Nashville by Heart: A Novel

by Tina Ann Forkner

  “I’m curious,” he said. “How many boyfriends have you had?”

  She blinked. “A few. One was my senior year in high school, if that counts. We broke up after graduation.”

  “Poor guy,” he said.

  “Such are the lessons of young love.”

  “What lesson did you learn?”

  “Boys just wanted to mess around,” she said. “They didn’t understand that I had responsibilities other girls didn’t have. And besides, boys were a distraction from my dreams.”

  “So you’ve had two serious boyfriends? Your high school love? And then the one you moved in with?”

  “During my first year in Nashville.”

  He was silent for a while. “He hurt you?”

  “It’s not a big deal,” she said.

  “Is that why you’re so reluctant to give in and let yourself fall for me?”

  She laughed. “Trust me. I’ve fallen for you.”

  He nudged her with his elbow. “But you’re holding back.”

  She gave a sad sigh. “I’m just being careful.”

  He laced his hand through hers. “How long are you going to keep being careful?”

  She wanted to say, not long, but the thought of taking another risk like the one she’d taken before both excited and terrified her.

  “Before you, you know, I’d given up on men altogether, at least while pursuing my music dreams. So being with you now is me giving men another chance.”

  “Most women don’t give up on men until they’ve been divorced a couple of times.”

  “Most women don’t also have a dad who—” Her voice cracked, and she chugged her Coke. She couldn’t finish her sentence. They’d known each other just long enough that she hoped she didn’t need to.

  He squeezed her knee. “Dads can really screw things up for little girls, can’t they?”

  She shrugged. “Not all dads. You have sisters. Did your dad treat them well?”

  “He was a saint with them,” he said, his eyes staring at the dark window behind her. “They are, all but one, married now with kids of their own, none the worse for wear. Happy.”

  She felt wistful. “Lucky girls.”

  “Listen,” he said. “Just because your dad didn’t do his job, doesn’t mean your mom didn’t do a damned good job in his place.”

  She raised her drink in the air. “To moms.”

  “They’re special, and so are you,” he said, his eyes serious. “Someday, you’ll be like my sisters, with a litter of kids running around at your heels, and you’ll be a great mom and have a great career at the same time.”

  She decided not to chastise him about referring to kids as a litter, and instead let her thoughts wander, imagining what kind of father he’d be. He didn’t seem like the kind of man who wanted to settle down, even if he had just asked her to move in.

  “Was your dad good to you?” she asked.

  “I didn’t think so at the time. It’s hard being a preacher’s kid. He was hell-bent on making a man out of me, but it took a long time. I wasn’t an easy kid.”

  She laughed. “I bet my momma wouldn’t have let me go out with you.”

  “I bet my dad wouldn’t have let me go out with you, to save your momma the worry, but I would have anyway. And the two of us together would’ve been trouble.”

  She smiled wider, thinking about what he’d have gotten her into if his charm in high school was anything like it was now.

  “You turned out to be a good man,” she said.

  “I think the jury’s still out on that.” He swung his gaze back to her, his eyebrows crinkling. “So, I take it you moved in with this man you dated when you first moved to Nashville?”

  “For one week, and then on the seventh day, I came home to find him in a very compromising position with a girl from the diner. Thank the good Lord Tasha hadn’t found another roommate to replace me yet.” She hopped down from the counter. Realizing she needed something stronger, she grabbed the opened bottle of chardonnay from the fridge and poured herself a glass.

  “Holy smokes,” he said, gently.

  She took a sip and looked up at him, a sad smile on her face. “Before I moved in, he gave me a ring.”

  He set his beer down. “Oh, darlin’.”

  “It’s crazy, right? Ask a girl to marry you, and then cheat on her as soon as she moves in?”

  “Yeah,” he said, nodding his head. “But what’s worse is if the girl he hurt never moves on.”

  She shot him a dirty look.

