Too Many Reasons

by Kristen Strassel

  “This is New Orleans. We don’t hide our good stuff. We keep it right out in the open.”

  “Now I’m going to expect you to deliver.” He waggled his eyebrows, but then put his hand over mine and his expression softened. “You’ve been my favorite part of this city so far, Abby.”

  I couldn’t stop thinking about Eli. And it scared the hell out of me.

  He still wanted to take me out, even though I’d just nodded awkwardly after he’d said you’ve been my favorite part of this city so far, Abby and practically ran into my house. It didn’t sound like New Orleans had welcomed Eli with open arms, because I certainly didn’t feel like I had.

  I’m not sure how he got my phone number, but he had it, and we’d been texting for the last couple of days. I had plenty of time to talk to him, considering I hadn’t talked to Devon since the party.

  “I wish I’d listened to you.” Even I could admit when Mallory was right. She was all too willing to listen to everything I had to say about Eli, simply because he wasn’t Devon.

  “Hell yeah.” She fist pumped with the hand that didn’t hold her coffee. “Can I get that tattooed somewhere on my body? Or at least framed? No. A Billboard. That’s what I want.”

  “If you want.” I laughed. She didn’t even know what I was talking about yet. “But I should have gone out with one of the random guys you tried to set me up with.” Mallory and I didn’t have the same taste in anything, when you factored Devon out the equation, it actually made us decent roommates. But she liked clean cut, athletic guys that I insisted I’d have absolutely zero to talk about with, even on the off chance I did find them attractive. Of course, there’s a lot more to someone than looks. I’d tried to talk to some of them when she forced me to, and it was always a disaster. After five minutes, they always looked at me like I’d landed here from another planet. Even if we did hit it off, truth be told, I still probably wouldn’t have gone out with them.

  Because they weren’t Devon.

  Yeah, I know.

  “Yes. You should have. Even if it was just for the free dinner. They don’t all have to be marriage material, Ab. It’s just a good time. And if it leads to another good time, even better. I know what you’re doing right now, because I know you. You’re making way too big a deal out of this.”

  Marriage material? Slow down, Mallory. It was just a first date. “Kinda.”

  “Think about the places we like to go. Just because he’s a guy doesn’t mean he won’t like it.” It had been so long since we’d had a normal conversation that didn’t involve Mallory scolding me over all my life choices, I just wanted to hug her. I missed this stuff, and I couldn’t take her bitching at me anymore.

  I hadn’t realized how bad things had become until they started to get good again.

  She looked up over her laptop and sighed. “I’m not even sure you’re into this guy. Don’t tell me you’re letting Devon hold you back.”

  His name was like a dirty fingerprint on the conversation. “No.” I said quickly, and Mallory smiled in victory. “Eli’s not like any of the other guys I’ve met. Out with the band or at school.”

  She perked up at the mention of his name. “That’s the reality show guy, isn’t it?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Cool. I liked him on The Spotlight.” Mallory nodded in approval. “What makes him different?”

  “He’s from New Jersey.”

  She laughed. “It’s not another planet.”

  “I know. But he just says what he means. No games.” Saying it out loud, I realized something. “It’s nice.”

  “He sounds like a man. Not a boy.”

  “Yeah,” I said quietly, more to myself than her. “That’s it.”

  Eli said no touristy stuff, but I figured he’d want to do something that was authentically New Orleans. I didn’t want to pick anything too fancy, too date-like. I took Mallory’s advice and picked things like I was going out with her. No big deal. Like I did this all the time.

  I was freaking out.

  Eli liked my dress up clothes, but for what I had planned, one of my show outfits would be overdoing it. But I didn’t want to dress like I did for school, in jeans and a T-shirt. I split the difference, and picked a plaid flared mini skirt with a Draw the Line era Aerosmith tank top, and a denim vest. And my high granny boots, because I wore them every day.

