by L. Ann Marie
I open my eyes. “Fuck. She’s gone, but the women lived.” I put my hands on my head. Dakota’s hand is there and I feel the heat.
“The women lived Taylor. You saved them to go on and help others.”
“Yeah.” I’m shaking and try to relax. “There was no smell today.”
He shakes his head no. “You were not a danger to you or Beth tonight either.”
“Why does it feel like this?”
He looks sad and I close my eyes. I know, but I don’t want to see it. “It is just the way it is Taylor. It will ease, but you will still have times that they are louder and more focused. It feels worse because you have had some good nights with no memory at all.”
I nod. “I did. I had good nights. Thank fuck for the good nights.” I hear Beth laugh and turn to her. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
She smiles. “No. You moved me away and Dakota was here. He must have known you’d need him tonight. I’m not jealous or anything.”
Dakota laughs. It takes me a minute to understand and I smile. “Fuckin’ Beth.”
“You will be fine now. I will see you on the chopper Brother.”
“Thanks Dakota.” He throws me chin and walks out.
Beth lays on my arm. We’re the wrong way on the bed, but she doesn’t seem to care. “Thank you Precious.”
“Do you want to go for a walk? I feel like I have too much energy to sleep.” She sits up.
“Yeah.” I could use a bottle of Jack, but a walk might work. We walk the beach and I feel relaxed. “I have to go to Mass tomorrow.”
“Yes. Mucimi needs to see your mom and you Kevin.” She sits on a rock and I lift her and sit with her on my lap.
“Yeah. You’re on at noon. I’ll pick you up.”
She smiles. I love that smile. “It’s only a six-hour shift.”
This is a surprise. “How come?” She works twelve-hour days.
“They have Andrea’s replacement. I was working some of her shifts, but I don’t have to anymore. I went back to a regular schedule too. Four days on and three off. I like being home more now and I don’t need the extra day.”
I squeeze her. “I’ll like seeing you more. I love you Precious Beth.”
She smiles. “I love you too. When we have kids, are they going to be freaky too?”
I laugh. “Probably. I think it’s in the water. It’s fuckin’ weird.” I kiss her thinking about our kids.
We sit until she yawns. Walking back, I ask, “Do you want to go to the Club tomorrow?”
“Yeah. I’ll bring clothes.” She trips and I carry her home. She’s sleeping before I get in the door.
Chapter Twenty
Two days
Beth
I’m excited Emma is coming to dinner at Brantley’s. “Love to see the sun shining in your smile. When the nights were bad I always thought of your smile radiating sunshine. I’d go to your house or the hospital just to see it.”
Really? “That’s creepy and so sugary.”
He laughs. “Sugary?”
I nod smiling. “For the word that must not be spoken. You know who that reminds me of? Vincent. I can’t wait to tell Emma!”
His head goes back. “Who the fuck is Vincent? And why is his name mentioned in our bed?”
I crack up. “He’s a character from an old TV show, Beauty and the Beast. Emma has the whole collection. We watched the whole thing once on our vacation; it was awesome. He used to follow the woman and make sure she was safe, but he loved her and got something from it too. He loved to see her smile and do well. You could be Vincent; you have the hair for it.”
He laughs and I want to kiss him. I love to see him smile, especially after a hard night. “Can I lick your tattoo?” He laughs more. I wait until he finishes.
“You’re waiting for me to answer, aren’t you?” He’s still smiling.
“Yes. You lick my tattoo, but every time I try you move me. Tattoo licking should have equal time. I’m surprised it isn’t an old lady rule. You have all those other ones.”
He’s laughing again so I get up. He catches me by the waist and pulls me back. “Lick away Precious Beth.”
I smile and kiss him. “You love me.”
