Returning for Valentine's

by Victoria Pinder

  Roberto, her former Mexican boyfriend. They parted ways when he lied, specifically when he forgot to mention for months he had a wife back in Mexico. When Beth found out about his lies, Roberto left. She hadn’t cared. She hadn’t been in love with Roberto, not when her heart was being held ransom by Nathan.

  “My ex and I broke up months ago. Nathan left me before I ever met Robbie. Nathan could have called me if he had feelings for me. We were friends. But something happened. Then he ditched me.” At least she hadn’t cried in front of Nathan. She kept her dignity.

  Beth sipped her drink as she listened to Chris, “Don’t be hard on my cousin, Beth. He hasn’t known how to act around you. And men and women cannot be friends.”

  She snorted. He sounded stupid. “Impossible. If a man is in love with a woman, he tells her. He doesn’t pack his bags traveling the world on business, never calling. Men and women can be friends. Nathan and I grew up together. He knows me.”

  Chris shook his head. Nathan’s eyes focused on their table and not the woman he sat with from across the room. Beth saw him, and smiled. Her smile froze and she turned back to Chris. What had he said? Men and women. She listened to the tail end of his comment. “A man wants to sleep with her and keeps her around, waiting for her to change her mind. Promise me you’ll listen to him and give him a fair hearing.”

  “He doesn’t deserve fair.” The bell rang. Her date with Chris ended and he moved onto the next woman. Chris had hit too many buttons. Forgive Nathan? She’d live forever under his shadow with an unfulfilled crush. She couldn’t let it go.

  She didn’t know what to think. She didn’t believe for a second Nathan wanted to marry her.

  * * *

  Chris was wrong. Why had Nathan come to the bar tonight? He lied to his cousin. She stared at Nathan sitting in the chair next to hers talking to the woman there, for final goodbyes. No, he wasn’t in love with her. He openly flirted with the woman at his table. They were laughing, having a good time.

  She folded her hands in her lap and focused on her last eight-minute date. A financial consultant named Todd.

  The bell rang. Time ended the dates. Her heartbeat wildly when Nathan waved at her. No, she refused to be his backup date anymore. Confidence coursed through her because she deserved more than this. Beth saw the teen girl running the show and rushed towards her. “Thank you.”

  The host told her, “We’re allowed to mingle for ten minutes in a group, then we depart.”

  Ten minutes of torture. “I’m going to go now. Something came up.”

  Beth put her drink on the table near the door, and hotfooted her way down the stairs.

  “Beth, wait.” she heard Nathan calling to her.

  At the stairs, he followed her.

  No, she didn’t want to talk. She wanted to get out of here. Losing a friend had been cruel and unfair. Avoidance equaled the best plan now. Avoiding meant she didn’t fall back into patterns where she didn’t respect herself. She ran out the door before he caught her.

  4

  4 Running

  * * *

  Focusing on what she knew eased her guilt. Nathan was a player, and he got women to fall in love him. His charm, his charisma. It was all there.

  A few years back when she went to his apartment overlooking Miami Beach for breakfast, she made breakfast for three. Nathan, her, and Nathan’s date from the previous night. She stopped calling Nathan after that. The pain had been too much. Then he pursued her, ending in the best night of her life. How stupid of her to think they’d ever have a future together. She pretended that night hadn’t mattered until she walked out the door. She was good at pretending she never loved him. She had a lot of practice through the years.

  Driving home she called herself a coward. Perhaps facing Nathan would end her pain. But she couldn’t.

  She needed to numb this hurt in front of her warm fire. She’d drink a glass of wine, change into her pajamas, and relax at home. Forget Valentine’s Day. Nathan didn’t love her. She refused to consider her heart, and her mind repeated that she couldn’t still be in love with him.

  Not now. Not again.