  I was ready way too early. I didn’t expect Eli for another half an hour. Mallory had already left, somewhere between my fifth and sixth outfit change. Once I realized I was pacing back and forth across the apartment aimlessly, I flopped down on the futon and picked something on Netflix to pass the time. And tried to relax. When my phone buzzed, I jumped. It wasn’t time for Eli to be here yet, and I prayed he hadn’t changed his mind. The sound filled me with dread before I even picked up the phone.

  Hey.

  Devon.

  Seriously?

  Hey. I texted back. Where have you been?

  The moon. Cute, but I still rolled my eyes.

  Good place for you.

  Ha. I miss you. What are you doing?

  I started typing at least half a dozen times, deleting everything. I’m going out with Eli.

  My heart pounded as I stared at the screen, waiting for an answer.

  Oh yeah? That’s cool.

  I didn’t know what I’d wanted the answer to be, but the one I got made me feel lighter. And disappointed all the same.

  The next message was from Eli. I’m out front. I would’ve come up but I wasn’t sure which doorbell was yours.

  I tossed my phone into my purse and headed downstairs without answering anyone.

  “That was quick.” Eli leaned against his car, a slow smile spread across his face. He wore a V-necked black T-shirt, his tan arms strong and crossed low against his stomach, and jeans. He’d done something different to his hair, or maybe it was just the light. It was pushed forward toward his face, brown with golden highlights, accentuating his cheekbones and the line of his jaw. This was the first time I looked at him without even a shred of contempt, and he looked amazing. Like, stop me dead in my tracks amazing. Being irritated with Devon made me forget to be nervous, but seeing Eli brought it all rushing back.

  I shrugged. “I was ready to go.”

  “Another great outfit.” His eyes slid down my body, then he opened the car door for me. “Classic Aerosmith. Nice.”

  “Some bands were just better when they were on drugs.” I got in the car. “Thanks.”

  “I’ve been looking forward to this since you said you’d go out with me,” he said as he buckled himself in.

  “Those are some pretty big expectations.” A butterfly garden danced in my stomach. “I hope I live up to them.”

  “Not a doubt in my mind.” He smiled, making me melt before he started the car. “Where to?”

  “Uptown. There’s this cool little bar with great food up there. Don’t worry, the tourists don’t know about it.”

  “Sounds perfect.”

  “Turn the car around, and I’ll tell you how to get there.” I’d been down these streets a thousand times. My dad had driven a cab for a living and he made sure I knew the city inside and out. I think it had been a way of trying to protect me from surroundings. Somehow, tonight it all seemed new, and all bets were off.

  “It’s cool that you know your way around. Everyone else just relies on GPS. That’s how you miss the good stuff,” he said.

  “I like to know where I’m going.”

  “Smart girl.” I almost forgot to tell him to take the turn. “What do you do when you’re not wrangling future rock stars?”

  “School. I’m studying management, but for entertainment. I graduate in May.”

  “Then you’ll be a professional rock star wrangler.”

  “Something like that.” I sighed. “If that’s even a real job. I haven’t heard from any of the places I applied to for internships yet.” And I was getting more nervous every time someone in my classes came in waving a
n acceptance letter. “More likely, I’ll wind up going into film production like the rest of my class.”

  “Is this it?” he asked, gesturing to the restaurant and I nodded. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone sound so bummed out about working in the movie industry.”

  That’s what everyone said. “It’s not for me. My sister loves it. Everyone in my classes talks about movies like they’re old friends of theirs, not the actors but the actual movies and I can’t even follow. Music is my love. That’s what I’ve always wanted to do.” Eli opened the door to the restaurant, and I could tell he was surprised to see there was a counter to order at. Down and dirty, just like he asked for. “I know there’s a lot on the menu, but trust me. You want the shrimp and grits.”

  He nodded. “Shrimp and grits it is. Do you want a beer?”

  I wanted a drink more than I could even explain. “I’d like a hurricane.” I had to stick with my Magdalena’s tradition, even if I’d come here with someone new.

