by Ward,Alice
I dropped down on my bed and pulled out my phone, scanning through Zek’s texts. I wanted to call him so bad, but I wasn’t sure what to say. I love you? I’m coming over? I can’t imagine my life with anyone but you?
“I never have been able to.” I flopped back onto the bed, realizing how unbelievably stupid I was being, but I couldn’t help it.
My mom poked her head into the room. “Mind if I come in? You disappeared. Did Dad and I run you off?”
“Yep. You guys are gross.” I chuckled and turned onto my side, pulling my knees up to a fetal position. She mimicked me, and snuggled up until our arms touched.
“I love you.” Her smile was warm and drove remembrance of a great life, a great childhood, a great family deep into me.
“I love you too. I’m so glad for you and Daddy.” I rolled my eyes and growled as tears filled my eyes again. “I’m grateful for stinky head too.”
“Does your brother still let you call him that?” She reached over and wiped at my tears.
“No. He doesn’t know.” I laughed and pushed her hand away softly as I wiped them away myself. “I hate feeling like this. I guess it’s lack of sleep.”
“No, it’s not. Well, maybe some of it is, but it’s you trying to live in a gray area that doesn’t exist for you. You’re a lawyer and always have been very linear. You’re either really good, or insanely bad.” She lifted her eyebrow and we laughed. I had been a rather rowdy teenager.
“I think you’re right. It’s so weird, all this stuff between me and Zek. I need to do my job, and my firm is quite clear on us remaining objective and apart until the case is over, but maybe I’m taking it too far. I let him near me one minute and push him away with all of my might the next.” I rolled onto my back and let out a long sigh. “I just want things to be easy.”
“They’re not going to be, Alisa. It’s not black or white. It’s somewhere in the middle. It’s a maybe, sorta, kinda area, and you’re not good with those. You’re just not, honey.” She reached over and brushed the back of her fingers down my cheek. “Does he care about you?”
“He says he’s in love with me, that he always has been, but I’m not sure I believe that.” I turned back onto my side and studied my mother’s beautiful face. I needed to get home more often. I’d almost forgotten how good it felt to be with her and Dad.
“I believe it. How could he not be?” She smiled, and I responded in kind. “You’re talented, insanely beautiful and a rebel under that guise of well-to-do lawyer. You’re every man’s dream.”
“Funny… I don’t feel much like it right now.” I reached over and squeezed her shoulder.
“What else is bothering you? There’s something you’re not saying. I can see it written all over your face.” She gave me a warning look that I’d seen far too many times in my youth.
“I guess part of what I’m struggling with is whether Zek is guilty or innocent in this new case we have coming up. What if he did do it? Then what?” I couldn’t tell my mother that Zek had admitted his guilt. I was under very specific client/attorney covenants with Zek, though I wouldn’t have told her otherwise. He’d trusted me with that information, and it wasn’t going anywhere.
“Did someone die because of him?” She brushed my hair behind my ear.
“No.”
“Did someone suffer dismemberment or mental sanity?”
“No.”
“Would you want him to see you through something like this if you were in his shoes and he was defending you?” She smiled, knowing that she could bring me to the truth. She always had been able to.
“Of course I would.” I nodded. “So it doesn’t matter?”
“It matters, but not in whether you love him or help him, baby. It matters in that he will have to turn away from that type of activity and come back to being a man that not only he can be proud of, but that you can be proud of too. You understand? We all make mistakes. Everyone deserves redemption and a second chance, right? That’s what we believe.”
I nodded. “Yeah. You’re right.”
“I usually am.” She chuckled.
“But what if he goes to jail, Mom? I’d have to say goodbye again. I’m not sure my heart could handle that.”
She reached out and cupped my cheek. “You’re so much stronger than you think you are. If Zek Kellington is the man for you, then you fight for him. Nothing can conquer the power of love, Alisa. Nothing. Don’t let your wayward thoughts and well-founded concerns snuff out something that might be in the making. Love can destroy all that doubt. If he’s the one, then don’t give up, and for God sakes, stop backing down.”
