On Sunset Boulevard

by Ed Sikov

  This was the Audrey who provided the punchline for the story of the afternoon Mr. Wilder brought a guest over to the house.

  “Audrey, my dear! We have a visitor!” “Who?” came the reply from upstairs.

  “Greta Garbo.”

  “Oh, fuck off,” said Audrey Wilder.

  The rest of the conversation was a blur; the Szechuan chicken, God, Marilyn, Marlene, Audrey, eating a fortune cookie with the man who wrote and directed The Fortune Cookie—it all went to my head. The only things I recall of the rest of the lunch is the sensation that the lightness of being was not at all unbearable; that no drug I’d ever taken could compare with this prolonged rush; and that if Benedikt Arnold–Taschen would just have a conversation or two with my literary agent I’d be seeing Mr. and Mrs. God on a fairly regular basis. Much of the material the book would contain was to come from Mr. Wilder’s private collection.

  And then it was time to leave. Mr. Wilder’s factotum/personal assistant/driver appeared, their car was waiting for them at the curb, and we all made our way out of the restaurant. (Being my father’s son, I had a nearly uncontrollable urge to grab the check, but then I recalled the $32+ million that God had pocketed at the auction of part of his extensive collection of Picassos, Mirós, and Giacomettis in 1989, and I silently agreed to let him pick up the tab.)

  I shook Mr. Wilder’s hand before he was lifted into the car by his assistant. He was cordial but obviously exhausted. Audrey began to get in as well, then changed her mind and marched up to me. “What I said in there,” she said. “Stupid! I’m sorry.”

  “Sorry for what? What did you say that you’re sorry for?”

  “That stuff about the mistakes. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!”

  “Mrs. Wilder,” I said with both confidence and absolute honesty, “you are by far the most charming person I have ever met. You have nothing to apologize for. Trust me.”

  She shrugged her shoulders and got into the car, and they drove away.

  The Epilogue’s Epilogue: The miserly Taschen would only assign me The Some Like It Hot Book as work for hire. My agent, the fabulous Edward Hibbert, and I have an agreement—he agrees not to write the books, and I agree not to strike the deals. Taschen refused to speak to Edward; he told his assistants not to speak to Edward; and I never heard from him again.

  Mr. Wilder died in 2002 and is buried at Pierce Brothers Westwood Memorial Park. His epitaph reads, “I’m a Writer but then Nobody’s Perfect.” Mrs. Wilder became a recluse and died in 2012. And I will die a happy man, having met the God I believe in during my brief, surprising time on earth.

  NOTES

  CHAPTER 1

  3 Sucha Beskidzka: Dean E. Murphy, “Wilder Honored by Hometown in Poland,” Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, May 29, 1996, p. D4.

  3 On Galicia: Klinkenborg, p. 44: citing Piotr S. Wandycz, The Lands of Partitioned Poland, 1795–1918 (Seattle: University of Washington Press, 1979), p. 11, and Victor Greene, “Poles,” in The Harvard Encyclopedia of American Ethnic Groups, Stephan Thernstrom, ed. (Cambridge: Belknap Press, 1980), p. 791.

  4 Nine percent of Galicia’s population: McCagg, p. 27.

  4 “In Galicia …”: McCagg, p. 115.

  4 Wilder’s parents: Zolotow, p. 21.

  4 Zakopane: Hutter, pp. 65–67.

  4 Nowy Targ: Lally, p. 1.

  4 Reich family: Zolotow, p. 21.

  5 Railway stops: Karasek, pp. 27–28; Freeman, p. 72.

  5 Checking under the bed: Karasek, p. 29.

  5 Galician peasants: Klinkenborg, pp. 45–46: citing “Emigration Conditions in Europe,” in Reports of the Immigration Commission, 1907–1910, vol. 4 (Washington: Government Printing Office), p. 381, and Our Slavic Fellow Citizens, 1910, by Emily Greene Balch (New York: Arno, 1969, reprint of 1910 edition), pp. 308–309.

  5 Anti-Semitism in Galicia: Golczewski, Frank. Polnisch-jüdische Beziehungen, 1881–1922. Wiesbaden: Franz Steiner Verlag G.m.b.H., 1981, pp. 68–74.

