“You know, I still wonder about it,” he said, never removing his eyes from my lips.
“What do you still wonder about?” I asked, feeling the last bit of self-control left in me leaving quickly.
“I wonder if it would be just like old times if I were to kiss you right now.”
There it went. The self-control was gone as those words cut right through it. He leaned in, lowering his mouth down to mine. I didn’t even try to fight it as his tongue went after mine.
I wondered if he had been feeling the same things I was feeling and this was his attempt to make me feel the same way. Little did he know; I was already a step ahead of him.
He reached around my waist and pulled me in close to him, clasping his hands behind me. We were standing as close as could be, my breasts pressing up against his chest.
Multiple sensations speared through my body, making me wish he would eat me alive, or at the very least, make an attempt. I wanted him to touch me all over my body. If that weren't possible, touching me between my legs would suffice. I wanted to feel him sliding his fingers over my hot, swollen, wetness.
Judging by the erection that was slowly getting harder and longer in his pants, I could tell that Chance had the exact same urges that I was feeling. The thought of him using his erection to penetrate me made my head spin.
From out of nowhere, a shiver went through my body when I realized how easily I’d been willing to give into him just because of the way he touched me. I felt my self-control return, and I knew I had to stop what was happening before I allowed it to go too far.
I’d come back to Kansas City for CJ, not for my own selfish needs. As much as it pained me to do it, I pushed Chance away and broke the kiss.
“I’m sorry, I just can’t do this,” I said firmly, letting him know I was more than willing to stand my ground. “This is all about doing what’s in the best interest of our son, and here we are, letting our hormones take over like we’re still teenagers. We can’t do this and focus on what’s important at the same time.”
Even as I said the words, I was questioning myself. What would be the harm in figuring out what was best for us while at the same time doing what was best for CJ?
It was too risky, though. I needed CJ to be first in this matter. It was the only way it would work.
“I agree with you,” he said. “CJ is what’s important in this whole thing. There’s something you’re missing here, however, and the sooner you realize it and accept it, the better off we’re all going to be.”
“What do you mean? What do I need to realize and accept?”
“You need to accept that I never got any closure. As far as I’m concerned, things are not over between the two of us. We can fool ourselves all do and say there isn’t going to be a next time, but I think we both know better. I think it would be better to just accept it and embrace it. Face it, Latrice, you belong to me. You always have. That’s why you’re still single, isn’t it? Because your heart belongs to me. I own it.”
“You’re a cocky son of a bitch, aren’t you?” I asked defiantly. His words had turned me completely off. “There isn’t going to be a next time. I’m not going to allow it. What you need to accept is that you are the father to my child, and that’s all I need you to be. What we had once is long over. As far as I’m concerned, you’re just any other man to me.”
“You talk a good game, but how sure are you of that?”
“I’m completely sure chance. What you need to do is focus on CJ and getting him to want you in his life.”
As he turned to walk out the door, I knew my words weren’t going to stop him. He was used to getting whatever he wanted, and if he didn’t get it, he only tried harder.
* * *
CJ
The school bell rang, and I was out the door. I didn’t want to be there any longer than I had to be. As soon as the door closed behind me, I looked over at the bike rack and saw the two boys standing there, directly behind my bike.
I wasn’t worried about the two of them stealing it because I had it locked. Still, after what happened the day before, I didn’t need any trouble, especially after the talk my mother and Officer Sparks had with me.
Officer Sparks.
All I could do was shake my head. I wanted him to just be Officer Sparks. I didn’t want him to be my dad. I told my momma the night before that I didn’t want Officer Sparks to know that I was his kid. I’d thought about it all day long, and my decision hadn’t changed.
Walking towards my bike, the two boys were staring, and neither of them would take their eyes off me. “What are you guys looking at?” I asked them, not caring that they were both quite a bit bigger than me.
“We were just looking at your bike. Is this one yours?”
“Yeah, it’s mine.”
“We’ve never seen one like it, and we think it’s cool,” the shorter of the two said. “Where’d you get it?”
I started to relax a little knowing that the boys didn’t want to start any trouble with me. I’ve always thought my bike was a lot cooler than any of the bikes I’d seen around.
“I got this bike from a store in the Mall of America.”
“The Mall of America? Where’s that?”
“It’s in Minnesota.”
“Is that where you’re from?”
“Yeah, I was born just outside Minneapolis. I hope I get to move back there soon.”
I was still trying to size up the two boys but finally decided that they must be pretty harmless. I’d seen both of them in the hallways at school, but neither one of them had made so much as an attempt to talk to me.
“Anyway, my name is CJ. What’s yours?”
“I’m Dakota Mahoney,” the smaller kid said. “This is Spencer Thomas. We’ve been best friends since we were little.”
“Do you guys live around here?” I asked.
“Yeah, do you know where the diner is on Sycamore? We both live a few blocks from there.”