  He held his hands up, palms out. “Now don’t look at me like that. You want to know what I really think?”

  “I’m not sure, but you’re about to tell me.”

  “I think that other guy is an idiot, and that thanks to him, you are being too careful.”

  “And you think you’re the kind of guy I don’t need to be careful around? You’ve admitted yourself that you don’t have the best track record.” She smiled to soften the blow, but if she was going to date him, she wanted to be honest. His way with women made her nervous.

  He had the decency to look chastened. “I haven’t always been a good man.”

  Feeling guilty, she gave him an apologetic look. “Well, you are now, but I’ve been on the other side of that. My heart’s warning me to slow down. I don’t want to move in, or do anything else, until I know you’re in it for keeps.”

  He crossed his arms, stared at her. Finally, he nodded. “So, does that mean I do or I don’t get to see you naked tonight?”

  She laughed out loud, unable to keep her serious face on for one more minute.

  “You are such a big flirt. And the answer is no.”

  He looked disappointed, but his eyes still twinkled. “I think you need to be more spontaneous.”

  “I can be spontaneous,” she said.

  “Sure. When’s the last time you ripped off your clothes and ran around naked just for fun?”

  “With my friend Tommy.”

  His face darkened. “Who’s Tommy?”

  “He’s my neighbor back in Gold Creek Gap, and we went skinny dipping in the sprinkler when we were three.”

  He smiled broadly. “I have a sprinkler.”

  “You are shameless,” she said, unable to keep from laughing. Maybe this would all work out. She didn’t know what was going to happen with her and Will, but considering he hadn’t run off as soon as she turned him down, she had a feeling it might be good.

  When he finally left a few hours later, after letting her subject him to two Hallmark movies, he kissed her lightly at the door.

  “I’m surprised you aren’t still trying to stay the night,” she said matter-of-factly, not sure if she wanted him to ask again or if she wanted him to leave. Her head, heart and body were definitely in conflict either way.

  “Not tonight, darlin’. You aren’t ready.” He pulled her close. “I will get you to trust me someday, though. Watch out.”

  “Consider me warned,” she said.

  He grunted. “Just keep in mind, I have a big empty house with enough beds to host half your hometown for a weekend. You can’t blame me for wanting company.”

  “I didn’t say I wouldn’t visit.”

  “Good.” He moved to leave. “Lock your door, OK?”

  “OK.” She always did, but it was sweet of him to worry about her well-being.

  “This isn’t the safest part of town,” he said. “You know, at least if you won’t move to Brentwood with me, I’d be happy to help you girls find something else.”

  “And pay the company back when I earn song royalties?” It was something she’d heard Dorothy and Josie say lots in the past few weeks as she purchased new clothes for photo shoots, interviews and performances.

  “The company wouldn’t be paying,” he said. “I would.”

  She gazed at him, amazed at his generous heart, but she couldn’t take advantage.

  “I’d never accept that kind of help from you, but thanks.” She placed her hand affectionatel
y against his chest. “You don’t think you’re good inside, Will. But you are.”

  “Then I’m trustworthy, right?” He winked.

  She scoffed. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be that kind of girl who sends a guy mixed signals.”

  He placed a finger over her lips. “Don’t apologize. I don’t know what’s going to happen to us. I’ve hurt every woman I’ve ever been serious with, but I promise, I won’t hurt you. I love you.”

  She blinked hard. “You do?”

  His eyes grew serious. “Yeah. And it scares the crap out of me.”

  She touched his face. “But how can you know already?” She laughed softly. “Are you teasing?”

  He smiled. “No joking right now, Gillian Heart.”

  “It’s nutty, but… I love you too.” She was breathless with the saying and the knowing of it. “But it’s too soon.”

  He caught her chin in his hand. “I fell for you when I saw you in that little tease of an outfit in my lobby, and then again at The Blue Fiddle in those hot little jeans and boots of yours singing that Patsy Cline song.”