  The moonlight shone indicating an early night. No traffic lights stopped her on the road, making getting home easy. Walking inside her home, Beth kicked her heels off in her small city studio and started up a blaze in the fireplace. The heat warmed her entire body, letting her forget about the experience at the bar. The crackling wood helped her imagine and unwind while she doodled or painted on a normal day. Her hobby took over her otherwise boring life.

  When the fire burned and grew, she stripped out of her dress, changing into her cami and shorts for bed. The place would be a sauna soon. She poured herself a glass of wine, but almost dropped the bottle when she heard knocking. Who would knock on her door on Valentine’s Day? Her friends all had plans of their own.

  Nathan?

  5

  5 Home

  * * *

  She rushed to the door and looked out. It was Nathan. He had followed her home. She should have moved in the past year too. Her hands turned jittery at the sight. Nathan never chased a woman. He pursued her before to keep their friendship intact, and she couldn’t do that anymore. The pain had to end.

  Without thinking, she opened the door to him. His eyes moved up and down on her body, making her feel self-conscience. Her cami and shorts did not cover enough skin. “Come in. I’ll get a robe.”

  “I’ve seen you like this before.”

  “Not in years.” Sure, when crying about some boy, and he showed up to help her after she called him over. But times had changed. She let out a frazzled laugh, energy now coursing through her. “It’s different now.”

  “It is?” Nathan stepped inside and closed the door behind him.

  She walked to her small bathroom and grabbed a red silk robe, adding a physical layer of protection from his eyes.

  She came out to him wiping his forehead. The heat from the fire must burn through his light winter jacket, too. In Miami, a fireplace was a luxury, and the heat outside alone can burn the skin. Tonight had been an unusual fifty degrees. He had placed it on the jacket rack, like it was something he did every day when he came home from work.

  “I wanted to talk to you, Beth.” He came closer to her.

  Goosebumps plagued her arms. “Chris did a lot of talking for you at the bar.”

  “I didn’t invite him. He followed me,” Nathan said. “I thought I was too late.”

  “For what?” Heat made her feel weak. Yes, it was the heat and not Nathan. It had to be the heat. “You’re here to clear the air, then? I don’t want to be friends.”

  He stepped forward and she pulled back. His chin went up a notch, like when he was determined to do something. “I came back here to tell you something. Can we sit down?”

  She looked at her small loveseat, the only piece of furniture in the living room. Their night together haunted her, destroying her hope for love. She sucked in her breathe. “Sure. Let’s get this over with.”

  “You’re always over-dramatic.” He took the seat and waited for her.

  She didn’t know what to say. She choose instead silence and waited to hear what he had to say.

  He broke the silence. “All my life, I’ve been in love with you. You never cared one way or the other. In college, I tried to forget how I cared only for you. Keeping you as a friend kept you in my life, until last year. You hadn’t cared and I couldn’t stay. I screwed us up, Beth, and I know this. But I will always love you.”

  No way. He never loved her. Her mind raced not believing what he was telling her. “No one just comes out and says they love a person. It’s a feeling, Nathan. It comes from the heart not the mind.”

  He put his finger on her lips like he used to do to stop her from talking. She stopped fighting him. His finger was warm on her mouth, creating tingling sensations.

  “My grandfather died.” He confessed, not making any sense at all.

  “I’m sorry.” Beth s
aid. “Is there anything I can do?”

  “You need to know everything.” He took her hand. “In his will he promised me twenty million dollars if I had a son in a year. Ten million if it’s a girl, or five million if I get married intending future children. I ignored this because I thought you were with Robbie now, and didn’t love me.”

  She breathed easier, knowing his scheme. Nathan didn’t love her. His pretty declaration made sense. And she couldn’t marry a man who didn’t love her, especially Nathan. “You need a fast wife. I get it now, and you thought of me.”

  “I don’t need a wife because of the will, Beth. I have my own money. Money isn’t my motive here. You needed to know that though. There’s so much more I want to tell you: I love you, Beth.” He took her hands in his. “And I shouldn’t have needed to run away to see that. You live in my heart every day. For marriage, you were the only option for me. And I knew I screwed everything up with you when I pictured my life with you at the door, smiling at me and being my wife. The vision played out when the will was read.”

