to someone else." For a moment a dreadful thought entered her mind, then she dismissed it with a sigh of relief, reflecting with unworthy but understandable pleasure that everything would be just a couple of sizes too small for Millicent. In the afternoon she was allowed to rest, in preparation for the party. And since, like most nurses. Honey could sleep any time and anywhere, she did rest completely. She woke up entirely refreshed, with her courage, her spirits, and even her sense of humor keyed to accept the challenge that the evening might present. No longer did she feel nervous, or only very slightly nervous, about meeting the relatives and friends-. No longer did she even mind the fact that Millicent would inevitably be at the party. She thought...."He said himself that he thought he made a better choice than Deborah did. And it wasn't entirely a joke. Or, if it was, I'll show him." She got off the bed, pulled back the curtains and , went to look at herself in the mirror. Even / 121 with her fair hair tumbled and her face innocent of makeup, there was a sweet, youthful tenderness about the young girl who looked back at Honey from the mirror. "Not bad," thought Honey, a slight fugitive dimple appearing for a moment in one cheek. "Not bad; At least I'll show him there's better fish in the sea than Millicent. And if that's the only thing I ever do for him, I shall have done him a very good turn." Fired with this missionary spirit for rescuing Dr. Anston from himself. Honey made her preparations. And when at last she stood ready, in the green and gold short taffeta dress that she and her mother had bought that morning, she felt and looked not ill-equipped for the fray. She wished she had something just a trifle more imposing than her single-strand pearl necklace to wear, but it would have. to do. At least she had her ring, her truly wonderful ring. Honey looked at it affectionately and then, on irresistible impulse, pressed the hand that wore it against her cheek, in a little gesture of tenderness that was partly for the most beautiful thing that had ever been given her, and just a little bit for the giver. Then her mother entered the room, stopped, cast a look of maternal pride upon her child and murmuring, "Lovely, lovely!!!" twitched one or .two folds of the dress into what she considered better line. "Now, here is the finishing touch to your outfit," she declared and, opening a small box she was carrying, she disclosed to Honey's enchanted gaze a beautifully wrought antique necklace of dark yellow 122 topaz set in gold, glowing in its velvet setting. "Mother darling!" Honey embraced her mother * "How wonderful! It's exactly, exactly what I want." "Well, you must thank John just as nicely," Mrs. Milward said with a
smile. "For, it's really his present, though he took, me with him to choose it this afternoon, so that he would be sure to get something to suit your dress tonight." "John bought it for me?" "Yes. He said he wanted you to have something jlo remember this evening by." "He said that?" "Yes. Though I don't imagine," Mrs. Milward went - on with an air of slightly sentimental satisfaction, "that it will be an evening we're any of us likely to forget, in any case." "No," said Honey, stirred by a sense of curious, almost prophetic ' conviction. "I'm sure I'll remember it all my life." Then she silently unfastened her string of pearls and replaced them by the beautiful flat topaz necklace that seemed to cast a faint golden glow on the creamy skin of her neck and throat. "I'm ready," she said quietly to her mother, and they went downstairs together. Deborah, Who was a natural party-giver, had engaged one of the Gloria's private rooms for the occasion. At one end the table was set for about 20 people, but there was also ample space to sit and talk beforehand, while drinks were served and introductions made. A few guests had already arrived, and Honey was aware, as she made her entrance, that a subtle impression of approval emanated from the small company. She could not have said just how she 123 knew it, but it was as heady as wine and made her more determined than ever to play her part well. Deborah and John came forward to greet her and her mother and, whether for the benefit of her audience or her own inexplicable pleasure she was not sure. Honey raised her face to John and said,' "Thank you, darling, for the wonderful necklace. I'll remember this eveningand youevery time I put it on." He kissed her upturned face and whispered, "I'll hold you to that." And then Deborah wafted her on to meet Uncle This and Aunt That and my old friend So-and-So. To Honey's mingled amusement, embarrassment and pleasure. Sir Brian Allwood, the senior visiting surgeon at St. Margaret's, was among those to whom she was presented. A very handsome man in his early sixties. Sir Brian 'was known for his informal manner. And more than one distracted nurse had been rescued from the depths of despair and gone on to pursue a useful career, because he had smiled or commented genially from his Olympian heights on some first-year inadequacy that had previously seemed sufficient reason for suicide. "So you're the girl Anston is going to marry." He took Honey's hand and surveyed her with his shrewd, handsome eyes. "Very good taste he shows, too. In my view surgeons should 'always marry nurses. I did it myself and never regretted it." Honey laughed and colored. "Thank you, sir," she said demurely. "I naturally like to support that view. But why do you think they should?" 