The Karate Princess

by Jeremy Strong

  Then everybody began to speak and shout and yell at once. The hall was in uproar, and in the midst of it all there was a clatter of hooves and Belinda and Hubert came riding right into the hall. Princess Belinda gave a cry of delight as she spotted the Bogle.

  ‘Knackerleevee! You’re all right! Oh, I am glad.’

  ‘Guards, surround that princess!’ yelled Bruno de Bruno, quite white swith fury. There was a clatter of armour and the guards rushed up and around Belinda’s prancing horse.

  She gazed calmly down at them. ‘I think I can guess what’s been happening,’ she mused. ‘Saramanda has told you her story.’

  The prince stiffened. ‘Quite right, and I intend to marry her in the morning!’

  Belinda looked at Knackerleevee and the king waving his spear about as if he were the bravest king in the world. She saw the demure Saramanda with her sweet, innocent smile, and she saw Bruno de Bruno, tall, straight and idiotically handsome. She began to laugh. She laughed and slowly shook her head from side to side. After all the things she’d been through – fighting cut-throat robbers, wading through marshes, bonking guards and everything else she’d done to marry Bruno – she suddenly realized he was a fool.

  Princess Saramanda frowned for the first time in this story. ‘She’s gone mad!’ she said. ‘She’s making it all up. Guards, take her away!’

  Then Belinda stopped laughing, for Knackerleevee was still bound to the cart and she had unfinished business. As the guards pressed forward, Belinda slipped down from the horse and faced them. Hubert shut his eyes. He was beginning to feel rather sorry for the palace guards. He couldn’t bear to watch, but he heard the thuds and groans and moans. He heard the screech of armour as it clanged against the walls of the hall. He heard the yells and screams as one by one and two by two the guards were put out of action.

  Meanwhile Knackerleevee sat in the cart and grunted with satisfaction, a broad grin on his hairy face. King Krust, Saramanda and Bruno did a slow retreat up the staircase, and by the time Belinda had laid out the last guard they were on the balcony. Belinda climbed into the cart and untied her Bogle companion. Knackerleevee stretched his arms and legs and rubbed his chest.

  ‘You said you’d teach me,’ he reminded Belinda.

  ‘I will, I will. Now, come with me. We have one more thing to do.’ She got down from the cart and ran lightly up the stairs.

  ‘Don’t run away, brave king!’ she cried after the disappearing royals. ‘I know it wasn’t your fault, and I mean you no harm.’

  The king stopped and came creeping sheepishly back. ‘I think you can see now that it was I who defeated the Bogle.’

  King Krust nodded anxiously. ‘And so I claim my prize,’ said Belinda evenly. ‘Marriage to Prince Bruno de Bruno and half the kingdom.’

  At this the prince stepped forward as if to protest, but Knackerleevee rushed forward, seized the prince by the collar and dangled him over the balcony. ‘Don’t say a word,’ hissed the Bogle, ‘or you’ll wish you knew how to fly!’ Bruno’s open mouth shut with a loud snap.

  Saramanda looked as white as a ghost. Just when she thought she’d succeeded too. King Krust turned to her and shrugged. ‘What can I do?’ he murmured.

  Belinda gave a little smile. ‘I’ll tell you what you can do. I have passed the test and so I win Bruno and half the kingdom. Fine. I now wish to give Bruno away. I don’t think he’ll be at all suitable. Saramanda can have him and I hope they’ll be very happy.’ Knackerleevee’s eyes boggled in disbelief. ‘As for half the kingdom,’ said Belinda evenly. ‘I’ll have the half with the diamond mine, thank you very much.’ King Krust almost had a heart attack at this, so Belinda turned to the marble balcony and raised her arm.

  ‘Haaa-AKK!’ there was a splinter of breaking stone and half the balcony plummeted down to the hall floor and shattered.

  ‘Yes, yes, yes!’ cried the king. ‘The half with the diamond mine! That’s fine – lovely! Oh, how wonderful! What a dear, sweet, kind, beautiful, beautiful princess you are,’ he cried, now down on his knees and kissing Belinda’s hand rapturously.

  Belinda grinned down at Hubert. ‘Come on then, you two,’ she cried cheerfully. ‘Let’s be off to our new kingdom. I need a good bodyguard. In fact, you can be my army, Knackerleevee. And Hubert can come and paint pictures of my new kingdom for me. And I shall send for Hiro Ono to teach you karate, Knackerleevee. My parents may even come to tea – you never know!’

  They went down to the old cart, hitched up the horse, climbed on board and trundled out of the palace, leaving King Krust still on his knees, Saramanda and Bruno staring at each other with stupefied grins on their faces and thirty-eight guards lying unconscious on the floor with large dents all over their armour.

  The karate princess had made her mark.