Romeo and the Angel: Impossible Crush Chronicles

by Leeann M. Shane

  I watched him, struck by the bareness of his expression. He didn’t have to hide anything from the ceiling. He didn’t have to be strong. His lips were slightly agape, and his hand was around his throat, fingering the bruises. The depth of his ache created an ache in me.

  “Romeo?”

  His head turned sharply toward me. He didn’t say anything, but his eyes traveled over me. Immediately replacing the lost look that had resided in them with a look I wasn’t familiar with. It was too heavy, too warm, too… everything.

  “Why are you looking at me like that?”

  “You look so hot in my clothes.”

  My lips rose. “Really?”

  He nodded once, eyes on mine. “Really.”

  “Good. Because you’re not getting them back. They’re so comfy.” I hugged myself.

  A soft smile played on his lips. “You can have all my clothes in that case.”

  Silence settled between us. He watched me and I watched him.

  “What’d you need?”

  I took a breath and let it out slowly. “You. I can’t sleep knowing you’re out here all alone.”

  “I’m fine, Rya.” But he gave me an odd look and then sat up. “You know what? I’m not fine. My back hurts and I’m uncomfortable.” He grabbed up his pillow and came over to me, heading for his bedroom. “Let’s go.”

  I followed, relieved.

  In his room, he set his pillow down and pointed at his bed. “You get in first.”

  I crawled to the other side of his bed, the part against the wall, and lay on my back. It was dark enough to shield most of him. I got glimpses of his eyes, flashes of his lips. Parts of him. He got in, flattening his back and in less than a minute, he was back to staring down the ceiling.

  I rolled on my side and watched him. “What are you thinking?”

  “Too much.”

  I waited patiently for him to continue, trying not to touch him; I tucked both of my hands under my cheek.

  I wanted to touch him.

  “You’re not going to be happy until you know my deep dark secrets, are you?”

  “I don’t know. Are your secrets deep and dark?”

  “Some of them.”

  I let that sink in. “I have secrets, too.”

  He smirked at the ceiling. “That so? Tell me one.”

  “Only if you tell me a secret after?”

  He nodded once. “Deal.”

  I dug deep, as deep as I could get. “I think I might be in love with you.”

  His entire head spun to face me so fast, a rush of air smelling thickly of pine and him brushed over my face. His eyes laser-focused on mine. “What did you just say?”

  I leaned forward and kissed his soft, warm lips. “I think I might be in love with you, Romeo. Or I just really dislike you and can’t tell the difference.”

  His expression didn’t move from shock. His eyes drilled into mine.

  “That’s the only secret I have with you. Now it’s yours. When you’re ready to tell me yours, we’ll be even.”

  He blinked at me. “You think how I feel about you is a dark secret of mine? How I feel about you isn’t a secret, Angel. And it isn’t dark. It’s the only good thing about my day and night and fears.” His hand came to rest on my face, cupping my cheek and neck. “That’s the hardest part. I want this, us, so bad, but I know I can’t have it. If I was a good guy, I’d have let you go months ago. But I’m not a good guy and I can’t help myself. I don’t even want to anymore. Maybe that’s one secret we both share.”

  My heart seized, afraid to beat. I nuzzled his palm, rubbing my cheek against him. “Why can’t you have us? Me?” I’m right here.

  I watched him contemplate whether he should tell the truth or to deflect it, like he’d been doing since the day I met him. He wasn’t only deflecting it from me. He was deflecting it most of all from himself.

  “My world is dangerous. You know that. You’ve seen it. But it’s more than that.” His eyes slid shut and his forehead came down on mine. “It’s so much more than that.”

  “Tell me,” I begged softly, reaching out to touch him. I skimmed my fingertips over the exposed flesh on his side, skimming my fingers down over his warm, hard abs.

  “If you want me to keep talking, you’re going to need to stop touching me there.”

  Regretfully, I put my hand on his chest over his shirt instead.

  “Thank you,” he murmured, brushing his lips over mine.

  “You’re not welcome.”