  “You mean Crazy. And I was wearing more than hot little jeans and boots.”

  “You were?” He pulled her close, running one hand softly up her spine and back down to her waist where he fiddled with her belt loops. “I don’t remember that. I must’ve been looking right through the rest.”

  His hands burned through the thin fabric of her blouse. He kissed her long and sweet.

  With a low groan, his hands moved to cup her face.

  “Why do you have to be that kind of girl?” But he smiled his crooked grin when he said it.

  “Sorry.” It was on the tip of her tongue to say she’d move in with him after all, but she remembered another piece of her momma’s advice. Make him work for it. If he doesn’t mind going a few extra miles, he means it.

  “Don’t be,” he said. “It’s sweet that you’re old-fashioned.”

  “Me, old-fashioned? After all that kissing, how can you say that?”

  ~~~~

  Will kissed her firmly, trailing one hand along her thigh and the other over the curve of her hip. He wanted so much more than kissing. Heat rushed over him in waves, and he pulled her into a tight embrace so he’d keep his hands off her. Lord have mercy.

  “How can I say you’re old-fashioned? Because it’s a lot of just kissing, darlin’.”

  She placed her hand on his chest. Her eyes were clouded with desire but troubled too.

  He groaned. “Don’t worry. It’s sexy.”

  And with a shock that exploded through his mind, he realized it was more than sexy. It made him want her more than ever, more than any woman he’d ever had—and not just in his bed.

  Chapter Eleven

  “Are you nervous?” Dorothy asked.

  They were in Dorothy’s car headed to meet Will at a big record label meeting. Will had told her to be ready, that they were right on the edge of signing her to a deal, but it hadn’t seemed possible. She couldn’t believe it. It hadn’t even been that long since she’d signed a contract to be represented by Adams Music, and now she was about to meet with industry executives. She popped the visor down and fussed with her hair and lipstick again, wishing she could smooth her nerves out the way she could her hair.

  “You look fine,” Dorothy said.

  “I feel like I’m going to throw up.”

  “Don’t do that. My husband will have a cow if you mess up this car.”

  Gillian laughed to think of Dorothy worrying about upsetting her husband. She was so tough; it was hard to even imagine her being a wife.

  “How long have you been married?” Gillian asked, hoping to distract herself from the fact that her stomach felt like it was in her throat.

  “Ten years this past weekend, as a matter of fact.”

  “Wow. Congratulations.” Gillian tried to imagine being married for so long.

  “Kids?”

  “Two boys,” she said, her voice filled with pride. “Five and seven.”

  “Wow, Dorothy. You’re amazing. How do you handle being a mom and having such a great career at the same time?” Gillian hoped she didn’t sound as wistful as she felt.

  “I’m not doing it alone,” she said. “I’m doing it with their dad. And I do it because I love it, both my kids and my career, but my kids and husband win out every time.”

  “I want that too,” Gillian confided. “But I want to have my career first, then see about the rest.” She didn’t mention how Will had made her start to rethink some of that plan.

  “That’s not a bad strategy,” Dorothy said. “Even though sometimes the heart has its own agenda.”

  Gillian sighed. “Dorothy, do you think I’m making a mistake by seeing Will outside of work?”

  “I’d be lying if I said it didn’t worry me. Just be careful. Women have a hard enough time being taken seriously in this business already.”

  Gillian knew Dorothy was right. Her momma had said the same thing a hundred times.

  “I hope you don’t think I’m dating him to get ahead of the other clients.” That was the last thing Gillian wanted to be known for, especially by Dorothy.

  “I think you two are smitten,” Dorothy said. “And who knows? Maybe the two of you’ll get married and be as beloved in the industry as Faith and Tim. But trust me. As one of the few black women working in country music, I know something about how hard it is to earn respect in this industry. Being a woman in this biz isn’t easy, period, even without huge obstacles. Don’t put hurdles in your own way, OK?”

  Gillian wanted to dismiss Dorothy’s advice, pretend there was nothing atypical about dating your music manager when you were a brand new client, but she’d been in Nashville long enough to know she was playing with fire. And it wasn’t like Gillian to do that.

  “Are you saying I shouldn’t see him?”

  “Who am I to stop love?” Dorothy asked. “It’s obvious you two are hotter than a pepper sprout, just like that old song says, so not seeing him is probably not an option. Go ahead and get it out of your system, but just trust me. Keep your personal and business lives apart as much as you can. That, of course, is part of the reason Will gave you to me, but I’m invested in you, Gillian. I’m not going to steer you wrong.”

  “OK.” Gillian appreciated Dorothy’s honesty. It was better than tiptoeing around the issue. “And thank you.”

  “Just remember he’s your agent at this meeting,” Dorothy said. “Nothing else.”

  “So.” Gillian couldn’t hide a grin. “No kissing him or holding hands while he’s making deals.”

  Dorothy chuckled. “Exactly, honey. As far as the record company is concerned, you and Will aren’t lovers. You aren’t even friends. It’s best not to advertise who you’re sleeping with in this business, whether he’s your agent or not.”

  Gillian felt her face flush. “Actually, we haven’t gone there yet.”

  Dorothy pulled up to a stop light and laughed. “I wasn’t born yesterday, honey. Besides, that part’s none of my business.”

  Gillian didn’t say anything, but out of the corner of her eye she saw Dorothy turn and look at her.

  “Oh,” Dorothy said quietly. “You’re serious.”

  Gillian smiled. “It’s because of me,” she said.

  “Well I could’ve guessed that.”

  “I almost married a philanderer once.” Gillian explained her misgivings about being used and discarded. She didn’t know why she told Dorothy about any of it, except that Dorothy was easy to talk to. “I’m not rushing this time.”

  “Good for you. It’s good to have standards in this business.”

  “Thanks,” Gillian said, feeling for the first time like she wasn’t completely crazy for not jumping into Will’s bed, even if she wanted to.