  5 “Lion Phillimore …”: Klinkenborg, p. 46.

  6 “Long before Billy Wilder …”: Wood, p. 2.

  6 “They beat the shit…”: Zolotow, pp. 21–22.

  6 The Wilders’ marriage certificate: Karasek, p. 33.

  7 The Hapsburg empire: McCagg, p. 181, and Janik and Toulmin, p. 13.

  7 Karl Lueger: Janik and Toulmin, p. 54.

  7 Jewish emigration from Galicia: McCagg, pp. 182–87.

  7 Billie’s aunt: Lally, p. 2.

  7 Buffalo Bill, Coney Island, and the wooden Indian: Zolotow, p. 21.

  8 Moving to Vienna: Zolotow, p. 23; “Billy Wilder: The Human Comedy,” American Masters, PBS, 1998; Karasek, p. 28; Lally, p. 2; Hutter, in conversation with the author.

  8 Horse-drawn carriage and Billie’s grandmother: Karasek, p. 29.

  10 “He was my dream prince …”: Karasek, pp. 23–24.

  11 “Foreign legion …”: Hutter, pp. 71–72: citing a letter from Billy Wilder to Andreas Hutter dated May 25, 1990.

  11 Billie’s coursework and grades: Hutter, pp. 71–72; Zolotow, p. 24; BW to Donald Albrecht, May 20, 1994.

  11 “We were flexible …”: Lally, p. 4.

  12 Motorcycle story: Zolotow, p. 24.

  12 “Pornography …”: Carter, p. 60; Lally, p. 6.

  12 The dachshund and masturbation, Karasek, pp. 36–37.

  13 Stenography and half-brother stories: Karasek, pp. 34–35.

  14 “But he was not as old …”: Lally, p. 5.

  14 David Baldinger: Karasek, p. 39. Note: Haller’s Army, also known as the Blue Army, fought in World War I on the side of the Allies against the Hapsburgs and the other Central Powers.

  14 Rotenturm Kino: Hutter, p. 74, and Zolotow, p. 24.

  15 Walther Rathenau: Heilbut, p. 10, citing Rathenau, Schriften (Berlin, 1965).

  15 Denial of citizenship: Optionsakten Max recte Hersch Mendel Wilder, Z. 175693/21, I 1461 VI, Bundesministerium fur Inneres, Österreichisches Staatsarchiv, Archiv der Republik, unearthed by Andreas Hutter.

  15 Billie and Greta: Lally, p. 6.

  16 “I thought to myself ‘Patience, patience …”: Karasek, pp. 41–42.

  16 Billie’s grades: Hutter, p. 74.

  16 Moving to Billrothstrasse: Hutter, pp. 77–79.

  17 The Ilse story: Zolotow, p. 26.

  17 “No! Bullshit! Total bullshit! …”: McBride and McCarthy, p. 43.

  17 Wilder himself admitted to Andreas Hutter …: Hutter, pp. 74–77, citing a letter from Billy Wilder to Andreas Hutter dated May 25, 1990.

  17 Jazz lyrics: Zolotow, p. 25.

  CHAPTER 2

  18 Billie thinks about journalism: Karasek, p. 43.

  19 “We cannot employ …”: Hutter, pp. 80–81.

  19 On Die Bühne and Die Stunde: Hutter, pp. 77–88.

  19 “Or at least one of them is a dentist,” and the Liebstöckl story: Lally, p. 10 and Karasek, p. 44.

  20 “I made up crossword puzzles …”: Hutter, pp. 80–81.

  20 Sari Fedak and the bananas: Hutter, pp. 80–84, citing Die Bühne no. 11, p. 15.

  20 “Space rates”: Gehman, p. 90.

  21 “Dead bodies in the Danube …”: Karasek, p. 44, and Zolotow, p. 27.

  21 “I would do the dirty work,”: “Billy Wilder: The Human Comedy,” American Masters, PBS, 1998.

  21 Crime reporting research, and “Get up and write some anecdotes,”: Hutter, pp. 137–144, citing Paul Erich Marcus, “B. W. will immer originell sein: Ein Gespräch mit Billy Wilder,” Die Kultur (Munich) 141, Oct. 1, 1959, p. 12.

