Promise Me Forever

by Sarah Ashley Jones

  It hurt to swallow. My throat cracked as I listened to Ginger stop being Ginger and finally become Gracie in my eyes. She was no longer a persona - she was just a person.

  “So you brought me all the way out to the beach, in the rain, to try and get me to go for a swim in the ocean so you could tell me all this?” I looked at her in disbelief.

  She zipped up the remaining part of her wetsuit. “No, I brought you out here so you could be my surfing partner for the day.”

  “You surf?” Unexpected excitement washed over me. It was hard to envision Ginger on a surfboard drenched from the salty water.

  “Who do you think taught Cameron?” She adjusted the wetsuit over her body one last time. “The boards are already down there. I’ll meet you on the beach whenever you’re ready.”

  She disappeared from the parking lot and walked onto the deserted shore in front of us. I unfolded the wetsuit and looked it over in my hands. I not only underestimated Ginger, I underestimated Cameron, too. When did I stop seeing the good in people like he taught me? When did I lose the part of him that I cherished so much?

  The wetsuit was rough my bare skin. I closed my eyes and drew in a deep breath of the sea air. It stung my nose and throat on the way down. Wet drops of rain hit my face; softly at first, but gradually picking up speed. I tilted my head back and sent a smile up to the sky.

  My arms were on fire. My thighs ached.

  Long strands of hair clung to my face and down my back. Each breath I took burned more than the last. But my mind was clear. I wanted to relive each fleeting moment every time I finally caught a wave. It didn’t matter how small the wave was or how long I stayed up - for those few seconds I was gone, lost somewhere between wild exhilaration and complete and total serenity. Time wasn’t a concern.

  I glanced sideways at Ginger. I imagined her looking out of place before we entered the water, but as soon as she ducked under the first wave, I could tell she belonged there. At first I only watched her; my one surf lesson with Cameron was successful, but I was nowhere near Ginger’s level. It wasn’t until she brought me closer to the shore and showed me how to properly ride the smaller white waves that I finally felt like something clicked. There was no way someone would look at me and think I knew exactly what I was doing, but I was riding waves without falling over, so that was something.

  We faced the horizon together, Ginger’s long legs straddling her wide board as she leaned forward onto her hands. There was a stark contrast between her skin and the dark water surrounding her. Our feet made tiny currents beneath us while we floated on the placid water beyond the breaking waves and watched the sky change colors. It was breathtaking.

  I wasn’t exactly sure when the rain stopped; maybe an hour or two after we started. The sun was a glowing ball of solid yellow in the now-cloudless sky. It was cold, and I felt my chin quivering, but Ginger told me that the best part was the sunset. That if I could last until then, it would be worth it.

  The sun inched down the horizon until it looked like we could reach out and touch it. "I can’t believe no one’s ever shown you the green flash before.” Ginger kept her eyes glued to the fiery sunset. “Keep watching until the very end, then we’ll head in for the night.”

  I followed her directions and stayed facing forward, waiting for the mysterious green flash to appear somewhere in the distance. There seemed to be a type of invisible attraction between the sun and the water; the closer the sun came to setting, the faster it moved. My eyes squinted from the bright reflection as the bottom of the sun dipped below the sea line. Excitement started to bubble in the pit of my stomach and rise up into my chest as more and more of the sun faded away.

  The anticipation was too much, and I held my breath until I saw it. Just before the sun disappeared completely, a bright green hue replaced the glowing golden color of the sun for just a second. I blinked in surprise and was left with only the orange remnants of the sun ever existing in that spot.

  When I turned to Ginger, she was already watching me with a smug grin. “That was incredible. I’ve never seen anything like it before.”

  She nodded slowly. “I’m glad you came out here with me.” I could tell it was almost painful for her to admit something like that. She looked as if she struggled to find the right words to say.

  I looked away from her, suddenly uncomfortable again. “I’m sorry about everyth-” She stuck her hand up and I stopped talking.

  “Let’s not, and just agree that things will be different now.” Her hand dropped back down to her board.

  “Okay….” I barely got the word out before Ginger paddled back towards the shore. I pressed my stomach flat against the smooth surface of the fiberglass coated board and turned myself around, paddling at a slow and steady pace to the sandy beach.

  My arms were on fire. My thighs ached.

  Long strands of hair clung to my face and down my back. Each breath I took burned more than the last. But my mind was clear. I wanted to relive each fleeting moment every time I finally caught a wave. It didn’t matter how small the wave was or how long I stayed up - for those few seconds I was gone, lost somewhere between wild exhilaration and complete and total serenity. Time wasn’t a concern.

  I glanced sideways at Ginger. I imagined her looking out of place before we entered the water, but as soon as she ducked under the first wave, I could tell she belonged there. At first I only watched her; my one surf lesson with Cameron was successful, but I was nowhere near Ginger’s level. It wasn’t until she brought me closer to the shore and showed me how to properly ride the smaller white waves that I finally felt like something clicked. There was no way someone would look at me and think I knew exactly what I was doing, but I was riding waves without falling over, so that was something.

