Blame It on the Shame- Part 3

by Ashley Jade

  His eyes connect with mine as he continues circling my nipple with his tongue. The sight is so erotic and stimulating, my knees go weak.

  His eyes become hooded and he reaches for my neck, bringing my face down to meet his. When I open my mouth, he attacks—kissing me so hungrily, so feral, I swear the world around me starts to shake.

  He groans into my mouth as his tongue swirls with mine and his teeth crash against my own, the kiss becoming even more needy and frantic.

  I go to position myself on top of him, but he halts me. “Turn around,” he says, his voice gravelly, that look in his eyes turning positively carnal.

  As soon as I do, he drops to his knees in the tub. I look over my shoulder at him and his jaw flexes. “Bend over and grab your ankles.”

  For a moment, I feel nervous—not only will the position leave me fully exposed to him, but anything revolving that part of my body tends to bring back harmful memories.

  His lips graze along my spine, sucking and nipping—coaxing me to do what he says until I'm fully bent over in front of him, more exposed and naked than I've ever been.

  I take a deep breath and let it out in the form of a moan when he buries his face in my ass, attacking me with such a titillating fervor I feel myself start to slip. His big hand glides across my stomach right before he wraps his arm around me, securing me so I don't fall.

  His tongue never lets up though, kneading me and massaging that taboo hole like it's his altar. My head spins when his mouth breaks away and his thumb is circling me instead, teasing and priming me for him.

  Memories threaten to ruin this, but I won't let them this time...because I want this.

  I want all of this. I want him to take me and fuck me until I collapse into a pool of nothing, so I can rebuild and come back stronger.

  I grab my ankles tighter and stick my ass out further, letting him know exactly what I want.

  I wish I was able to see the cocky grin that I'm sure is plastered on his face right now. But that thought's long gone when one of his fingers starts to enter me and I mewl.

  He's so gentle, painstakingly and deliberately drawing out both my anticipation and pleasure.

  “More,” I beg, because I always want more when it comes to Ricardo.

  I feel the sharp sting from his teeth sinking into my ass, and then his tongue meets my skin again as his finger pumps in and out of me.

  “Oh god.” I hiss when the hand that's wrapped around my stomach drops between my legs and he cups me and pinches my clit.

  “I want you inside me,” I tell him, not even bothering to hide the desperate need in my tone. “I want you to take my ass, Ricardo. Take every part of me and never give it back.”

  I hear him rummaging around for something behind him before he utters, “I owe you one, Tyrone,” under his breath.

  A laugh escapes me but turns into another moan when his finger enters me a second time, this time with a generous amount of lube on it.

  He positions himself on the ledge of the tub again and tugs me to him. His hands disappear for a moment and I grunt at the loss of contact which causes him to laugh. “Greedy,” he taunts as he places something on the ledge beside him.

  “I—” My sentence stops when I notice it's his piercing.

  “I don't want to hurt you,” he says and I zero in on the way he's stroking lube up and down his thick cock in the sexiest way possible.

  He leans his head against the tiles. “Keep looking at me like that and I'm gonna come all over that ass instead of inside it.”

  I give him a wink. “Keep talking to me like that and I'm gonna come all over your finger instead of your big cock.”

  He grins, his entire face lighting up and my heart soars. “In that case, bend the fuck over now and spread that ass for me.”

  He bites his knuckle and lets out a sharp intake of breath when I do exactly as he says, feeling sexy, dirty, and playful—but also feeling loved and wanted in the way I deserve.

  I can't help but tense up entirely as he starts to enter me, but he places a hand on the small of my back and says, “Relax, baby. You're in control of this.”

  I don't know what he means until he stills himself completely and rubs slow and sensuous circles up and down my spine. “Take what you need from me, Lou-Lou. Let yourself go and take me inside you.”

  I close my eyes and focus on his touch, only his tip is inside me right now and I want more. I need more.

  I raise myself up and place his hand back on my waist. Then I settle against him, steadily taking him inside me, inch by delicious inch until I'm fully seated on his lap and we both exhale at the same time.