  “Instantly? Just like that? Wow. Never thought of me on your own. No way.” He didn’t love her. He couldn’t. Even though she loved Nathan with all her heart.

  Nathan nodded and parted his lips. She watched his gestures close. He acted nervous and cagey. She let what he said sink in her head. The money wouldn’t motivate him. Nathan grew up with money. It would motivate her, not him.

  Keeping hold of her hand, he said, “I remember kissing you at the eighth-grade dance. You wore a pink dress. That moment that changed my life, and so did last year. When I thought of marriage, there was no other choice for me.”

  Last year burned in her heart. She focused on the other memory. “Nathan Sommers, you kissed five other girls that night besides me.”

  “I was stupid and didn’t want to admit your kiss was the best. I was thirteen. But at thirty, I still remember every detail. The music stopped then. Everything went in slow motion. You closed your eyes. And you smelled like vanilla.” He kissed her hand. “Your entire body tasted of vanilla. Then you had a new boyfriend a week after I left.”

  “Was I supposed to sit around, crying and waiting for you?”

  “It would tell me that you cared.” She couldn’t sit next to him. The heat was making her feel faint. She spun away, pulling out of his hands. Holding him became too intimate. “You went down memory lane. That doesn’t mean you love me.”

  “You think too much. It’s always been your problem. You overanalyze feelings and then put it on others your own drama. Stop lying to us both. You love me, too.”

  Her hands shook. He had to be wrong. How did he know? “Nathan, you see what you want to see.”

  His lips whispered in her ear, “I know you far too well.”

  She shook her head as her body trembled. “No, you knew me once. We haven’t spoken in a year.”

  “Eleven months, and six days.” His voice became husky. “And you had a boyfriend for part of that time.”

  He counted? But he didn’t write. He didn’t call. He said nothing to her. And thirteen year olds made mistakes. Thirty years olds knew better than repeating the past. Giving in became possible now. She loved him, but they needed to clear this up. “You were in Europe, the Caribbean, you posted everything on the internet. And there were women in the pictures. One woman wore just underwear, with no bra. You were in the room. I saw the pictures.”

  “You were looking at my profile on line? Why didn’t you write me back?” His voice sounded more normal now, not as husky. Good. She put her hand on his knee to show she had the power now.

  Her mind clicked on his words. Wait. “Write back? What are you talking about? I never received any messages from you.”

  “I wrote every day for a year.”

  She blinked. That was the same thing Chris said. No, it wasn’t possible. “I never saw them.”

  “I asked for your forgiveness, for you to open a window. There was even bad poetry.”

  She looked at his profile often enough. She had received no emails or letters. But she saw his photos. He didn’t love her. He couldn’t. It all seemed silly. “She was naked,” she said.

  His eyes stayed on her. “Are you talking about the picture? I wasn’t.”

  “No, but any moment you might have been.” She had a right to know about that woman. Her heart believed his words but questioned where the emails went.

  “Have you heard nothing else I’ve said?” Nathan put his hand on top of hers. “Beth that woman wanted me for my money and put the picture out there. It doesn’t mean I did anything with her.”

  “You didn’t have sex with her?”

  “No. It’s been a long time for me. You were the last.”

  Lies. It couldn’t be true. Action provided proof. Nathan wanted her now? She put her arms around his waist, puckered her lips, and said, “Okay, stud. Kiss me on Valentine’s Day. If you love me…”

  6

  6 No he didn’t…

  * * *

  His lips stopped her from speaking more than his name, “Nathan.”

  Her arms relaxed around him when he put his hands on her back, pulling her in closer. He tasted better than any food she had ever tasted. Sweeter than chocolate, spicier than curry, and he smelled divine. Not enough odes to talk about a man’s smell, but his scent made her want to inhale more. Kissing Nathan spoiled her for any other man. She sighed, letting him hold her.

