On the Edge

by Avance, V. E.

  “Abigail, show your dad the ultrasound picture of the babies,” I hear Tommy say.

  “Babies? What the hell do you mean babies?” Dad growls.

  “Well Dad, I went to the doctor today and he found that I am having twins,” I reply as I take the picture out of my back pocket.

  “Son-of-a-bitch, like one baby wasn’t enough you’re expecting two? What the hell are you guys going to do now?” He shouts as us.

  Tommy is livid now and his eyes harbor nothing but evil. “You know what, Kevin? I’m getting fucking tired of your criticism. You need to back the fuck off and realize that I am the father of these babies and I am going to do what is necessary to take care of them. If you don’t have anything nice to say then why don’t you just keep your fucking mouth shut?” Tommy growls back at my dad.

  Oh no, this is not going to end well at all. No one has ever talked to my father like that before. “Excuse me?! Who the hell do you think you are coming into my home and speaking to me like that? Get your fucking ass out of my house before I throw you out!”

  Tommy gets up and storms to the front door. I get up to follow him outside but he’s already in his car and speeding off down the street, so I go back inside. I’m trying to get to my room without confrontation with my dad, but it wasn’t successful. “Abigail Marie Wilkinson, we need to talk, and we need to talk right this minute!”

  “What?” I ask as I turn to face my father.

  “The way that boy spoke to me was uncalled for. I don’t appreciate such disrespect from a loser whose only accomplishment in life was knocking up my teenage daughter!”

  “You don’t think I witnessed what just happened? You both were out of control and, yes, I know Tommy was out of control. Dad, I don’t know what the hell is going on but I know that I’m tired of being in the middle of it. I get yelled at by him and now you. I’m sick of being yelled at all the damn time!”

  “Wait, what? Are you telling me that he talks to you the way that he just spoke to me?” Dad questions me. His anger and concern is not hidden as well as he thinks it is.

  “Dad, it’s no big deal. We are both under stress and sometimes he yells. It really isn’t any worse than the way you yell at me,” I lie to my dad. I think this is the first time I’ve ever lied to my father.

  “Abigail, I can’t help you unless you tell me the truth. But yelling at you is unacceptable.”

  I nod and turn back around and finish making my way to my room. I decide not to grab anything but some more clothes. After all that has happened today, I think I just need to grab a few more necessary things and get back to Tommy’s apartment.

  I grab my bag and head out of the house. I throw my bag in the back and climb in the driver’s seat and take off. I cry all the way back to Tommy’s apartment. How the hell could tonight go so bad? I pull into the guest parking spot and grab my bag and head to the apartment. Just as I am about to stick my key in the door, Tommy opens it from the other side. I look up at him and I don’t see my Tommy. He has anger and evil in his eyes. “Get your fucking ass in the house now,” he screams at me.

  I’m startled but do as I’m told. I quickly make my way in the house and put my bag down by the front door. I turn to face Tommy and I am met with a slap across my face. I scream out in shock and put my hand to my cheek.

  “Where the fuck were you?”

  “What do you mean? I was at my parents’ packing my stuff,” I cry.

  “Bullshit. You were out fucking around, weren’t you? Don’t fucking lie to me!”

  “Tommy, I swear, I was with my parents. See,” I point to my bag, “I brought my bag.”

  Before I know it, he has his hands on my shoulders and I’m pinned against the wall. His face is right in front of mine, our noses touching. “You better listen and listen well; I’m not playing games with you. You are my woman and you listen to me. When I leave, you are to follow behind me. Your dad disrespected me and you allowed it by staying behind.”

  “I didn’t mean to give the impression that I didn’t respect you, Tommy. I just wanted to stay so I could get my stuff so I could finish moving in with you. That’s all, I swear,” I say as I begin to sob.

  Tommy presses his lips against mine, hard. He kisses me so hard that his teeth make my lip bleed. He begins to take my clothes off at an extremely fast pace.

  “Tommy, no, please, I don’t want to make love.”