  I bring my arm up and snake it around his neck, needing to be closer to him. He licks and sucks on the spot just under my ear, driving me absolutely crazy with lust. I feel so full, so turned on, I can't help but start to move myself up and down his cock.

  He winds my hair around his fist and brings his lips to my ear. “That feels so fucking good, baby. You have no idea what you're doing to me right now.”

  I move his hand further down and place his finger inside my pussy, wanting him to know he's having the same effect on me.

  “Goddamn, Lou-Lou,” he groans when my wetness echoes off the bathroom walls. “I love how wet you are for me, how fucking good every part of you always feels around my cock.”

  I push up on my feet and thrust back down on him again, enjoying the sparks of pleasure this is giving me. I never thought I'd enjoy this particular kind of sex in my life, but with Ricardo, it's out of this world.

  He pumps and curls his fingers inside my pussy, keeping time with my thrusts and I can feel my impending orgasm taking hold of me, more powerful than it's ever been.

  I tilt my head and look up at him, we both know we're close. I sink down on his cock and his fingers work their magic on my clit until I'm pulsing and throbbing, unable to hold on. “Fuck me, Ricardo. I need you to fuck my ass hard right now.”

  He groans and lifts my hips before slamming me down on his cock so hard I tremble. My breath freezes in my lungs and the world around me becomes a blur as something inside me snaps and lets go, because there's only pleasure. Nothing but sheer, divine pleasure in this moment and I soak up every part of it like a sponge as I unleash around him.

  I'm jerking and shaking, moaning and cursing, clenching and releasing as he pumps into me hard one last time and I feel him join me in my euphoria.

  I love Ricardo's orgasms nearly as much as I love my own. I love the sounds of his rough and deep groans in my ear, the way his strong hands tighten and dig into my hips. The way I feel his dick pulse right before he unravels and comes undone inside me.

  I love Ricardo, period. All of him, every second, of every day.

  I love him so much it hurts. I love him so much its enough to bring me to tears.

  “You're okay, Lou-Lou,” he says softly as he kisses my neck. “You're okay, baby. You're safe.”

  “I know,” I whisper. “I know I'm safe with you. That's not the problem.”

  “Then what happened—” He's cut off by a loud knock on the door.

  “Look, I'm not trying to disturb your little rendezvous,” Tyrone drawls. “But would y'all mind turning off the dang water and not flooding my apartment?”

  “Shit,” Ricardo mutters and I peel myself from him and turn off the water that's overflowing out of the tub.

  “Thank you,” Tyrone sings, laughter in his tone now. “By the way, Momma wanted me to tell you that dinner will be ready in 5 minutes and she expects you both to be decent and present, or she's coming in here to get you.”

  Ricardo and I stare at one another for a moment before we both burst out in laughter. There's nothing funny about the events of the day, or the inevitable situation we're going to have to talk about later, but it feels good to laugh with him, it eases the impending doom looming ahead of us.

  He helps me stand and wraps a towel around me and then one around himself. “I have some of your old clothes in the ap

artment that you can change into.”

  “When are we going to talk about—”

  His expression turns serious and he brings his hands to my face, holding me still. “Lou-Lou, if I asked you to do something for me...would you?”

  I don't even have to think about it. “I'd do anything for you.”

  His dark brows furrow and his eyelids fall shut. “Trust me,” he whispers. “Please for once in your life trust that I will take care of this.”

  When his eyes open, they're determined and hard. “As far as you're concerned, he doesn't matter because he's already dead.” He tilts my face up.“He's never going to touch you again. I swear on my life, I will never let him touch you again. Please, if you love me...really love me, Lou-Lou...just trust me to take care of everything. Can you for once do that for me?”

  There's an internal struggle within me, not only because I once trusted someone I loved to do the same thing, but because there's a part of me, the fighter inside me that wants the honor of doing it myself.

  But Ricardo's not his father, I realize. And the fierce and obstinate look in his eyes tells me that whether I agree or not, it's going to happen anyway.

