Love and Lies at the Village Christmas Shop

by Portia MacIntosh

I snap my eyes open and stare at Seb, lying in bed next to me. He’s already wide awake, tapping away on his computer.

  ‘Hi,’ I say cautiously. Oh, that’s right, I didn’t dream that. Last night, after a few drinks and getting a little caught up in the romance of the moonlit abbey, I kissed Seb – or maybe he kissed me. Then we ended up back here, and here we are. The awkward moment to end all awkward moments this month, and I’ve really outdone myself this time.

  ‘I’m going to take a quick shower. Room service is on the way. And then we need to talk, OK?’

  I just nod.

  As soon as Seb is out of the room, I dash out from under the covers and hurriedly wrestle my clothes back on. Once I’m on my feet, I see that Seb’s room is also doubling up as his office. All over the walls are pictures of the shop as it is now, and different artists’ impressions of what it will look like when it’s gone. I remember Seb’s words, about how soon he’ll knock it down once the land is his, and the fact that he could do it so quickly, so easily, without so much as a second thought, especially after how close we’ve become…well, that breaks my heart all over again.

  No matter what I’m feeling for Seb – and I’m scared to admit it, but my feelings are pretty strong, and I think perhaps they have been for some time now – I can’t get past what he’s doing because, if he felt about me the way I feel about him, there is no way he could do this to me. All Seb cares about is Seb, and once he’s got what he wants, he’ll find some woman to give him the picture-perfect life he wants, that he thinks he can get by just investing enough money in the right place.

  That’s not how you start a family. You start a family by being a decent person and finding someone who loves you for it. Seb can’t love me, or he wouldn’t be doing this to me, and I can’t love him because he’s doing this to me. As Gaz would say, it’s a catch-33 situation.

  Seb’s laptop is open on the bed still. I could get my revenge? Maybe even have one last attempt at putting a stop to his plans? I could delete his presentation or, better still, edit it, put something inappropriate in one of the slides – something that will make everyone hate him.

  Now that I’m thinking about it, I can think of a much better way to get revenge. All I need to do is grab my things and get out of here, before he gets out of the shower. The only thing more awkward than waking up in Seb’s bed would be debriefing what happened last night, having one of those awkward ‘what are we?’ conversations. We are nothing, and it’s time I acted that way.

  Chapter 27

  ‘Kids, you remember Gaz, don’t you?’ I prompt.

  ‘No?’ Chloe replies, while Harry shakes his head. There isn’t a glimmer of recognition from either of them and, especially for a child as observant as Chloe, this puzzles me.

  ‘Yeah, you met him…’ My voice trails off as Gaz frantically shakes his head behind them, his eyes wide with something. Then I remember. ‘My mistake, you must not have met him. Kids, this is Gaz.’

  I introduce them to Gaz because it suddenly occurs to me that even though the kids have spoken to him twice, both times he was dressed as Santa Claus.

  ‘Gaz is running the stall here for me. Why don’t you guys pick a candy cane each?’ I suggest, trying to bag myself a few minutes alone with Gaz, so we can talk.

  ‘You’re not going to crash Seb’s town hall meeting then?’ he asks once we’re alone.

  ‘Nah,’ I reply with a smile. ‘Are you?’

  ‘Can’t, I’m working.’ He laughs. ‘Plus, I think we’re late.’

  ‘Ah, and we had such big plans to take him down too,’ I joke.

  ‘Not worth our effort, is he?’ Gaz replies, and he’s absolutely right.

  ‘I have wasted this whole month, fighting something that has been obviously inevitable from the start,’ I admit. ‘Today I decided that enough is enough. I’m not going to let it ruin my life anymore. And I did promise the kids I’d bring them to the festival so, here we are.’

  ‘Here we are,’ he agrees with a smile. ‘And, I know things might suck now, but we’ll make a comeback. We’ll start the shop again and it’ll be bigger and better than ever.’

  ‘We will,’ I agree. I don’t know when, or how, but we absolutely will. ‘Right, time to take the kids into the maze.’

  ‘Have fun,’ he says. ‘Ooh, by the way, I have a date with Charlie tonight.’

