by Laura Acton
Bram stood and offered a hand to Dan, but he ignored him and stood in one fluid motion, and left the room without looking at a single one of them. As Bram watched Dan, he thought Dan moved gracefully and silently like one of the stalking snow leopards at the Toronto Zoo. A skill which would be extremely useful as an elite soldier.
Jon swept past him with an angry vibe pulsing. His friend moved more like a bull elephant crashing through a forest and uprooting trees in his rampage. Bram took a few deep breaths before he did something he regretted, like smashing his fists repeatedly into his best friend’s face.
He must calm down and treat Jon with the respect Jon should’ve shown Dan. Bram needed to role model the actions he expected from others not behave in the same manner they did. He refused to be hypocritical.
Bram glanced at Boss and noted the pensive mien. He wondered why Boss wanted to meet separately with each of them. In the past, they resolved issues as a team. But they never had anything remotely like this to deal with. He decided it would be a waste of effort to discern the Boss’ intent, so he trod out behind Ray and Loki.
Lexa lingered for a moment. When only she and Boss remained, she asked, “What’s going to happen?”
Not ready to discuss his plan with anyone, Nick said, “Go shower. We’ll speak afterward.”
She bit her lower lip, nodded once then turned to leave the room. On her way out, Lexa glimpsed a handsome man with dreadlocks in the waiting area. His eyes were locked on the men’s locker room door, and he gave the impression of being worried. She dismissed the thought in favor of thinking about what Dan shared as she hurried to shower and change. How can I help Dan? I need to find a way to help him in spite of the emotions I’m trying to repress.
Her little devil said, “Or maybe because of those emotions. You’re attracted to him. Though you will deny it with your last breath, I’m aware of your real sentiments.”
Lexa rushed into the ladies’ lockers needing to drown the devil in a hot shower.
Nick took a moment just to breathe and compose himself before he went to speak with Gambrill. Settled as much as possible he headed out of the briefing room and spotted Jarmal waiting. I’m glad he came. Dan needs someone to care for him after what he revealed.
A Dance of Words
36
October 19
TRF HQ – Dispatch Desk
Nick strolled over to Jarmal, after asking Tia to set up an impromptu, but urgently needed appointment with the commander to discuss the outcome of the team briefing. He held out his hand and shook Jarmal’s once he rose. “Jarmal, thank you for coming. Dan is showering and changing. I need to speak with him before he is free to go.”
He surveyed the lobby area for possible eavesdroppers. Protecting Dan, perhaps for the first time, his primary goal. What he needed to tell Jarmal was sensitive and private. He didn’t want anyone, not even Tia, overhearing this chat. Otherwise, they might lose Dan.
Noting Tia appeared to be involved in a phone conversation and no other personnel or visitors present, Nick hesitated only a moment before quietly initiating the dialogue. “I got the impression you know Dan quite well and care about his welfare. Am I correct?”
“Yes, sir.”
Nick nodded. “I need to share something with you in confidence. My team will be off for several days. If I could impose on you to keep an eye on Dan, I would be in your debt.”
Concern on Pastore’s face worried Jarmal. “That sounds ominous. Why?”
“We also learned of Brody’s death today. Dan just shared with us he died in a friendly fire accident. Apparently, Brody ended up somewhere he shouldn’t have been. Dan received permission to fire, and he unintentionally shot him.”
Jarmal’s jaw dropped open. His mind raced with thoughts. Dan would be devastated killing Brody. Could he live with the guilt? How would he cope? Dan wouldn’t take his own—no, he might. Sergeant Pastore’s request became clear. Dan needed to be under suicide watch. “Oh shit!”
Nick perceived the play of emotions crossing Jarmal’s face, revealing his thoughts. Jarmal landed on the one Nick feared the most. “Exactly.”
“You can count on my brothers and me. We owe our lives to Dan,” Jarmal stated with conviction.
“Dan saved your life?” Intrigued, Nick wondered how.
“In a manner of speaking. He arrested my brother D’Ante. I wouldn’t be where I am today if he didn’t. None of us would be if not for Dan.”
