Familiar

by Roseau, Robin

  "Can I hold more than you can?"

  "Yes, even now. How much more, I don't know. That's why I can't completely judge when we can hold the ritual." She paused. "If I took you with me, I could draw the magic in and feed it to you directly. But you're not up for that."

  "I don't want your filthy magic," I told her. "Keep it."

  "Look at me," she ordered. And when I turned to face her, her lips were pressed together tightly and her eyes narrowed. She took my hands in hers, and I saw her magic gather, then slide down her arms towards me.

  I began to struggle, trying to free myself from her, but she said, "Stop struggling." I grew still, and I watched in horror as her magic slid into me, filling me slightly. It was all I could do to avoid gagging.

  She gave me fresh orders to govern my behavior while she was gone.

  * * * *

  By Thursday lunch, I was, by-and-large, fit. We kept my wounds bandaged, but they were on the mend, and I could move around nearly as good as new. "You will go back to work on Monday," Arianna declared.

  "When are you releasing Neal?"

  "After the ritual."

  I studied her. "Is that incentive for me to go through with it?"

  "Yes."

  "You'll leave my friends and family alone after that."

  "Yes. We'll be leaving Bayfield though."

  "And going where? Someplace exotic?"

  "If you consider Madison exotic, then yes."

  "Madison? We're going to Madison?"

  She looked embarrassed. "I am not allowed to leave Wisconsin."

  "Why not?"

  "I made someone very powerful, very angry. I don't want to talk about it today."

  I laughed. "He banished you to Wisconsin?"

  "She," Arianna said. "And it's not funny!"

  "Yes, it is."

  "Laugh it up," she said. "If I hadn't been banished here, I never would have found you. The laugh is on her now. I consider you well worth it."

  "Familiars don't exactly grow on trees, after all."

  "No, they don't," she said. "Familiars with your fire especially."

  "When will we leave?"

  "In a month or two."

  She told me to call work. I told my boss I would be in on Monday. He was relieved to hear from me. I answered questions as vaguely as I could. When I was done, I turned to Arianna. "May we sit outside? It's a nice day."

  "Yes," she said. "I would like that."

  For the first time since getting back from the hospital, she had let me dress that morning. Still, she remained solicitous as I stepped out onto the deck. There were a couple of deck chairs there, including a two-place recliner. Arianna retrieved the cushion for that one, and we sat together, side-by-side. I leaned against her.

  She smelled good.

  "I should hate you," I told her. I buried my nose against her. "This isn't fair, Arianna. You smell so good."

  "What isn't fair about it?" she asked me, wrapping an arm around me.

  "That you made me feel like this, but you don't feel the same way about me."

  "Just that I smell good?"

  "No. Everything. But yes, the smelling good part, too."

  "Honey," she said. "You smell better than anyone I've ever had before." She paused. "Well, when you aren't angry at me. Your scent changes depending upon your moods."

  "So when I'm horny, that's when I smell good."

  "No. Right now, you smell the best. Although you smell really good horny, too."

  She said the last with a small chuckle. "Now you're making fun of me."

  "Maybe a little. But I'm not lying."

  I tucked my legs up and cuddled even more tightly against her. I felt a level of self-disgust, but at the same time, she felt good. "Are you making me do this?" I asked her.

  "Other than to help you sleep, I haven't cast any magic on you since I unbuckled you from the table," she said. "This is all you."

  "And the emotions you made me feel for you."

  "Yes, but those are real emotions," she said.

  We didn't talk for a while, but then she sighed.

  "Bored?" I asked her.

  "No," she said. "Very happy."

  "Why?"

  "Because you feel very good, Moira." She kissed the top of my head.

  "Are you... taking magic from me?"

  "No," she replied. "This is the enjoyment of cuddling with a beautiful woman I care for."

  "I'm plain, and you don't care for me except as a familiar."

  "Neither of those is true," she said. "But I understand it will take you some time to believe me."

  I fell asleep cuddled against her. She got up at some point, because the next thing I knew, she was reading quietly with me still cuddling with her.

  "How did you do that?" I asked. "Without waking me."

  "That was magic," she said. "I used just enough magic you could sleep while I got a book."

  "I'm boring you," I told her.

  "No. I can't imagine a more pleasant way to spend the afternoon than to have you right where you are."

  I pulled away a little so I could look at her. She was looking down into my eyes, and I thought perhaps she was telling me the truth.

  "How does going for a walk sound? Not as good as cuddling in the chair?"

  "A short walk?"

  I nodded.

  "Will you let me hold your hand?"

  "Forget I asked," I said. I pulled away from her.

  "Come on," she said. "We can take a short walk."

  We climbed from the recliner. We descended the short steps to the grass in front of the cottage. There wasn't a lake or anything; it was a cottage in the woods.

  "Where are we?"

  "We're on the edge of some national forest lands," she said. "There are trails. I haven't investigated them. I wanted the cottage because it is isolated."

  We walked slowly, first once around the cabin, and then she pointed out a trail leading away from the back of the cottage. "I don't know where that goes, but we're not going to go very far. Only a few minutes."

  I found myself reaching for her hand anyway. "This isn't fair," I said a minute or two later. "I hate you."