“Yeah.” He smiles while I lick down his neck. I follow the swirls on his chest, tugging his ring then down his stomach. I love how the tattoo covers half his top and the opposite side is covered on the bottom. It’s perfect. When I get to his waist I smile running my tongue down then right up his dick. He moans and it jumps. I put him in my mouth and tease his head flipping his ring then move to his hip and follow the tattoo down. This isn’t so good anymore. The hair on his leg is wiry and feels gross on my tongue. He lifts me up. “Enough tattoo licking.”
“Good because the bottom isn’t as fun as the top. Your legs are hairy; I don’t really see it because it’s blond but...” He kisses me and I forget about his hairy legs.
My shirt flies and my shorts are gone. When his mouth hits my neck, I moan. He’s so good with that mouth. I decide to leave tattoo licking to him and move his head to my nipple. The harder I pull his hair, the more he gets into it. I pull to move him, but today he moves his own way. When he slides down me I start breathing heavy. He always follows my tattoo to my hip and it always feels so good. “So damn sexy Precious. I like looking up and seeing those hands working.” I make sure he sees them now. When I slide my hand down he grabs it. “Not today baby. I want to see how the ink got wrapped around to that beautiful ass.” I smile liking this. A cuff goes around my wrist and I moan. He lifts my legs and cuffs my hands together under my knees. There’s a chain in the middle so I can move my hands apart. He spreads my legs as far as the cuffs will let him. Stuffing a pillow under me he moans. This isn’t how I was tattooed, but he likes this and once his mouth is back on me—I really like it. He follows the tattoo around the edge of my legs right around to my cheeks and he bites down making me moan. When he moves back up I try to reach him, but he slaps my ass. “Still Precious.” I lift my knees back up and let him get back to torturing me. It’s such a good torture, I moan. His tongue finally hits perfect and I don’t move a muscle. His fingers move in me and I’m tightening my arms around my knees trying not to move. My whole body is tingling and I cry out when he hits that spot. His mouth goes back and he moans vibrating my clit. I yell his name and hold my legs tight trying to breathe and think.
* * *
Taylor
She’s got me ready to come with that fuckin’ moan. I flip her over and slam in, she yells and I pull out slow then slam in again. “So fuckin’ good Precious.” My hand is on her hip holding her steady. I can’t take my eyes off my map. It leads me to all the places I want. I’m getting such sexy noises—I want more and move faster. She’s getting tighter making me moan. I lean over sliding my hand to her nipple twisting it hard. She yells my name and I’m off. Holy fuck she squeezes me, stopping me from moving another fuckin’ inch. My breath catches and I close my eyes trying to breathe. Jesus someday she’s going to kill me. I roll pulling her over. “Fuck Precious.” Trying to reach the cuff, I roll her and she moans. I smile and flip the button to release it. She doesn’t move, but I find the other and push her legs down. “I love you Precious Beth.” I get a moan and kiss her lips.
* * *
Brantley is talking to Smithy about the maps, but Smithy keeps looking at Emma. I smile thinking Emma should give him a ride home.
While we eat, I ask him about the press we saw. “We have a boy that would love it. I would need a set of drawers with the letters and spacers.”
He nods. “I have a whole setup for that one. It doesn’t take up much room. I’ll show him how to work it and he’ll be printing in no time.”
“Brandon would love that. Can we put it at the school? I think the other kids would get a kick out of helping him,” Holly asks.
Smithy is beaming. “I would love to see it used and for the kids to learn how we started printing books. That one does sheets, but with technology to
day you can have the pages bound into a book.”
Brantley smiles. “He made books for the other kids, so he knows about binding them. He’ll love learning how to print his own without a computer.”
“When do you want to get it to the school?”
I smile at Beth and notice Emma smiling at Smithy. Yep, this will be interesting to watch. When we’re done eating me and Brantley take Mucimi and Mack outside and leave them talking about printing.
“Rough night again?” He hands me a beer.
“Yeah. Not too bad, but I couldn’t go back to sleep.”
He sits on the side of me. “Did Kevin help?”
I shrug. “Yeah. I don’t think I learn anything new; it’s more like a relief knowing I’m not any different than anyone else.”
“Makes sense.”
