Justice

by Faye Kellerman

  "What happened?"

  "Luckily, he happened to come on one of the days I was with Chris. This was very early on ... maybe I'd been tutoring Chris for a week. He stepped outside and talked to the guy. I don't know what he said I never asked, Chris never said but neither the guy nor any of his little friends ever bothered me again." She studied her nails. "I was very relieved and very grateful."

  Bet you were, Decker thought. And didn't he know it.

  "Even when Chris was mad at me, I knew he was hurting." She shrugged. "I just didn't know how to rectify it."

  Decker picked up the crucifix and let it drop on her vest. "Obviously he stopped being mad at you. How did it come about?"

  "It happened real suddenly." Terry thought a moment. "One minute we weren't speaking; then the next, we talked about running away together."

  Decker wrote as he spoke. "When did this take place?"

  "Prom night, if you can imagine that. Then this terrible thing with Cheryl happened. ..."

  There was silence.

  Decker locked eyes with the girl. "Terry, did Chris call you the morning of Cheryl's murder? Answer me honestly."

  Terry shook her head no. "No, he never called me. But he did come to my house yesterday afternoon."

  "What went on?" Decker asked.

  "We talked. He told me he was going in for questioning, and a lie-detector test. He also told me he had come to say good-bye. He said he couldn't see me again."

  "He came to your house just to tell you good-bye?"

  "Apparently."

  "And he didn't say anything about Cheryl?"

  "Yes, he talked about Cheryl. He was distraught over what had hap- 197

  pened. His pain was like spilling over. After he left, I felt so drained. Empty. I know I should have stayed away from him last night... but I wanted to find out what happened at the police station. I still. .. cared for him."

  She covered her face, then looked up.

  "I told my stepmom I was sleeping over at a friend's house. Instead, I went to his apartment. I've never done anything like that before. But it was something that I just had to do."

  Decker regarded her face. Her frank sincerity reminded him of Rina. "When did you leave for Whitman's apartment?"

  "Around five in the afternoon. I walked over... took my books and studied while I waited."

  "He came home late."

  "Around one in the morning. He wanted me to go back home ... but after I explained the situation, he had no choice but to put me up. So I spent the night at his place." She fingered the cross. "He gave me his crucifix. He said it was his mother's."

  "Did you do more than just talk to him, Terry?"

  The girl blushed.

  "Did you have sex with him?"

  "No," she said, quickly. "No, I didn't... we didn't. Honestly. It's true."

  Decker regarded her face. "I think you're skirting the truth again. Terry, it's important for me to know the extent of your relationship."

  "Why? Do you want to know if Chris has ever been violent with me? The answer is a resounding no. Never even a ... a hint of it. He's always been wonderful with me ... gentle, considerate, sweet."

  She looked up.

  "You know, it was totally my fault that he stopped talking to me. He was hurting and I didn't want to hear it."

  Decker kept his face flat, but felt weary inside. Another girl willing to die on the cross for the jerk she loved. Though the teen was articulate, she was still adolescent, her grasp of reality still a mite out of her reach. He said, "Terry "

  "No, really. It was my fault. I shouldn't have broken it off right then. I should have known better. Because I know what it's like to hurt. To reach out and be rejected ... over and over."

  "Yes, rejection is painful, but "

  "All those times I've tried to reach out to my father. But you can't talk to walls. You know, I've worked real hard to nurture Melissa. Last thing I'd ever want is for her to grow up warped like me."

  "You're not warped " 198

  "Oh, yes, I am. Chris could see it first time we ever talked. He knew damaged goods because he'd been there himself. Do you know what he did for me?"

  Decker knew he was going to find out. "What?"

  "He gave me my grandparents." Tears were streaming down the girl's cheeks. "He called up my maternal grandparents my late mom's parents. I was too scared to approach them. Absolutely petrified. But he could read my heart. One day, I came to his place, expecting to tutor him. Instead, I wound up talking to my grandparents for almost an hour. He found out their number in Chicago and called them up cold. Can you imagine any boy doing that for a girl without expecting anything in return?"

  The question was rhetorical so Decker didn't answer.

  "My God, it was the first time in history anybody had ever done something for me," Terry said. "At that point, I knew I loved Chris more than anyone in the world."

  "I understand "

  "I never knew that adults could actually be proud of their children's accomplishments," she went on. "You know, when I won the National Merit Scholarship, my dad didn't even come to the awards ceremony. He was sick, he was tired, he had a job interview, he was drunk, I don't remember. I was too young to drive, so I walked to school by myself... and walked home by myself afterward. I lied and told everyone my parents were meeting me later to take me out to dinner. Yeah, right! All I had waiting for me was a sink filled with dirty dishes. Which I washed, I might add."

