FORSAKEN: On The Edge 0f Oblivion (Beauty 0f Life Book 1)

by Laura Acton

Jon peered up at Bram, and a surge of mixed feeling washed over him. His concern came out in harsh words. “What you did today is damned stupid. You know better. You do NOT go in without cover!”

  “Stow it, Jon. Where’s Dan?” Bram countered, unaffected by Jon’s critical tone and words, aware his anger covered his real emotions. Though at this moment he didn’t want to deal with Jon’s issues. His primary concern centered on their rookie.

  Nick stepped in to avoid a confrontation between friends. “In the locker room.” Knowing Bram was the only one making any sort of connection with Dan, he added, “You should go check on him. He messed up his hands.”

  Bram nodded, pivoted, and briskly strode for the lockers.

  Ray sat down and reported, “Bram is okay. No cracked ribs, though he’s bruised and sore.”

  Jon stood and paced near the windows. He didn’t mean for his words to come out so cross. Envisioning Bram dead on the floor of the apartment struck him hard. He didn’t want to lose his best friend like he did his brother Joe. He could’ve lost him today because the rookie couldn’t or wouldn’t take the shot when needed. That burned a hole in his gut, and he wanted to lash out.

  He almost lost Nick and Bram because he trusted Broderick and he betrayed all of them by failing to do his job. Just like when Burl ran off and left Jason and when Alejandro tried to kill him. Thoughts of betrayal stoked the fire, building into an inferno.

  I Killed My Brother!

  34

  October 19

  TRF HQ – Men’s Locker Room

  Loki left Dan sitting on the bench by their lockers and went to get the first-aid kit. Dan came willingly from the SUV, but he was in a weird stupor with his eyes not really there. Loki thought it was a bit like the saying, ‘lights are on but no one’s home.’ Truthfully though, he couldn’t say, the lights were on. Dan’s eyes were lifeless and dull.

  Dan’s mind swirled in a fog and his only coherent thoughts focused on the ivory gripped pistol. Soon I can end this … soon. No one will mourn my passing. Sorry Brody, the darkness wins. I’ll be breaking my vow. No beauty for me.

  Bram entered the room and caught sight of Loki heading for the medical kit. He strode to their aisle and found Dan staring at his locker with a dazed and lost expression. Squatting in front of Dan, using his soothing fatherly voice, he said, “Dan … Dan.” Once Dan’s unfocused eyes lifted to his, Bram said, “Let’s get those gloves off. Let me do it for you.”

  Dan only stared. Three images melded together to create a strange new image. How can Patch’s words be coming out in Blaze’s voice from Mason’s body? Confused, he complied with his triple brother’s request and held out one hand.

  The rookie appeared to be in a fragile state of mind, reminding him of a skittish colt. If he didn’t proceed carefully, Dan would bolt. He must move slow, stay calm, and speak soft. So Bram spoke in quiet tones, explaining each step to Dan as he stripped off the gloves.

  Loki came back with the kit and several dampened and one dry towel. He breathed a sigh of relief finding Bram helping Dan. He was unsure what to do with Dan in this state. In no way did this man resemble the one he saw in the past months. He witnessed vulnerability in the ex-soldier which until now Loki didn’t think existed. Overall, this was disconcerting.

  Bram examined Dan’s knuckles. Man, he did a number on these. Bram lightly probed and didn’t think Dan busted any bones, though they were quite abraded with several rather deep gouges.

  “Here, I brought some towels.” Holding out a wet towel, Loki grimaced when he glimpsed the bloody knuckles. Holy smokes, this is so messed up. What the heck caused him to do something like this?

  Shifting his gaze to Loki, Bram shook his head. The cuts needed to be rinsed and cleansed with soap and water. “Dan, we’re gonna stand and go to the sink to wash your hands. Okay?” He didn’t receive any verbal response but when he stood so did Dan.

  Bram guided Dan to the basin. Red-tinged water swirled the drain as Bram bathed the abused knuckles. Bram’s concern notched up when Dan didn’t wince once while cleaning out the deep gashes. Dan’s stoic expression remained locked on his face as he only stared into the mirror with unfocused eyes. Bram assumed Dan might be in a state of shock so he continued with slow movements and explained everything he did. When Bram finished, Loki handed him a towel and Bram delicately patted Dan’s hands dry.