124 "Keeps them in the profession in their private life as well as their public life. Otherwise they get caught by social climbers and that's fatal. Goodlooking surgeons are the first choice of social climbers, you know. Best stepping-stones to a distinguished position." "I suppose you're right," agreed Honey thoughtfully, and her-glance went to Millicent, who had just entered. "I'm sure of it," declared Sir Brian with a twinkle. "I speak from experience. But Anston will do very well with you, my dear. Very well. Even Sister speaks well of you occasionally." "Does she?" exclaimed Honey, flattered beyond belief. "But don't tell her I gave her away," said the famous surgeon, with the very slightest suspicion of a wink. And, laughing a good deal. Honey went on to be presented to other guests, stimulated and gratified by Sir Brian's obvious approval Whether or not this auspicious beginning was responsible Honey could not have said, but from the moment Sir Brian shook hands with her, she knew she was a success. She knew it from the approving smiles and glances that followed her everywhere. She knew it from her mother's deprecating air of not wishing to claim anything outstanding for her child but.... She knew it from Millicent's slightly narrowed glance and brittle smile. And she knew it from the way John's keen, light eyes rested upon her with a mixture of amused appreciation and interest. At dinner Honey sat between John and Sir Brian. 125 And if "the nurse part of her almost fainted at the thought of such exalted buttressing, the Honey part of her enjoyed it immensely. She sparkled and made amusing little jokes; yet she displayed sUch gentleness and warmth. Everyone there, with the probable exception of Millicent, could not help feeling that, if they were ever seriously ill, they would like to be nursed by this fair-haired, darkeyed girl that ..John Anston had very sensibly captured. It could not have gone better. Honey. knew. Except that perhaps it went too well. Too well for any party that ushered in an engagement already scheduled for early breaking. But she thrust the thought of that aside. It would only shake her nerve if she allowed herself to think of reality. For one evening at least she would enjoy her fancied romance. And if it lifted her spirits a little too high and made her heart beat a trifle too fast, well, all the tomorrows were waiting, with their sober routine and their ruthless common sense, 'so that one evening snatched from their stern realities could not be grudged to her. After dinner the older guests sat and talked or played bridge, but the younger ones took themselves off to the Gloria's glittering ballroom, where Honey discovered that Dr. Anston was an excellent dancer. He seemed equally pleased with her performance. And presently, as he piloted her around the great circular room, he said, "You were wonderful, Honey. I never saw anyone -play the part of a happily engaged girl better. I was inundated with congratulations, and I tremble to think what they 126 will all think of my good sense when I let you slip through my fingers later." "Don't let's think about that now," she begged him quickly. "Tonight is... is something special, even if it isn't quite real. Let's enjoy it and leave the problems for tomorrow." "An excellent idea," he agreed and lightly touched his lips to the smooth curve of her cheek. And after that he too seemed to yield to some romantic, reckless mood of gaiety, teasing her and making laughing love to her, until she could hardly believe that this was the respected and feared Dr. Anston of St. Margaret's. Still less, could she decide if he were flirting with her in his own right, or merely carrying out his pretended role with artistic thoroughness. . ^ ' She began to be just a little bit afraid. Not of him but of herself. If would be silly to let her head be turned by all the success and admiration she had received. And it was even sillier not to be able to control the rising pulse of excitement within her. She reminded herself that she had had his arm around her before, and yet she had not felt this strange quivering enjoyment at the contact. He