  He chuckled and then sighed. “Only you could make me laugh when I feel like I’m suffocating.” I tried to pull away, but he pressed our faces close, kept his hand on my cheek; kept me too close to see the truth. I could only hear it. “Let’s start from the beginning,” he said, and I hated every word I heard.

  When he finished, I was thankful I couldn’t see anything. His words bounced around in my head like radioactive Ping-Pong balls. Every single one was toxic. How could a child be forced to pay for his father’s sins? I hated Sergio. It was horrid and revolting, how instantly I hated him. I shook my head, unable to process.

  “There’s no way he can force you to join.” I’d heard it before. Raf had said it, and now that I knew the exact truth, Romeo had tried many times to tell me the truth. I hadn’t had all the pieces until now.

  “I don’t have a choice. If I don’t join, against my will or not, my family suffers.”

  I pushed him off of me, sitting up and scrubbing at my eyes. “You have a choice. Leave. Why can’t we leave?”

  “Papa,” he said. “Sergio will have him killed in prison.”

  I brought my knees to my chest, hating the resoluteness in his eyes. He’d accepted his fall before he’d even tumbled. “So, that’s it then? You’re going to get jumped in?”

  He came to me on his knees, clutching my face in his hands. Tears shimmered in his eyes, the way they shimmered in mine. “I don’t want this, Rya. I never did. I don’t want to risk my life, risk my brother and sister’s either. I don’t want them to go through the things Diego and I went through living with Papa. But these aren’t idle threats. I can’t go to the police and complain. I can’t fight him. I can’t run. I’m lucky I lasted this long. The only thing that’s kept me out of the Kings was the fact that Sergio knew my father. Knew no matter how hard I fought, I’d be under his rule one day. Maybe he never thought I’d fight. Maybe he thought I’d be honored.”

  I snorted derisively, sick to my stomach. “You can’t do this, Romeo. You want to know something I’ve noticed?”

  “What?” he asked hesitantly.

  “Everyone in your neighborhood is either older women, teenagers, and little kids. The only middle-aged man I saw was Sergio. There are no other young males in your neighborhood. You know why that is?”

  “Because they’re in prison or killed.”

  “That’s right. That’s what’s out there for you.” I couldn’t physically take the pain of picturing his life being over. I clutched him to me. “You’re so much better than that. You’re smart and strong. You could be anything in the world. Give your brother and sister something to look forward to. Because if you don’t, Antony’s going to have a crown and knife tattoo on his arm one day, and he won’t get to even be eighteen.”

  His body froze.

  “Gabby won’t get to have her Romey at her wedding.” My eyes let go; my tears fell down my cheeks silently. “You’re all those two kids have. And you’re all I want. What about us? We don’t even get to try? You took my first kiss. What about all the other firsts? We could be perfect for each other. Made for each other. You could be my soul mate. What about me? Don’t I get a say?” I’d never seen my future flash so fast before my eyes as I did imagining him not in it. “What about you? When do you finally get to breathe, Romeo? When do you get to be happy?”

  Without his secrets, he was broken.

  Trapped.

  Lost.

  He let loose a torrent of pain on my shoulder.

&nb
sp; I let loose on his.

  “You are your own person. You don’t have to become what someone else wants for you. It’s your life. Become the hero in your own story. Become the reason your mother named you Romeo.”

  “You say all that like I haven’t tried. Like I haven’t been fighting forever.”

  I wrapped my body around his, a sick feeling in my stomach I did not like. Maybe all that time I’d been the one fooling myself. Denying the possibilities in exchange for the fantasy. If I was just a girl and he was just a boy, clinging to a fantasy would be nice. In Kings River, it was dangerous.

  “The world shouldn’t lay on your shoulders,” I whispered, too heartbroken to say anything else.

  “Regardless of whether it should or not, doesn’t change the fact that it is. I feel like I’m reaching the precipice of nothing, and I can’t stop. I thought I could. All this time I stupidly held on to hope that I could change my life and my family’s. But it wasn’t until I met you, when I finally realized how trapped I was. Because for the first time, I finally had a reason to live.”