  ‘What? No way!’

  ‘I know, I guess that £2 kiss did something for her.’

  I smile. It’s nice to see him happy.

  ‘Right, kids, let’s get lost,’ I say excitedly, calling them over so we can finally go in the maze they’ve been so excited about for weeks.

  After pulling on my clothes, putting my shame on the backburner, and hurrying out of the B&B this morning, I spent the short journey home thinking about something Seb said to me recently. Ever since he said it, I haven’t been able to get it out of my head – the sunk cost fallacy concept he told me about. I hate to admit it, now more than ever, but Seb is right. I am fighting a losing battle here, and there’s no point in my throwing any more time, money or effort into saving something that can’t be saved. Sure, I could turn up at his meeting today. I could object. I could kick up a fuss. I could tell everyone about how he seduced me last night – just for fun, or to manipulate me, or pretty much whatever exaggeration or flat-out lie popped into my head, to make him look bad.

  But what’s the point? All that time and energy, which I shouldn’t be wasting on him – especially not at Christmas. Christmas is a time for spending with the people you love – the people who make you happy, not the people who make you sad. And when I really think about it, I don’t think my mum would want me to bankrupt myself to save the shop. I think she’d want me to be happy, surrounded by my family, enjoying Christmas the way she would. Today I should be chasing my niece and nephew around a festive maze, not chasing after Seb, or trying to destroy him. Not going to his meeting is the right thing to do – I’ve missed it now anyway, so I’m not going to waste another second thinking about it.

  I think Seb’s sunk cost fallacy can be applied to so much more than gambling or business, more than things involving money – I think it can be applied to relationships too. Sure, I’ve had moments of thinking that there was something real between me and Seb – and maybe there was at one point – but just because we have had our moments where we get along, where we feel things for each other, where we have fun and forget about our differences…that doesn’t mean I should stick with it, continuing to emotionally invest in him, hoping things will get better if I just keep trying, wasting all the love I have to give while I blindly hope that things will get better.

  All of this needs to stop, right now. I need to stop wasting time, money, effort, tears and thoughts, on the shop, and on Seb. It’s time to let go, to move on and find myself again, in a life that’s about to change from everything I’ve ever known. And the first step to finding myself, is finding my way out of this maze.

  The Winter Wonderland Maze changes with each festival, which is easily done given that it’s made of real Christmas trees, all laid out side-by-side, in a new and confusing pattern each year.

  It’s made from over 300 Christmas trees, all decked out with pretty fairy lights. It’s 3.30 p.m. now, so it’s starting to get dark, which only makes the maze look even more beautiful. It would be a spectacular sight to behold, were it not for the fact I always feel so anxious in mazes, like I’ll never find my way out. I know, that’s supposed to be what makes it fun, but for some reason, I’ve never been any good at finding my own way.

  Chloe and Harry charge off ahead of me like they always do, and as I walk through row after row of tall trees, I am reminded that this always happens, and that they always find the centre before me. Thankfully they usually come back to find me and help me find my way. That’s what families are for, right?

  It is also only now that I’m walking around it, that I recall just how frustrating it is – it’s amazing how quickly the tress go
from beautiful to irritating, when you suddenly find yourself lost.

  A child (who is not one of the ones I brought with me today) charges past me. I attempt to follow him but he’s just too fast, and before I know it I am face to face with a leafy dead end again.

  I sigh deeply. Perhaps, if they did keep it the same every year, I might eventually learn my way around it, and save myself the inevitable embarrassment of getting lost, while my niece and nephew charge in, find the centre, and charge back out again – before realising I’m still in here somewhere, and coming in to find me.

  I suppose it’s good, that the maze has been made so safe that children can go in unattended, but it also means that there’s no way I can cheat. I can’t duck out the sides or climb over a tree. The only way in is the only way out, which is why I don’t lose the kids – they lose me though.

