by Laura Acton
Dan stood and followed Sarge to the door. He had a lot to think about. This meeting didn’t go anywhere even remotely near his expectations. Sarge asked him to give the team another chance. He was unsure if he had that in him. I’m so FINE I can’t think straight.
TRF HQ – Dispatch Desk
Jarmal’s broad grin increased as Dan strode over to him. He wrapped his arms around Dan and pulled him in for a hug. “I’m so glad to see you, Dan. but you look like shit on a shingle. You’re as thin as a stalk of wheat, and I plan to fatten you up like a hog. You’re gonna come have dinner with me. I won’t take no for an answer. You can try, but with as puny as you are now, I’ll toss you over my shoulder and carry you out like a side of beef.”
Dan pulled out of Jarmal’s embrace. “Everything is still food with you.”
“Yep,” Jarmal agreed. Then he whispered, “That lady dispatcher is a sweet dish of honey. Think she might go out with me?”
Shrugging, Dan answered, “Tia’s kind. You treat her with respect, or I’ll snipe your ass.” Dan’s stomach growled with hunger pangs for the first time in a long while. “Sarge said something about burgers and fries?”
“Absolutely. That, and more of your favorites.”
“More cookies?” Dan’s tone held a hopeful note.
“Yeah, those too with extra walnuts and raisins,” Jarmal said as he grabbed Dan’s go bag, slung it over his shoulder, and put his arm over Dan’s shoulder to lead him out of the TRF building.
Lexa stood at the entrance of the briefing room while she waited to be called for her talk with Boss. She blatantly eavesdropped on the entire exchange. She was glad Dan had a friend to hang out with after today’s revelation. Dan needed someone to care for him.
Lexa understood how much it hurt to lose people. She lost six family members. Only one passed away, although the other five might as well be dead …she was dead to them. Lexa pushed the painful thoughts away as Boss called her to join him in conference room three.
Grave and Complex Issue
37
October 20
Nick’s Home – Kitchen – 8:00 a.m.
At eight sharp, six of the seven members of Alpha Team gathered around Nick’s kitchen table. They all received the same message in their private meeting with Boss yesterday … be at his home by eight tomorrow morning. And under threat of instant dismissal from TRF, they were not to drink any alcohol that evening or speak to any member of any TRF team after leaving the meeting. Boss explained he required them completely clear headed.
Five of the six stared at each other wondering why Dan had not arrived. Was he deliberately ignoring the Boss’ orders?
Ray voiced the prevailing concern. “Where’s Dan?”
Nick cleared his throat. “Dan is exempt from this meeting.”
“Why?” Loki’s knee bounced slightly, a nervous habit.
Rubbing his hands across his eyes and through his hair, Nick inhaled sharply and gradually exhaled. His piercing gaze moved unhurriedly, staying on each one for a moment as he assessed them, noting worry and curiosity. “You are here because we must address a critical problem with team dynamics.”
Jon sighed. He punched the hell out of the heavy bag down in his basement last night. Jon recognized this was on him. He failed the entire team badly. Time to make some changes. It wouldn’t be easy, but he must change or leave TRF because he was a piss poor tactical lead at the moment. He allowed his own bias to cloud his judgment and in the process injured every single teammate, Dan included.
Bram nodded. “Yeah, we do. We treat armed subjects who threaten hostages at gunpoint better than we did Dan. Christ, we yelled at him at every opportunity for not adequately following the TRF motto talk before tactics, but we never followed that with him.
“We moved right to tactics and decided to shun him because he was an outsider who didn’t fit. We never tried to connect with him. We didn’t respect him, and we damn well didn’t protect him. We are fucking hypocrites!”
Jon scanned his team. “This is on me. You put your trust in me to lead, and I missed the mark entirely. Not once did I attempt to relate with Dan. All I focused on was that an ex-soldier had been forced on us. Too damned busy comparing him to Burl and Alejandro and blaming him for how he arrived, I didn’t recognize what my actions did to this team and particularly to Dan. In this way, I seriously and utterly failed everyone.”