  Abruptly, she stopped speaking and wiped her cheeks. "So you can understand why I have a special feeling for Chris."

  "Of course."

  "He did not murder Cheryl Diggs. He didn't even care about her. Why would he kill her?"

  Decker rolled his tongue in his cheek.

  Terry sighed. "Yes, I know she was pregnant. It wasn't his. He was sure of that."

  Decker paused. "When did Chris tell you all this?"

  "Yesterday."

  Decker started writing in his pad. "And you honestly believe everything he tells you, Terry?"

  Terry stared at him. "He told me he passed his lie-detector test. Is that true?"

  Decker paused, then nodded.

  "So that says a lot, doesn't it?" 199

  "It could be he's telling the truth." Decker looked the girl square in the eye. "Or it could be that Chris, unlike you, is an excellent liar."

  "Why don't you believe what you see?"

  "Trouble is, Terry, I do believe what I see," Decker said. "And I don't see Chris the same way you do."

  Terry bit her lip and looked down.

  Decker studied her for a moment. "Or maybe I do. You have some doubts, don't you?"

  "He didn't kill Cheryl Diggs," she said, firmly.

  Decker thought a moment. He hated doing it, but there was no easy way to drop a bomb. "So Chris never got physical with you?"

  "Never. When we were working together, he never even uttered a cross word to me."

  "So you've never seen him violent... or deviant maybe?"

  The girl was taken aback. "Deviant?"

  "Terry, I believe you when you say you didn't have sex with him. But you two were physical last night, weren't you?"

  She blushed and nodded.

  Decker kept his face devoid of emotion. "And it wasn't the first time you two have ever been physical, was it?"

  Red-faced, Terry looked down. "No. Last night was the first time we ever did anything."

  "Terry, please don't lie."

  "I'm not lying."

  "Then you're hiding something from me."

  "No, I swear I'm not." The girl grew agitated. "Why don't you believe me?"

  Decker shifted gears. "Last night, when you were with him, did he show any sexual deviance to you?"

  "Of course not!"

  "Didn't turn him on to get rough "

  "Boy, are you off base!" She looked repulsed. "I told you I don't like dangerous guys. I would never allow anything like that."

  "Not even for Chris?"

&nb
sp; "Not even for Chris!" She was adamant.

  "How about if he asked a special favor from you, Terry? And he swore he wouldn't hurt you."

  Panic had crept into her eyes. Decker felt terrible, but a girl had been murdered and he was determined to find her killer. He kept his voice even. "Did Chris ever talk to you about his sexual fantasies? Maybe fantasies about bondage?"

  Her eyes darted from him, to the staircase, then to the front door. 200

  She was terrified as well as confused. Maybe those pictures had come from Whitman's imagination.

  Decker spoke soothingly. "Terry, did Chris ever talk about tying women up?"

  Her eyes suddenly got wide.

  Bingo!

  In a whisper, Decker said, "He tied you up, didn't he?"

  Terry turned ashen. "Oh, my God, the sketches." She broke out in a cold sweat. "I'm ... I feel a little dizzy. Excuse ..."

  She stood up. Decker caught her before she hit the floor. 201

  Still pale, but at least she was conscious, trembling with raw, hard shakes. Decker had dug up an old sweater from the coat closet, had placed it over Terry's shoulders. Sitting at the dining-room table, he waited while the girl sipped tea, her shoulders hunched as she gripped the mug to get warm. Not that it would help much. The house wasn't cold. Her chill was internal.

  She raised her eyes from her teacup, the color as clear and gold as filtered cider. Her voice was very soft. "Can I ask you a personal question?"

  "You can ask anything you'd like."

  "Did you actually see the sketches?"

  "Yes."

  "All of them?"

  "I don't know," Decker said. "I saw sketches of you nude, I saw sketches of you tied up and secured on his bed. Are there more?"

  "No ... that's about..." She returned her eyes to her drink. "Do you have children?"

  "Yes."

  "What would you have done if..." Her eyes lifted and met his. "If your daughter posed like I did?"

  He sat back in his chair. "First thing I'd want to find out is why she did it. That's what I'd like to discuss with you, Terry."

  "Would you be mad at her?"

  "It depends." 202

  "What if she told you it was art. Nothing sordid or dirty... or shame ... it was just art. Would you accept that? Or would you still be mad at her? Think that she's a whore or something?"

  "Terry, I don't think you're a whore. No one does."

  She lowered her head. "Thanks. But it's not something you'd want your daughter to do, right?"

