On the Edge

by Avance, V. E.

  “Well then, I’m very glad you’re here. I was about to go without a tie.”

  I chuckle as I finish the knot and slide it into place. Jason catches my hand and brings it to his lips and kisses it gently.

  “Abigail, I’ve loved you for years and I still do. I want you to be happy. I don’t think Tommy makes you happy, but if he does, I’m happy for you. I just want you to know that I will always be here for you. I have two big shoulders for you to cry on and two loving arms to hold you in your time of despair. Plus, last I checked, two arms were needed to hold a set of twins simultaneously,” he says with a cheesy grin on his face.

  I giggle at the joke. “That is true, Jason, about the arm thing. I-I’m just confused right now. So many things are changing for me and I have to figure things out for myself. I need you by my side as a friend but I can’t and won’t drag you down the rabbit hole that I have created for myself,” I say as I grab his cap and place his tassel on it.

  I finish helping Jason get dressed for his graduation and make sure he looks stunning, which isn’t hard to do. I go to place a kiss on Jason’s cheek but he takes me in his arms and pulls me toward him. He places his lips against mine and I feel a spark that I have never felt before. He kisses me with such passion, love, and tenderness. When he finishes the kiss, I am rendered speechless. “That was just in case I never get another chance to kiss you. I love you, Abigail and I will always be here for you.”

  With that, Jason grabs his overnight bag and strolls out of his room and leaves me reeling over what just happened. I stand in his room thinking about Tommy and Jason and what I’m supposed to do in a situation like this. That kiss created feelings inside my soul that I didn’t think existed for Jason but these babies are the reason why I need to work things out with Tommy. These are his babies, after all, and I’m sure Jason has the best of intentions in his heart but no man wants to raise another man’s baby.

  The graduation ceremony is almost twice as long as mine was. After the ceremony, my parents decide to take us out to dinner. We are in a corner booth with my dad on the outside and my mom next to him. My brother is sitting between Katherine and Mom and I am between her and Jason. We all place our orders and begin our conversations. Everyone is talking about something different and smiles and laughs are erupting all around the table. This feels normal and healthy. I look up at Jason and he looks down at me and puts his hand on my hand and gives me a smile that melts my heart.

  After dinner, we all head back to Placid City. Mom and Dad head out in their car while Katherine and Mike decide to go in his. I don’t want to know what they plan to do on the drive home that they can’t do in my car. Jason was going to take his car to our house but decides to ride with me so I don’t have to drive alone at night. I’m already feeling tired so I give the keys to Jason so he can drive.

  * * *

  By the time we arrive at my parents’ house, I’m already asleep. I don’t even realize we are home until Jason is pulling me into his arms and carrying me inside. I wake just enough to change into my pajamas before falling backward on the bed and closing my eyes. Dreams of Jason begin to fill my unconscious.

  I wake the next morning to Jason gently shaking me. “Hey sleepy head, wake up.”

  I garble out, what’s supposed to be, “But I don’t wanna!” however I know it sounds nothing like that.

  “Well, I need you to wake up. Mike and Katherine want to see a movie and I can’t bear to go with them without you. They will drive me crazy with their making out. Come on, get up,” he says as he pulls the covers back and starts to tickle me. Shit! I have to pee and he’s tickling me. “Ok, I’m up. Stop or I’ll pee my pants. Remember, two babies that like to jump on my bladder over here.”

  He smiles and lets me go so I can race to the bathroom. Thank God it’s free.

  I come back in my room and Jason has already made my bed and is sitting at my computer chair. “Feel better?” he asks.

  “Much, thanks for not continuing to tickle me. That would not have been a pretty sight.”

  “You are a gorgeous sight, but you’re right, that would have been the least attractive of sights,” he says with a goofy smile on his face. “I’ll let you get dressed in peace. I’ll be waiting in the living room.”

  I stroll to my closet and look at myself in the stand-up mirror. What in the world? My hair is sticking up all over the place and my eye make-up is running down my cheek. How the hell does he find me attractive like this? Jason is one weird duck. I don’t even think I’m attractive right now. I open the door to the closet and grab a pair of jeans and a maroon, spaghetti strap pregnancy top my mom picked up. I get dressed and get the belly band in place over my jeans. After I remove my old make-up, I apply fresh make-up and run a straightening iron through my hair to make it lie down.