  I push him away and he steps back. His eyes are wild and full of something I’ve never seen before. This side of Tommy scares me. He doubles up his fist and I place my hands over my face praying he doesn’t hit me. I hear the wind pass by my head as his fist goes through the drywall beside my head. He turns and grabs his car keys and leaves. I’m left holding my stinging face and wondering what the hell happened to my Tommy.

  Chapter Eleven

  I stand under the shower head as water pours down on me. The warm water feels so good against my body. Tommy is still gone and isn’t answering his phone. His mood swings not only scare me but they leave my body hurting. Could he just be freaking out because of the babies or is he really on drugs like Jason and I suspect. I don’t know how to please him if he won’t talk to me. My tears blend in with the water that falls down my face.

  My hands are wrinkly and the water is becoming cold. I turn the shower off and wrap my body in a towel. I look at myself in the mirror. I have a hand-shaped bruise on my face. “Ouch,” I breathe as I place my hand over it. It hurts. I don’t understand why he hit me. Am I that horrible of a fiancée? Did I really disrespect him? I glance down at the countertop and see a powdery substance on the edge. What is this? It wasn’t there this afternoon before I left for my appointment. Damn it! There’s my answer; Tommy’s on drugs. What else can this be if not residue from drugs?

  How do I bring this up to Tommy without him flipping his gourd on me? I need to find out when he’s high and when he’s not and talk to him. I have to be a grown up and give him the benefit of the doubt to change, even though all I want to do is go home and leave Tommy for good.

  I dress in a pair of pajama shorts and a tank top and make my way out to the living room. The house is too quiet; it’s an eerie silence. I can’t call anyone. Calling my parents would admit that I was wrong and I can’t handle that right now. Katherine will open her mouth to Michael and then my parents would find out. I’m utterly and hopelessly alone except for these two babies growing under my heart. I turn the television on for the picture and turn my iPod on for sound. ‘Brokenhearted’ by Karmin begins to play as I lay on the couch with a throw blanket over me. I finally let my tears flow as freely as they like as I drift off to sleep.

  I’m awakened by the closing of the front door and the sound of Tommy emptying his pockets. I have no idea what time it is but an infomercial is on television. He walks over to where I lie and kneels to the ground. He pulls the hem of my shirt up and puts his lips on my belly. He’s mumbling something to the babies, but I can’t make out what he’s saying. He continues to talk and gently rub my exposed belly. He gives it one final kiss and turns his head to face me. His eyes are filled with tears but they are the eyes of my Tommy and not the monster I saw earlier. I love this man. This is the man that loves me and our babies and does everything he can to keep us safe and cared for.

  “I’m so sorry, angel,” he cries, “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

  I place my hand on his face, “I know you didn’t mean to hurt me. You’re just under stress.”

  He shakes his head, “You’re under stress too and you haven’t behaved as I have. Abigail, I am so sorry. Please, forgive me.”

  “Tommy, I forgive you. I love you more than you can imagine but we need to talk.”

  He looks at me but doesn’t say a word. I continue to talk. “Tommy, after my shower tonight I found white residue on the counter in the bathroom. Are you doing drugs?”

  He looks confused and angry at the same time. “No, Abby, I’m not on drugs. That was baby powder. I use it to keep from chaffing
when it’s hot.”

  I don’t know why, but I believe him. I know a lot of people that use powder to prevent rashes when it’s warm outside. “Ok, Tommy. Thank you for clearing that up. I’m sorry I suspected drug use.”

  “I understand why you would think it was drugs, Abby. But I wouldn’t do that. I wouldn’t do anything that would risk you leaving me. I don’t know what I would do without you. You’re my world,” he says before placing his lips against mine and lifting me in his arms. He carries me to the bedroom, never taking his eyes off of mine. He lays me on the bed and trails kisses from my neck to my chest.

  “Abigail, I love you more than life itself and I promise to keep you and our babies safe as long as I live,” he says before making love to me.

  * * *

  The sunlight is beaming in through the blinds in the room. I reach over looking for Tommy but my arms don’t find him. All they find is an empty spot where he’s supposed to be. I start to get up when the bedroom door opens.