My phone goes off with the Ops ring. “Yeah.”
“I need you at Security.”
“Roger Prez,” I say standing up. Brantley’s phone rings and I wait at the door.
He rogers Prez and I get Mucimi in while he calls Mack in. I kiss Beth and tell her I need to go. She smiles telling me to be safe. In the garage, I pull my bag and holsters. I make the gate right behind Brantley and we fly through the streets.
At Ops, I watch the board walking in and Brantley goes right for a computer making me smile. I walk to Darren and wait. The fourth town’s downtown area is showing, but I don’t see anything that would be a concern. Not many people are out.
“There’s someone shooting innocents again. PD is going through buildings. It’s been twenty-two minutes since the last shot was fired. I’m not sure if I should send you down or not.”
I look at the other boards. The back road shows PD moving. “No idea where the shots were coming from?”
“It had to be high. I want to say the top of a building, but we don’t have feeds that high and PD hasn’t gotten back to me.”
I look at the consoles “Jacob can you get the feed of the shots up?”
Jessie walks in dressed for Ops. “Anything?” he asks.
“No. We’re at twenty-four minutes.”
Jacob looks back. “Board three Taylor.”
A car is in the center of the board. “Slow it down.” We watch it in slow motion. The windshield is hit, but doesn’t explode. A hole appears. “Can you zoom in when the hole appears Jay?” I look at Darren, “That’s a high-powered rifle.” I watch the hole and keep my eye on the seat. Dust flies from below our view.
“That’s from high,” Jessie says. Darren talks to PD telling them to get the roofs clear.
Brantley turns and waits for Darren. “VP, it’s two from the PD headed east.”
We all step closer to him, he uses a ruler and puts it against the windshield to the puff of dust then pans out. Fuckin’ Brother. I smile shaking my head. Darren gets the PD over to the building and we all wait.
I sit on the side of Brantley and watch the boards sliding by on the Surveillance feed. Jacob is pulling around the building feeds watching people move on the street. “I’m just before the last shot,” he says. I watch people. “I’m up to now. I’ll get the back.” We watch. There are fewer people in the back. Mostly it’s PD in their lot and a couple of walkers.
“What about the alley in between the two streets?” Jessie asks.
“No feed for it,” Brantley says.
Darren talks to Prez and tells us we can go. “Sorry I fucked up your day.”
I throw him chin. “You leaving Brantley?”
He doesn’t turn. “I’m going to check the side street feeds from the alley first. I’ll get Security to shuttle me.”
I slap his back and walk out with Jessie. “You changing?”
He turns toward the front. “No.”
I look at him. “Your day get fucked up?”
“Mitch and Ben are here. I don’t mind the break.” He doesn’t look happy.
“Everything okay?” I throw my leg over and wait.
He lets out a long breath. “Without Jamie or Kevin, I don’t have much to do. Dakota talks to Ben, but it’s shit I don’t know about or don’t care about. I’m fuckin’ bored out of my mind. He knows it too.”
I hold my laugh. “Smithy is at Brantley’s—we got a shit ton of tunnel maps. You want to see them. It’s an Ops thing.”
He smiles. “Fuck yeah. It’s better than social media shit and websites.”
I laugh and start my bike. It must be hard being the odd man out. I wonder if Ben feels like that. I didn’t see anything like that when I was there.
Chapter Twenty-One
Three days
Beth
Taylor picks me up and takes me to dinner. “I like you working less hours.”
I smile, “Me too. I like seeing you more. How was the group?”
He looks away. “Some of those guys are way worse than me. I want Dakota and Jeremy to help them all.”
“The stories the women tell are heart wrenching too. I feel lucky walking out, then I feel guilty for feeling lucky. It’s a weird reaction for me.”
He looks back at me relieved. “Yeah. I’m not sure if my place is with them. I didn’t speak, most of them know my shit. It’s nothing compared to some of theirs.”
I don’t want him to quit, but he needs to be comfortable with this too. “Maybe your place is in a support role. More like a guide for people to support the men and women that have PTSD.”