  I grab my purse and keys before heading out. I glance at my phone and realize that Tommy has not contacted me since the wee hours of yesterday morning. I hope I’m not in trouble when I go home tonight. He’s probably really pissed at me. I don’t want to fight with him tonight.

  My mom hands me a few hundred dollars before I head out. She tells me to buy some new clothes while I’m out since I’m going back to Tommy’s after. The theater is in the mall, so I plan on going to a few stores after the show to get some bigger clothes.

  None of us can agree on a movie. Katherine wants to see some love story, the guys want to see an action-packed movie and I want to see a comedy. After some time, Katherine pulls Michael to her side and they decide to see the love story. Jason looks at me and tries some sort of puppy dog eyes, I think. He looks like a monkey with a swollen lip. I can’t help but let a laugh escape my throat. Hell, with a funky face like that, who can deny him. I agree to the movie of his choice. I go to pull out a twenty but Jason has both of our tickets in hand before I have my wallet out.

  “Don’t tell me you were going to pay for yourself,” he questions.

  “Well, yes, I was. I’m not your responsibility to pay for.”

  “Well, I begged and pleaded with you to come so I don’t expect you to pay for anything. Also, I would consider it a privilege to take of you, not a responsibility.” He gives me my ticket and puts his hand on the small of my back to guide me to the correct theater. The movie is pretty exciting but I really would have loved to see the comedy. Our movie is over before Katherine and Mike’s so I shoot Katherine a text letting her know that I am going clothes shopping and what store I’ll be at.

  “Thanks, Jason. I really needed to get out of the house today.”

  “You’re very welcome. Thank you for coming along with me. I couldn’t handle being alone with those two during a movie and I sure as hell wasn’t going to see a romance movie.”

  I giggle, “Yea, I hear you on that one. Well, I’m going to go clothes shopping. These babies are getting bigger and my clothes can no longer accommodate them.”

  “I’ll join you. I have nothing else to do anyways.”

  Shit, I don’t want him to come with me. I have to buy underwear and bras. How do I tell him that I want to go alone without hurting his feelings?

  “Do you not want me to come?” he asks.

  “No, it’s just, I need new, umm, everything and . . .”

  “No worries, Abby. It’s not like I didn’t know that women wear bras and panties. If you want, I’ll turn around when you pick them out and pay for them so I don’t see what you’ll be wearing under your clothes,” he says as a sheepish grin creeps across his face.

  I begin to flush. What the hell! He’s right, girls wear bras and panties and I shouldn’t be embarrassed to buy them. “Screw it, come on! I need to buy new everything and I’m going to need someone, that’s you, to carry my bags for me.”

  “There’s the girl I know. Wait, what? Oh, I see how it is. I’m just the puppy that follows you around and carries your bags. You are such a girl!”

  I smirk at him and head toward the nearest clothing store. I purchase some panties and bras desig
ned for a growing pregnancy and four pairs of jeans and eight shirts that should see me through the majority of this pregnancy. As I’m paying for the items, Katherine and Mike walk up all googly-eyed and in love. “Hey guys,” I say as Jason grabs my stuff, “how was the movie?”

  “It was good. A real tear jerker,” Mike says with a sarcastic smile on his face.

  “Well, then, glad I didn’t waste my time there. I cry enough as it is,” I remark before realizing that I just implied that I cry all the time. “I mean pregnancy hormones and all.”

  “Yea, I heard pregnancy really makes a woman emotional,” Katherine chimes in.

  “Yea, well, I need to be heading back. I told Tommy I would be home tonight and I don’t want to get back too late. I loved seeing you guys,” I say before turning to Jason. “Do you need me to take you back to my folks’ house or do you want to ride with them?”

  “I’ll go with them. Hey, remember, I’m moving back here and if you ever need to talk to me, just call or text. I’m here for you.”