“And if he’s not the one?” I sat up and worked to pull my hair into a ponytail as my father called to us from the kitchen.
“Then you’ll need to help me find the key to your Daddy’s gun cabinet. He’ll take care of the old boy if nothing else.” My mom got up and walked out into the hall. “Let’s go see what your father’s doing before he burns down the whole damn house.”
I laughed and followed her, forgetting my worries and promising myself that I would resolve to be more real, more open, more willing around Zek. He was the one. I had no doubt at all.
He always had been.
CHAPTER 5
e
Zek
I stayed at the office until late that evening and drove home knowing that things had to change. I’d resolved myself to talking with Lizzy about taking Alisa off the case. It wasn’t so that she would take up my offer to be my woman, but so that she wouldn’t feel the devastating blow when we lost. I wanted to be optimistic, and she was a damn fine lawyer, but I’d done the crime. We were going to lose. She didn’t deserve to feel the false guilt she would suffer from something that was inevitable.
After making myself a couple of sandwiches, I dropped down onto the couch and turned on the news, hoping to catch the tail end of it. The story was all about Jessup, and the newscasters were having a field day going through each person that would now be part of the trial. The part on me must have already aired, because I’d seen just about everyone I knew flash up on the screen other than me.
“Shame.” I leaned forward and finished the cold beer I had sitting on the table in front of me. I wanted to call some of the old boys from school to see where Dane was and why his greasy-ass mugshot wasn’t on the TV too. He had to have turned us all in. There was no other way he would come out of the situation without more years in jail than all of us put together.
“Slick bastard.” I sank down into the comfort of the couch and reached for my phone as it buzzed. The number was unknown, and thinking it might be Alisa for some odd reason, I answered it.
“Zek Kellington.”
“Hi Zek. It’s Lyndsay.” Her voice was soft and sweet, much like it had been when we first met.
“What do you need, Lyndsay?” I didn’t have the time or the patience for her.
“I still have a handful of things over there. Do you think I could stop by tonight and pick them up? I don’t want to bother you. I wouldn’t be but a minute.”
She was trying to get her way with me. Funny how quickly I’d bent to her in the past until she realized she didn’t have to be sweet all the time. She could be a mean bitch, and my hope for things to get better would hold us together when nothing else did.
“I’m headed to bed tonight, but I’ll call you tomorrow when I get back into town.” I stifled the need to sigh in aggravation at having to see her.
“You sure? I could bring over some beer and we could talk about everything. I know your trial went great. I’m sorry you had to go through that shit.”
“Tomorrow. I’ll call you then if I get back into town in time.” I dropped the call and tossed the phone onto the couch next to me. That bitch didn’t care if I’d been pulled through the ringer. Her latest boy-toy must have dumped her or not been able to keep up with her materialism. She wasn’t getting back into my good graces under any circumstance.
The newscast caught my atte
ntion as a middle-aged woman was expanding more on the Jessup situation.
“… I think my biggest concern is for all of these families. Can you imagine having your husband do something like this and not consider at all what it might do to you as his wife? To your kids?” The female touched her chest. “They have no concept of protection and family.”
“I would think they just weren’t considering those things at that time, but some of these men are known as great family men.” Her co-anchor gave her a look as if she were overdoing it.
“No. That’s not possible. Anyone with any sense of family would have turned away from such a nasty scandal. These women’s lives are on the fritz. Who wants to raise kids with a criminal? Who deserves that type of life?”
I turned off the TV and let my head drop back. “Fuck.”
The woman was right. No one deserved it. Least of all, my Alisa.
*
“Why aren’t you being more positive about this?” Mark glanced over at me as I drove us up to the cabin. I’d called him early the next morning and pressured him into taking the day off to spend some time with me. I could almost feel my time growing short, but I’d never tell him that. We were too close, and I almost regretted it as he sat next to me.