He looks thoughtful. “Maybe. That would feel better than what I went to tonight. I felt like a pussy sitting there listening to them. Some of them have been out for years and are hit all the time. It’s not just at night when they’re home. I’m so fuckin’ lucky to be surrounded by people who stepped in when it was at its worst. They have no one and live through hell daily. I’ve got no reason to open my mouth.”
Shit. The last thing I want is him to think his PTSD is something to be ashamed about. He’s come so far from almost shooting himself to managing how he gets through it. “You always say, ‘You’re not real. You’re not here.’ How did you get that in the memory?”
He looks surprised. “The therapist kept telling me that. I guess from her. I say it all the time?”
“Yes. Every time you’ve had one that I’ve heard, it’s always the same. Like you’re convincing yourself that someone isn’t there.”
He smiles and I’m relieved to see it. “The therapist was helping after all. I should tell the men I heard tonight. Maybe she can help them too.”
I smile, thinking he’ll find his place. “Maybe that’s where you fit in. Getting them to use the help that’s available. You didn’t think the therapist did anything for you, but something she said helped keep the fact that they aren’t real in your head.”
He nods with that smile. “I’ll talk to them next week. I should see if she’s available first.” He looks like he’s far away. “Maybe that’s where I’ll fit in.”
I eat and hope this is a place he’ll be comfortable. I know in my group I feel helpless hearing what the women are going through. It can’t be easy to feel like it’s unwarranted on top of the helpless.
When we’re done, he looks at me with his beautiful blue/green eyes. “When do you want to get married? If I don’t have a date soon, the MC will be camped out everywhere we are until we give them one.”
I laugh, but I think he’s serious. “Whenever you want. I have that three weeks of vacation. I can take time if I give them two weeks. I only have my brother and Emma.”
“What do you want big?”
I don’t understand. “Big?”
“Every old lady wants one thing big. Eliza was dancing, Holly was the clam boil, Sheila was the party. What do you want big?” That is so cool!
“Can we do karaoke like the benefit? Maybe a buffet like that too? Can I ask for two big things?”
He laughs. “Neither is really big. The Brothers ask and do everything to support the thing you want big, like for Eliza, everyone danced. There was never a time the floor was empty so she ha
d her big thing and was happy.”
“That is beyond sugary. I want karaoke.” I crack up. “Can you see the Brothers singing?”
He laughs. “I think a karaoke party is perfect. I’ll find out when Pres is free and get you a date to take the time off and invite your brother. The MC old ladies do everything. All we do is show up.”
“Oooh, I like that. People go crazy over weddings. A nurse spent almost a year planning her wedding and was divorced the very next year. She was a bitch by the wedding day, always expecting everyone to bow down to her because she was the bride. I think it’s nuts. I just want to have fun and the men singing sounds like fun.”
He thinks this is good by the smile on his face. “Are you tired?” He signs the receipt putting numbers under his name. He never pays anything. Joey is awesome. I need to see if I can get her to handle my money so I can get a number too.
“No, I was training today.” He holds my hand walking out.
“Want to go fishing? Really, I mean quahogging. I want to make clam chowder tomorrow.”
He smiles. “Do I get to see you in your bathing suit?”
I look at him and see he’s serious. “You see me naked all the time.”
“Do I see the bathing suit or not?”
I laugh. “Yes, only because I think going naked is frowned upon by the Brothers.”
He cracks up. “You are so wrong there, but I’d be pissed if the Brothers saw you naked. Let them jerk off to Playboy, my girl’s not an option.”
I get on the bike shaking my head. They are weird men.
* * *
Taylor
I call Pres while she’s changing. “Taylor is everything okay?”
Shit. “Yeah Pres. I want to get married and hoped that you could do that for us.”
He laughs. “That is so much better than what I thought this call was. Hold on and I’ll get you some dates. I’ll donate the money if I get the date first. I should get it anyway since I’m marrying you.”