  "No you don't," she replied. "You want to hate me, but the magic won't let you."

  "I'm never going to stop trying to convince you to free me."

  "I know."

  It felt nice to walk down the trail. We walked for about ten minutes before she turned us around. By the time we got back to the cabin, I was sweating and clutching at her for support.

  "Too far?" she asked.

  "Maybe, but it felt nice."

  She helped me to bed. "Will you stay?" I asked, after she tucked me in.

  "Do you need a pill?"

  I thought about it. "No, but maybe later."

  "Let me get us something to each drink and a couple of books, and I'll stay with you."

  I started to cry.

  "Oh honey," she said, caressing my cheek. "What's wrong?"

  "I don't want to feel this way about you," I told her. "If you would be mean, it would be easier to keep hating you."

  "I won't apologize then," she said. "What would you like to drink?"

  "Whatever you are having, I guess," I said.

  I fell asleep before she returned, but woke back up as she climbed into bed with me. We weren't under the covers; we just had a light blanket pulled over us. She gave me a glass of lemonade, and when I had taken as much as I wanted, she set it aside. I cuddled against her and fell back asleep, my head resting against her shoulder.

  Later, after dinner, she announced she would be going out again. "You will stay inside and rest," she ordered. "You may read or watch movies, of course."

  "May I go outside, Arianna? Please?"

  She frowned.

  "I'm not trying to escape or anything. It's a nice evening. I'll stay on the deck or in the yard immediately in front of the deck."

  "Do you promise to do nothing to jeopardize your recovery?"

  "Pro
mise," I said.

  "You know, I'm going to have to make that an order."

  I nodded.

  "All right. You may go outside, onto the deck or grass in front of the deck. You will go no further than twenty paces from the steps, and you will not over do it."

  "Thank you."

  Her frown deepened. "If you abuse this, you will find your liberties severely curtailed in the future. I say this for your health, Moira. Do you understand?"

  "Yes, Arianna."

  "Neal," she said, turning to him. "If you believe she is over doing it, you will call me immediately."

  "Yes, Arianna," he said.

  I sat on the bed and watched as she got ready to go. I didn't like it, and I felt the jealousy climbing. When she finished, she looked stunning. My heart ached, watching her.

  She turned to me. "I would rather stay here with you," she told me. She crossed the room and stood a few feet in front of me.

  "May I touch you, Moira?"

  "I can't stop you," I told her a little sullenly. I was being petulant and I knew it. She turned to leave.

  "Wait, Arianna. Please."

  She turned back to face me. I held my hands out, and she lifted me to my feet. I folded into her arms and buried my face in her neck. I wrapped my arms around her and clutched her.

  "I don't want to be needy. I don't want to need you!"

  "I am going to tell you something," she said. "Come, we'll sit outside and I'll tell you."

  She pulled me outside with her. The cushion was still on the recliner, and we sat together.

  "Now, you maybe won't believe me. I have wrapped you in three spells, multiple layers of each. They are Love, Devotion and Obedience. Do you know why?"

  "Obedience is so I won't escape or kill you in your sleep."

  "Yes," she said. "And I've had experience with someone trying to kill me in my sleep."

  "Who?"

  "My first familiar."

  "You told me you used the same spells you used on me," I told her.

  "I did. But eventually I grew to trust her, and when she asked, I removed the obedience spell. I kept the other two. Two nights later, she tried to kill me. I barely survived, and she died instead."

  "I see," I said coldly.

  "I have learned a lot since then, Moira," she said. "I will not give you the reasons to want me dead that I gave her."

  "You already have," I told her.

  "No. With her, I was cruel. I am much older and much wiser now."

  I didn't reply to that.

  "The love and devotion spells hurt more," I said instead. "You are going out to find other people, and I am unbelievably jealous."

  "You remember I said I was apprenticed to another witch."

  "Yes, and you suggested she used these spells on you."

  "She did. But I figured out how to break the love and devotion spells. It took me a very, very long time to break the obedience spell."

  "And?"

  "It was horrible, Moira. Horrible. I spent years in what was to me pure hell. I found out later she had let me break the first two as punishment for my attitude. Moira, being the familiar to someone you don't love is a lot, lot worse than being the familiar to someone you love."

  "Either way, I am to be your familiar."

  "If not mine, then someone else's. So yes, mine."

  We cuddled there for several minutes, and then she began disengaging herself from me.

  "Please, Arianna. Don't go. Please stay with me. Don't go to someone else. I'll give you what you want. Promise you are mine, and only mine, and I'll agree to the ritual."

  "Oh honey. Familiars are magic batteries, Moira," she said. "They are not generators."

  I clutched at her. "That doesn't make sense. You said I had magic around me."

  "Yes, magic you absorbed over a lifetime of walking this world with no one to draw it off of you. You didn't generate any of it yourself. You absorb it, and you flavor it, making it especially lovely."

  "Please don't go, Arianna!" I clutched at her.

  "I'm sorry, Moira." She sounded sad. "Let me go now, and remember your orders."

  I released her immediately.

  "Arianna! This is cruel." I turned away. "I guess I should expect that from a witch."

