Besides, this was Hailey. This wasn’t a random chick I’d screwed around with after a show. Hailey knew me. She knew the real me. Even as kids, she’d had a knack for understanding what I was thinking and feeling.
Except for the part where I was in love with her. She’d never figured that out.
Hailey was the first to recover from the shock of what I’d done. She grabbed a towel from the towel rack and wrapped it around my shoulders. Then she led me to my room. Water dripped from my clothing onto the carpet, marking a damp trail down the hall.
In my room, she peeled the clothes off my body. A few minutes ago I would’ve been more than thrilled to have her do this while I removed her clothes. Now I could only stand there like a helpless child, too exhausted to stop her, too drained to care.
If this was how it would be with a sliver of the memory, what would I be like if I remembered everything? I couldn’t afford that. I suspected it would destroy what little was left of me. That’d be great if I wanted to spend my musical career writing nothing but angst-filled songs. But that wasn’t what Pushing Limits was. That wasn’t what the fans wanted.
My boxer briefs clung to my body like a wet rag. I was still shivering. I wasn’t even sure anymore if it had anything to do with the impromptu cold shower, the temperature of the room, or something deeper. Or some combination of all three.
She took hold of my hand and led me to my bed. The warmth of her hand cut through the chill claiming my body for its own. Icy water dripped from my wet hair and down my face and back. Hailey picked up the towel from the ground and towel-dried my hair. Then she pulled back the bedcovers and indicated for me to climb under them. But they weren’t enough to warm me up.
I closed my eyes. That was all I had the energy to do.
The mattress dipped under Hailey’s weight as she climbed onto the bed. She wrapped her almost naked but toasty body around me and kissed my forehead and my cheek. Then her lips pressed gently against mine.
Before I could open my mouth and taste her, she pulled away. “I’ll stay here, Nolan,” she whispered, “for as long as you need.” She snuggled against my body, her arm keeping me close.
That was the last thing I remembered before exhaustion dragged me down.
Chapter 17
Hailey
When Nolan and I were eleven years old, his family had owned the cutest little golden retriever puppy. For years he’d asked his parents for a dog. That and a guitar were all he ever wanted. His parents had eventually given in and gave him the puppy for his birthday. The dog meant the world to him.
He was Nolan’s first and only pet.
Then one day after school we returned to his house to take the puppy for a walk together. Normally Lucky would bound to the front door as soon as he heard Nolan unlock it. Not so this time. We searched the place, becoming more worried as the seconds ticked by. After what had felt like an eternity, we found Lucky in the backyard. Lying on the ground. Not breathing.
For the longest time after Nolan fell asleep, I watched him. He looked so fragile, like he had the day we’d found his puppy dead. My heart broke seeing him this way.
I knew his tour had been grueling. Who wouldn’t be exhausted after all the touring the band had done during the past year? Now that it was over and he had time to recover, he should’ve looked different. Refreshed. But instead he looked as though he still wasn’t sleeping much.
I slipped out from under the covers. He didn’t so much as stir. I picked up my clothing and returned to my room.
When I woke up several hours later, sunlight was streaming in through the blinds, and the smell of coffee perked me up a little. I grabbed an old sweatshirt that used to belong to Nolan. He’d left it at my house shortly before he disappeared to L.A. I also slipped on my yoga pants and trudged into the hallway in search of the beverage of the gods.
Nolan was in the kitchen, leaning back against the counter. Or rather, his body was in the kitchen but otherwise he looked to be a billion miles away. Next to him was the box of my favorite sugar-loaded cereal. The true breakfast of champions.
“Hey.” I walked to the coffeemaker and filled my favorite mug, the one that said I’M SORRY FOR WHAT I SAID BEFORE I HAD MY COFFEE.
Nolan remained silent, the corners of his lips slightly curved down. I sipped my coffee, then placed the mug on the counter.
I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my head on his shoulder. This was no different than in the past, when we used to be close. I would do this whenever something was bothering him. “Talk to me.”
It took a few seconds before he finally enveloped me in his arms and kissed the top of my head. He still didn’t say anything. I shifted in his arms and stroked his jaw with my thumb. The rough feel of his facial growth excited me, and I reached up and kissed the spot I’d touched. I couldn’t help it. The constant craving to touch him was almost unbearable, like a chocolate addiction. But like with most addictions, I’d eventually have to walk away from it by going cold turkey.
Nolan turned his head ever so slightly and my mouth accidentally brushed against his. My lips parted, a silent invitation for him to deepen our kiss. His warm, coffee-scented breath caressed my face.
My cellphone played the song I’d programmed for general calls. If Nolan had planned to kiss me, I would never know. He pulled away. His rejection stung worse than a bee sting to someone allergic to them.
I avoided looking at him and answered my phone.
“Hello, is this Hailey Wilkins?” a male voice asked.
“Yes.”
“This is Detective Mathews.”
I straightened at his name. “Hi. Did he say anything? Was he the one who attacked me?” The words came out in an unstoppable gush.
“I’m sorry, but it doesn’t look like it. He has a strong alibi for that night. He did see you Friday morning where you work, getting into the passenger seat of a black car around eleven-fifteen a.m. That was the last he saw of you until you showed up at Trysting last night.”