  “Lay back down, angel,” Tommy says, “I brought you breakfast in bed.”

  He brings over a wooden tray with a plate of pancakes, bacon and eggs on it. Behind the plate is a glass of orange juice and a vase with a single red rose in it. He places the tray over my legs and gives me a sweet kiss over the bruise on my cheek.

  “I’m so sorry about hurting you last night, Abigail. It will never happen again. I promise.”

  “I believe you, Tommy. You didn’t mean to do it.”

  “No, I didn’t baby. I would never set out to hurt you. Honestly, I think the stress of hearing that we created two babies and then your dad’s overreaction to the situation just set me off. I really do love you and I am determined to protect you guys,” he says as he reaches out and rubs my belly.

  I begin to eat my breakfast, though my stomach is turning, while Tommy gets ready for work. He is such a beauty in his raw form. Walking around the room, naked, as he collects the items he needs for his morning shower. God, a girl could get used to waking up to this every morning; breakfast in bed and a strip show.

  After Tommy leaves, I get up to wash the dishes from breakfast. He didn’t have time to get to them before he had to leave for work. Just as I am putting away the last clean dish, my cell phone rings. I see that it’s Michael calling. I quickly dry my hands and slide the screen to answer it.

  “Hey Michael,” I say excitedly.

  “So, when were you going to tell me that you got yourself knocked up?” He sounds a little upset.

  “Well, I was going to tell you yesterday but things sort of blew up at Mom and Dad’s house.” Who told Michael that I’m pregnant? Who cares, it doesn’t really matter anyways.

  “Yea, I heard that the little punk decided to disrespect Dad. Abigail, we have always been a close family. How, in God’s name, have you gone so far off the path?”

  “Michael, I don’t need this shit now. My life has been flipped upside down the past few days and I can’t take another verbal beating by someone in my family.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Dad has screamed and yelled at me twice this week. Not to mention Katherine and I had a bit of a misunderstanding. I don’t need to hear shit from you too.”

  He sighs, “I’m sorry, sis. You need someone to talk to not lecture you. I’m sorry. So, will you be here on Saturday for my graduation?”

  Shit, his graduation. Will my face be healed by then? I need to come up with an excuse for not being able to make it.

  “I’ll try to be there, Michael. Right now, I’m really sick most of the day and I may not be able to make the drive there and back without being sick. Did Mom and Dad tell you that I’m having twins?”

  “Yes, I heard that there are two little Abby’s in there. When do you find out if they are boys or girls or both?”

  “I’m not sure. Right now, they look like little blobs with arms and legs.”

  “Well, I would love to be with you and Tommy when you guys find out the gender. I’m sure Katherine would want to be there too.”

  “I’ll let you guys know when we know. I have to go now. I need to get ready and go shopping for some new clothes. I love you.”

  “I love you too, Abby. You know you can call me anytime you need anything, right?”

  Those damn tears start to fall again. Why is it that I seem to cry all the time? How can anyone find pregnant women attractive when all we ever do is cry? “Yes, I know Mike. I’ll call if I need anything.”

  “Okay, have a great day, sis.”

  I hang up. I feel a little guilty about not making it to his graduation this weekend. Maybe my face will heal enough and I’ll be able to drive up there, I think, as I walk toward the bathroom to put some make up over the bruise. My pants are getting too snug and I need to go shopping for that belly band that my mother told me about and some stretchy sleep clothes.

  I only spent half the money Mom gave me on clothes and having my prescription filled. I take the other half of the cash and put it in the back of my wallet so that I have it in case I need anything else in the future. I head back to the kitchen to start dinner. On the menu tonight is spaghetti, bread and salad. I’m just draining the spaghetti noodles when Tommy walks in the front door.

  “Hi baby, how was your day?”

  “Eh, it was another day and another dollar. Something smells good.”

  “Thank you. Why don’t you go wash your hands while I finish up in here and your plate should be ready by the time you’re done.”