  We faced the horizon together, Ginger’s long legs straddling her wide board as she leaned forward onto her hands. There was a stark contrast between her skin and the dark water surrounding her. Our feet made tiny currents beneath us while we floated on the placid water beyond the breaking waves and watched the sky change colors. It was breathtaking.

  I wasn’t exactly sure when the rain stopped; maybe an hour or two after we started. The sun was a glowing ball of solid yellow in the now-cloudless sky. It was cold, and I felt my chin quivering, but Ginger told me that the best part was the sunset. That if I could last until then, it would be worth it.

  The sun inched down the horizon until it looked like we could reach out and touch it. "I can’t believe no one’s ever shown you the green flash before.” Ginger kept her eyes glued to the fiery sunset. “Keep watching until the very end, then we’ll head in for the night.”

  I followed her directions and stayed facing forward, waiting for the mysterious green flash to appear somewhere in the distance. There seemed to be a type of invisible attraction between the sun and the water; the closer the sun came to setting, the faster it moved. My eyes squinted from the bright reflection as the bottom of the sun dipped below the sea line. Excitement started to bubble in the pit of my stomach and rise up into my chest as more and more of the sun faded away.

  The anticipation was too much, and I held my breath until I saw it. Just before the sun disappeared completely, a bright green hue replaced the glowing golden color of the sun for just a second. I blinked in surprise and was left with only the orange remnants of the sun ever existing in that spot.

  When I turned to Ginger, she was already watching me with a smug grin. “That was incredible. I’ve never seen anything like it before.”

  She nodded slowly. “I’m glad you came out here with me.” I could tell it was almost painful for her to admit something like that. She looked as if she struggled to find the right words to say.

  I looked away from her, suddenly uncomfortable again. “I’m sorry about everyth-” She stuck her hand up and I stopped talking.

  “Let’s not, and just agree that things will be different now.” Her hand dropped back down to her board.

  “Okay….” I bare
ly got the word out before Ginger paddled back towards the shore. I pressed my stomach flat against the smooth surface of the fiberglass coated board and turned myself around, paddling at a slow and steady pace to the sandy beach.

  “So are you going to do a spin or something for me? Isn’t that what you girls do in these things?" Ginger stepped back and crossed her arms, looking me up and down and nodding while she waited for me to do something.

  I gladly appeased her and twirled in a circle. My dress wasn’t poofy by any means, but it still floated around my legs when the air caught it. When I stopped, my eyes landed on the one person who’d kept me grounded the entire day.

  “Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit. It’s official. Jhett is going to shit himself when he sees you!” Hannah appeared in the doorway, but I was already halfway to her before she finished her last sentence. It could’ve been a scene from a romance movie, except instead of lovers, we were best friends. She squeezed my neck tightly and wrapped her arms around me as we rocked back and forth.

  “Hannah….” I breathed into her dark brown hair. The need to choke back tears hit me hard. I didn’t expect my emotions to run so high, but I guess I had a pretty good excuse. She sniffled into my neck. Hannah was the first one to let the tears fall, but mine followed shortly after. Eventually her grip around me loosened and she pressed her forehead against mine. With both of us staring intently like that, laughter finally ensued.

  “Look at us, crying like this. When did we get to be so old and emotional?” She leaned back and played with my hair, pulling it from behind my back and placing it around my shoulders. “I can’t believe this is it. I mean, look at you, Charlie. You’re getting married today.”

  “And she couldn’t be more beautiful.” Hannah and I exchanged excited glances and she moved to the side, leaving me with a clear view of my father standing in the doorway.

  My heart lurched into my throat. “We’ll be just outside the door. But don’t take too long. I’ve seen Jhett today and you’re going to want to get down that aisle ASAP.” Hannah winked and blew me a kiss before turning and leaving the room. Ginger gave a little wave and followed closely behind her.

  Hot tears stung my eyes. My father, in his pressed khakis and white button down shirt, looking more casual than I’d ever seen him in all twenty-one years of my life, smiled at me and held up my small bouquet of white daisies. He shrugged. “I think you’ll be needing this.”

  “Dad,” I half whispered; lunging forward. He stumbled, chuckling to himself a little, before embracing me tightly. I inhaled the smell of him, a mixture of aftershave and clean laundry, and suddenly felt like the little girl who waited up all night for him to come home from his business trips. I didn’t want to let go. I wanted to reverse time instead.

  When his grip loosened, he held me out at arm’s length, a warm and welcoming smile plastered across his face. My worries eased. “My little girl.” He shook his head as if he couldn’t believe I really stood in front of him. “Jhett is one lucky man. You did good, sweetheart.”

  I took my flower headpiece off the dresser next to us and held it out to my dad. “Will you put it on me? I couldn’t get it right when I tried,” I lied. I just wanted his help, like every girl does.

  “Of course.” He gladly accepted the circle of flowers and I turned to face the mirror; bending my knees so he could reach up and place the flowers onto my head. When he finished, my eyes stayed locked on my reflection. Now it was real. Now I looked like a bride.

  “I wish your mother could see you like this, Charlotte. She would have loved to be here.” His eyes burned into mine.