  Then why did it feel like we were dying?

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  ROMEO

  I knew the truth was a bad idea.

  I knew once it was out, I couldn’t take it back.

  But like diarrhea of the mouth, I couldn’t stop once she’d done it. Pulled the truth from me like rotten roots; now we were rotten too.

  “Let’s sleep,” she murmured, voice so soft it could float away. Too soft to be strong.

  I did that to her.

  Took her love and made her regret it. In Spanish, I whispered something in her ear. “No creo que te quiera. Simplemente te amo.”

  “What does that mean?” Her hands touched me. Roamed. Held onto me even as I ripped her apart.

  “Everything,” I whispered back. “It means everything.” I kissed her temple and lay on my side next to her, stroking her cheek, hair, and face until she passed out.

  Once I was left alone with my thoughts again, I felt that ugly emptiness slide back in. Truth was, a large part of me had given up the moment Sergio stole my voice. How much more would I let him steal in my fight to remain my own? Who else would I hurt? Who else would I lose?

  My brain went to ugly places as she slept.

  I studied her features until they were ingrained in my brain.

  I kissed her sleeping lips and face until I felt my eyes droop.

  I fell asleep but didn’t rest.

  My nightmare was so sudden, I had to wonder if my conscious had transferred over into my unconsciousness.

  I was running. Down the street. As fast and as hard as I could. I felt them behind me. I didn’t look back to figure out who, but I was being chased. And I knew in my bones that if I didn’t get to the great source of light at the end of the street, I’d regret it for the rest of my life. I pumped my legs, even as the muscles screamed. I fought my weakness as my body craved strength. Pain lanced across my back, but I dug deeper, until I could see that the source of light wasn’t a light at all. But a person.

  A girl.

  With kind, innocent jade green eyes.

  With flowing, beautiful ash blonde hair.

  Tears ran down her face.

  Love poured from her eyes.

  She waved me on. “Hurry,” her lips mouthed, but I couldn’t hear her voice. “Run.”

  “Rya?” I shouted.

  “Romeo.” My name sounded from far away.

  I felt my heart shatter when the angel started to disappear. I was nothing without the angel. My entire existence relied on her.

  Without the angel, I was just Romeo.

  With the angel, I’d never be alone.

  “Romeo.”

  The scene before me dissipated, replaced with one far more reasonable. I was in my bedroom, and Rya was shaking my shoulder. Sleep made her appear more youthful. And even though I’d hurt her with the truth, she was still there.

  Waking me from my nightmare.

  “You were dreaming,” she explained, watching me. “You were screaming my name.”

  I sat up, winded. I hadn’t actually been running from my life like I had in my dream. But I had been running from my life since the day I was born. Maybe that’s why I’d always had a hard time breathing. It was hard to do when you couldn’t stop sprinting head on for your own existence.

  “It wasn’t a dream,” I choked out. “It was a message.”

  “A message for who?”

  “Me.” I looked over my shoulder at her. “Us.”

  She appraised me, this strange sense of awareness in her eyes. “What was it about?”

  I told her, loving how she could blush and cry at the same time. Her heart was so good and her strength so sweet. I didn’t deserve her, but who the hell could? I wasn’t letting her go.

  “What does that mean?”

  I got up, pacing the space beside my bed. “Think about it, Angel. If I got to you, that means the danger would have gotten to you too. But if I stopped, you’d be fine. The part that’s not in the dream is what happened after I stopped. Did I fight back? Did I lose? I don’t know what happened. But I do know that I have to stop running. It’s the only way I can get to you. It’s the only way I can find out how our story ends.”

  She didn’t say anything.

  She didn’t have to.

  I was the one who had to start talking.

  “What time is it?”

  She shrugged. “The sun is out, though. You think I could go home now?”

  “Do you want to go home?”

  “No.” She bit down on her bottom lip. “I had a dream too.”

  “Yeah? What was yours about? Me, huh?” I wiggled my brows, unable to help myself. “Was I, or was I, the best lover humanly possible?”