I had a billion questions based on what the detective had just told me. “Who was the driver?”
“Unfortunately, he couldn’t see the person. He couldn’t even tell me if it was a male or female. And he wasn’t able to tell us the make of car, other than it was a sedan.”
My throat clogged up at what he was telling me. “Has…has he been stalking me?” I could feel Nolan’s gaze on me. I refused to acknowledge it.
“There isn’t enough evidence to suggest he has been. Other than when he saw you regularly at Trysting a few months ago and then the day you were attacked, he hasn’t seen you between those two times.”
“But why was he watching me get into the vehicle if he wasn’t stalking me?”
“He was meeting a friend at the sports center. They had a squash court booked. It checked out.”
My mind stumbled over that statement. Something still didn’t seem right. “What about how he watched me all those times when I hung out at Trysting?”
“He claimed he was worried about you. Every time he saw you there, you left with a different guy. He was upset you were leaving with guys he felt you didn’t know very well and putting yourself at risk.”
Even though he didn’t say the words, the detective had indirectly judged and lectured me. Worse yet, now I looked like a slut because I liked sex and because I avoided relationships so as not to let a guy hurt me. Nothing wrong with that. The choice was mine. But it didn’t mean I deserved to be attacked, and it didn’t mean I’d been in Westgate because I was prostituting myself out.
“He promised he’d leave you alone and not watch you anymore,” the detective continued. “So unless he does something else and you can prove he’s stalking you, there’s nothing I can do about it right now.”
I nodded, forgetting he couldn’t see me. “Okay.”
We spoke for a few more minutes about the case, but he had no new information about that night. Nor did he have any new information about the days leading up to it.<
br />
I ended the call and let out a long breath. Why couldn’t I remember anything? Why did my brain insist on keeping the truth from me? I could understand it with Nolan. He didn’t want to remember. But I did.
I picked up my mug, ready to hurl it across the room. And I would have if Kayla hadn’t given me the mug as a birthday present and if it hadn’t still been full of coffee, albeit lukewarm coffee.
“What did he say?” With his chin, Nolan indicated the phone in my hand.
I filled him in on the call and everything the detective had told me, then I left to shower. When I stepped out of the steamy bathroom after taking longer than I needed to, Nolan was leaning against the opposite wall.
He pushed away from it. “I’m making you dinner tonight.”
“I’ve never seen you cook before. I mean, other than macaroni and cheese.” Which was not my favorite food. Not even close.
He smirked, and everything south of the equator heated up. Damn sexy smirk. “I’ve learned a trick or two since I was nineteen.”
I didn’t doubt it. “What are you making?”
He winked. “It’s a surprise.”
I snorted, remembering what we had, or rather didn’t have, in the fridge. As did Nolan. He suggested we hit the store for groceries. As much as I wanted to talk about why he’d been showering in his clothes last night, I knew he didn’t. And I didn’t want him to put up any walls between us because of it.
As we wandered around the store, a girl my age rushed over to Nolan. “You’re Tyler Erickson! Can I have your autograph?”
I glanced around, half expecting a horde of other fans to come screaming at us from both ends of the aisle, trampling me in their haste to touch Nolan.
“Sure,” he said, “but I don’t have a pen on me.”
Before I could say I probably had one, the girl whipped out a Sharpie from her back pocket and handed it to Nolan. Seriously? Did she normally walk around with a Sharpie in her back pocket in case she saw a celebrity? I guessed so.
She yanked down her low-cut T-shirt, exposing her lacy bra—her transparent lacy bra, which left nothing to the imagination when it came to her large breasts and nipples.
I rolled my eyes and looked away.
Without paying much attention to what I was doing, I snatched up a package of bran-loaded cereal—the kind that would make you regular for a month with just one spoonful. She didn’t care about Nolan. She was only hoping to get laid. She didn’t even notice how tired he looked.
But who was I to judge? How many of my one-night stands had I cared about? How many of them had I wanted to date after we screwed, and how many had I given fake phone numbers to when they asked for my number? The difference was I hadn’t hooked up with any of them because of who they were. None were celebrities.
“Where are we going?” I’d asked, watching the passing scenery.
“It’s a surprise,” a man said, his voice familiar, comforting.
“Since when did you start eating this stuff?” Nolan asked, grinning like he was pleased with himself. I blinked. The fan was gone, as was the memory.
Nolan was standing next to our shopping cart, holding the box of cereal I’d grabbed off the shelf. And it looked like it wasn’t the only one I had grabbed. Five other boxes mocked me from the cart.
“I…I…” I didn’t want to lie and say I’d decided to try the stuff, because then he’d expect me to actually eat it for breakfast. No thanks. “I don’t.” I grabbed it from his hand, returned it and the rest of them to the shelf, and got the sugary brand I really wanted.
Without saying a word to him, I pushed the cart down the aisle, eager to escape him. The last thing I wanted was for him to see how much his groupies bothered me. They shouldn’t have, but they did.