  “Oh, Daddy.” Fire rose in my cheeks as Daddy slipped out. I guess it didn’t matter what happened…in the end, I would always be a daddy’s girl. I grabbed his hands and faced him again, giving them a squeeze of comfort.

  “I’m sorry. I’m not very good at this, am I?” He choked back his own emotions as I did the same. “She, uh…she gave me this. To give to you on your wedding day. Told me to let you read it before you walked down the aisle.” He handed me a small square envelope.

  I turned it over in my hand. It was addressed, ‘To Charlotte on your wedding day’ in her perfect handwriting. My chest ached at the thought of what the envelope contained. It had been three months since she passed away, and some days I still didn’t believe it. I remembered the phone call from my dad so vividly, and the anger I felt the entire plane ride there. More lies and more deception from her, even in the final moments before she passed.

  Sitting on the edge of the bed, I ran my finger under the flap and pulled out her handwritten letter.

  My dearest Charlotte Charlie,

  I’m writing this letter because if the doctors are right, I won’t get to be there in person to watch my only daughter walk down the aisle and marry the man she loves. But please know I am there with you today, watching over you. And you look absolutely breathtaking, I’m sure of it, as I expect nothing less from you.

  There are so many things I wish I could tell you right now, but I think two words can sum everything up fairly well - I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not telling you about my illness earlier. I hope you’ve forgiven your father already. He needs you now more than ever. I’m sure he’s told you this, but I made him promise not to tell you what was going on with me, and I’m sorry for that, too. I wish I would have told you some time ago, but I was scared, my darling daughter.

  And I’ve been scared for a very long time. It’s why I always pushed you and Cameron so much. I wanted to make sure if there ever came a time that I was no longer around, you two would be able take care of yourselves, no matter what life threw at you. And I realize now, sitting here without either of you, that I made the wrong choice. All those years I could have done things so differently. It wouldn’t have changed what is happening to me now, but it would have changed things for you two.

  I’m sorry I hurt you, Charlie. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the mom you needed so badly. But I want you to know you’re the best part of me, and it’s because you aren’t me. You have grown into a beautiful, smart and determined woman, but above all that - you’re loving. You always have been. You care about everyone else before you even think about yourself, and I never did that. I hope you continue to do that in every aspect of your life. It’s your love and acceptance that will help you achieve great things.

  So to my beautiful, almost married daughter, congratulations. Today is the day you will cherish forever. As you start a new chapter of your life with Jhett, I will look down on you and smile. I can only wish you as many happy years as I had with your father and then some. As your family grows, so will your heart, but always remember the love you first felt for Jhett. When things are rough, and they will be rough at times, my girl, that love will guide you back to where you need to be. You two have fought for each other from the very beginning. Don’t ever give up that fight. Now, go get married and live out your happily ever after.

  I love you with all of my heart,

  Mom

  I refolded the letter and set it down in my lap, and then stared sightlessly up into the air. The memories of the last time I saw her overwhelmed me. There was so much I wanted to tell her, but because she refused to let me know she was sick and had been since right before Cam and I came along, I couldn’t be there until it was too late – her kidneys had already shut down and she slipped into unconsciousness. My mom was gone within the day and I wasn’t even aware she was dying.

  A hand squeezed my shoulder. “She loved you so much, and I know she’s watching over you today. They both are.”

  I nodded my head and thought about everything that had happened. How in less than a year, my life was completely torn upside down, more than once, and I still came out on top. Each day was a new day and if I learned anything from all of it, it was to live each day as if it were my last, because I never knew what would happen next.

  As I slipped my hand on top of my father’s, I admired how aged and strong his looked compared
to mine. “Dad, can I ask you something?”

  He let out a pained sigh. “Of course, darling.”

  Turning my cheek, I looked up at him and swallowed hard. “Do you ever regret not telling me about Mom sooner? I know she made you promise that she would be the one to tell us, but didn’t you ever want to just let it out?”

  He wrapped his long fingers under my arm as he guided me up off the bed, and placed both hands on my wrists. “I’ll tell you the same thing I said when you asked before. I only regret she didn’t have the courage to tell you sooner. She thought she was doing what was best for you. You and Cameron were always her main concern, Charlie. She didn’t want to hurt you any more than she already had. Does it mean it was the right choice? I’m not sure. The only thing I can tell you is that everything she did, she did because she loved you.” I swiped my fingers underneath my eyes to catch the tears that spilled over. “No tears, okay? You’ve got a wedding you need to go to, and I’m sure the groom wouldn’t be too happy if you were late.”

  I drew in a deep breath; nodding more times than necessary in order to regain my composure.

  A quick knock came from the open door. “It’s time, Charlie.”

  Hannah and Ginger stood in the doorway, not able to contain their excited smiles. I sucked in my bottom lip and wrapped my hand through my dad’s waiting arm. “Ready, Daddy?”

  He looked down at me with glistening blue eyes. “As ready as I’ll ever be, I imagine.”

  Together, we walked into the hallway behind my only two bridesmaids. With each step, the butterflies in the pit of my stomach grew. If I had to relive every single, painful memory over again to get to this moment, I would do it, no questions asked. Because all of those moments brought me to this one, and no one would ever be able to take this day away from me.