Seeking Cedar

by Lori Meyer

  Chapter One

  High School.

  If it were only about the academics I could have hung in there but the social aspect was killing me. I had no desire to hang out with my fellow classmates, or anyone else for that matter. It had been over five years but I still hadn’t gotten over losing my dad. My mom wasn’t dealing any better with his loss and really wasn’t much help to me so I didn’t have anyone anymore. And adding to my misery, I now had a new step dad to put up with.

  Well, it was the end of the year and, luckily, I was already eighteen so it was pretty much set in stone that I wouldn’t be returning the next school year for my senior year. I didn’t really know what I was going to do but it didn’t matter, I couldn’t tolerate one more year.

  Slamming lockers and booming laughter brought me out of my depressing thoughts and drew my gaze down the hall. Brennan and some of his football buddies were carrying on.

  Detached, I watched as the group passed by my locker.

  Cuddled under Brennan’s left arm was a cute red head. The two of them met my eyes but only for a second. But before they looked away, I caught a glimpse of pity. I would have rather it been smugness, cruelty, anything but pity. I didn’t need anyone’s compassion. It was too late for that.

  Sure, Twila and I went out for a little while but it was doomed from the start. How could I let someone into a heart that was completely shattered? There was no repairing me and after a few short months she finally accepted that.

  I had just turned back to my locker to get my things so I could get the hell out of there when a gentle hand tapped on my shoulder. I twisted to find Twila gazing at me with forlorn eyes.

  “How are you doing, Kylan?” She nervously tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear and glanced briefly down the hall.

  Brennan was watching her curiously. He hadn’t talked to me in years. But I really couldn’t blame him.

  “Couldn’t be better. It’s the end of school and there is summer to look forward to.” My icy words sliced straight through her pleasantries as I turned back to shove the rest of my things into my locker.

  She put her hand on my arm. “Kylan, I really – “

  I spun around so fast; she took a step back and dropped her hand from my arm.

  “It’s been years, Twila. We’ve moved on and I’m fine.” My harsh tone cut through what was left of her good-natured attempt at conversation. I really wasn’t into small talk with my ex-girlfriend.

  Clutching her books to her chest, she started to walk away. “I know you’ve moved on from me. That’s not who I was talking about.” With that, she picked up her pace and joined Brennan.

  No, I hadn’t moved on from my dad. But I challenged anyone to tell me how I really could?

  Man, the last day of the school year couldn’t come fast enough.

  In frustration, I banged my locker door shut then turned in the opposite direction and strode out to my car.

  Once out in the school lot, I hurried over to my crimson colored Jetta and hopped in. After turning the key in the ignition, I threw my car in reverse and backed out of my spot. Then I peeled out of the lot and drove home.

  When I pulled into the driveway, my mom’s car wasn’t there. And to my pleasure, neither was my step dad’s.

  Ecken Vetero was a nuisance. Not only did he try to replace a father he would never be able to measure up to, there was just something else about him that I couldn’t quite put a finger on. And his son, Slade, well, I was just glad he was a few years older than me and didn’t live with us. I only had to put up with him on holidays.

  After letting myself into the house, I rushed up to my room and set up the PlayStation. Several rounds of NHL FaceOff were sure to improve my mood. Video games had become my release.

  My mom spent most of her time at work, sleeping, or staring at a television show she wasn’t watching. Not that I wanted to see her get hurt again – I really couldn’t imagine Ecken filled the void left in her heart when my dad died – but it made no sense that Ecken stuck around. She wasn’t much company for anyone.

  A couple hours later, two cars pulled into the driveway. The car doors slammed shut followed shortly by the front door.

  However, I stayed in my room until I was called for supper. It hurt not talking with my mom – that rift began so many years ago and just kept growing – but I didn’t know how to reach her. And there was no way in hell I was going to go hang out with good ole step dad.

  About thirty minutes later, the aroma of seasoned chicken crept up the stairs and into my room.

  “Kylan, it’s time for dinner.” My mom’s vacant voice barely reached my ears.

  “Be down in a minute,” I yelled as I switched off my PlayStation.

  When I got to the kitchen, it was the same old same old. Ecken was sitting at the head of the table thinking it was his divine right to be served.

  I glared at him as I moved to grab some dishes from the overhead cupboard that hung to the right of the sink.

  “What all settings do we need, Mom? Apparently, Ecken had a long day and can’t be bothered to set the table.” My dad had always helped my mom get supper ready and then clean it up afterwards.

  “Now, Kylan – “ My mom’s quiet voice didn’t hold even a hint of scolding as she set down the plate of chicken.