When Jarmal didn’t offer more, Nick didn’t pry despite his curiosity.
“Boss, the commander is available to speak to you now,” Tia said.
Swiveling his head, Nick replied, “Thanks, Tia.” He turned back to Jarmal. “Dan will be ready to go soon. Oh, he ate every last one of those cookies.”
Jarmal smiled. “I’m glad. He’s too thin. I might be able to fatten him up a bit. We’ll keep him safe for you.”
When Dan’s sergeant nodded and left, Jarmal sat back down and pulled out his phone to call his brothers. Without a doubt, D’Ante, Marquise, and Travone would help him. Dan arresting D’Ante had been the wakeup call they all needed. Otherwise, they would all be dead or in prison.
TRF HQ – Commander Gambrill’s Office
Nick entered the office and stood before Gambrill’s desk. “Sir, Alpha Team needs the next five days off.”
Walter motioned to the chair. “Take a seat and tell me why.”
After sitting, Nick collected his thoughts. “The past three months have been hard on the team. Brought to light some issues I’m concerned about which must be dealt with before someone ends up hurt or worse. They are all top-notch officers, of that there is no doubt, but today’s call … well … let’s just say we need to work on team dynamics.
“I’m aware you planned to make your decision tonight. I’m requesting you delay your finding. It is going to take longer to repair the damage.” Nick stopped and studied Gambrill a moment. “Are you aware of Broderick’s history, why he left the military?”
“Why do you ask?” Gambrill responded neutrally.
Considering how much he should reveal, Nick decided not to share the breakdown because that might result in Dan being fired. He believed a high probability existed TRF would be called for some incident and be presented with another suicide by cop situation with Dan in the starring role.
Nick didn’t want that for Dan. He wanted a chance to help him heal. So, he chose his words carefully. “Sir, our last call involved a soldier who turned suicidal. Tough call for all of us.”
“Yes, those calls are always rough on the teams.” Walter nodded.
Nick resisted the urge to rub his face and instead rubbed his thighs. “During debrief, Dan shared why he left Special Forces. The reason, compounded with the way my team rejected him at the beginning, will make it more difficult for us to prove to Dan that he is a valued member of this team. We need more time to change his perception.”
Only a small upturn of Walter’s mouth would possibly betray how he felt inside. Justification of his selection at long last realized, his internal struggles quieted. His efforts on Dan’s behalf began to bear fruit. Dan voluntarily shared with the team. He finally talked about the incident to someone other than the military review board. This heralded the first positive sign in three months.
The second positive, Nick in here delicately side-stepping the issue with well-chosen words. Words which wouldn’t get Dan immediately sent for a psych evaluation and most likely kicked off the force. Nick is protecting Dan—finally! Took longer than I expected for him to wise up, but he hasn’t failed to respond as I hoped he would once he understood.
Walter joined the dance of words. “Your team has been putting in too much overtime lately. I will authorize five shifts as no call training days. You will use those days as you see fit for the team. I will also hold my decision to make any changes to team configurations indefinitely unless I detect a reversion in attitude. Along those lines, you will provide me a bi-weekly status report on the i
ntegration of your newest member.”
Nick nodded. If the commander was cognizant of the details surrounding Dan’s departure from the armed forces, his words did not betray him. The lack of a substantive query, however, spoke volumes. The fact Gambrill never sought further explanation revealed the commander’s awareness, and maybe his complicity. All of which left Nick wondering again how Dan attained his position. “Agreed. Thank you, sir.”
Standing, Nick added, “I also need you to authorize the release of all records of critical calls the team handled since Dan joined us. I request to take them off-site as well.”
“Why?” Walter’s concern piqued. Did he read this wrong and might he be searching for a way to get rid of Dan?
Nick said, “We need to review them to identify areas …” he almost said ‘we screwed up,’ but he changed words, “… for improvement.”
Relieved, Walter stood and held out his hand to shake Nick’s. “Consider it authorized. I expect improvement in my best team soon.”