Nick allowed Jon to speak his mind as he examined each member. He noted a range of mixed emotions playing on each of their faces. Nick spent hours last night coming up with the right words to apologize to his family. “As Team Sergeant, the responsibility falls solely on me. I’m sorry I let you all down by allowing this problem to arise in the first place and for allowing it to fester for so long. You deserve a better leader, someone—”
Lexa interrupted. “Boss, this belongs to each and every one of us, not only you or Jon. We’re all adults, and we’re responsible for our own behavior. We all had a hand in pushing Dan away and making him believe he is unwanted.” She dropped her head in shame, realizing she behaved deplorably.
Drawing in a shuddering breath, Loki glanced at Lexa. Shifting his eyes to Boss, he said, “I guess we royally botched things and hurt Dan when he is vulnerable. Can we fix this or is our team irrevocably broken?”
“Did we break Dan?” Ray’s usual calm demeanor showed distress.
Nick rubbed his eyes and said, “I’m not sure, but I personally plan to try to repair my relationship with Dan.” He pointed to several boxes. “Those contain transcripts from every call we’ve had since Dan joined us.”
Jon surveyed the stack of boxes. “A lot of calls, Nick.”
“Why are they here?” Ray asked.
Nick explained. “I arranged for the five days off so we can review each and every one of these transcripts. We need to identify our mistakes and develop a plan together to resolve this situation. This is a grave and complex issue. Loki is right. Dan is in a vulnerable state of mind. I’m uncertain if he will show up on the twenty-fifth, but if he does, we will be ready to make changes.
“I expect reviewing all the calls, analyzing the issues, processing our feelings, and developing an effective plan will take the entire time I allotted.” Nick stopped to let that sink in.
Everyone sat in silence for a good ten minutes, lost in reflections. There wasn’t a single sound, not one word uttered from the six team members around the table as they evaluated their own culpability in this mess. Each questioned if their actions had pushed Dan to the edge of oblivion and if so would they be able to pull him back or lose him for eternity.
Bram broke the silence with a non-judgmental query. “What is Dan’s relationship with Brody? Are they brothers, lovers, or both?”
Nick answered, “Brother. Brody and Dan were brothers much like Ray and Loki are brothers. Dan’s friend Jarmal, the one who made the cookies and took Dan home, chortled when I asked if they were romantically involved. He said Brody helped Dan recover from a severe, almost career-ending injury. Their bond was extraordinary, which makes this all the more difficult.”
Lexa nodded. I didn’t think he is gay. Glad he’s not. She quickly squashed the surge of feelings for her handsome teammate and focused back on Boss.
Jon glanced at Bram and thought about how Bram helped him recover after getting shot in the leg. His bond with Bram strengthened during that time. His gut churned at the thought of how he would feel if he subsequently killed Bram. The chasm Jon created for himself to crawl out of, with regard to Dan, was so deep only a small pinprick of light shone above him.
Loki and Ray regarded each other across the table, their thoughts on the same wave-length. How would they react if one of them accidentally killed the other? It was too painful to consider.
Bram closed his eyes absorbing the information. His scars. The severe injury must be related to all those thin scars littering Dan’s torso. Just what did Dan go through? One word rang in Bram’s head. Purgatory.
Nick paused a moment when an image of Janie and Martin flittered through his mind as he recalled how devastated he had been when he lost the two most important people in his life. He couldn’t save them, but he could try to rescue Dan. This team could do for Dan what his team did for him nearly a decade ago—show him life is still worth living.
He cleared his throat then said, “Listen carefully. We are human, and we make mistakes, but we help strangers every single day. Let’s do what we do best and protect one of our own. We can salvage this. It won’t be quick, and it won’t be easy, but I believe in all of you. We are more than a team … we are family. Our family needs to support our newest member through his time of grief and help him realize that he belongs.
“Because if we don’t, we will lose a fantastic person. A man who despite our callous attitudes and actions and his personal grief, has repeatedly covered each and every one of our backs for months—often taking extreme risks to his own life to protect ours. He deserves better from us! We will find a way to prove to him we are worthy of him.”
Jon rose, went to the stack of cartons, opened the top box, and pulled out the first transcript. Time to begin the hellish climb out of my hole. He resumed his seat. “Shall we get started?”
They all nodded, and Jon began to read the call transcript out.