“I don’t know. I guess because I did it. I deserve to go to jail.” I shrugged and pinched my bottom lip between my fingers as my mind moved between the fear of losing my freedom back to Alisa. “I really think my best bet is to talk to Lizzy and get Alisa off the case. There is no way to win this one.”
“Fuck that. You’re just talking out of your ass.” He popped me in the chest with the back of his hand. “Stop spewing negativity. Alisa is the best attorney in the city. She won that rape case for you just a few days ago. Give her a chance.”
“It’s not the same, Mark. You know how she and I feel about each other. If she loses, it’s not like losing another case. She feels like she’s going to lose me.” I let out a painful huff. “And I guess she is losing me in a way.”
“You’re not going to jail, and we’re not talking to Lizzy. There are loopholes for everything. Hell, turn Dane’s ass in. They’re always willing to give out deals to people who have intel that they want. Dane was the mastermind behind this crazy crap. Give him over to them. This isn’t your fall to take.”
I pulled up to the cabin, grateful we were there. I needed some fresh air and a bit of time to process everything. First thing first though, I wanted to hike up my favorite mountain and fish for a few hours. Then I could go back to worrying about everything. It’s not as if my problems were going anywhere anyway.
“Yes, it is, but let’s forget this shit for a while. I need a break from life.” I turned to my older brother and forced a smile. “Get your old ass out of my car and let’s see how long we can hike before you’re crying like a girl.”
“Please. The last time we did this, you bitched about the heat and your feet until I wanted to feed you to the bears. Remember?”
“That was you.” I popped him and got out of the car as he reached for me.
He got out on his side and lifted his hands into the air, stretching and letting out a groan. “One more thing, and then I’ll not bring up any of this shit unless you do.”
I walked around the car after grabbing my fishing box. “What?”
“Whether you go to jail or not is irrelevant. You gotta fight this thing. Alisa, Lizzy and I are here to help you, Zek. No more pushing us away in hopes of trying to spare us something. We’re family. At least me and Lizzy are.” He chuckled. “That pretty blonde you had wrapped around your finger as a young girl is still very much wrapped. You can push her away, but it’s you who will regret that.”
I shrugged. “It’s the mature thing to do. Besides, Lyndsay called last night. I think maybe I should use her to push Alisa even farther away. She deserves better than I can give her now, or most likely ever. That’s the same reason I fucked up things with her when we were kids. You know just how much you love someone when you’re forced to have to let them go. It’s for the better.”
“Whatever. Fuck that mess, but it’s your life.” He took his fishing-pole from me and walked to the house. “We going up Cherry Peak or Death’s Grip today?”
I stopped just beside the cabin and glanced in the distance at the mountains. “I think Death’s Grip is more fitting. Just make sure you wear socks this time. I’m not carrying your big ass like I did that one time.”
“Hey. I didn’t realize socks protected your feet. Give a guy a break. Shit.” He walked into the house and left me standing there, smiling.
My brother was a complete idiot, and yet he was mine. He and Lizzy had everything I hoped to find in a relationship, and one day I would. That time wasn’t now, and where my insides constricted painfully at the thought of not having Alisa right now, it was for the better.
Mark poked his head out of the front door and whistled. “Let’s go. Get in here and help me put this food up.”
I’d almost forgotten that he’d brought a bag of stuff from his house for dinner. We usually caught our meals, or went into the little town just down the road.
“I’m coming. Useless ass.” I jogged up the stairs and walked into the cabin, thinking of the last time I was there. Alisa had wanted to walk through the happenings of the rape case and ended up in my bedroom on her knees. My cock twitched at the thought, but I released it quickly. It wasn’t going to happen again for a while, if ever.
“Have you talked to Alisa about her getting off the case?” My brother called from the kitchen.
“No. Well, I sort of mentioned it.” I walked in and shook my head at the beer he offered. “Water, dummy. We’ll drink later this afternoon.”
“Whatever. Beer does the body good.” He shrugged and popped the top on one.