  Loki provided Bram a tube of antibiotic ointment, and after Bram applied the cream, Loki wrapped one hand in gauze while Bram swathed the other. Loki noted Dan’s eyes never lost the fragile appearance which scared and worried him. What is going on with him?

  When they finished, Bram said, “Dan, we’re leaving the locker room now. We need to debrief.” He placed a supportive hand on Dan’s arm and steered him out as Dan robotically complied.

  Bram recognized something significant and terrible must’ve happened during the call. He searched his mind to determine how to help Dan. He is close to a breaking point. I have no clue what this will mean for the ex-soldier. Will he explode or breakdown? I hope Jon uses his power of observation today and doesn’t go off half-cocked on Dan.

  TRF HQ – Briefing Room

  Nick, Lexa, Ray, and Jon remained silent as Bram lead Dan to his regular spot and settled him into his chair. They glanced at Dan’s bandaged hands and wondered how badly he injured them. Loki followed a short time later with a glass of water and put it down in front of Dan.

  Dan unconsciously reached for the water. He drank the entire contents then set the glass down. Coming out of his stupor his world came into focus, and he recognized his surroundings. Though surprised to find the team staring at him. Closing his eyes against the strange and piercing gazes, he gradually released a breath.

  Nick opened the paper bag he brought with him which contained the treat from Jarmal. He had a long talk with the former Army cook and discovered a few things about Dan. Things which might help them connect with Dan. The main thing he learned was to take things slow. Nick stood and strolled to Dan. “You need something to eat Dan.”

  “I’m fine, sir.” Dan opened his eyes when Sarge approached him.

  Nick displayed a kind grin as he removed a giant cookie and held it out for Dan. “They smell good. Fresh out of the oven.”

  The scent of cinnamon and oatmeal wafted in the air and Dan identified the contents of the bag before Sarge offered him one. Spontaneously reaching for the oatmeal raisin walnut cookie, he took a bite and chewed. The comfort food awakened a deep aching hunger. Dan shoved the remainder into his mouth.

  Nick set the brown bag on the table near Dan and returned to his seat. Jarmal was right. Dan would eat the cookies. He smiled.

  Everyone watched with curiosity when Nick pulled the cookie out of the sack. It increased when Dan accepted and began eating.

  Loki leaned over to Lexa and whispered, “What’s going on?”

  Shrugging one shoulder, Lexa stared as Dan withdrew another cookie. The team silently observed while Dan devoured eleven cookies in no time flat. He ate like a starving man.

  Bram asked, “Dan, when is the last time you ate?”

  Gnawing hunger somewhat sated, Dan extracted his last cookie and inhaled the familiar aroma savoring this one. Mesmerized by his cookie, he didn’t catch Bram’s full question. Dan turned his eyes to Bram. “What?”

  “I asked, when did you last eat?”

  Dan shrugged.

  Ray closed his eyes. How could we be so friggin’ blind? This man is in a world of emotional pain. I should’ve recognized sooner. We all should have.

  Nick sighed. He botched things up with this grieving young man. The commander had some serious explaining to do. Why on God’s green earth did Gambrill place a grief-stricken man on my team without giving me even the slightest clue to his background?

  But then Nick gave Gambrill the benefit of the doubt. It is entirely possible Gambrill is unaware of Dan’s past and the order to place him came from higher up. Nick shelved his thoughts—they wouldn’t help rig
ht now. He needed to guide his team through what would surely be an awful debriefing session.

  He pressed the button to close the conference room door and turn the glass panels separating this room from the dispatch area opaque. “Alright, we need to start the debriefing. I’m going to read through the transcript, and we’re going to address some fundamental mistakes.” He turned to Jon and flatly stated, “I want cooler heads to prevail today.”

  Jon understood, but that was asking a leopard to change its spots. He inclined his head once to communicate he would try.

  Nick began going through the call transcript, highlighting where each of them excelled, including Dan. When he got to the point where James turned suicidal, he said, “I should’ve recognized his intention sooner. I missed the turning point.”

  Lexa spoke up. “James gave insufficient warning.”

  Dan listened, somewhat confused by Sarge’s and Lexa’s remarks. “Warning about what?”