Nick turned and left.
Smiling, Walter resumed his seat. Now that Nick decided to go to bat for Dan, Walter had a good feeling his godson would make it through the loss of Brody. He couldn’t wait to observe them in action and hoped to be able to report positive changes in Dan to William soon.
TRF HQ – Conference Room Three
Dan entered the only soundproof room at the headquarters. He primed himself for being fired. The grounds for his dismissal, failing to do his duty and striking the tactical lead. He came to rigid attention before he said, “Constable Broderick reporting as requested, sir.”
Nick sighed, noting the rigid, military demeanor. He realized he had seen a slight relaxation of Dan’s rigidity in the past few months, but it was back in full force. Motioning to a chair, Nick said, “Dan, sit down, please.”
Prepared for an onslaught of yelling, the soft voice stunned and knocked Dan a bit off kilter Unsure about Sarge’s behavior, he sat and waited for what would come next.
As Dan took a seat, Nick noted confusion flashed briefly on his face before the mask fell back into place. “Thank you for sharing what you did in debrief. I respect the courage it took to bare your soul. I’m so very sorry for your loss. The words may sound trite now, Dan, but I am sincerely sorry. What occurred must’ve been extremely difficult for you. Losing someone you care deeply about can have profound impacts.”
Nick needed to ask a question to better assess Dan’s potential state in the grief process. He didn’t want to dredge up painful memories for him but he must. Gently, he inquired, “Dan, how long ago did Brody pass away?”
Dan reeled inside, no one understood his pain, or offered him sympathy. Sarge is the first person to speak to me without condemnation and to acknowledge I lost someone important. His voice a tad unsteady as grief welled up, “Four and a half months. May twenty-sixth. One hundred forty-six days ago, sir.”
That hit Nick hard. Dan knew the exact number of days. Based on the date, Dan joined them only seven weeks after his friend died. Nick recalled after Janie and Martin died, he had been mired in grief, at the bottom of a bottle, and in no way capable of working for months.
He had three full months off to come to terms with his loss, and it took him another three months before he crawled out of the bottle. Then another six to begin accepting his life was not over. And he didn’t accidentally kill his wife and son like Dan had Brody. No wonder Dan became so closed off. How the hell did he function?
Studying Dan, Nick realized the fallacy of his statement. He isn’t. Dan’s hold appeared tenuous at best, much like my own in the aftermath of the drive-by shooting. It doesn’t appear Dan finds solace in binge drinking or drugs. Never smelled alcohol on his breath. No loss of coordination or control. If anything, the rookie exhibits too much control. As for drugs, again not likely. Though, his weight loss indicates lack of appetite and the dark circles betray his deficiency of sleep, most likely due to nightmares.
The fact that this team pounded on Dan for the past few months must’ve only made things worse for him. Remorse for his failure for not realizing sooner welled up. Now aware of the situation, he would move heaven and earth if needed to rectify his mistakes.
Keeping his voice calm, Nick asked, “Can you tell me why you joined the TRF only weeks after your friend passed away?”
Dan pushed down his grief and answered truthfully but only part of the reason. Sarge didn’t need to know about sticking it to the general by leaving the military. “A few years ago an MP told me about TRF. It sounded good to me. I thought I might be able to make a difference here. Save lives close up. Not only kill targets from over a mile away. I was offered early release from my military contract and accepted after I received an offer to join TRF.”
Interesting. Nick wondered who tendered the offer, but he wouldn’t pry for now—in the scheme of things it was not significant. However, this answer gave him hope they might change Dan’s perception of them and help him recognize he had a purpose and belonged here.
Nick’s face remained neutral, though inwardly he smiled. “Dan, the whole team will be taking the next five shifts off. Everyone needs to get their heads back on straight. I won’t lie to you. The way you joined our team put a wrench in the works, but none of that is your fault. It is mine.