  “Kylan has told me countless times I’m not his father so I don’t feel right taking over this responsibility.” Ecken cut off my mom. Not that that was anything new.

  “You choose what you want to take over.” I mumbled under my breath as I walked over to the table and set down the plates.

  “Grab some forks and knives while I finish up the rest of supper.” My mom moved over to the stove to finish stirring the mashed potatoes and green beans.

  “It’s okay, you rest.” I waved my hand dismissively at Ecken. “I got this covered. Wouldn’t want you to pull something and then not be able to work.” I turned to retrieve the utensils from the drawer beside the dishwasher. I had no idea where he worked – that was just a perfect opportunity for a jab – nor did I care enough to inquire about it.

  Ecken’s annoying response was to chuckle.

  I really wanted to tick him off so badly that he’d take a swing. It was the only way to get rid of him. That was probably why he never did; he knew how to play the game.

  After the table was set and my mom brought over the rest of the food, we ate in silence. It didn’t bother me one bit. The faster I got out of Ecken’s presence the better.

  However, just as I was about to take my empty plate to the sink, he broke the unspoken code of silence.

  “Kylan, Slade is coming in tonight. I’m taking the two of you hiking tomorrow. Be ready by seven so we can get in some walking time before it gets too hot.” He leaned back in his chair and pushed his plate away.

  “I don’t hike.” I grumbled.

  “Correction, you didn’t hike with your father. This is something we can do.”

  “Thanks for the offering of some ‘get-to-know-you time’, but no thanks. I really do appreciate the offer but I’m fine.” I started to get up.

  “I wasn’t asking you. Those are the plans for tomorrow.” Ecken sat up in his chair, ran a hand agitatedly through his brown hair, and fixed me with a pointed stare. “There will be no argument nor will we fight about it, so get that idea out of your head, Boy. We’ll go so as to not upset your mom. She thinks it’s a great idea too, don’t you, Dear.” Apparently, he wasn’t asking her either.

  There was one consolation, however: at least he didn’t use the same endearment my dad used to with her.

  I glanced over at my mom. She just nodded – her eyes empty yet sorrow still managed to claim residence there.

  After picking up my dishes, I headed into the kitchen to rinse and place them in the dishwasher. Then without another utterance, I trudged to my room for the night.

  Ecken had irritated me so badly that I couldn’t
even achieve the usual enjoyment I experienced when I checked people while playing my hockey game. So after a few hours, restlessness completely overtook me and I decided I needed some fresh air. After poking my head out of the bedroom doorway, satisfaction coursed throughout me when it was as I had hoped. The house was quiet. My mom and Ecken had gone to bed early.

  Quietly, I slipped down the stairs, out the front door, and started down the steps.

  “Where are you going at this late hour, Mr. Turner?” A deep voice, with a hint of amusement, emerged out of nowhere.

  Startled, I spun around to find Slade sprawled out on one of the lounging chairs on the front porch overlooking the azalea bushes. His dark eyes, long hair, and the fact that his height and build took up the entire chair created a menacing figure.

  “What’s it to you? You’re not my dad.” I shoved my hand through my hair. I hoped to hell he wasn’t staying with us for the weekend.

  “Speaking of Dad, we have an early morning tomorrow.” He crossed his feet and folded his hands behind his head, as if he were going to be settling in there for a while.

  Great, step bro was here already for some quality time with the family.

  “He’s not my dad.” I didn’t even attempt to stop the venom from dripping from my words. “No one can replace my dad.”

  “Still so touchy about that. It’s been, what, over five years now.” He tilted his head as if considering something. “You need to get over the grief and focus on the anger over the whole situation.”

  Whatever. He was a freaking loon just like his father. I turned and continued down the steps.

  “It’s a shame that man was never brought to justice. You should think about that, Kylan.”

  “You’re a jackass, Slade.” After I descended the last step, I continued on up the road. His words trailed after me and stabbed me like angry pixies with pitchforks. He was right but I didn’t like thinking too much about that. It brought about strong emotions I didn’t want to deal with. There was already too much hurt festering in there; I didn’t have room to acknowledge the suppressed anger too. Besides, where would it all end up going? Blown up into a million pieces in a near nuclear explosion of raw emotion, I feared.

  The drunk who had struck my dad’s car and killed him fled the scene and was never found. The only way the police knew it was a drunk driving incident was because of the heavy alcohol smell and the empty bottles strewn throughout the car’s interior. But like I said, I didn’t like to think about that.

  Without really having a destination in mind, my feet guided me to Brennan’s house. I remained a safe distance away so that no one would spot me.

  He still had everything going for him and I couldn’t help the sparks of envy that surged through me.

  And of all the things he had, the dad was the one thing I would have given anything to have back.