  21 “Billie always had an alibi …”: Hutter, Andreas, and Klaus Kamolz, “Plötzlich ein Wiener,” Profil, May 9, 1994, pp. 90–94; and “Billie und Barkassy,” Profil, Sept. 1992, pp. 82–85.

  21 Hoffenreich on Billie: “Filmregie: So gut, wie das Publikum will.” Die Wochen-Presse: Das osterreichische Nachrichtenmagazin, Nov. 23, 1957, pp. 1–2.

  21 The “bootlicker” nickname: “Filmregie: So gut, wie das Publikum will”; Österreichisches Wörtbuch
(Vienna: Österreichisches Bundesverlag, 1993), p. 374.

  21 “May he become as light…”: Karasek, p. 44.

  22 “An artist in vignettes …”: Schorske, p. 9.

  22 The nature of Wilder’s feuilletons: Hutter, pp. 132–37, and Zolotow, p. 28.

  22 Friedrich Porges: Hutter, pp. 150–52.

  22 “This is no profession …”: Billie, “Der Rosenkavalier am Rosenhügel,” Die Stunde, Aug. 1, 1925, p. 6.

  22 “Film is the future …”: Hutter, pp. 154–58.

  22 “The size of a city’s pawn industry …”: Billie, “Das Dorotheum steigt!” Die Stunde, Aug. 29, 1925.

  22 Interview with Molnár: Zolotow, p. 28.

  23 “Billy Wilder wants his biography …”: Hutter, p. 179, citing Paul Erich Marcus, “B. W. will immer originell sein: Ein Gespräch mit Billy Wilder,” Die Kultur (Munich) 141, Oct. 1, 1959, p. 12.

  23 “Strauss and Adler talked their heads off…”: “Billy Blows the Bugle,” Evening Standard (London), Dec. 6, 1974, and Zolotow, pp. 28–29.

  23 Wilder’s admission about the four interviews: Hutter, pp. 175–79, citing a letter from Billy Wilder to Andreas Hutter dated May 25, 1990.

  23 “The most successful scrounger …”: Andreas Hutter in conversation with the author.

  24 On Lowenstein’s career: Youngkin, p. 23; on his relationship with Wilder: Hutter, pp. 159–160.

  24 Letter from Fulda and Wilder’s response: Hutter, pp. 168–75.

  24 “A suitable Christmas present…”: “Gezeichnet ‘Billie,’” Profil, Sept. 28, 1992: quoting Billie, “Passendes Weihnachtsgeschenk für 12– bis 14 jährige Knaben,” Die Stunde, 1925.

  25 On Asta Nielsen: Kracauer, p. 26; Kleimeier, p. 41: citing Béla Balázs, Der Film: Werden und Wesen einer neuen Kunst (Vienna, 1961), p. 307ff.

  25 “Like a schoolgirl…”: Wilder, Billie, “Asta Nielsen’s theatralische Sendung,” Die Bühne, Feb. 4, 1926, pp. 6–8.

  25 “It is all the result…”: Zolotow, p. 28.

  25 Wilder’s residences: Hutter, pp. 181–87.

  26 On Wilder, Békessy, and Spitz: Hutter, pp. 201–08; Hutter and Kamolz, “Billie und Barkassy,” pp. 82–85; letter from Billy Wilder to Andreas Hutter dated May 25, 1990.

  27 Currying favor: Hutter, pp. 207–11.

  27 “The man is called ‘Nicky’ …”: Billie, “Der Hungerkünstler Nicky beginnt heute in Wien zu fasten,” Die Stunde, April 4, 1926, p. 9.

  27 “Out of the train …”: Billie, “Die Tiller-Girls sind da! Sie sind heute vormittags auf dem Westbahnhof angekommen,” Die Stunde, April 3, 1926, p. 7.

  28 Békessy flees: Hutter, pp. 209–11.

  28 On Whiteman: DeLong, pp. 88–100.

  29 On Katscher and Whiteman: Zolotow, p. 29; DeLong, p. 94, and Hutter, pp. 213–16.

  30 “You add the most delightful mustache …”: Wilder, Billie, “Paul Whiteman, sein Schnurrbart, der Cobenzl, und der Heurige: Ein Nachmittag mit Amerikas zweitberühmtesten Mann.” Die Stunde, June 13, 1926, p. 7.

