After Loving You

by Ashelyn Drake

  After Loving You

  By

  Ashelyn Drake

  Copyright © 2016 Ashelyn Drake

  All rights reserved.

  This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual places or people, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. No part of this book may be reproduced, copied, or recorded without written permission from the author.

  The author acknowledges the trademark status and trademark ownership of all trademarks mentioned in this book. Trademarks are not sponsored or endorsed by the trademark owners.

  Cover photo © Petrenko Andriy

  Dedication

  To Ayla with love

  Table Of Contents

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Epilogue

  About the Author

  Chapter One

  Mia

  The problem with Facebook, and every other social media site, is that it keeps people in touch. Even when they shouldn’t be. Even when they were supposed to have moved on.

  I shouldn’t be staring at Jared’s profile picture of him and his new girlfriend. But I am. His arm is around her waist, pulling her snugly against his side. Her long blonde hair hangs loosely over her shoulders and onto his arm. She looks happy. Worse—he looks ridiculously happy, his blue eyes practically sparkling.

  I never thought this would happen. I never thought Jared and I would end. It’s not supposed to be this way. Not after we dated for three years and were voted best couple in high school. I’m supposed to be the one in his profile picture—in his bed. But instead it’s her. Faith Muldoon. What kind of last name is Muldoon anyway? Jared Grande and Faith Muldoon. Their names don’t mesh. Not like Jared Grande and Mia Thompson do. Faith Grande. Nope. Not working. Mia Grande. Much better. Only it will never happen now.

  I’m about to close the Internet tab when Facebook chimes with a new chat message. My heart races when I see it’s from Jared.

  Hey, beautiful. What are you doing sitting home on a Friday night?

  He’s always called me beautiful. Even before we started dating. It was how he greeted me the day we met and what he continues to call me over two years after we split up. After he decided a long-distance relationship would be too difficult on both of us. After my heart was torn into little pieces.

  You there, or did you leave your laptop on again?

  It’s a valid excuse, and one I should run with, but I can’t. I can’t ignore him or stay away from him, no matter how much I try. He’s Jared, my Jared. I’ll never be able to think of him as anything else. Sorry, Faith.

  I’m here. I hesitate before clicking return, which is stupid because Facebook puts those little conversation bubbles when someone is typing. Jared knows I’m here, and the longer I take to send this message the more idiotic I’ll look. I press the button.

  No hot date tonight?

  Only with my social psych book. Maybe I should read a few chapters and figure out why I’m behaving like this, pining after the one that got away. I’m pathetic.

  Where’s Taneesha?

  He should know Taneesha’s not around or I wouldn’t be chatting with him right now. Freshman housing got something right when they paired Tee and me. We’ve been inseparable since. She’s loud and calls me out when I’m being stupid, which is whenever I’m thinking about Jared. She brings me out of my shell, and I keep her grounded when she gets out of control. We’re a perfect fit.

  Sorry, I’m interrupting your studying, aren’t I? he adds when I don’t respond.

  No, it’s fine. I needed a break. That’s why I came on here. I hate lying to him, but the truth would only destroy our friendship. I still want Jared in my life, even if it means seeing him happy with someone else. Speaking of…What about you? No date tonight?

  I watch the screen, waiting for the bubble with the three dots that indicate he’s typing. Nothing. Maybe Faith showed up and he clicked off the screen. I’m sure she wouldn’t want him talking to his ex-girlfriend. I tap my finger on the touch pad, the click of my nail seeming to say “id-i-ot,” mocking my stupidity. I push away from the computer, sliding the desk chair across the floor. I need to get out of here, go somewhere and take my mind off Jared.

  The computer pings with another message. I push off with my feet and send the chair sailing back toward the desk.

  Sorry, Justin walked in.

  Jared’s been stuck with an awful roommate for years. Justin is a total slob, who wears wife beaters and sweatpants just about every day. Anyone else would have requested a new roommate or at the very least not signed up to room with Justin again. But that’s not Jared. He’s nice to everyone. He’s…perfect.

  No problem. I don’t ask about his plans for tonight again. He’ll just avoid the subject if he is seeing Faith later. He doesn’t talk about her with me. He never talks about anyone he’s dating. I think he knows it would destroy me. I’m not the best at hiding my feelings, no matter how hard I try to conceal my undying love for him.

  You seem down tonight. What’s wrong?

  Only Jared can read my emotions through a simple Facebook chat.

  You’re biting your lower lip, aren’t you?

  Damn him for knowing me so well. I release my lower lip and type. Just worried I’m going to fail this test. No I’m not. Screw the test. I have a solid B in this class. I can fail one test and still be fine for the semester.

  I guess I should let you go then.

  Now I can picture him, his brow creasing with disappointment. Whenever he would do that, I’d sit on his lap and brush his dark hair from his face. Then I’d kiss his lips lightly, lingering so he’d know I was right there with him, ready to help him face whatever was bothering him. I reach forward, touching his profile picture. Yeah, I’m freakin’ pathetic.

  Mia?

  Screw it! What are you up to tonight?