  Ritual

  Saturday morning, I woke slowly. I stretched and opened my eyes.

  "Good morning," said Arianna.

  I rolled to my right and was nose to nose with her.

  "You didn't wake me when you came home."

  "I did," she said. "But you fell asleep while I was giving you the magic."

  I looked down at my body, and I glowed with her magic. I inhaled.

  "I feel full," I said, meaning the magic. "You gave me the magic while I was asleep?"

  "Yes. You cuddled against me while I was doing it. It was sweet."

  "It feels weird," I said. "If you can do this to me, why do you need to claim me?"

  "Several reasons," she said. "First, as a claimed familiar, no one else can come along and take you from me without killing me first. And killing a witch tends to burn out the familiar."

  "Dead?"

  "No, not unless whatever killed me also was directed against you. But you wouldn't be a familiar anymore, or even if you were, the magic that came off of you would be chaotic and difficult to control."

  "That sounds like a winning situation for me."

  "Most familiars who get burnt out like that tend to go insane shortly after. You may not realize it, but you have spent your entire life feeling magic, and the feeling you would have without it is not healthy for you."

  "Oh. Are you saying that just so I'll help protect you?"

  She smiled. "No. It's the truth, as I know it."

  "I can't tell if you're lying."

  "I haven't lied to you yet and I don't intend to. Next reason. As a bound familiar, your capacity to hold magic, and the rate at which you can transfer it, goes up dramatically."

  "How dramatically?"

  "It varies, I guess. My first familiar, once I claimed her, had your current capacity."

  I stared at her. "After you claimed her?"

  "Yes. You are very special, Moira."

  "Are there other reasons?"

  "As my familiar, I can tap into you across any distance. I will always know where you are, and you will know where I am. And you gain my health and longevity benefits. And some witches develop other forms of rapport with their familiars, or so I've heard."

  "Like what?"

  "I may be able to sense your emotions, or you mine. I may be able to see from your eyes, or you from mine. We may be able to talk mind to mind. Things like that. These are rumors. I did not share any of these with my familiar. I am not counting on any of them with you, but I won't be surprised if we share them, either."

  I studied her, then rolled away, curling up. "Doing all this to me against my will is wrong."

  She rolled closer to me, but didn't touch me. "I know."

  "But you're doing it anyway."

  "Yes."

  "It is selfish and evil."

  "Maybe," she said. "Serve me willingly, Moira."

  "What?"

  "Don't make me force you to take the ritual. Take it willingly."

  "Is there a practical difference either way?"

  "Only symbolic, and your own attitude. And, I suppose, my attitude. If you serve me willingly, it's not evil. It's not wrong."

  "You've already done that part," I pointed out. "You put these spells on me." I narrowed my eyes. "You just ordered me to do something, but I don't feel obliged to follow the order."

  "Intent is everything in the obedience spell," she replied. "I don't intend them as orders. I am asking. Pleading. Please. Take the ritual willingly."

  "Either way, I am taking it?"

  "Yes. Part of me is sorry. Yes, either way, you are taking it."

  "When are we doing it?"

  "After lunch," she said. "You may pick where."

  "Downtown Bayfi
eld," I said immediately.

  She laughed. "I should speak more carefully."

  "So that's a 'no' to doing it on the wharf while the boats drift past?"

  "I'm sorry."

  "What is involved?"

  "I cast a spell, and I pour it into a goblet."

  "A goblet? A magical goblet?"

  "I could use a disposable coffee cup," she replied with a smile. "But it lacks a certain cachet, don't you think? I found a very nice crystal water goblet in town I want to use."

  "Then what?"

  "Then we drink from the goblet. Me, then you, then me, then you. The spell is mixed with any liquid we wish. I was going to use water."

  "Is that it?"

  "Well, it's a very difficult spell, and it will consume all the magic you have stored for me. I will have to drain you."

  "If I hold as much now as your first familiar did after becoming a familiar, how did you do it with her?"

  "The spell requires me to drain you from full to empty. It does not care how much that is. You must go from full to empty."

  "So I could agree to do this willingly, then pour the spell onto the ground?"

  "Yes. And we would have to start over."

  I thought about that. "How long will the ritual take?"

  "I'm not sure. It was a very long time ago that I did it the first time. We started after dinner, and it was late when we were done. I do not know if it will take the same amount of time with you."

  She let me spend the morning outside. I didn't start to become nervous again until we were eating lunch.

  There must have been something in my expression, because Arianna said, "Don't be frightened, Moira."

  "Will it hurt?"

  "No, honey."

  "Will I still be... me?"

  "Yes. Entirely you. And a little more."

  "I don't want to do this, Arianna. Please let me go."

  "I'm sorry, Moira. No."

  "How long ago did you have your familiar?"

  "She died in 1890," Arianna said.

  "You've managed over 120 years without a familiar. Surely you don't need one."

  "You're right," she said. "I don't need one. But I want you. Not just a familiar. Yes, I want a familiar. But I want you, Moira. And even if I were willing to release you, I am not willing to let anyone else have you. Some might treat you better than I will, but most would not."

  "No one knows I am here," I said. "Now that I know more, I could hide better."