  I turn another corner and…I’m here. I’m in the centre of the maze. It’s a relatively wide-open space, given how narrow the tree aisles are. The trees that face into the centre are covered with different-coloured lights, with lit-up reindeer and snowmen sitting on the grass. Right in the centre, hanging above me, is a disco ball, bouncing lights off in all directions, with a sparkly piece of mistletoe hanging from it. The best part of all though, is the snow falling, just here, just in this little square. They have a snow machine hidden away somewhere, which means that if you didn’t know it wasn’t really snowing, you could be forgiven for thinking you were in a real flurry.

  The important thing is that I got here first, so I’m going to wait here until Chloe and Harry find me, to show them that their auntie isn’t as useless as she seems sometimes.

  ‘Ivy,’ I hear Seb call from behind me.

  Ergh, what is he doing here? Perhaps I won’t stay here and wait after all, I think I just found the motivation to find my own way out.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ I ask angrily. ‘Don’t you have your town hall meeting?’

  ‘I’ve had it already,’ he says breathlessly. ‘I thought you’d be there.’

  I thought being trapped on a small island with Seb was bad, but it’s nothing compared to being trapped in a literal maze with him.

  ‘Nah,’ I reply.

  ‘Why not?’ he asks, and I realise that the only way I’m going to get rid of him, is with an explanation.

  ‘When I woke up this morning, I saw your plans scattered around the room. It made it feel so real, seeing which bits you were going to destroy, what you were going to replace them with… I almost got upset, but what’s the point? So I just let it go.’

  ‘You just let it go?’ he repeats back to me. ‘Just like that?’

  ‘Yes, and I realised that you were right about one thing… I have my family. That’s what is important to me – they’ll always be there for me. So, sure, I could’ve turned up at your meeting and kicked off, but the kids wanted to come to the maze with me, so here I am. I just want to be happy and being with my family is what makes me happy.’

  ‘Well, I’m happy that you’re happy,’ he tells me. ‘You’re absolutely right, with everything you just said.’

  ‘Yay, I’m so happy to have your approval,’ I say sarcastically. ‘Now, if you don’t mind.’

  I go to leave, but Seb puts an arm out to stop me.

  ‘Just hear me out, OK?’

  ‘Do I have a choice?’ I ask. I probably don’t. Not because he’ll force me to listen to him, but because I doubt I’ll find the maze exit as quickly as I found the centre, and that will give him plenty of time to follow me, banging on at me with whatever it is he wants to say.

  ‘Are you following me?’ I ask, suddenly curious how he knew to find me here.

  ‘Your sister told me you were here – Gaz told me you were in the maze.’

  ‘I wish I’d known that before I bought them Christmas presents,’ I reply with a sigh.

  ‘I got out of the shower this morning, expecting you to be there, but you disappeared before we had chance to talk. I figured you would be at the meeting, so what I had to tell you could wait until then. In fact, I thought it would be better if you heard it at the meeting.’

  ‘But then I didn’t turn up and I ruined your plan – how selfish of me.’

  Poor Seb, he’s getting full-blown cynical, sarcastic Ivy today, the likes of which he hasn’t witnessed until today. He isn’t letting it throw him off though, which only fans my flame even more.

  ‘I have lots of things in the world, plenty of money, but not many people. And you’re absolutely right, I can’t buy those, and that makes them even rarer than large plots of land in coastal towns, that already have planning permission,’ he jokes. ‘Humans get used to their situations, even if they’re far from ideal. Without realising it, I became lonelier and lonelier, which is why I wanted to move to a small town in the first place.’

  I raise my eyebrows impatiently. When is he going to tell me something I don’t know?

  ‘Last night was…amazing,’ he blurts. ‘I’ve never had a night like that before. Not just because of you, and my feelings for you, but because you gave me a piece of advice that I’d been in desperate need of: I can’t just turn up here and force myself to fit in; I need to change, to make myself the right kind of person who can fit in.’

  ‘Right…’

  ‘You got me thinking, when you asked me what was more important to me than money. I’ve been thinking about it all night, and I’ve realised that I want you more than any business. I’ve been trying to make a positive change in my life, but I’ve been going about it all wrong, thinking that the business is my reason to be here – it isn’t. It’s just the thing that’s going to allow me to stay here, without having to worry about money.’