  I was rewarded with a giggle and a roll of her eyes. “Get over yourself, Romeo. Well, maybe not fully. It was about you. But I wasn’t at the end of the street while you ran by yourself. We ran together. We were on a pier. A long, wobbly pier. We were running on it, hand-in-hand, and the ocean was churning so much the waves were about to take the deck down. Either way we’d drown, but we never gave up. When we got to the end of the deck, we jumped over the edge. Do you know where we landed?”

  I shook my head. “Where, Angel?”

  “In still waters.”

  I swallowed hard. “What do you think your dream meant?”

  “That we’re in this together. No matter what. And even though things are hard, the trouble will still.”

  “I like your dream better.”

  She gave me those low-lidded, loving eyes she’d given me since we’d made out in the living room. Just thinking about the taste and feel of her lips threatened to derail me. But I’d never kissed anyone and had it feel that way before. That intense, that strong, that world-shattering.

  That perfect.

  “Me too,” she agreed sadly.

  Silence settled between us. It was heavy and I didn’t like it. I felt empty. Desperate. I wanted what she wanted for me so badly, I could almost taste the hope. But the emptiness overtook my taste buds time and time again.

  From inside the house, I heard my name. Reality settled back in. In seconds, what I couldn’t do or didn’t know how to do didn’t matter. “Crap. We’re late for school.”

  “I should go.” Rya slid to the edge of my bed. “Will you be at school?”

  “I don’t want you to go.” Now that I could give truth to the feelings I had, it felt amazing not having to hide.

  A soft, shy smile lifted her lips. “I don’t want to go either.”

  “For the record, Rya, I always want you. I mean, I offered to chaperone you on the first day of school. You’d think you realized by now how obsessed I am.” I shook my head at her, heading inside.

  Behind me, I heard her smirk. “Chaperone? You mean you asked for payment and then left me all alone when I didn’t take you up on your offer.”

  I chuckled. “Oh yeah.”

  Gabb
y was stumbling around the house with her blanket trailing behind her, rubbing her tired eyes. When she saw me, her eyes lit up. “I’m hungry.”

  I picked her up, nuzzling her neck. “Let me guess, you’re in the mood for broccoli tacos.”

  She looked at me, disgust in her eyes. “There’s no more cereal?”

  Rya laughed. “If you want, we can put milk all over your broccoli taco.”

  Gabby looked around the house. “Where’s Mama?”

  “There’s no help for you. You’re stuck with me and Rya. And we’re suddenly developing a hunger. For brains!”

  Gabby squealed as we came for her, snorting around her neck. It was the first time I’d laughed in days. I didn’t have a plan. But I’d make one.

  “I’ll drive them to school and then we can stop at my place so I can change.” Rya spooned scrambled eggs onto the twin’s plates, tucking her hair behind her ear when she caught me studying her.

  She had no idea how gorgeous she was in my clothes. How cute her messy bun was. How badly I wanted to set her on the counter, so her lips were at the perfect height, and then kiss her until she was panting.

  I took a sip of my coffee. “Sounds like a plan, Angel.”

  Red blossomed in her cheeks and she glared at me, trying and failing to diffuse the way I made her feel. Which only amused me further. She groaned, giving me her back.

  “Why are they looking at each other like that?” I heard Gabby ask.

  “They’re in love,” Antony responded, turning the page in his book.

  “What does love mean?”

  “I think it means you have to kiss on the lips and buy each other chocolate.”

  Gabby nodded. “I like chocolate.”

  “No, you don’t,” I grumbled, making Rya laugh. “No chocolate for you. Go get dressed for school.”

  With Rya’s help, getting the twins and myself ready for school went far smoother than it ever had before. We were oddly on time as we all exited my house. Maybe that should have been my first clue. Calm waters often preceded raging storms. Rya had her clothes from yesterday balled under her arm. “Oh, look. My phone.” She bent to pick it up where Raf must’ve left it on the porch.

  She glared at the screen. “The battery’s completely drained. Jerk.”