“I don’t live very far from there either,” I told them, excited by the fact that there were some other kids living pretty close to me.
“By the way, we saw the fight yesterday with you and Cole,” Dakota said grinning. “You really put a hurtin’ on him. People have been talking about it all day.”
“They have? Nobody’s said much to me about it.”
“Well no, nobody’s gonna come up to the kid who did it, but nobody’s ever done something like that to Cole before. He’s a big bully and always messes with everyone. It’s about time somebody put him in his place.”
“Since you live out by us, you wanna ride home with us?” Spencer asked as he climbed up on his own bike.
I was excited that I’d made some new friends until I remembered where I was supposed to go after school. “I wish I could, but I have to report to the juvenile offices right after school.”
“You have to go to juvenile? All because you got in a fight? That’s pretty weak,” Dakota said.
“Nah, it’s not because of the fight. I skipped school a couple days ago, and Officer Sparks caught me throwing stuff off the overpass and took me in.”
“You got arrested by Officer Sparks? Did you get to ride in his car?”
“Well, yeah. How else was he supposed to take me in?”
“That’s so cool! Everyone around here loves Officer Sparks. He’s pretty much our hero.”
What were these kids smoking?
“If he’s your hero, I’d love to see what your definition of a hero is. He’s just an officer who sits in his office and bothers kids because he has nothing better to do.”
“No way, man,” Dakota protested. “Officer Sparks is probably the only officer that doesn’t give kids a hard time. He cares about all of us and goes out of his way to give back.”
“He’s always been like that,” Spencer jumped in. “My dad went to school with that cop, and he even graduated with Jeremy Sparks.”
“Jeremy Sparks went to school here? Are we talking about the Jeremy
Sparks?” I asked.
“Yeah, the Jeremy Sparks who does all the motorcycle tricks on TV. He’s Officer Sparks’ little brother.”
“How do you know all this stuff?”
“He coaches our pee-wee football team, and his brothers come to help a lot. Like I said, he’s really involved in the community.”
“He coaches a football team?” I asked, making sure I heard it correctly. I loved football but didn’t really know how to play.
“Not just any team, but the Kansas City Knights. We’re on the team, and we always bring home championships. If you’re any good, he might even let you on the team.”
“Nah, that’s okay,” I said. I didn’t want to be around him anymore that I was being made to be. “Anyway, I’ll get in more trouble if I’m late so I gotta get going. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Hey,” Dakota said. “How long do you gotta go to the juvenile station for?”
“Just for the rest of the week. If you still want me to, we can ride bikes home together on Monday.”
“Okay. If you can, we ride a lot on the weekends too. Do you maybe wanna come?”
“I can ask my mom and let you know tomorrow. She’s pretty protective and doesn’t like me to go very many places.”
“That’s how my mom is too,” Dakota said.
“What about riding to school?” Spencer added. We meet at the diner and ride together every day. We’ll be there at 7:30 if you want to join us.”
“Okay, it’s a deal. I’ll see you in the morning.”
I unchained my bike, hopped on and started to ride to meet Officer Sparks. I knew I’d never hear the end of it if I was late two days in a row.
Chapter Six
Chance
There were about a million different things going through my mind as I sat at my desk at the station and replayed the kiss that Latrice and I shared over and over in my head. I couldn’t stop thinking about how her lips tasted. They were so sweet.
It was the kind of sweet that, once you had a taste of it, you craved it until you got a chance to taste it again. I had no doubt that those kisses could be addictive, just like some of the hardest drugs on the street.
I leaned back, confident that that wouldn’t be the last kiss she and I shared. Even dating back to when we were younger, Latrice always responded to me in much the same way. It was something that she never had any control over, and I loved it.
The sounds she used to make when I had her in bed and knew which areas to touch, kiss and taste. It all made her respond to me in exactly the ways I wanted. Most of the time, I didn’t even have to touch her.
All I needed to do was give her a certain look. I just had to lock eyes with her, and there would be a deep longing and passion in her eyes when they looked back at me. She would let out an audible sigh that let me know I had her.
All of her.
Those were the times that I wanted her the most. Those were the times that I couldn’t keep my hands to myself and had to touch her instead.
Ten years after the fact, those feelings were still very much there. Ten years later and I still couldn’t keep my hands or lips off her. When she kissed me, it felt as though no time had passed. It felt like another man had never breached those lips since the last time I was there.
When we kissed, I could tell her mouth was aching for mine just as much as mine ached for her. I could have kept the kiss going for days and days if she hadn’t pushed me away.
I felt like I needed to do something. Maybe a trip to the bathroom to run some cold water over my face was in order.
I needed something to help bring me back down to earth. That kiss had a bigger effect on me that I would have thought possible. Ever since my lips touched her, my body had been throbbing and aching for her. Unfortunately, she said it was a mistake, so there wasn’t really any relief for me in sight.