  ~~~~

  They parked a good distance from the entrance. Gillian gave herself one more look in the visor’s mirror and snapped it shut. She felt giddy, not sure she could walk all the w
ay to the building. At least she wouldn’t wobble like a marionette this time, she thought ruefully.

  “Now don’t you be nervous,” Dorothy said. “Imagine you’re back at The Blue Fiddle, singing around all your old friends.”

  Sadly, she’d had to quit both her waitressing jobs at The Blue Fiddle and The Sweetest Tea because she was too busy with everything else. The agency was generously funding a bunch of her needs that she would pay back when she started earning enough money from her music, even though she had a hunch a lot of it was coming out of Will’s pocket. She’d even given in to Will and moved into another apartment with Tasha in a little bit better neighborhood, much to Tasha’s delight.

  Truth be told, Gillian felt horrible about all the extra things. So far, because of her expenses and not having a recording contract, she hadn’t earned Adams Music enough to make a profit. She hoped this meeting today would turn out to be something.

  Dorothy’s advice was well-timed. This blossoming romance with Will had been distracting her up until now, but Gillian couldn’t forget her rule of not letting love steal her focus from her goals. She’d already bent the rules enough, but only because she felt as if she’d ignite into flames every time she got near him.

  And that was exactly the kind of thing she shouldn’t be thinking about when she was about to step into a meeting with Will and a bunch of people who might give her a record deal.

  “Will’s just my agent today,” she told Dorothy. “I promise.”

  “Good girl.”

  ~~~~

  When Gillian walked in, composed and unruffled, at least on the outside, Will’s eyes filled with what Gillian had come to think of as the he’s-dying-to-kiss-me-right-now look, but he quickly recovered in order to introduce her to the panel of people sitting around the table. Dorothy and Gillian were the only women in the room, and she was suddenly happy to have Dorothy with her.