was handsome, of course, and distinguished, and the kind of man women turned to look at. But she must remember he was not really hers in any sense; that she had no right to feel this heady, proprietorial dazzlement when he looked down at her and smiled in that bright-eyed, provocative way. "I think I'd rather not dance the next one," she said, as the music stopped. He yielded immediately, but whereas she had meant to seek out her mother and Deborah, he led her to one of the small sitting 127 out rooms. The sound of the band reached them 1 only faintly and the outside world seemed suddenly ,| shut off. I "Are you tired?" he asked solicitously and led her | over to a window seat out of the sight of the crowd. | "Not really, no." Compelled by some inner 1 excitement, she remained standing. "I just 1 thought... I just wanted: . . .We seemed t-to be | overplaying our roles." She stammered in a sort of j eager confusion. "I thought if we were alone and | not under observation, I meanwe could just be | natural and sensible." i "You thought that being alone would have the 1 effect of making us behave sensibly? Oh, Honey! | That's treason against all the laws of romance," he I declared, taking both her hands and laughing down ;; at her reproachfully. "I assure you that being alone i with you doesn't have that effect on me at all." I "No ... please.'. .." She tried to pull her hands _ away, but the beautiful hands whose strength she had often admired help! hers easily, though lightly. "I don't want to go on with this!" Inexplicable panic gripped her, as though she suddenly saw unsuspected breakers ahead. "I want to stop the whole thingnow." "But you can't, my dear." His voice was quiet but oddly compelling. "Tonight is something special, ' even if it isn't quite real.' Those are your own words, and I won't have you take them back now." She started to say something else in protest. But, suddenly releasing her hands, he caught her in his arms, bent her back slightly and kissed her full on her mouth. , It was not a light or laughi
ng kiss. It carried their 128 make-believe to the very edge of reality. And in that moment Honey felt the bright bubble of illusion burst into a thousand rainbow fragments, leaving her with one cold, startling, almost terrifying fact. She wanted him to kiss her like that, and she did not want it to be part of the "amusing escapade." "Let me go," she said in a whisper. And because he did not immediately release her, all her fear of her new and shattering discovery swept over her afresh. Nothing mattered except that he should release her and that she should somehow escape from a situation entirely beyond her own managing. She was done with laughing and make-believe. She must get away from him if not from herself. Already a great gulf yawned between the Honey she had been and the frightened, sobered girl she'now was. "Let me go," she said again almost fiercely. And quite forgetting that she was a third-year nurse and he a famous surgeon whom she called "sir" in her saner moments, she raised her hand and gave his distinguished cheek a sharp slap. The effect was instantaneous. He let her go and stepped back with an exclamation that was not entirely gentlemanly. His gray eyes looked light and angry ..They shone with a defiant brilliance she had never seen before. For perhaps two seconds they faced each other in silence. And then, as both drew breath to voice their anger, Deborah came hurrying into the room, so full of her own affairs that she did not even notice the ten^se attitude or the curious silence of the two she sought. "John! Such excitement," she cried, with 129 unconscious truth. "I've just had a call from New York. Ronald wants me back there next week. But next week, my dear! I'm to fly over on Sunday night". He can't manage all the settling up without me. I knew he couldn't, bless him! But I'll be back. We'll be back all the sooner. Isn't it wonderful?" "Wonderful," her brother agreed mechanically, but as though he were thinking of something elsewhich no doubt he was. "I'm so glad, dear, that at least I was here for your engagement party." Deborah, turned to the pale, silent Honey. "I should have hated to miss that. Don't do anything too thrilling before I come back, will you?" She laughed. "And then we'll start the real preparations for the wedding." Perhaps it was the vista of further complications that these words-conjured up. Perhaps it' was simply that she was still frightened and angry by the previous scene. Or perhaps she suddenly saw a quick, ruthless, effective way of extricating herself from an unbearable situation. Whatever it was, a cool, calm decision came to Honey in that moment, and, raising her dark eyes, she looked almost kindly at Deborah and said, "I'm sorry, Deborah. We wont do anything of the sort. The engagement is over." 130