  I feel it, I know Ricardo's going to kill him...and I can't bring myself to stop him.

  “Okay,” I agree. “But when—”

  He shakes his head. “You won't know, because as far as you're concerned he's already dead.”

  Before I can utter another word, he brushes his lips softly across mine, as if sealing his promise.

  Chapter 30 (Ricardo)

  I watch her as she gets dressed. I can see the questions in her eyes, the lingering what if on her lips, but unlike in the past, there's no protest this time around.

  I know it's not easy for Lou-Lou to trust given all she's been through, and I understand just how much of a big deal this is for her, considering this is the worst possible thing to be hit with, but I can't help but feel proud of her for not falling apart right now.

  I can see that strength of hers shining through. I can feel her resolve to try.

  She shimmies a pair of jeans over her hips, ties her hair in a ponytail, and shoots me a small smile.

  I pause and suck in a breath. She's always physically stunning, but there are certain moments where she catches me completely off guard with the way she radiates.

  I take a mental snapshot of her in this moment. It's another memory that will flash before my eyes, burned inside me forever.

  My stomach starts to twist but I steel myself. It's getting harder and harder to look at her lately.

  There's that little voice in the back of my head that whispers, “Maybe it will work out. Maybe you can give her everything she deserves. Maybe it won't ruin her. Maybe this doesn't have to happen.”

  But I can't risk her safety and happiness on maybes. Not when I know just how sick I am on the inside. Not when I know that I'll always keep chasing the darkness inside me just as much as I chase the light inside her.

  She deserves more than me, nothing will ever change that. Being with me will always be a danger, it's a fact.

  I need Lou-Lou like a heart needs a beat, but I need her to be safe more. Her protection comes first, it always has and it always will.

  But fuck, if the damn thing in my chest doesn't always yearn for her.

  It's why I have to go away permanently, because it won't be enough just to stay away.

  I'm selfish and I selfishly want her, all of her. There's no way I can continue living and breathing knowing she's out there in the world and not in my arms.

  I'll always gravitate to her, I'll always find her. I'm not strong enough to escape her or the bond between us. I'm not strong enough to fight my obsession with everything Lou-Lou.

  She pulls on her bottom lip and finishes tying a braid in her hair. “Do I have to go over there for dinner? I'm not really hungry―?”

  I grab her hand and run my thumb over her knuckles. I know why she's trying to get out of this. I know she's embarrassed and she doesn't want to be judged.

  But I also know that no one at that table will judge her...not anymore. I know they'll accept her with open arms, and I want her to do the same with them.

  I want Lou-Lou to let them love her, because they're going to be around when I'm not. They're going to be her family. The people in her corner.

  “Come on, baby,” I say, steering her toward the door. “Just try.”

  She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “Fine.” She licks her lips and runs her hands down her jeans. “But the second I feel uncomfortable, or someone at that table starts with me, I'm either decking them in the face or coming back here.”

  I kiss her cheekbone and linger there for a bit. “Fair enough.”

  We walk across the hall and the door to Jackson’s apartment is opening before I even knock.

  Tyrone ushers us inside but not before scooping Lou-Lou in his arms and hugging her tight.

  “Your boy Tyrone's got you,” he whispers in her ear. “Ain't nothing gonna happen to you.”

  She wraps her arms around him and hugs him back. Out of the corner of my eye, I see both Momma and Shelby blink rapidly, trying not to tear up.

  When they pull apart, I take her hand in mine and lead her to the table to sit down.

  Jackson and Alyssa aren't in the kitchen yet, but I know when they arrive that's when things are going to get awkward.

  Lou-Lou and Alyssa aren't exactly friends, and combined with everything that's happening now...I'm really not sure where the chips are going to fall tonight.

  I know Jackson said he would take care of Lou-Lou, and although I can't force him to—I want him to do more than just take care of her, I want him to care about her. Not because he pities her, but because she really is an amazing person once you get to know her.

  Momma and Tyrone see it, but I don't think Jackson and especially Alyssa, ever will. There's too much animosity between them.

