Safe Harbor

by Radclyffe

  Tory was momentarily off balance and pressed both hands against Reeses chest to steady herself. Reeses body was tightly coiled, shimmering with tension. "Whoa! Slow down," Tory gasped. "Im fine." There was a fierceness in Reeses eyes she had never seen before - a feral intensity that should have been frightening, it looked so dangerous. What Tory felt instead was closer to excitement. The powerful force of Reeses emotional fervor was stirring.

  "Reese," Tory began again, "Im fine." As she spoke, she grasped Reeses arms, shaking her lightly to get her attention. "I called you about a patient. Everything is all right."

  Reese looked at her then, not yet accepting that she was safe. What she had felt in those few minutes when she thought Tory was in danger was completely foreign to her. Her entire life had been spent preparing for defense - in the military, in the police force, in the dojo. She was trained to confront any threat with the cold calm of a soldier. The gut wrenching near-panic she had just experienced rocked her to the core. For the first time in her life she had felt the iron grip of fear. Without conscious thought she pulled Tory to her. "Jesus," she whispered, "I thought something had happened to you."

  The intensity of her embrace was more than Tory could resist, and she yielded to it. She pressed into Reese, her arms slipping around Reeses waist.

  "Im sorry," Tory murmured, holding Reese tightly. "I only asked that they have you call me." She couldnt seem to manage any other explanation. It was all she could do to control her own trembling. And it wasnt from fear, but from shear overwhelming desire. With a soft moan she pressed her lips against Reeses neck, aching with need. She clung to her while her senses raged, her mind clouded with the escalating physical arousal she couldn't contain. Oh, god, I want you so much . Her nipples stiffened, aching to be touched, and her clit expanded, screaming for contact. Her hips rocked against Reese's hard thigh, desperatelyseeking release.

  "Hey, hey," Reese soothed, stroking her back gently. "I didnt mean to scare you - ." Her own sense of relief was so intense she was shaking.

  God almighty, Tory, you can't do this now!! Tory struggled for composure. With more restraint than she thought possible, she pushed away from Reese, breaking the exquisitely agonizing contact .

  "Let me catch my breath," Tory said as lightly as she could manage, turning away with effort. She was on fire, and she was seconds away from touching Reese in a way that could leave no doubt about her desire. She was going to make a fool of herself.

  "Tory?" Reese questioned, confused by Tory's abrupt withdrawal. She stared after her as Tory moved resolutely down the hall, putting distance between them. Reese felt the separation as more than physical. As close as they had been an instant before, a chasm stretched between them now. The pain of an old wound flickered to the surface for a searing instant, the deeply buried agony of loss. Reese automatically pushed it away. That stoicism had protected her for years and it was second nature to her now. Whatever vulnerable place Tory had unwittingly touched was safely defended once again. By the time Reese followed Tory into her office she felt nothing.

  "What happened?" Reese asked.

  Tory sat behind her desk, needing to get as far away as possible. She prayed she would be able to look at Reese without revealing her turmoil. Even now she was trembling with the urge to touch her. She took a deep, slightly shaky breath and pulled forth her own defenses. She had called Reese as a doctor, and thats how she would deal with her. On that level she was safe.

  "I just finished suturing a young boys forehead," she began, her voice sounding flat to her own ears. "He and his boyfriend were walking back to town along Route six, out near Herring Cove. Apparently they had been up in the dunes -"

  "Damn," Reese muttered, intent on Torys story. She gave no sign of her own lingering agitation.

  "They said a group of men in a truck tried to run them off the road. Someone threw a bottle at them. It struck one boy in the head. He had a nasty scalp laceration. I didnt think I should wait until morning to tell you, in case the men in the truck are still cruising around looking for trouble." She was finally calm enough to look at Reese, and she caught her breath at the undisguised fury in Reeses face.

  "Where are the boys now?" Reese questioned in a voice taut with anger.

  Tory shook her head apologetically. "I couldnt get them to wait, Reese. I tried. Theyre local kids, and theyre scared. They dont want their parents to know about them."

  "God damn it! How am I supposed to protect these kids? They wont let me!"