  ‘So, what, you’ve had a change of heart and you’re not going ahead with it?’ I say, my cynically sarcastic tone reaching its peak.

  ‘I am still going ahead with it,’ he replies. ‘But I revised my plans this morning, and I was hoping to show you them before you left. Then I thought, I don’t know, that it might be romantic if you saw them for the first time at the meeting…but then you didn’t show up to see them, so, here we are.’

  ‘Seb, I’m so confused,’ I admit, so exhausted with it all.

  Seb opens his briefcase and takes out a rolled-up piece of paper. He opens it out onto the floor in front of us. I look down at it as fake snowflakes slowly fall on top of it. It’s the same plan I’ve seen before – the beautiful, colourful artist’s impression of the modern townhouses with dark cladding and grassy roofs, surrounded by blooming gardens and smiling faces…except it’s changed. On the right-hand side of the plot are a series of small units, and on the front of one of them is a sign for my shop, Christmas Every Day.

  ‘Erm…’

  ‘The money you offered me last night,’ he starts. ‘You could invest it in the holiday community I’m building, and you can reopen a new and improved version of your shop there.’

  ‘What?’ I glance down at the plans again.

  ‘We’ll have your shop, a café, maybe a couple of other boutique shops. Then we’ll have the holiday homes, and with the new bus route – you won’t need to bring the customers to you, they’ll already be there. What do you say?’

  ‘You changed your plans?’ I say.

  ‘I did,’ he replies.

  ‘For me?’

  ‘Of course for you.’ He laughs. ‘You think there’s a lady with a café I’m trying to impress?’

  ‘That’s amazing,’ I gush. ‘Yes, I would love to invest.’

  Ever since I learned that Seb was buying the shop, things have seemed so black and white. Either I was going to buy the place or Seb was. Sharing the space never occurred to me, not even once, which is crazy because there’s definitely more than enough room on the plot for both of us. But the thing that is surprising me more than anything, is the fact that Seb is offering me this opportunity at all – that he’s made this opportunity, just for me. I can’t quite believe it. I didn’t think he had it in him, to
be kind like this. I am seeing him in a whole new light now (and it’s not just because we’re under a disco ball). I feel like I’m looking at him – the real him – for the first time.

  I throw my arms around Seb, who picks me up and twirls me round, holding me in his arms when we finally stop spinning.

  ‘I know that it won’t be exactly the same shop as your mum’s shop, but I’ll do everything I can to make sure that it keeps all the charm and the warmth of the current place. But, either way, know that your mum would be so proud of you,’ he says. ‘I was chatting with Holly and—’

  ‘You were chatting with my sister?’ I interrupt.

  ‘I called her to find out where you were,’ he says. ‘She, erm…she invited me for Christmas dinner. I hope that’s OK.’

  ‘It is now.’ I laugh.

  ‘Phew,’ he replies. ‘Don’t know what I would’ve done otherwise.’

  ‘That’s a lot of work to ensure you have somewhere to spent Christmas,’ I joke, nodding towards the plans.

  ‘Oi, listen,’ he says with a laugh. ‘I’m trying to tell you something. We were talking about the shop, and about your mum, and I just know that she would be so proud of you, working so hard to save the place, and then with everything you’re going to do with the new place. I promise, we’ll make it even better. Maybe even set you up a kitchen, so you can make and sell your Christmas chocolates and sweets,’ he suggests.

  Wow, that would be amazing – to get to keep the shop, but to be able to go back to doing what I used to do, too. He’s thought of everything.

  ‘You did all this for me?’ I say again, quickly wiping tears from my face. I’ve been so strong all day, but one mention of my mum and I’m blubbing like a baby.

  ‘I did it for you, for the town, and for me,’ he says seriously, before adding, ‘and so you guys will let me have Christmas dinner with you.’

  ‘Thank you,’ is all I can say.

  ‘Thank you,’ he says. ‘For helping me realise what I needed to do, to get what I’ve always wanted.’

  ‘Well, I guess you’re welcome.’ I laugh, not that I had any idea I was doing anything.