  He takes a moment before he responds, which means he’s trying to word his answer in a way that doesn’t involve Faith. My eyes narrow at her in the picture. How can I hate someone I’ve never met? If Jared is with her, she must be amazing. More amazing than me.

  Heading to a party later. Nothing too exciting. I’m helping out since it’s at a friend’s place.

  I can’t help wondering if that friend is Faith. Jared would leave off the girl part to spare my feelings. Sounds fun.

  Remember that party we went to at Luke’s house senior year?

  Even through the chat box I can practically hear the smile on his face as he remembers that night. How could I forget it? It was the night before our one-year anniversary and it was an all-night party. I still can’t believe my parents agreed to let me go, knowing I’d be with Jared. But they always loved him, trusted him. Jared was a complete gentleman.

  I remember you spilled your soda down the front of your shirt. And the way it clung to his perfectly toned abs. He hates wet clothing and wanted to take the shirt off, but he refused to because Becky Sherman was at the party and she had a major crush on him. He never did anything to get the attention of other girls. He was solely committed to me. A tear falls on my spacebar, and I quickly wipe my eyes dry.

  You used an ice cube to keep my shirt from staining. It was torture since it was December, but I loved every second of it.

  Does he realize what he wr
ote? What this sounds like? Or maybe he’s taking pity on me since he’s going out with Faith later. Throwing me a bone by letting me know he really did love me. Once.

  I remember I warmed you up afterward in our sleeping bag. I stare at the words and quickly erase them. I can’t say that. It’s crossing a line. I’m not the girl who hits on another girl’s boyfriend—even if he was mine first. We had a lot of fun together, didn’t we? Yeah, that’s much safer.

  Always.

  Always, that’s what he used to say to me every time I said I love you. Why is he saying it now? Is it just force of habit? Or maybe reminiscing brought it on.

  I should go. I’m not expecting his comment and assume it means he’s late to pick up Faith.

  Have fun tonight. Don’t spill your drink. Okay, I’m borderline flirting with that comment, but I hit enter anyway.

  I can’t. You won’t be there with the ice for me.

  My heart clenches. Does he have any idea the effect he has on me? I love our chats, but they make me die a little more each time, too. There will never be another Jared. Never. And I’m clinging to the hope that he’ll realize there will never be another Mia, either. That he’ll come back to me. Sorry again, Faith.

  Night, Mia.

  Night, Jared. I click off the screen because I can’t look at his picture for another second without completely losing it.

  “Hey, roomie,” Taneesha says, walking in and tossing her purse on the couch. She takes one look at me and puts her hands on her hips. “No you did not.” She can read me like a freakin’ book.

  “He messaged me.”

  “Uh-huh. You could have pretended you left your laptop on. That would have been the smart and completely rational thing to do considering he’s sleeping with someone who isn’t you.” She lowers her arms and walks over to me.

  My bottom lip quivers and I bite it hard to stop the onslaught of tears. She wraps her arms around me and rubs my back.

  “Mia, you have to stop doing this to yourself. It’s not good for you.”

  I’m well aware of that. I know this is crazy. That I have to get over Jared and move on with my life for my own sake. I know it’s not rational to stalk him and hate Faith for being with him. But hearts aren’t rational. They don’t think. They feel. And mine is feeling more than I can handle for Jared.

  “You need to get out and meet someone new,” Tee says, pulling away and holding my chin in her hand like I’m a little kid.

  She doesn’t get it, and I can’t expect her to because her boyfriend isn’t the perfect guy for her. Shawn’s not abusive or rude to Tee in anyway—it’s nothing like that—but he doesn’t know how to put her feelings before his own, how to make her feel like the most important person in the world. He’s not…Jared.

  “I’ve dated other guys, Tee. That’s not the problem.”

  She lets go of my face, letting her hand fall to her side with a slap. “Right. You don’t need a guy. You need Jared. I’m getting really sick of hearing that. He’s four hours away. Do you think he’s going to sit in his room all night and stare at your pictures online?”

  I’d be an idiot to answer and interrupt her tirade, so I lean back in my desk chair and let her continue.

  “He’s probably out having a great time with some other girl.” She shakes her head and lowers her voice. “I’m not trying to be mean, Mia. I want you to be happy, and that’s not going to happen if you don’t allow yourself to get over him.”

  “You don’t think I’m trying to? Every time I look at that picture of him and Faith—”

  “Whoa!” She raises her hands in front of her. “You know her name?”

  I shrug one shoulder like it’s no big deal. “He tagged her in his photo.”

  “Okay, that’s it. Get up.” She waves me out of my seat, but I don’t budge.

  “Why?”

  “We’re going out. Now.”

  “Where?” I spin around in the chair and look out the window. It’s not even dark yet, so I can’t claim that I’m tired.

  “I’m calling Shawn and telling him to bring that guy Albert from his dorm.”

  “Albert? You’re trying to set me up with an Albert?”

  She widens her eyes. “What? It’s not like he picked the name. Besides, he’s hot. I’ve seen him wearing nothing but a towel. The boy is in seriously good shape.” By the smile on her face, I can tell she’s picturing him in that towel.