  Tory had a feeling that some of Reeses frustration was motivated by her increasing concern for Brianna Parker. She knew that Reese was fond of her, and that their bond was growing as a result of their nearly daily contact in the dojo. And she also had a feeling that the outwardly tough, inwardly sensitive young girl reminded Reese of herself at that age.

  "Reese, I know how hard it is for you. Im sorry. Its not that they dont trust you -"

  "I know you tried, Tory. You did exactly right in calling me now. Did they give you any details?" She knew better than to ask for their names. She knew Tory couldnt breach her bond of confidentiality, and she wouldnt put her in that position. But she felt so powerless!

  "It was a pickup truck - dark blue or black. They didnt get the make. There were at least a couple of men inside. One boy thought the truck had Massachusetts plates. Its not much to go on."

  Reese smiled thinly. "Its a start. At least I can keep an eye out for similar vehicles, drive through that area a little more often. Maybe my presence will be a deterrent." She sighed. "Its more than I knew an hour ago. I just hope this isnt related to the other incidents up the Cape."

  Reese studied Torys face in the dim light of the desktop reading light. The doctor looked drawn in a way that seemed more than simply fatigue. There was stress lines etched into the fine skin around her mouth and eyes. Her hands were shaking. Reese was aware of the long clinic hours Tory had been keeping since the summer began, but she had never seen her look quite so strained.

  "What were you doing here at two oclock in the morning?" Reese asked.

  "I wasnt here. They called the number I leave posted on the door for emergencies."

  Reese stood. "You look worn out. Let me drive you home."

  "Ive got my Jeep. Im fine."

  "Id feel better if youd let me drive you - please," Reese said softly. She couldnt explain it any better to herself. She simply wanted the peace of mind of knowing that Tory was safe at home.

  Tory inclined her head in agreement, too exhausted emotionally and physically to argue. "Catherine can drive me to work in the morning," she conceded.

  They were silent on the short ride to Torys home. Reese pulled up the drive beside the darkened house, flicking off her lights and killing the engine. She turned to face Tory where she sat framed in moonlight. Reese found her both beautiful and unusually vulnerable. Something instinctual stirred in her, a response at once protective and possessive.

  "Something happened to me tonight when I thought you were in danger. I wasafraid," Reese confessed quietly. "All I could think was that I had to get to you. Nothing ever mattered so much-" She reached a hand tentatively to touch Torys hair.

  Tory flinched. "Dont Reese," she choked. "Dont touch me right now."

  Reese moved closer, her voice husky with concern. "Why? What is it?"

  Tory tried unsuccessfully to contain a sob, her own conflicting feelings overpowering her defenses. "Because I want you so much it hurts, and I wont be able to stand it if you touch me," she said in a strangled whisper. She tried to focus out the window into the darkness, searching for the familiar, anything to keep her from coming apart.

  "And you think I dont want you?" Reese rasped, her breath constricting in her chest. She was leaning so close her words ruffled Torys hair. Her stomach churned with emotions so powerful she ached.

  "God, Reese, dont play games with me!" Tory cried, turning to face her at last.

  Reese cupped her face gently with both hands, her eyes burning into Tory
s. "I have never been more serious in my life," she breathed softly as her lips found Torys.

  It was a kiss like none Tory had ever experienced. Questioning at first, tentatively seeking, then bolder as Reese pulled her deep into a swirling vortex of sensation, finally ending in something as tender as a prayer. Tory didnt feel as if she had been simply kissed; she felt as if she had been worshipped. When Reese lifted her lips away, Tory cried out at the loss. Her hands were twisted in Reeses shirtfront, and Tory clung to her, gasping.

  "Whered you learn to kiss like that?" Tory said unevenly when she could draw breath again.

  Reese laughed shakily, pulling Tory against her chest, burying her face in her hair. "I have no idea where that came from. But I can tell you this. I want to do it again, and I dont ever want to stop."

  "God, youre beautiful," Tory whispered. "And youre scaring me to death."

  "Why?" Reese questioned gently, pressing her lips to Torys forehead. She wrapped her arms around her, wanting to feel all of her near. Reese groaned softly, closing her eyes.