  So far Jon held his ire and his tongue in check, but his answer came out harshly. He was angry because the subject gave up on life, upset with Bram, Nick, and himself for the lack of a shield, and pissed off at Dan for not taking the shot. “Suicide by cop! That’s why I gave you the order to fire.”

  Nick tried to intercede before Jon pushed too hard. “Jon.”

  Once unleashed, Jon’s wrath flowed out unchecked. “Why the hell didn’t you shoot, Broderick? I’ve seen you on the range. You’re fast. Did you decide you don’t have to follow my orders? Didn’t you give a rat’s ass if Boss or Bram was shot?”

  Dan’s eyes flashed with a mix of anger and pain as Jon’s words hit him hard. He didn’t register Nick’s bark of, “Jon. Stop!” as he pushed out of his chair. Striding for the door, Dan’s mind centered on one thought. Time to put an end to my agony. I’m a failure, and people I care about are killed whether I pull the trigger or not. Suicide is my only escape.

  The team stared as Dan stormed towards the door. He almost made it, but Jon intercepted him. Jon grabbed Dan’s arm and whirled him around. “Where do you think you’re going?”

  Dan wrenched his arm out of Jon’s grip. “I’m fucking leaving!”

  Jon growled. “The hell you are! You’re gonna tell me why you failed to protect your teammates. I trusted you out there today. I made you Zulu One against my better judgment. Bram and Boss depended on you to cover them. So, why didn’t you protect them?”

  Bram stood, ready to intervene. “Jon, you’re out of line. Stop!”

  Rounding on Bram, Jon stared at his friend. “I will not stop. You could’ve been killed because Broderick froze. Boss is only alive because you took a bullet for him. He would be dead if not for you. Broderick can’t be trusted. He’s just like Burl and Alejandro.”

  Loki stared wide-eyed at his tactical lead. Nothing set him off more than the rookie—often unfairly. His eyes shifted to Dan and noted he visibly shook.

  The reality of Jon’s remarks slammed into Dan. He failed again and almost got Bram killed. Bram’s girls would’ve been fatherless just like him. He must leave Now, his brain yelled at him.

  Jon turned back to Broderick, heedless of the state of the man in front of him as he callously threw out accusations. “Is that why they kicked you out of Special Forces? Did you fail to cover you mates backs? Did you freeze and get your boyfriend Brody killed?” Boyfriend was said with sneering ridicule.

  Dan glared at Jon. No one insults Brody, least of all Hardy. He lashed out with lightning speed with a one-two punch. The first strike hit Jon in the solar plexus—doubling Jon over. The second blow, a power-packed, teeth-rattling left uppercut to the jaw sent Jon to the ground.

  Bram rushed forward as the rest of the team stood. None could believe the venom coming out of Jon’s mouth or the swiftness with which Dan knocked Jon flat on his ass.

  From the floor, as he began to rise and prepared to give the rookie a taste of his fists, Jon bellowed, “You do not belong on my team!”

  “Enough!” Nick shouted needing to stop both men.

  Realizing he couldn’t exit the main door, Dan pivoted intending to go to the smaller one leading into conference room two.

  Bram blocked Dan’s path. “Dan?”

  Halting, not wanting to push Bram out of his way, Dan stared into the kind blue-green eyes as overwhelming guilt and grief coursed through him. His voice shook with rage as he said, “Move. I’m leaving. Jon’s right, I don’t belong here!”

  When Bram refused to move, Dan’s eyes filled with tears as Bram’s eyes shone with sorrow and regret. Dan’s voice dropped, taking on a despondent tone. “You almost died because I failed again.”

  Using his calm and soft tone, the one he used to soothe little Allie after she had been lost and frightened at Wacky Willy’s Wild World, Bram asked, “Dan, what do you mean you failed? What happened? Why did you leave the military?”

  At his breaking point, Dan screamed, “I killed my brother! I blew him apart from over a mile away. Brody’s dead because of me!”

  Stunned speechless, Ray, Loki, and Lexa stared with gaping mouths.

  Nick moved towards Dan. The admission is worse than anything he could’ve imagined. “Dan. Sit down, please.”

  Jon gained his feet as he rubbed his jaw and stared at the distraught rookie. Ah shit, I deserve those punches and more.