  “Great. Why don’t you date Albert then?” I try to spin back around to my laptop, but Tee grabs my chair.

  “Because I’m with Shawn.”

  “Yeah, about that. When do we get to discuss how you’re in a relationship that’s going absolutely nowhere?” Shawn is the type to call when he feels like it, and he’s always bumming money off Tee. She deserves so much better.

  “Says the girl cyber-stalking her ex.” She grabs my brush off my desk, where I left it this morning, and starts fixing my hair. I protest, but she grips my shoulders and meets my eyes in the mirror above my desk. “You’re going. End of story. You can thank me later.”

  “You can be such a bitch sometimes.”

  “Tough love, baby. Tough love.”

  I don’t bother fighting her anymore because maybe she’s right. Maybe I need someone to force me to stop my sick behavior before it consumes me completely. Tee thinks she’s doing right by me, and I owe it to her to at least try.

  We meet Shawn and Albert at a restaurant right off campus. It looks much fancier than it is, making me think it was an upscale restaurant at one time or another. Of course its location has taken a toll on the plush wrap-around booths and fancy tablecloths. Leave it to college coeds to destroy everything.

  “How many?” the hostess asks us.

  Tee looks out the front door for Shawn and Albert. “We’re waiting on two more. Our dates.”

  “I just seated two young gentlemen a few minutes ago. Maybe they’re who you’re expecting.” She points to a table in the back corner where Shawn and another guy are not only sitting but already have drinks. How thoughtful to wait for us, gentlemen.

  “That rat bastard,” Tee mumbles. She forces a smile and a “thanks” directed at the hostess and marches us down the aisle of diners to the booth where Shawn and Albert are seated. She pauses, glaring down at Shawn as he continues to talk to Albert, not even noticing us.

  “Hi, Shawn,” I say, mostly because we’re causing a scene. Tee has a way of commanding attention, and if Shawn doesn’t acknowledge us soon, she’s going to flip.

  He looks up and smiles at Tee. “Hey, babe. You’re late.”

  “The polite thing to do would have been to wait for us,” Tee says, sliding into the booth beside Shawn. “Did you even order drinks for us?” She motions to Shawn’s half-empty glass of Coke.

  “I didn’t know what you wanted,” he says with a shrug.

  Albert shrugs too, obviously not picking up on why Tee is angry any more than Shawn is.

  “Sit, Mia,” Tee says. “This is Albert.”

  I smile at Albert, but instead of saying hi or even smiling back, he looks me up and down. Now I feel naked in my jeans and long-sleeve shirt. “Is it Albert, or do you prefer Al or Bert?” I say, trying to make polite conversation.

  “You’re really pale,” he says, and then he looks away, eying the waitress at the next table over.

  This is going to be a really long night. I wonder if Jared is having a good time.

  Chapter Two

  Jared

  Faith cries out and slumps down on top of my chest, breathing heavily. She lies there for a moment, and I sniff her hair. Candy apple isn’t my favorite, but when she started using lilac shampoo I couldn’t handle it. Lilac is Mia’s scent. I can’t have sex with Faith while thinking of Mia. It isn’t right. So I told Faith that the smell of the shampoo made me sneeze. She pouted for about twenty minutes before finally leaving to rewash her hair. I felt awful about it, but what else could I do?

  Faith rolls off me, wrapping herself up in the
sheet and leaving me completely exposed. “That was amazing.”

  The truth is, being with Mia was amazing. Faith is great in her own way, but we don’t have the connection Mia and I do—did.

  Faith turns on her side and runs her finger down my cheek. “You know, if we skip this party we could have a repeat of that performance, maybe two.” If she tried to sound any more seductive it would have come across as comical. I don’t know why girls think they need to try to be sexy. Sexy isn’t a voice or a look. It’s wearing ratty old sweats and still being the most amazingly attractive person in the world because you care more about the person you’re with than yourself.

  “I have to go. I promised Trevor I’d help him clean up afterward.”

  “Ugh.” She falls onto her back, rather dramatically, and stares at the ugly drop ceiling tiles. “Why do we have to be his bitches?”

  “You don’t have to come,” I say, turning my head to look at her.

  “Are you saying you don’t want me there?” Her tone is full of hurt. Crap. That wasn’t what I meant at all.

  “No. Of course I want you to come. I just meant you don’t have to stay to clean up afterward.”

  “Drive myself home?” Her head jerks back like it’s the most preposterous idea she’s ever heard. “How do you expect me to do that after drinking?”

  I want to suggest not getting wasted, but I don’t. She’s been going through a rough time with her parents. They’re thinking about divorcing, and Faith is taking it really hard. The Muldoons are a very public family. Her father is a state representative and her mother plays the part of the loving wife. Of course that’s not really what their relationship is like at all. They can’t stand each other, and Faith usually winds up in the middle of it. It’s sort of how we met. She was crying in the parking lot behind our dorm at the end of last year. Her parents had come for her birthday and they spent the entire dinner fighting. I was on my way back from visiting Mia—something we continued to do even though we’d broken up—when I saw Faith all red-eyed and broken. Things just sort of took off from there.