  I give all of them a quick hug and kiss on the cheek and grab my bags from Jason before heading out of the mall and to my car. I’m just about to climb in when Jason catches up with me and puts his hand on my shoulder. I turn to face him and, before I know it, he has his hands around my waist, pulling me into another passionate and tender kiss.

  “Just so you know that I love you and that will never change,” he says as he holds my car door open for me to climb in. “Be careful, Abby.”

  His words replay in my head on my drive back to Tommy’s. There is no way that I can leave Tommy for Jason, though I feel something more for Jason than I do Tommy. Tommy just needs to adjust to the thought of parenthood. That’s all. I just need to give Tommy time to adjust.

  Chapter Thirteen

  I arrive at Tommy’s apartment a little before five o’clock. Tommy’s car wasn’t in its spot so that means I have the apartment all to myself. I decided to leave my new clothes in the trunk of my car. I don’t really feel like putting them away tonight.

  Ugh, I’m so tired and my body aches from sitting in those seats at the theater. A warm bath should help ease my achy muscles. As the tub is filling with warm water I head to the bedroom that I share with Tommy to get some clothes to sleep in. When I walk in the room, I am horrified at what I find. All of my clothes are strewn around the room. What the hell is this shit about? I feel anger begin to rush over my body. I grab a pair of sleep pants, tank top, and clean underwear before heading back to the bathroom. I’ll have to deal with that mess later.

  The warm water feels good on my aching back but not as good as a massage would right now. I wish Tommy was more attentive to me and my needs. He causes more stress in my life than one person should be allowed to, but I love him and I chose him. No one is perfect and love is about accepting each other, flaws and all.

  The bath water is becoming cold. That’s my cue that bath time is over. I drain the tub and dry off. I quickly change and wipe down the bathroom. There’s more residue on the counter. I’ve never seen this before moving in with Tommy. There is no way that this is baby powder. It doesn’t smell like baby powder and it doesn’t become pasty when wet like baby powder does. It looks like residue from chalk. I wipe it away and head to the bedroom. It’s only seven o’clock but it feels it’s two in the morning with how tired I am. I fall asleep quickly.

  I glance at the bedside clock when I hear the front door close. It’s midnight and Tommy is just getting home. Doesn’t he have work tomorrow morning? I debate whether I should get up or not when Tommy comes in the bedroom. “There you are angel!” he says happily.

  “Yes, I told you I would be home tonight.”

  “I know but I didn’t think you would come back. I was a jerk to you last week and I didn’t deserve to have you back.”

  “You were a bit jerky, but I love you Tommy. I need to be with you.”

  “Well, I’m glad because I need you right now. I need to be inside you. I missed having you in my bed.”

  “Tommy, why did you go through my clothes?”

  “I just wanted to make sure you didn’t take them and that you were coming home to me. I meant to clean the mess up before you got back but got sidetracked.”

  He creeps up the bed after stripping to just his underwear. He’s sweaty, like he’s been running, and his pupils are bigger than the iris of his eyes. What the hell is wrong with him? He pins my arms above my head and straddles me. “Tommy, get off. You’re hurting my stomach. Your weight is going to hurt the babies. Please get off.”

  My pleas go unheard. He holds my hands with one of his hands while he begins to strip me. I want to make love to Tommy but not under duress. I’m pregnant and can’t tolerate some of the things he’s doing. “Tommy, please, I can’t have sex like this anymore. The babies,” I plead.

  He finally gets off of me but he’s still rough. No matter how much I plead, my body is Tommy’s to do with as he wishes. He’s acting like a savage. My mind is trying to find a happy memory while Tommy does things to my body that I have never had done to it before.

  It’s almost two in the morning before Tommy has finally had enough and puts on a pair of sleep pants and exits the room. I’m left on the bed with my head reeling. What just happened? That was not the Tommy I know. I have to get out of here. I’m going to call Mom tomorrow and let her know that I’m coming home. Tommy needs to work out his own shit. I can’t be around while he tries to figure it out. I can’t stand this man. This is not the Tommy that I fell in love with.