  He pulled back, and her lips wanted more. “Tell me you love me, Beth. Tell me I’m not crazy.”

  Catching her breath seemed impossible. “I can’t explain right now. Kiss me.”

  She almost caught her breathe again when he kissed her again. This time he kissed her harder, more demanding than before and she burst on fire. She needed to understand him. Her body exploded in his arms. Firecrackers pinched under her skin making her more sensitive. Then sensitive skin became softer, her inner fire glowed brighter, and Nathan became her focus. His muscles on her small frame made her feel small, delicate and protected.

  Again he stopped kissing her, and she couldn’t think. “Beth, I’m going to list every reason we should be together soon. I want to hear you tell me you love me.”

  Her mother didn’t raise her to be foolish, though if he did write her as he claimed someone had deleted everything. “You haven’t told me you loved me Nathan, not without an explanation.”

  “I don’t understand you.” He looked at her funny. His eyebrow arched up before he took his hands off her back and held her hands in his. “Beth, I love you. It’s why I came home. It’s why I went to the bar tonight. It’s why I talked to your mom this morning. I came home to you.”

  She pulled back. She spent years pretending. Nathan loved her? She couldn’t believe this. She stood in her own way of happiness because she’d been afraid to be weak. “My mom meddles, and your mom hates me. She’s called me trailer trash when I’ve never lived in a trailer in my life, and I’m sure that most people who live there are perfectly fine.”

  “Because of my mother, you can’t tell me you love me? Is that what happened here?” His voice stayed calm and even, taking charge of her body once more.

  Shaking her head no, she told him, “No. That’s not it. Nathan, look around. I live in a small studio. Your bathroom is bigger than my entire place.”

  “I don’t have a place yet. I’m staying at a hotel until I find one.”

  She tried to be rationale. Loving Nathan meant opening up something she long ago closed off. The rattling in her brain scared her. “You flew in, just for me?”

  “I wanted to tell you on Valentine’s Day. In London the other day, when someone told me the date, I thought of you. I thought you’d slam the door in my face, but I had to tell you. You put stock in the holidays, I knew that, even if you didn’t write me. I found out the rest this morning.”

  “Nathan I…” How did she finish her sentence? She loved him? The words were going to fly out of her mouth. But she pulled it back. She froze, n
ot knowing what to say.

  “Guess there is nothing else to say. Take care of yourself, Beth.” He stood up to leave.

  “I never saw an email, got a message you called. Nothing. I didn’t know…” She raced ahead of him, grabbing his jacket on the rack pulling it toward her body as he reached for it. “You’re not leaving.”

  “I’m not?” His lips curled into a smile.

  She put her arms on his shoulders and marched him around to the fire and window. Leaving now wasn’t an option, and she stopped him at the door. “Don’t. At the dance, I asked you to kiss me, you told me no. For prom, you went with another girl when I asked you to take me. In college, when I asked you to help me get rid of my virginity, you said no. If you loved me, no wasn’t the right answer. We had so many tries. I stopped hoping for…”

  He let out a breathe. “Beth, I’m sorry. I screwed up. I was stupid. But I know one thing… I’m not happy without you. You were next to me in every important moment of my life, and I was blind to see that. And you were always relieved when I said no. You scared me. Is one more time too much to ask? Is that what you’re saying?”

  She scared him? Huh? Pretending not to care cost her big. “I smiled because I didn’t want you to see me cry, Nathan.” She needed to breathe. No. She needed to catch up to him. “It’s a lot to take in. You’re asking me to open up to you, and I’m scared, too.”

  “I’m so sorry, Beth. Can you forgive me and let yourself love me?”

  Her defenses burst. If she didn’t open up, right now, she’d lose because of her own stupidity. “Damn. Don’t you know? Nathan Sommers, I’ve loved you since we were in middle school. My heart skipped a beat every time when you kissed me. Trusting you is the hard part.”

  He laughed. “You’ll figure it out Bethy, when you marry me.”