  “Sounds good.” Eli ordered for both of us, then I tried to give him money. “What the hell are you doing?” I jumped back as he waved his hand toward my wallet, shooing me away. “Your money is no good here.”

  “If you insist.” Devon and I were constantly having to scrape money together to do anything, so paying for things was a team effort. I had to keep reminding myself, this wasn’t Devon. “I’ll grab a table.”

  Setting the plastic numbered tent on the table, Eli joined me. “Have you thought about staying with Sinister Riot? We need you more than ever. How long have you been the manager?” I was surprised how quickly he referred to the band as ‘we.’ But I liked it. He wasn’t just out for himself.

  “Since before the band had all its members. No one’s talked to me about if anything is going to be different, and I’m not sure how the record deal will change things.” When the lawyer explained everything to me, it all dealt with the band. He didn’t say anything about the supporting cast. “I don’t know if the record company has someone in mind.”

  With that kind of money on the line, they probably would want a professional.

  “I hired my own manager.” Why did Eli need his own manager, if he was in the band now? Maybe he was still out for himself. What did he want? “There’s no reason why the band can’t do the same. The timing is perfect for you. And I’ve been told more than once you’re a force to be reckoned with. Everyone says none of this would be possible without you.”

  “What are they saying?” I smiled coyly and wrapped my hand around the glass the waiter had just brought over.

  “That you work tirelessly to make sure the band gets what it needs, and that they care about your opinion on the new songs.”

  It was no secret I’d been at none of the practices since he’d joined the band, but I was glad Eli thought I was still in some sort of control.

  “I do what I can.” I took a sip of my drink, greeting the warmth that flooded my belly. “Explain to me how you wound up in the band?” Since no one had yet.

  Eli rubbed his hand over his face, then started sliding his beer bottle back and forth between his hands. “I’m a much better guitar player then I am a singer. I was never comfortable on The Spotlight standing in front of the microphone and singing. But I did what I had to do to win, and get the contract. Everyone agreed that I’d be better in either an established band or an up and coming one. It was just timing, really. The guys at the label hesitated on Sinister Riot because of Caleb. He’s a great guy, and a good songwriter, but his licks are a little sloppy.”

  “I think he’s great.” I bristled. Caleb was much more part of the band than Eli was. Even if he was paying for my dinner.

  “He’s not bad, he’s just not the best. I’m not saying I am either, but we’re stronger together than we are on our own. Have you heard any of the new stuff yet?”

  “No.” And it really fucking bothered me. Maybe that’s why I was getting so defensive talking about the band. I remembered that I didn’t answer Devon’s text, and it felt good. I was usually the one waiting to hear from him.

  “I’ll have to play it for you. It’s really good. I’m excited.” The waiter brought our plates to the table. “So far, this is working out better than I expected it to.”

  “What did you expect?” I gestured to Eli’s plate with my fork. “They fry the grits here, that’s why they look like toast instead of mushy. Just break it up so then it sops up the gravy.”

  Eli did as he was told, then closed his eyes and moaned. “This is so good.” He swallowed his bite. “I had to prepare for the worst. I didn’t even think the band would go for the contract, since it came with me. When they did, I didn’t expect them to listen to any of my ideas. I mean, who the fuck am I to them, right?”

  “They can be a little stubborn sometimes.” I smiled. “But they listen when they know it’s the right thing.” I had to pay attention while I ate my dinner. I’d let myself get too hungry again, and my drink already made me feel a little lightheaded. The last thing I wanted was a lap full of grits.

  “To be honest, I wasn’t sure I wanted this, either. But I really like the band, and I hope that we can all make each other better. Not everything’s been easy, but like I said, I expected that.”

  “Is anyone giving you trouble?”

  Eli took a long sip of his beer. “Devon’s given me the most pushback.”

  I put down my fork and shook my head, looking out the window. “Of course.”