Jarmal’s Home – Kitchen – 9:00 a.m.
As Dan wandered into his kitchen, Jarmal stood. “Still take your coffee hot and black?”
Dan nodded as he rubbed the sleep out of the corner of his eyes. “Yeah.” He sat down at the bar height, butcher block table and yawned. He slept straight through the night in Jarmal’s spare room. Not a single nightmare woke him. Strange. Utter exhaustion must’ve caught up with me.
Jarmal set a cup of steaming, black coffee down in front of Dan. “Hot oatmeal with raisins, walnuts, and cinnamon will be ready in a moment.”
“Thanks. Haven’t had a burger that tasty in a while. I missed your cooking.”
“Well, you can grab one anytime you want. A table will always be reserved for you in my restaurant. Stop by anytime.”
“So, you opened the restaurant you always talked about?” Dan asked, happy for Jarmal.
Stirring extra walnuts into the oatmeal, Jarmal replied, “Yep. D’Ante helped me with financing it earlier than I expected and Travone did all my legal paperwork. You were in it yesterday. I own the Fire Stick Grill.”
Dan stared. “That’s your restaurant?”
“Yep. Like the name?”
A small grin edged onto Dan’s face. “Yeah. Interesting.”
Smiling Jarmal said, “Hoped you would. I chose Fire to D’Ante, and Stick for you. D’Ante wouldn’t have become a firefighter without you taking the time to find out his weapon was only a stick. I wouldn’t have been able to follow my dream without D’Ante’s help, and he wouldn’t be here to help me if not for you. Just a little homage to both of you.”
Turning back to the stove, Jarmal covertly slipped something into Dan’s oatmeal as he asked, “How’d you sleep?”
Taking a long sip of coffee, Dan peered over his cup at Jarmal. As Jarmal turned towards him to grab the box of raisins, Dan noticed there was something off in Jarmal’s eyes. Dan groaned. “You drugged me, didn’t you?”
Shrugging, Jarmal met Dan’s gaze head-on and confessed. “A trick I learned from Patch. I’ll confess we incorporated sleeping powders in your food sometimes when you needed rest while recovering. Patch taught me how much to use, so don’t worry. It is the over the counter stuff, nothing illegal.”
Dan was about to make a retort when Jarmal’s front door opened and someone called out, “Hey bro, we’re here.”
Jarmal responded, “In the kitchen.”
A few moments later three men entered the cozy kitchen, and all heartily greeted Jarmal then helped themselves to coffee as Jarmal served up Dan’s oatmeal.
As he brought Dan’s breakfast to the table, Jarmal grinned. “Dan, I’d like you to meet my brothers.” He pointed to one of his brothers. “Technically, you already met D’Ante.”
D’Ante stepped forward and extended his hand to shake Dan’s. “Dan, a pleasure to see you again without a gun pointed at me. I want to thank you for what you did for me that day. Not many cops would’ve done what you did, especially not one as young as you were. Your training officer would’ve shot me for sure.”
“Yeah, he probably would’ve. Brogan Snow was a dirty cop,” Dan stated.
“Really? Wow,” Travone said then added, “I’m Travone, the smart one.”
Jarmal snorted. “We let him think that. It’s more like he’s the boring one. His nose is always stuck in one of those dusty tomes he calls law books.” Gesturing to his last brother, Jarmal said, “This is Squid.”
“I have a name,” Marquise retorted with a chuckle. He shook hands with Dan. “Hi, I’m Marquise.” He squinted his eyes and stared at Dan, perplexed. “You were in the Army, Special Forces, right?”
Dan nodded. “Yeah, why?”
Marquise thought about the new lieutenant at his station. He only caught a glimpse of him a few times, but …. “You wouldn’t happen to have a twin brother in the Navy, would you? I swear there’s a doppelganger of you in the intelligence office. A lieutenant.”
Dan laughed for the first time in months. “No, but I have an older cousin. You must be talking about Lieutenant Scott Broderick. People often mistake us for twins.”
“Damn, I could swear you two are twins. Except he doesn’t look like he’s been keel-hauled,” Marquise stated honesty.
D’Ante shook his head, “Marquise has a habit of being too blunt.”
“I call it being honest,” Marquise responded.