  30 Billie accompanies Whiteman to Berlin: DeLong, p. 94; Zolotow, p. 30; “Filmregie: So gut, wie das Publikum will,” pp. 1–2.

  CHAPTER 3

  31 “I left Vienna …”: Kanin, p. 176.

  31 “I persuaded him …”: Ciment, Positif 269/270, pp. 15–28.

  32 Jazz in Berlin: Gill, p. 104; Heilbut, p. 127; DeLong, p. 95; unsourced clippings in the Paul Whiteman Collection, Williams College, reel 1, vol. 3.

  32 “His body vibrates …”: Wilder, Billie, “Whiteman feiert in Berlin Triumphe,” Die Stunde, June 29, 1926.

  32 Letter from Krienes: Lally, p. 14.

  32 On the “Berliner Schnauze”: Heilbut, p. 3; Gill, p. 100.

  33 “We called her proud …”: Friedrich, Before the Deluge, p. 273.

  33 “Berlin tasted of the future …”: Gay, Freud, Jews, and Other Germans, p. 178.

  33 “A real snotty Berliner …”: Author’s interview with Robert Lantz, July 25, 1995.

  33–35 Newspapers and cafés in Berlin: Gill, pp. 190–93; Friedrich, Before the Deluge, p. 148.

  34 “Then the shy young man …”: Hutter, pp. 219–22: citing Pem (Paul Erich Marcus), Heimweh nach dem Kurfürstendamm: Aus Berlins glanzvollsten Tagen und Nächten (Berlin: Blanvalet, 1952), p. 77.

  34 Békessy aftermath: Hutter, pp. 224, 542–43.

  35 Billie’s rooms and early career in Berlin: Hutter, p. 223: citing Pem (Paul Erich Marcus), “B.W. will immer originell sein: Ein Gespräch mit Billie Wilder,” Die Kultur (Munich) no. 141, Oct. 1, 1959, p. 12; Lally, pp. 14–15; Zolotow, pp. 31–32. Note: Buletten are meatballs.

  35 On the Berliner Nachtausgabe and Wilder’s early reportage in Berlin: Hutter, pp. 229–33, citing Géza von Cziffra, “Kauf dir einen bunten Luftballon: Erinnerungen an Götter und Halbgötter,” (Berlin: Herbig, 1975), pp. 144–45.

  36 “That other fellow Wilder …”: Lemon, p. 36.

  36 “Hello, Billie!”: Karasek, p. 53.

  36 “Since I was a gifted enough dancer …”: Ciment, Positif 269/270, July/Aug. 1983, pp. 15–28.

  36 On Klabund: Hutter, pp. 240–41; Gill, p. 193.

  36–37 On Billie’s dancing career: Hutter, pp. 235–36.

  37 “I dance with young ones …”: Wilder, Der Prinz von Wales geht auf Urlaub, pp. 23–24: taken from “Der tägliche Dienst” (“The Daily Service”), Berliner Zeitung am Mittag, Jan. 24, 1927.

  37 “I feel something …”: Wilder, Der Prinz von Wales geht auf Urlaub, p. 20: taken from “Die Kollegen” (“The Colleagues”), Berliner Zeitung am Mittag, Jan. 22, 1927.

  37 “Dark blue, finely-made …”: Wilder, Der Prinz von Wales geht auf Urlaub, pp. 24–25: taken from “Der tägliche Dienst,” Berliner Zeitung am Mittag, Jan. 24, 1927.

  37 On Billie and Margerie: Lally, p. 18.

  38 “In between, we dance …”: Wilder, Der Prinz von Wales geht auf Urlaub, pp. 26–27: taken from “Der tägliche Dienst,” Berliner Zeitung am Mittag, Jan. 24, 1927.

  38 “The one beside me, Kurt…”: Wilder, Billie, “Herr Ober, Bitte einen Tänzer!,” Die Buhne, Sept. 1927.

  39 “Served as a tea-time partner …”: Anon. “Interview: Billy Wilder,” Playboy 10, no. 6, June 1963, p. 57.

  39 “The Hotel Eden was an international center …”: Lemon, p. 36.

  39 “It was a tabloid …”: Gay, Freud, Jews, and Other Germans, p. 170.