  “It’s good pushback, though. Most of the time.” He smirked. “It makes me work harder. Be better.”

  “So you can be the one who’s right?” I groaned when Eli shrugged. “Devon’s a good guy. He really cares about the band.”

  “I know that. I didn’t even want to bring it up.” Eli finished his dinner before I even got halfway through. I asked for a container for the rest of mine. “I don’t want to spend the night talking about Devon. I want to talk about Abby.”

  Heat rose in my cheeks. I almost said talking about Devon was talking about Abby, but that’s the last thing Eli would want to hear. And the last thing I wanted to admit.

  After Katrina, my mom was afraid. Of what she saw, what happened, how easily her life was ripped to shreds. My dad had insisted on coming back to New Orleans as soon as we were able to. Instead of fear, he felt protective of his city, and needed to put it back together with his own hands. My mom didn’t even make it a day.

  She wanted to go home, but she considered home Chicago, where she grew up. There was no way she’d leave me or Mallory behind, so even though my home was in ruins, she tore us away. That was the second disaster.

  Mallory fit right in, but I didn’t belong in Chicago. She might as well have brought me to the moon, that’s how well I acclimated. I couldn’t pretend nothing happened. I cried every day for her to let me go back and live with my dad, but she refused, because it wasn’t safe yet. I refused to do any of my school work. I was too angry about being there to reach out to anyone, and when no one tried to be my friend, I stopped caring about trying to fit in.

  Mallory stayed in Chicago until she graduated from high school, but the next summer, when the schools reopened, my mom let me come home. The New Orleans I came back to wasn’t the same place I remembered. So much was still turned upside down, broken, and ruined. But the spirit of the city hadn’t been destroyed, and I was back where I belonged.

  Our house had been condemned, the flood water ruined it, and my dad rented a tiny place in Marigny. He was only making a fraction of the money he had before the storm because the tourists had still been too afraid to come back.

  My school was gone, and students were shuffled into the few new ones that had opened. Devon and I found each other that first day in the lunch line. Tall and skinny, with his hair sticking up, skinny jeans and combat boots when they weren’t cool, and a Motley Crue T-shirt, I knew I had to talk to him. We skipped classes for the rest of the afternoon and have been inseparable ever since.

  It wasn�
�t until I met him that I truly felt like I was home. We loved all the same music, anything vintage rock and roll. Except for the Sex Pistols. I just couldn’t get into them, something about them was too ugly for me. Devon was the missing piece of my soul I didn’t even know I’d been looking for.

  Devon’s house had been destroyed, too, but unlike my mom, his mom didn’t have anywhere to run to. They’d been staying with anyone who’d take them for as long as they could since the hurricane. Sometimes he couldn’t get in touch with her, and he didn’t know where he was supposed to be staying for the night. My dad worked all the hours he could, trying to make whatever money there was available, so most of the time, it was just me and Devon.

  A lot of people didn’t understand why we were so close, or why I accepted our relationship even though it was far from perfect. We’d become each other’s family when Mother Nature ripped the ones we had apart.

  I snapped back to the present, with Eli. “What do you want to know?”

  “Favorite album.”

  Easy. “Bowie. Hunky Dory.”

  “Nice.” Eli nodded in approval. “You’re really into the classic stuff, huh?”

  “Yeah. That era of music is so experimental, everyone pushed the limits to see how far they could go. It was all new, and it was raw and honest. They didn’t give a damn if they offended anyone, but they actually had something to say. That’s what I like about it.”

  “That’s awesome.” Eli’s eyes sparkled. “Most girls I meet tell me they’re really into music, but all they know is Fall Out Boy.”

  “Who’s that?” My current artist expertise was limited to Sinister Riot. I knew that was going to bite me in the ass if I got a job at a record company, but my plan was to spin it as having a unique ear.

  “Oh my God, I think I just fell in love.” Eli put his hand over his heart. “Tell me more.”