  Tory trembled. "I want you to make love to me, Reese - so much I feel as if Ill come apart if you dont. And Im terrified of wanting you so much. You dont know how you make me feel-"

  "I know how you make me feel," Reese said hoarsely, her hands stroking Tory's neck, her collar bones, moving closer to the full curve of her breasts with each caress. "And I know with absolute certainty that I want you."

  Tory pushed away from her, although it took every ounce of her will power to do it. She was shaking with the effort of not touching her. Her lips felt bruised, and she was swollen to the point of pain with desire. But for the sake of what little sanity she had left, she needed time. She knew instinctively that if this woman made love to her, her life would never be the same. "Reese Conlon," she whispered softly, "I do not intend to sleep with you in your patrol car."

  Reese laughed unsteadily, grasping Torys hands to keep her near, but accepting her unspoken request for time. Every instinct in her body urged her to kiss her again, every cell cried out to touch her, but she would not unless welcomed. She brushed a kiss against Torys palm.

  "Tell me when I can see you again," she asked frantically.

  Tory tenderly brushed the dark locks back off Reese's brow, loath to let her go. "Ill see you in the dojo, just like always," she said softly as she slipped from the car. "Now go back to work."

  She watched until the red taillights disappeared around the bend toward town, fearing that Reese had just left with a piece of her heart.

  Chapter Fifteen

  "Are you just getting up, or havent you been to bed yet?" Catherine asked as she walked out onto the rear deck. Tory was hunched over in a canvas deck chair, her feet curled up under her. Jed lay beside her, asleep. The dawn was moments old; the tentative shafts of sunlight had yet to dispel the clouds that hung over the harbor. Catherine placed a cup of coffee in her sisters hand and pulled a chair up beside her. She stretched her legs up to the rail and waited.

  Tory sipped the hot brew gratefully, shifting from her cramped position. She must have been there for hours, but she couldnt recall now what she had been thinking. "What time is it?" Tory asked at length.

  "A little after five."

  Tory groaned. "So soon?"

  "I take it youve been out here all night?"

  "Not all of it. I had a call about one."

  Catherine studied her in silence. The dark circles under her eyes werent just from a few hours lost sleep. She had sensed something amiss with her sister since the moment she arrived.

  "Whats going on, Tor?" she asked gently.

  Torys instinctive reaction was to deny any problem. She was horrified to feel her eyes brim with tears. She was just so damn tired - of sleeping alone, of waking alone, of being alone! She passed a trembling hand across her face, desperately searching for composure.

  "Talk to me, Tory. Please!" Catherine implored.

  "I dont know where to start," Tory managed.

  "Is it work? You know you could use some help here -"

  Tory shook her head. "No. I wish it were. That I know how to handle."

  "Youre starting to scare me, Sis," Catherine said softly. "Youre not sick, are you?"

  "No! No, Im fine." She laughed a little shakily. "Actually, Im a mess, but Im not sick. Its -oh, God- how can I explain this? Its a woman. I mean, Ive met this woman, and -and I have absolutely no idea what Im going to do!"

  Catherine regarded her intently. "How long has it been, Tor? Since theres been someone?"

  Tory fought back tears again. She fixed her gaze on the harbor, willing away the memories. "Four years - since K.T. left me."

  "I still want to kill her!" Catherine muttered.

  "God, I dont want to do this again!" Tory cried.

  "How serious is it?"

  "I dont know! I dont know anything! Im not even positive shes gay!"

  Catherine blew out a breath. "That tall, gorgeous cop."

  Tory looked at her in surprise. "How did you know?"

  Her sister shrugged. "Because for a minute there she made me wish I were gay. Shes charming, and sexy as hell. And because I saw the two of you dancing. She held you like you meant something to her. She held you like she cared."

  "Oh, Jesus," Tory sobbed, "now you have made me cry!"

  Catherine got up to search for tissues, and returned with the entire pot of coffee. "Here," she said, handing Tory the box of Kleenex. She poured them both more coffee, letting Tory shed the tears she needed to.

  "Have you slept with her?" Catherine asked when Tory regained her composure.

  "No," Tory admitted softly.

  "Want to?"

  "I hurt, I want her so badly."