  That said, I hope like hell there's a way they can sort out their differences...because something tells me Alyssa might end up being a really good friend to Lou-Lou and vice versa.

  “Can I help you with anything, Momma?” Lou-Lou's voice is small and she shifts uncomfortably in her seat, refusing to make eye contact with anyone and I feel like a bastard for doing this to her.

  Momma puts a hand on her hip and clears her throat. “Momma's ears aren't what they used to be, darlin', you're gonna have to speak up round' here if you want to be heard.”

  There's a hint of a sly smile on Lou-Lou's face now and she looks Momma in the eyes. “I wanted to know if you needed any help with dinner.”

  Momma's eyes crinkle and she gives her a wink. “No, sugar. But best believe you can help me out with all these dishes after dinner while I catch up on my television shows.”

  Lou-Lou laughs and reaches for a roll. “No problem.”

  They stare at one another for a moment before Momma walks over to her and tips her chin up. “We'll talk later when you're ready. Just you and me, okay?”

  She nods and swats away at the tear in the corner of her eye. “I think I'd like that, Momma.”

  Then to everyone's surprise, she hops up and hugs her, really hugs her.

  Momma starts to sniffle and she cups Lou-Lou's face in her hands.

  “We're not gonna let nothing happen to our Lou-Lou. He''ll have to go through all of us to get to you. You're safe with us, sugar.”

  Jackson and Alyssa enter the kitchen just then and Momma looks around the room, making sure she looks each and every one of us right in the eyes. Making sure all of us know how dead serious she is about this. “Ain't that right, y'all?”

  Momma's not one to mince words or to not talk about the elephant in the room, and right now Lou-Lou looks like she wants to crawl under the table and hide, but I reach for her hand and urge her to sit back down beside me.

  When everyone nods and says, “Yes, Momma.” She goes back to filling the table with enough food to feed a small army.

  When Lou-Lou looks down at her plate, I look at Momma and mouth, 'Thank you'. Her gaze softens and she blows me a small kiss before gesturing to Lou-Lou who's still looking down at her plate.

  It's on the tip of my tongue to ask her what's wrong, but I don't have to when I notice Alyssa's belly is pretty much center stage thanks to Shelby and Tyrone making a spectacle over their nephew.

  I close my eyes, knowing this right here is one of the biggest reasons I never wanted Lou-Lou to come here and see Alyssa.

  Anger burrows in my gut, and for one moment, I have a horrible thought.

  The thought that makes me an asshole, but I can't help it.

  I wish Lou-Lou was the one who was pregnant instead of Alyssa. I wish the woman I love didn't have to go through the pain of losing our child.

  I wish Alyssa wasn't pregnant so Lou-Lou could enjoy a simple meal without having to be haunted by Thumper's memory.

  Me too for that matter.

  I'm happy for Alyssa and Jackson...but fuck, I'm so damn jealous I can't even see straight. I'm jealous enough it makes me want to banish all pregnant women off the planet.

  But I can't. The only thing I can do is squeeze Lou-Lou's hand and let her know I'm right here with her. I can let her know she's not alone.

  Jackson and Alyssa take a seat at the table and start filling their plates. Lou-Lou's still not looking at Alyssa and Alyssa refuses to look at her, and just as I predicted, it's now awkward as fuck.

  “So,” Momma says as she runs her hands along her apron and shifts her feet uncomfortably. “What should we talk about, y'all?”

  Shelby looks nervous and Tyrone's too busy stuffing his face to notice the shift in the air.

  Alyssa twirls her pasta around her fork and shrugs. “The nursery's almost finished—”

  I clench my fists and have to remind myself that Alyssa doesn't know about Thumper. I open my mouth to change the subject, but to my surprise Jackson's the one who cuts Alyssa off mid-sentence. “You guys booked the hall for the party, right?”

  He looks at Shelby who gives him a strange look, along with Alyssa. “Yeah, Jackson. I mean the party's next week. I'm pretty sure you got your invitation.”

  -->