“As the sergeant, I shouldn’t have allowed that to affect the team or you. You are a valued and necessary member of Alpha Team. I’m ashamed of my actions which led you to feel otherwise. I’m cognizant you must’ve formed some awful impressions of certain team members based on our treatment of you. All I ask is you allow us an opportunity to change your opinion of us. Allow this team to show you who we truly are and how we actually operate. Give us a chance to earn your trust.”
Dan listened, thunderstruck by Sarge’s words. He wasn’t getting dressed-down and fired. “Sir, I froze and struck a superior. Why are you not firing me?”
Nick grimaced slightly remembering the ugly scene in the briefing room. Jon’s behavior was crass and disappointing. He must deal with that shortly.
Meeting Dan’s gaze directly, Nick explained, “First, after sixteen years in TRF, I’m aware unexpected things happen in calls. I’m also aware they are extenuating circumstances which precipitated what occurred. You have proven you are capable so there is no issue with today’s call.
“Second, Jon deserved what he got. He was way out of line, and he damned well knows it. Now, to be clear, I don’t condone physical altercations, but if you didn’t hit him, I’m reasonably certain Bram, Lexa, and Ray, would’ve. I can understand why you lashed out, much like I comprehended but didn’t condone how Loki and Lexa attacked you. I would be a hypocrite if I fired you over a similar incident which I didn’t fire Lexa or Loki over.
“But let me be crystal clear, physical confrontations are not how we resolve our differences. We are talk before tactics, and I expect my team to demonstrate that principle with one another. Voicing your opinion in debrief is encouraged and helps everyone learn.”
Nick observed Dan’s reactions to ascertain if he succeeded in breaching Dan’s emotional fortifications. Exceptionally difficult with Dan wholly indecipherable at the moment. Dan’s firmly affixed mask hid his inner turmoil well, but did nothing to conceal his exhaustion, the rookie appeared utterly wiped out.
His expression displaying compassion, wanting to reach out and pat his shoulder but unsure how Dan would react, Nick said, “You look tired, Dan. Your body needs some rest. I invited your Army friend Jarmal to come here today. He made the cookies I gave you.”
Weary beyond belief and still incredibly surprised he had not been fired, Dan’s body relaxed marginally. Dan softly remarked, “I thought they tasted familiar. Why did you ask him to come?”
The slight slump in Dan’s shoulders the only outward indicator he hit the mark, Nick realized he did the right thing today. “Because you need a friend. I’ve lost people close to me. My wife and son were murdered. I understand grief. My grief is not your
grief, and I won’t profess to comprehend how you must feel given the circumstances of Brody’s death. But I do appreciate the value of having friends near, even if you never say a word.
“As I said, the entire team is off five days to regroup. I would like you to go with Jarmal tonight. He wants to make you a meal … a special burger and fries. What you do afterward is up to you. I genuinely hope you choose to return on the twenty-fifth and give us a chance to make things right.”
Dan spent several minutes thinking. “What if I don’t go with him tonight?”
Nick’s face softened, and his eyes showed compassion. “It’s up to you … no strings attached. I only thought you might like a nice meal and some friendly company. You’ve lost weight since you joined us and we haven’t been the most welcoming group of people.”
Unwelcoming struck Dan as funny, and he couldn’t stop the snort, and his words slipped out, “Yeah, but at least you didn’t try to kill me.”
Nick blinked, surprised at the comment yet again. Dan made this comment once before. Considering the guarded brevity usually deployed in the rookie’s conversation, the replication of the same exact phrasing indicated there must be something significant behind his choice of words. “What?”
Waving his hand fleetingly in front of him, Dan blew out an exasperated breath. He didn’t mean to say that aloud. Luckily, he kept the no shit, Sherlock silent, Sarge wouldn’t have appreciated that remark. “Never mind. Rotated with many units. I’m used to not being welcomed.”
Filing the sad piece of information away to examine at another time, Nick asked, “So, will you go home with Jarmal tonight?”
Dan nodded.
Nick smiled. “Thank you. That’s all I wanted to speak with you about. We’re done unless you have questions for me.”
“No. sir.”
Nick rose. “I’ll walk out with you.”