  Decker considered the question. "If this was an honest interpretation of what she considered art ... if her posing wasn't coerced either physically or psychologically ... and if she had considered the consequences, I wouldn't be mad at her. But as a father, I'd feel real squeamish about it. Even though my daughter is of legal age."

  "Which I'm not." She covered her face. "I'm very embarrassed you had to see them."

  Decker didn't know what to say. When in doubt, be a professional. He took out his notebook. "When are you going to be eighteen, Terry?"

  "I'll be seventeen in a month."

  "You skipped?"

  She nodded. "What are you going to do with the pictures?"

  "They've been filed and entered as evidence in Cheryl Diggs's murder case."

  "So a lot of people are going to see them, right?"

  "Some people might."

  "Am I going to have to appear in a trial or anything?"

  "I can't tell you any specifics, Terry, because I don't know them."

  "Can you give me an educated guess?"

  "It's likely the State will present the drawings to a grand jury in order to obtain an indictment."

  "Will the sketches be in the papers?"

  "No," Decker said.

  "Not even in the tabloids?"

  Decker rubbed his hand over his face. "You're a minor. They shouldn't touch you."

  "Ah ... the recklessness of youth," Terry muttered.

  "Your parents will probably find out, Terry. You should talk to them about it."

  "I'll pass, thank you. Let them find out. Deal with it one step at a time."

  Decker said, "Tell me about the sketches, Terry."

  "They were art. Chris's interpretation of Jesus dying on the cross. We're both ... influenced by Catholicism. Him even more than me." She shrugged. "That's it." 203

  "That's it?"

  She nodded.

  "You were just his model?"

  "Yes."

  Decker studied the girl's face. She was telling him half-truths. "After he tied you up, you two didn't become physical?"

  "No. It was all very polite."

  "He never touched you?"

  She shook her head no. "I was his model.. . that's all."

  "You told me you and Chris weren't talking for a long period of time."

  She nodded.

  "So how long ago did you pose for him?"

  "About five months ago."

  "While you were still tutoring him?"

  "Yes."

  Decker looked up. "How'd he get you to pose so explicitly?"

  Her eyes moistened. She didn't speak.

  "He told you he loved you," Decker stated.

  "You think I'm an idiot."

  "Not at all," Decker said. "A mistake doesn't make anyone an idiot. Not if you learn from it."

  "And what's the lesson, Sergeant? Not to trust men? I already learned that from my father."

  Decker kept his expression neutral. So jaded, so young. Or maybe that was just teenage hyperbole talking.

  Terry said, "Yes, he told me he loved me. He also said he didn't want to sleep with me because he was engaged to someone else. He said this was a way we could be intimate without having sex. Maybe that was a line, also. But he sounded sincere. First time I posed for him, he didn't do anything weird."

  Decker raised a brow. "Did he do something weird the second time, Terry?"

  "No, not at all," Terry said, quickly. "I just meant that the first time, he posed me in a very normal way. You saw the pictures, right?"

  "The ones with you hunched over?"

  She nodded.

  "Yes, I saw them."

  "He had acted very respectful. So, the second time, when he asked if he could ... tie me up for his vision of Christ... I did feel squeamish. But then I figured, why not?" 204

  She took off her hair clip and shook out long strands of red-tinged mocha.

  "You know, I asked him for the sketches when I stopped tutoring him. He wouldn't give them to me."

  "I'm sure now he wishes he had."

  Terry suddenly slumped. "That's true. The sketches are certainly more harmful to Chris than to me."

  Decker said, "How many times did you pose in binds for him?"

  "Just one time. That's all."

  "He never asked you to do it again?"

  Terry's eyes went to the ceiling. Decker regarded her face. "Or was it because of the modeling that you suggested he get another tutor?"

  "One of the reasons, I guess."

  "You showed very good judgment."

  "I modeled willingly," she said, softly. "There was no coercion."

  Decker said, "A boy as savvy and as good-looking as Chris gets you alone. He tells you he loves you. He tells you this is a way to get intimate without sex. He probably tells you to trust him, that if you really love him, you'll do this for him. Something like that, right?"

  Tears flowed down her cheeks.

  "Don't waste your tears on him," Decker said. "Whitman's not a nice boy. He's been arrested for murder. Consider yourself lucky."

  Terry shook her head. "He didn't kill Cheryl, Sergeant."

  "Terry, it's time to drop the party line," Decker said. "There is a very strong likelihood that you will be called to testify before a grand jury. I want you to tell the truth. I want you to tell how Chris manipulated you, how he used your vulnerability and emotions to get you to do what he wanted "