Dan sat back and ate his oatmeal as he watched the four brothers begin to give each other guff in a friendly way. As he listened to them laugh and joke with one another, his mind drifted to his unit brothers. They’d also had a natural camaraderie. Laughter and humor helped them all cope with the crap they saw and the things they had to do to protect the citizens of this country.
As he finished his second huge serving of oatmeal, Dan’s eyes became heavy again as they had after eating his burger last night. Dan looked over at Jarmal as the realization hit him. “You drugged me again.”
Jarmal smiled unabashedly. “Yeah, I did. Marquise might be blunt, but he’s right. You’re almost as gaunt as when we first met, buddy. You got five days off, and I plan to ensure you eat well and sleep a lot. And if you want, we can talk, but no pressure. You’re safe here. You’re among friends who have your six, so allow me to take care of you for a bit.”
Dan had no fight left in him as the sleeping pill was taking more effect. Sleepily, he said, “I should go lie down.”
D’Ante stood and draped Dan’s arm around his shoulder. “Let me help, so you don’t kiss the ground.” He maneuvered Dan into Jarmal’s spare room and settled him on the bed. Dan was out like a light. D’Ante took his pulse and checked his respiration then headed back to the kitchen.
Jarmal perceived his brother’s worry. “I’ve seen him in worse condition. He will bounce back physically. I only hope Dan can cope emotionally with being the one who caused Brody’s death. I’m not so sure he can do that.”
D’Ante nodded. “I owe my life to that man. Tell me what you need from me, and I’ll do it.”
“From what I know, what I observed of Dan’s unit … we just need to be here. Don’t badger him to talk. Let that come from him at his pace.” Jarmal sighed. “I wonder what happened to the rest of them. The guys I knew would’ve never abandoned Dan. Not in this lifetime or the next.”
Travone suggested, “Why don’t you contact some of your old Army buddies and ask if they know anything?”
Jarmal picked up Dan’s bowl and headed for the sink. “Perhaps. Perhaps not. There might be more to this than I want to know. Dan might require a complete break with the military in order to cope with the death of Brody. The last thing I want to do is cause Dan more problems. I t
hink it would be best not to meddle too much. Just be the friends Dan needs for now.”
Does Beauty Exist for Me?
38
October 24
Nick’s Home – Kitchen – 3:00 p.m.
Over the past five days, as six members of Alpha Team reviewed critical call files they dealt with a myriad of emotions and the frontrunners were guilt and self-recrimination. Each shed a few tears as the black and white words of the transcripts starkly illustrated how much Dan did for them and how unjustly and horribly they treated him.
After the initial review of the files searching for their faults, they reread them intent on identifying Dan’s strengths. Things they might use to begin the process of mending this ugly mess. What they discovered amazed them.
They recognized Dan’s quick thinking, physical speed, strength, and sniper skill saved their butts and other’s lives on more than one occasion. They learned when he took chances, the ones they previously rudely deemed stupid risks, there was usually logic applied before he took action. Though in counterbalance, he also engaged a fair amount of unacceptable risk-taking, which highlighted Dan didn’t value his life.
As expected they found many rookie mistakes. Things which might not have happened had they bothered to mentor him. They highlighted several incidents which Jon referred to as soldier instincts. A prime example occurred when Dan threw himself on the concussion grenade to protect Lexa and the kids. The discussion became heated regarding the incident.
Most of them believed it was another example of Dan’s mental state of suicide in the line of duty. Though, Jon argued and convinced them Dan’s reaction was instinct rather than a death wish. Jon sealed his argument and swayed them to his way of thinking by sharing a few examples from former soldiers who came to the informal support group of former and current police officers which he and Nick occasionally attended.
In reviewing the calls, Jon learned every time he allowed Dan to pick his Zulu position he found a clear solution. Jon admitted to the team he went back to Hayden Ironworks where Dan shoved Lexa down protecting her and assessed the location Dan proposed. He conceded Dan selected the better spot and if he had not been such a mule-headed ass and taken Dan’s suggestion, he would’ve been able to cover Lexa. Jon also pointed out Dan’s proficiency when analyzing photos and blueprints to choose sites which afforded maximum coverage.