  39 “Who, with his hat tilted on his head …”: Hutter, pp. 231–33: citing Memoiren eines Moralisten: Erinnergungen I, Gesammelte Werke, Hg. Klaus Schöffling (Zurich: Ammann, 1983), p. 109.

  40 “I was not very serious …”: Hutter, 231–33: citing Alfred Starkmann, “Billie Wilder: Es läuft ein grosses Drama über die Bühne,” Die Welt, no. 300, Dec. 27, 1989, p. 7.

  40 “I remember that my father …”: Gill, p. 206.

  40 “Women are guilty …”: Wilder, Der Prinz von Wales geht auf Urlaub, p. 43: taken from “Renovierung” (“Renovation”), Berliner Börsen Courier, July 13, 1927.

  40 “‘Mostly death and ruin …’”: Wilder, Der Prinz von Wales geht auf Urlaub, p. 93: taken from “Interview mit ener Hexe” (“Interview with a Witch”), Berliner Börsen Courier, Dec. 23, 1927.

  40 Wilder on Faktor: Karasek, p. 53.

  41 Wilder’s poem: Lally, p. 15.

  41 “A fantastic knack for getting interviews …”: Lemon, p. 36.

  41 The trip to Monte Carlo: Zolotow, p. 36.

  41 The real Zaharoff story: Hutter, pp. 254–55.

  41 On Chamberlin and Levine: Hutter, pp. 269–70; Zolotow, pp. 31–32.

  41 Wilder and Remarque: Zolotow, p. 36.

  42 On Chaliapin: Wilder, Der Prinz von Wales geht auf Urlaub, p. 99.

  42 On Youssopoff: Zolotow, p. 33.

  42 “Kisch used the Romanisches …”: Gill, pp. 191–92.

  43 On Col. Redl: Morton, pp. 72–75.

  43 “Nothing is more imaginative …”: Willett, pp. 107–08.

  43 “Egon Erwin Kisch formed a completely new
…”: Hutter, pp. 241–43: quoting Horowitz, “Fussball, Beuschel und Nackt-Tänzerinnen: Gespräch zwischen Billie Wilder und Michael Horowitz,” in Ein Leben für die Zietung: Der rasende Reporter Egon Erwin Kisch (Vienna: Orac, 1985), p. 159.

  43 “He lived on the third floor …”: Hutter, pp. 225–229, citing Horowitz, pp. 158–160.

  44 “We were young and dreamed …”: Domarchi and Douchet, p. 2.

  44 Wilder on the number of ghostwritten scripts he wrote: “Billy Wilder: The Human Comedy,” American Masters, PBS, 1998.

  44 On Lustig, Reisch, and Kuh: McGilligan, Fritz Lang, p. 190; Hutter, pp. 225–26, 273.

  44 “His father gave me my first job”: Author’s interview with Robert Lantz, July 25, 1995.

  45 Reisch on Mayer: Zolotow, p. 37. Mayer’s biography: Kracauer, pp. 61–62 and p. 256, citing a letter from Paul Rotha to Kracauer, Sept. 3, 1944.

  45 “Mayer was a politically thoughtful…”: Kreimeier, p. 143.

  46 “Two Jews from Kraków …”: Hutter, pp. 278–79, quoting von Cziffra, pp. 145–46.

  46 Schulz’s stinginess and black eyes: Lally, pp. 19–20.

  46 On Mr. and Mrs. Dwan’s tour: Lally, p. 21; Zolotow, p. 34. Note: One fishy element of the tale is that Wilder spoke very little English at the time, and the American-born Dwan was probably not fluent in German.

  47 “Of course it was way above my means …”: Carter, p. 63.

  47 The Chrysler: Zolotow, p. 38.

  47 Max Wilder’s death: Hutter, pp. 290–95; Zolotow, p. 42. Note: Zolotow, Karasek, and Lally all place the grave at the Jewish cemetery on the Schönhauser Allee, but it is not there; it is in Weissensee.

  CHAPTER 4

  49 Heinz, Lulu, and Galitzenstein: Zolotow, pp. 39–40; “Interview: Billy Wilder,” Playboy 10, no. 6, June 1963, p. 58; Milland, pp. 5–7.