  "Jesus, god, Tor - does she know?"

  Tory shrugged. "Not exactly. I didnt want to admit it to myself, and then last night -" Her voice faltered as the memory of Reeses touch stirred her like a caress.

  "What!? Last night what?"

  "She kissed me. I mean, we kissed - "

  Catherine expelled another long sigh. "That ought to be some indications shes gay, dont you think?" she queried with just a hint of laughter in her voice. Her laughter died as a haunted look flickered across her sisters face.

  "Tory," she said gently, "tell me whats really happening here."

  Torys hands clenched around the clay mug while she struggled for words. Haltingly she gave voice to her fears.

  "I havent wanted anyone in so long. I dont mean sex." She looked away, blushing. "Although come to think of it, I havent wanted that either. Ive made a good life for myself here. Ive been happy. Now all I can think about is her. I cant look at her without wanting to touch her. Its like Im another person. I dont even recognize myself! Then, when she kissed me! Its as if I was suddenly living someone elses life! All Ive been able to think about was how she made me feel, how her breath brushed against my neck, how her hands seemed to reach inside of me. Im losing my mind!"

  She stared at her sister, her expression agonized. "What if it doesnt mean anything to her, Cath? What if its all a mistake? How will I bury all these feelings again?"

  Catherine slid her chair closer, removing the cup from her sisters unconscious grasp. She took Torys hands in hers.

  "Tory - honey, youve been sleep walking the last four years. You think youve been happy, but its more like youve been numb. Those of us who love you know that. I dont know a thing about this woman, but for her to move you like this - there has got to be something there. I dont know if she deserves someone as wonderful as you, or even if she has the good sense to know how lucky she is that you want her. But I could kiss her myself for making you feel this way. God knows, I never want to see you hurt again, but Tory! Youre not in someone elses life. Youve just come back to your own!"

  "I dont know if I want these feelings, Cath," Tory whispered. "Im afraid to trust her, afraid that Ill be wrong again. I trusted K.T. completely, and I was so wrong!"

  Catherine smiled sadly. "Some things we cant
chose,Tory. Sometimes our life just finds us."

  Tory was silent a long time. At last she gave her sister a tremulous smile. "I sound like a lunatic, dont I?"

  Catherine laughed. "You sound like a woman mad with lust! What are you going to do?"

  Tory grimaced. "I wish I knew. Im almost afraid to see her again. Im afraid I might have imagined last night. And Im just as terrified that I didnt!"

  Catherine chose her next words carefully. "Are you in love with her?"

  "I cant think about that, Cath, I really cant."

  "You might want to before you sleep with her."

  "I know," Tory whispered softly.

  **********

  "Brianna! Wait a minute after class, will you," Reese asked when she and the teenager finished their training.

  Brianna looked uneasy, but nodded her assent. She followed Reese through the breeze way to the house.

  "Sit down," Reese said, gesturing to the stool by the counter. She poured them both orange juice and took a seat next to her student.

  "Bri," she began, "has anyone been hassling you, or any of your friends?"

  "What do you mean?" Bri mumbled, uncertain of the conversation, still uncertain of any adult. And as fair as Reese had been, she still worked with her father!

  "Is anybody giving you a hard time about being gay?"

  Bri snorted in disgust. "Shouldnt you be asking who hasnt hassled us?"

  "How? What are they doing?"

  She wasnt yet ready to believe that Reese was really on her side, as much as she wanted her to be. She tried so hard to be strong, especially when Caroline was with her. She had to be able to stand up for them, didnt she? Deep inside she feared that if Caroline saw her uncertainty, and her vulnerability, she would leave her. Bri looked at Reese directly for the first time. Reese just looked back at her with eyes filled with concern. Bri took a deep breath, and took a chance. Sometimes it was just too hard to be alone.

  "Most of the kids at school who know about us just avoid us. All of a sudden we dont get invited any where any more. Some of them make noises when we walk by, or call us names under their breath. Nothing you can really call them on. They just make it real clear that we dont belong. Theres not that many of us - at least not that I know about. Some of the guys are pretty obvious. You know, kind of faggoty. A couple of them have been beat up."