“That’s an apple.” I moved into the kitchen and picked up where Mark left off with putting various items up.
“What did you say to her?” Mark leaned against the counter and watched me.
“I just told her that I’d rather have her as my woman than as my attorney. I’d choose her over my freedom if that’s what I needed to do. She won’t come near me after finding out that we’re heading back into another trial.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “I just want to hold her.”
“To fuck her?” He winked and walked back into the living room.
“That too, but honestly, it’s more about being close to her than anything else. She’s running from me, and I fucking hate it.” I ran my fingers through my hair, wondering how the hell we got back on the subject of my dwindling love life.
“Something tells me that you’d not have to do much more than invite her over and the two of you would be in the sack together. I saw you hugging and stealing kisses the other night at your place.” He grabbed a light jacket from the hall closet. “You want one of these?”
“Hell no. Come on. Let’s get going. I want to be back for lunch.” I walked to the front door and let out a long breath. My brother was right about me and Alisa ending up in bed. It was a thought I needed to let go of though. She didn’t need the emotional pressure of us making love only to push at each other again.
“Do you think if this shit with the securities case hadn’t come up that you’d be together?” Mark followed me out of the front door and moved up beside me as we made a sharp turn and headed for the tall mountains at the back of the cabin.
“Oh yeah. Without a doubt. It’s the weirdest situation ever. Usually I’m in love with a girl, and she’s just using me, or vice versa.” I slid my hands into my pants pockets and nodded toward the trees. “Look how beautiful that is.”
“It’s awesome. I’m glad we came up here.” My brother cleared his throat before continuing. “So what’s the situation this time? You’re both in love with each other, right?”
“Exactly, but it’s going nowhere thanks to all my shit.”
“Yeah, well, that same shit is the only reason you’re together. You know that, right?” Ma
rk popped me in the chest again playfully.
“I’m going to kick your ass if you keep hitting me.” I lifted my eyebrow at him.
“Oh yeah? Let’s see about that, buddy.” He popped me and ran toward the woods.
I chuckled and took off after him, more than willing to take my brother up on his need to prove me a liar. It would be fun to take him down to the ground and roll his big ass down the hill behind us. I’d been doing stuff like that all my life. It was one of the reasons we were so close.
I’d miss him if things went south. I’d miss all of them. Maybe it wasn’t about them missing me or me being worried about them losing me.
Maybe it was about me needing them so bad that the thought of losing them for even a minute crushed me.
I reached him and jumped on his back as he let out a loud groan and dropped to his knees. We wrestled like two kids and laughed so hard he half pissed himself. It was a great afternoon and exactly what I needed. I loved Mark and knew without a doubt that he would be standing at the gates when I got out if I ended up in the pen. He would visit and write, but he was my brother.
Alisa needed an out, and I was the only one between the two of us willing to give it to her.
If sacrifice was the right thing to do, why did it hurt so fucking bad?
CHAPTER 6
e
Alisa
The evening with my parents was exactly what I needed. After snuggling up on the couch in between them, I must have passed out, because the next thing I remembered was waking the next morning to the smell of bacon. I was still in my work clothes and was grateful for it.
I crawled out of bed and stumbled into the kitchen to enjoy a lengthy breakfast and long conversation with my mom about resolving things with Zek. I’d come to the conclusion that I wasn’t going to be too forward or aggressive. I’d simply ride the wave and see where it took me. He was a man with a lot on his shoulders. I wanted to alleviate some of that burden, not cause more for him to carry.
I kissed my parents and got in my car as a chuckle left me. My mom was standing with her hands on her hips as my father wagged his shotgun around as if he were going to go after Zek and Ben, and any other guy who thought to mess with me. I’d get through whatever was facing me because I had all of them. It was a nice reminder, and one I needed. I was starting to lose myself a bit in the need to make things right for Zek Kellington. He had a way of taking my attention and owning it completely. Not that I minded, but it was unhealthy, and talking with my parents helped to shed a little bit of light on that.