  “Sounds good babe,” he says as he kisses my cheek and heads toward the bathroom to take a quick shower before dinner.

  * * *

  Tommy comes out wearing his sleep pants and a black t-shirt. His hair is wet and messy looking. He takes his place at the nook just as I’m placing his plate on the mat. I place my plate on my mat and take a seat next to him. I finish eating in silence but Tommy only ate half of his portion.

  “Do you not like it?” I inquire.

  “No, I’m just not hungry. It’s probably just stress and nerves.”

  “Ok, I’ll clear the plates and start dishes. Why don’t you go relax on the couch and watch television and unwind.”

  “Are you telling me what to do?” he questions my intentions angrily.

  “No, I was just suggesting you rest. You’ve had a busy day today and you should prop your feet up and enjoy being home.”

  “Fine, I’m going to go to the living room,” he snaps.

  I think about his mood swings as I clean up the dinner mess. He was a total monster last night; sweet this morning and now he’s grouchy. I just don’t understand what’s going on with him. He says he’s not on drugs but I’m beginning to doubt him. Can I live my life with a man whose temperament is like a rollercoaster ride? I push the thought out as I glance down at my growing belly. I have to try as hard as I can for the sake of these two innocent lives.

  I walk out to the living room to find Tommy asleep on the couch. I gently shake him awake. “Baby, why don’t you go crawl in bed?” I suggest to him.

  “Why do you always bother me? I was sleeping just fine here,” he barks at me.

  “I’m sorry. I just thought you would be more comfortable in bed.”

  “Fine, I’ll go to bed and you can sleep out here for all I care!” And he storms off to the room.

  What the hell is his issue? It’s probably better for me to just sleep on the couch tonight. I watch television for a bit before going to the bedroom for a pillow. I just don’t understand Tommy. What the hell am I supposed to do? I feel like I’m walking on eggshells with this man. Maybe I should reconsider moving back in with my parents or, at least, taking a break from Tommy and go stay with them for a few nights. Unfortunately, I can’t go anywhere until this bruise heals. I can’t risk my dad seeing and flipping out on me and hurting Tommy. If my face has healed by Saturday, I will go to my parents and ride with them to Michael’s graduation and stay with them for a few nights to give Tommy a break from me and all my wrong-do
ings.

  Chapter Twelve

  The week passes with no more outbursts from Tommy. He’s tired most nights, but his mood has been stable. We finally have a routine here. We’re up at six o’clock and I cook us breakfast and he leaves at a quarter to eight for work and I clean house and plan dinner for the night. When he comes home, we eat and talk about our day, watch a little television and are in bed by nine o’clock. I love routines since I am a creature of habit.

  Tommy comes through the door a little after five o’clock. I have dinner prepared and his plate on his mat by the time he’s done with his shower. He gives me a passionate kiss before sitting down to eat. I take this time to inform him that I will be going to my parents’ tonight so I can attend my brother’s graduation tomorrow. “Tommy, I’m going to stay with my parents this weekend.”

  He drops his fork and looks at me, “Why are you going to do that?”

  I swallow. “Well, Michael is graduating tomorrow and I want to attend it. This is a big achievement for him and I want to be a part of that day.”

  “Is that Jason guy going to be there?” he questions me suspiciously.

  Oh shit, he just had to bring Jason up. “Well, Jason is graduating tomorrow too,” I say in a small voice.

  “Fuck! I know what you’re doing. You’re seeing him on the side, aren’t you? Are those babies even mine?!” Tommy questions aggressively.

  “Oh my God, Tommy, are you really questioning whether these babies are yours or not? Is that where our relationship is now? Of course these babies are yours. You are the only man that I have ever been with.”

  “I’m out of here! Do whatever you fucking want to do. I don’t care anymore!” He shouts as he stands up to leave.

  “Tommy, please don’t go. I’ll stay home if you like and we can have a weekend together.”

  He puts his wallet in his back pocket and is grabbing his jacket, “No, fuck you. I’m going out,” he says as he opens the front door and storms out.