At least, not in the near future. I told her it wasn’t over for us, and I meant exactly what I said.
Since Latrice walked out of my life, I’d dated my fair share of women. For a while, my little sister even referred to me as a womanizer. That may have been true when it came to my brothers, but that was never true.
I may have gone on dates, but I was very selective with the women that I actually dated exclusively, and even then, I was more selective when it came to the ones I actually wanted in my bed. For ten years, I looked for someone who could make me feel the way that Latrice did, but I’d never met a single woman who was in the same league as her.
Eventually, I learned that there wasn’t a woman in the world that was going to be able to hold a candle to Latrice, so I gave up on trying to find that.
After that realization, any woman that I slept with was only there so I could have a warm body in my bed. After we were done, I always felt the same way. I was filled with emptiness, agony, and defeat.
I knew nobody would ever be able to compete with her. I may have experienced temporary pleasure, but it was always short-lived. It was never the kind that made me want to pick up the phone and call them again.
Those were feelings that I could only get from one person. Those were feelings I could only get from Latrice.
As good as the kiss happened, what she told me after also stayed with me. When she broke off the kiss, she was sure to let me know that to her, I was just another man. The only thing different was that I was the father of her child.
I took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly to calm myself. I’m sure she actually believed those words when she said them to me, but if she did, she was eventually going to find out that she was very, very wrong.
Latrice was correct in the fact that our main concern at the moment was our son. I’d agreed with her on that one. What I didn’t tell her was that I already had a plan. That plan included her and me together in the end.
There was something missing in my life, and I didn’t even know it. It wasn’t until she walked into the station that I realized that I’d just been going through the motions for the previous ten years. I’d been moving through life with no direction whatsoever.
Once I saw her, I realized that there was still an intense attraction between us, and found out that we had a son together, I wanted something that I didn’t think I was every going to get to experience again in life.
I wanted happiness.
My thoughts were shattered by the sound of the phone ringing. The light on the phone showed it was coming from the front desk, so I grabbed it, annoyed at the interruption.
“Yeah?”
“Officer Sparks, the Walker kid just arrived. You want me to send him into your office?”
I looked at the clock, surprised by how quickly the time had been ticking by. “Yes, go ahead and send him in.”
* * *
I could feel the kid watching me. I’d felt it all afternoon. He wasn’t watching me non-stop, but it had gotten progressively worse.
Now that he had finished everything I’d assigned him to do, and I brought him into my office to do his homework, I could feel him watching me like a hawk.
Going through what seemed like a never-ending supply of paperwork and written reports that needed my review, the room was eerily quiet. The only sound was pages turning whenever CJ needed to look through his book to find an answer to a question.
Whenever I glanced up to check on him, I always seemed to catch him looking at me. He was looking at me as though I was a puzzle that needed to be solved. Whenever I caught him, he would quickly avert his eyes, hoping he wouldn’t notice.
Why did he keep staring at me? Was it because he was aware of who I was? I wondered what was going on in that brain of his.
Perhaps he was studying my features, trying to find similarities between mine and his own. The similarities were there. People at the station were even beginning to notice, although almost nobody had said anything.
They didn’t have to. I could see their eyes moving from me to him and back.
I glanced up and, once again, caught CJ staring at me.
This time, I decided something needed to be said.
“Are you all right?” I asked.
CJ, who had already looked back down at his book, glanced back up at me. “Yeah, I’m fine. Why are you asking me that?”
“Well, whenever I look up to make sure you’re doing your work, I catch you staring at me. I’m just curious to know why. Do I have a booger in my nose or something?”
CJ was trying hard not to laugh at that statement.
“I really don’t like that I have to sit here. I did what you asked me to do. I just don’t understand why I can’t go home. Why do I have to be here to do my homework? I can do it at home. That’s why they call it homework.”
“You finished what I had you do around here really fast today. If I let you go that quickly, you might not take me seriously.”
“I don’t take you seriously now,” he mumbled under his breath.
“What’s that?”
“Nothing. Hey, is it true that Jeremy Sparks is your brother?”
I lifted my head up, surprised by the question he asked. “What? Why are you asking? Who told you that?” I asked, wanting so badly to tell him that not only was he my brother, but he was also his uncle.
“Dakota and Spencer. They’re two kids from my school.”
I knew exactly who he was talking about. “So you met Dakota and Spencer, huh?”
“Yeah. I just met them today. They talked to me after school. We were talking about my bike. They wanted me to ride home with them, but I had to say no because you are making me come here.”
If there were any kids I’d want CJ to make friends with, it would be Dakota and Spencer. I knew for a fact that they were both good kids. I was actually friends with their parents.
They’d be a good influence on my son. They were really good students, they played on my football team, they were involved in youth group at church and were always helping people in need.
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