  My body is aching and my stomach is cramping. Something doesn’t feel right. I wrap myself in the sheets and make my way to the bathroom. As I sit on the toilet I notice the blood on my thighs. Oh my God, the babies. I begin to hyperventilate. I grab some toilet paper and wipe and there’s even more blood. Are the babies alright?

  “Tommy,” I scream out to him but get no response. I wrap the sheet tighter and look through the apartment for him. Tommy’s keys and wallet are gone. He fucking left! I grab my phone and call Mom. It goes straight to voicemail. Dammit, she must have forgotten to charge it. Mike! I’ll call my brother.

  “Hello?” I hear Mike ask on the other end. I know I just woke him up from a dead sleep.

  “Mike!” I scream into the receiver, “I need you to come get me.”

  “Jason, get up,” I hear Mike yell. “Abby, Jason and I are on our way. What’s going on?”

  “I’m bleeding and Tommy isn’t here. There’s something wrong with the babies. I need to go to the hospital,” I say as I begin to sob.

  “Abigail,” I hear Jason’s tender voice on the line, “we’re on our way. We just left the house. I need you to give me the address where you are so we can find you.”

  I give Jason the address and hang up so I can get dressed. I don’t have any feminine products here so I take a wash cloth and insert it in my panties to catch the blood. It isn’t long before I hear a knock at the door. I open it and there stands my brother and Jason. Mike grabs my purse and keys. Jason scoops me into his arms and carries me to my car. Mike and Jason exchange words and then Mike climbs into the driver’s seat as Jason takes his place behind the wheel of Mike’s car. “Sis, what the hell happened? What were you doing before you started bleeding?”

  “Mike, I really don’t want to go into it. I just want to get to the hospital and find out what’s going on.”

  “Oh, you and Tommy had…” he trails off. “I get it. Well, where the fuck is he now? Who does that and then just leaves?”

  “Mike, I don’t know. He left before I realized I was having an issue. Can we please drop it? I’m sorry I called you out in the middle of the night. I tried Mom but her phone went straight to voicemail.”

  “Sure, I’m sorry I’m asking all these questions. You did the right thing. You know I’m always here for you, right? Don’t ever be sorry for calling me. Jason and I are both worried about you.”

  The conversation ends as he pulls up to the emergency drop off
zone. Jason is no longer behind us. He must be parking Mike’s car. Mike exits the driver’s side and comes to help me out. We check in at the admitting area and I get a wrist band on. Jason walks through the doors as I am taking my seat in the waiting room. Mike heads out to park my car. The nurse calls us back before Mike comes back. She is explaining that since I am under twenty weeks, I will be seen in the emergency department as opposed to the labor and delivery unit.

  I am put in a small room and told to strip from the waist down. There is a privacy curtain that I am able to draw so Jason doesn’t see me. I strip off my pants and underwear and fold them and place them on one of the two chairs in the room. I put my hospital issued gown on and open the curtain. I begin to climb up on the exam table. Jason rushes over to assist me. After I’m situated on the table, he grabs the lone chair in the room and takes a seat. “Abigail, what happened?”

  The tears start to roll down my cheeks. I can no longer hold the hurt inside. I have to open up to someone. “Jason, I don’t know what happened. I was sleeping when Tommy came home at midnight. He wasn’t mad but he wasn’t my Tommy. He straddled me and I kept begging him to get off because he was hurting my stomach and I was worried about the babies. He got off but then he….stripped me and started to…..” I trail off.

  “Rape, Abigail, he started to rape you.”

  “I wouldn’t go that far, Jason. I mean, he just got rough and wouldn’t stop when I asked him to.”

  “Abigail, if you told him no, it’s rape damn it!”

  I cringe as Jason raises his voice. “I’m sorry, Abby. I’m not mad at you but I am mad as hell at him,” he says as he wipes my tears away with his hands, “please, continue.”

  “Well, he did what he did with me for almost two hours before he just got up and left the room. That’s when I noticed something felt different and that I was having stomach cramps. When I went to the bathroom, I noticed the blood and I called for him but he was gone.”

  Jason takes my hand and kisses the top of it. “You don’t deserve this, Abby. You’re stressed over these babies too and I don’t see you going around acting like a maniac. You’re taking it in strides like you should be.”