On the drive back to the apartment, I deliberated if I should mention the brief memory that had hit in the store. But really, what was there to tell? I didn’t even know if it was related to the attack or if it had happened during one of the other days I didn’t remember and so had nothing to do with what had left me in the coma.
Ahead of us, on the main road back to my apartment, a car was pulled over on the side, its hazard lights flashing. An old woman was staring at the rear tire, which was clearly flat.
Nolan pulled up behind her and parked the car. He didn’t get out, though. He just stared at the tire, and I instantly knew why.
Chapter 18
Nolan
FIVE YEARS AGO
As I drove to the dance studio where my asshole father had left my eleven-year-old sister, Hailey talked to her on the phone, reassuring her that we were on the way.
Several raindrops splattered on the window.
“Have you seen the new Disney movie yet?” Hailey asked. “Yes, that’s the one….It looks good. Do you wanna see it this weekend?…Then it’s a date. Do you think Nolan wants to see it?…I think so too. He just doesn’t want to admit it out loud.”
The raindrops grew in intensity and a flash of lightning lit up the sky. Shit. Thunder rumbled not far in the distance.
“It’s okay.” Hailey’s voice was soft, almost the calming tone of a lullaby. “We’ll be there soon….I know, sweetie.”
I fought to keep my focus on the road. My sister hated storms. She told me once that they reminded her of our father when he got angry. Both were loud and threatening.
The healing wound on my forehead, the one that had required six stitches, suddenly throbbed, as if to remind me how threatening my father could be. But I didn’t care what he did to me this time. I’d rip him a new one once I saw him. No way would my father make the mistake of abandoning my sister again. I’d make sure of that, even if I had to drive her to and from dance class myself.
The ride turned bumpy, and I realized a moment or two later that the problem wasn’t the road surface. Fuck.
I pulled over to the curb and threw Hailey a look, telling her to keep talking to my sister. With the rain now pelting the ground, I climbed out of the car. Hailey joined me, the rain biting our skin as it turned to hail.
“Is there somewhere nearby you can go for shelter?” Hailey practically yelled into the phone.
An image of the building where the dance class was held shoved its way into my head. The stupid thing wasn’t designed for staying dry if you were unfortunate enough to be out in the rain. And as far as I remembered, there was nothing near her that would protect her.
I had only two choices and neither of them was ideal, but at least one of them would keep my sister safe, even if I had to pay the price later.
Hailey kept talking to Sarah.
“Where’s your phone?” I asked Hailey.
She shook her head, her eyes apologetic. She placed her finger over the receiver. “I didn’t have time to grab it.”
Shoving my hand through my hair, I paced back and forth. What the fuck do I do now?
Chapter 19
Nolan
I blinked the world back into focus. The memory faded yet lingered with promises of more to come.
“Stay here.” I needed to collect myself. I felt off balance, as if I were teetering on the edge of a precipice and I’d never get back up if I fell. Besides, I didn’t want Hailey to know I’d remembered something about that day, or else she might’ve pushed me to remember more. “I won’t be long.”
I stepped out of the car and joined the old woman. “Do you need help?”
A gust of wind wrapped around us, warning of the approaching storm. She shuddered. “Thanks, but there’s no need. My grandson’s on his way.”
“You can warm up in my car and I’ll start changing your tire.” He could be her hero when he got here. Fine by me.
“Are you sure?”
I nodded. She opened her trunk, and I removed the spare tire and jack. While she joined Hailey in my car, I jacked up her vehicle.
I’d barely finished doing that when a car door slammed shut. Hailey walked toward me, pushing against the bitter wind.
“Do you need
any help?” she asked.
I grinned up at her. “Couldn’t handle her company, huh?”
Hailey snorted. “I think she’s scheming to set me up with her grandson. He’s all she can talk about. Apparently, according to her, he’s great boyfriend material. Which means he’s not.”
I chuckled. “You never know. Maybe you’re missing out on something great.” I might have said that, but inside I hoped he’d be an arrogant ass. Definitely not Hailey’s type.
But neither was I, thanks to my career. Any other time, any other career choice, I would’ve proved to her that I was her type and she should give me a chance. As it was, I’d chosen my career over the girl I loved. I didn’t see how I could have both. At least not yet.
But just because I couldn’t have her didn’t mean I wanted Grandma hooking Hailey up with her grandson. I upped my pace so we could be out of here before he showed up. But before I had a chance to tighten the lug nuts, a black BMW pulled up ahead of the woman’s car and parked. Right now even the paparazzi would have been preferable to her grandson. But not by much.
A good-looking man, dressed in a suit and long black coat, got out of the car and walked toward us. The back door of my vehicle opened and the old woman stepped out, beaming at him. Too bad he couldn’t have been a random stranger wanting to help us.
The woman shuffled over to us across the snowy ground. “Hailey, this is my grandson, Craig.” She patted the man’s shoulder.
Craig held his hand out to Hailey. I narrowed my eyes at the offending limb. I’d punch his lights out if he was one of those sleazebags who kissed the back of a girl’s hand.
Because Hailey was turned away from me, I couldn’t tell if she was interested in him. But the smile on his face warned he was interested in her.
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