  Dan pivoted away from Bram and started pummeling the thick metal door with his gauze covered fists causing further damage to his knuckles. Bram, Nick, and Jon all went into action. They reached him quickly and forcefully pulled Dan away. With surprising strength, Dan jerked out of their grips. He stumbled backward, his eyes wild as he scanned the room.

  When his back hit the wall, Dan slid down as tears flowed. He buried his face in his hands and pulled his knees close to his body as wave after wave of agony crashed over him. Drowning again … like last time, he held his last breath for as long as he could. Can I drown without water? I want to stop breathing and succumb to the blackness. Dan’s body forced him to exhale then inhale a ragged breath of fresh air as his lungs burned for oxygen.

  Bram crouched near Dan and lay a supportive hand on his knee. He stayed still and quiet for several minutes, letting Dan know that he was not alone. “Can you tell me how Brody died?”

  Dan lifted his head and gazed into the blue-green eyes. Only concern reflected, no pity. Dan sucked in another erratic breath as his mind went back to May twenty-sixth, to a memory he desperately wanted to forget.

  He trudged through the desert with Master Corporal Nils Carsten, code name Baboon. They completed a joint mission with Blaze’s and Hammer’s units and now must identify all the bodies. Major Plouffe, who oddly came along to take charge of the mission, ordered him to do IDs.

  Plouffe being here rankled Blaze, Hammer, and the rest of the guys for two reasons. One, Blaze understood the emotional impact to Dan when he saw the remains of those he killed up close and tried to limit his exposure. Two, Plouffe was an incompetent ass with no regard for any of the soldiers under his command. Although pissed, they followed orders because the idiot major outranked them.

  Everyone in both units also believed Plouffe only tagged along today so he could take credit for eliminating one of the top terror cells. Intel indicated this group was stealing arms, and possibly responsible for terrorist attacks in Montreal, London, Paris, and other places. Bombings which caused injury or death to more than four hundred civilians.

  None of the unit men gave a damn about credit. Their job was to make the world safer by eradicating lowlife terrorists. Plouffe, however, was power hungry and a rank climber, so he would want the accolades.

  Pletcher, the operative who ran the investigation into missing munitions, said a meeting of the leaders would be occurring today in this village. Vague on the actual details, Brody and three others had been sent to recon, identify the meeting location, and verify critical targets were onsite. Brody located the place and primary target then he and the others moved to the safety zone. Plouffe ordered the u
nits to hold until the group of insurgents began to gather.

  Though Brody was typically his spotter, Blaze took over for this mission because an injured ankle prevented him from doing his regular job. The major sent Brody in to do recon instead of Blaze. He and Watchdog, Hammer’s sniper, were ordered to kill all twenty-five targets once given the clear to fire order. The remaining men chose positions to deal any targets which might escape his and Watchdog’s crosshairs.

  Lexa came forward and knelt close, taking one of Dan’s hands in hers.

  Dan’s eyes shifted to the golden flecked hazel eyes which reflected worry.

  With extreme gentleness, Lexa squeezed Dan’s hand as she said, “Please, tell us what happened.”

  His voice monotone, the only emotion revealed in his eyes and the drying tear streaks down his cheeks. “I had orders to take out several targets in a village over a mile away. The recon team went in to verify the meeting location. They confirmed the target location and bugged out. We maintained radio silence.” Dan’s mind shifted as he recalled the horrifying day.

  He scoped the first target and held until Blaze relayed the fire command. When ordered, he began methodically taking out targets rapidly. He was fast, and it didn’t take long to dispatch most of them.

  As he and Baboon made their way to the village to confirm the identities of the bodies, Blaze and Watchdog maintained over-watch protection for them. The other men searched the outlying areas for the three they missed when the insurgents scattered after they began firing.

  He hated doing IDs. None of them liked this necessary part of the job. Though their targets were the scum of the earth bent on killing innocent non-combatants, it remained difficult viewing those he killed up close and personal. Identifying targets could be difficult. Often there was not enough left to make an identification. Likely the case today, since he used a .50 cal from nearly two kilometers away.

  Nearing the eerily quiet village his gut churned as the glint of jade green eyes haunted him. It had been the briefest of seconds. A target knelt behind the low wall as he lined up a shot. All he saw was the back of his target’s head. In the split-second his finger squeezed the trigger, the target stood and turned towards him.