by L. Ann Marie
I probably should have seen this coming and asked Beth how she feels about dogs. I am at a loss so I nod at him. A dog that is trained for PTSD. This ought to be interesting. He tells the dog I am a friend and he sniffs me then sits on my feet looking up at me. I get a series of commands and try them all out. I’ll need to teach Beth Mohegan quicker than I have been. When he’s happy with us he goes in and I stand here looking at the dog. Brantley, Terry and Jacob come out smiling.
“Don’t even fuckin’ start.”
“What’s your dog’s name Brother?” Brantley thinks he’s fuckin’ cute. Jacob and Terry laugh.
“Got no fuckin’ clue.” I walk toward the door and the dog follows. “Fuckin’ great. You’d think he would do this on a day that wasn’t so busy. Like any day that I’m not getting married.”
They laugh and I go in shutting and locking the fuckin’ door on them.
* * *
I watch my dad walk with my Precious Beth and I’m having trouble breathing. She’s fuckin’ beautiful and she showed up to marry me. My heart is beating in my head just watching her.
“Breathe Taylor,” Pres says.
I take a breath. “Yeah, she’s here.”
Brantley touches my arm. “You okay?”
“Yeah she’s alive and we’re getting married.”
“Fuck.”
I don’t get why he’s mad, but keep watching as Beth gets closer. Prez stands in front of me and has people moving. Looking over his shoulder I watch her. I feel heat and tear my eyes away from Beth to look at my arm. Jeremy is holding on. I look back at Beth and she’s not smiling. When my dad puts her hand in mine she smiles and I breathe. “You’re beautiful with my sunshine smile on.”
She laughs and I relax. She’s happy. I turn and almost step on the dog. Jeremy moves and calls the dog telling him to sit. He inches his way back and sits on the side of me making everyone laugh. I look back, but don’t get it.
“Are you okay Taylor?”
“Yeah Pres.” He looks at Beth and she nods then smiles at me. I swear the world turns right with that smile.
He says his words and we say ours. Brantley gives me her ring and she has tears when I put it on her. It matches all her jewelry and her dress. Everyone laughs when she says it. She puts my ring on me and I stare at it. It’s a Princes logo but has HS on one side and rifles crossed on the other. “It’s perfect.”
Pres tells me I can kiss her and everyone cheers. I’m so fuckin’ happy and relieved to have that over with. “I love you Mrs. Blackhawk.”
She’s pulled away and I laugh. “I love you too.” She turns back to me laughing. Everyone hugs her.
I don’t let her go, but she’s in the middle of people and my Brothers are around me. “You’re more relaxed now. I’m glad you stayed with us Brother. It’s good to see you do it on your own.” I look at him not understanding.
“Dog helped,” Uncle Steve says.
I look at my dad, hoping someone says something that makes sense. Prez puts his hand on my shoulder. “You were starting to fall Brother, but you got back just in time.” He’s smiling.
I look at everyone. “I remember all of it.”
“This is a good thing Taylor. There is nothing wrong with you working to stay in the moment. You did and everyone is happy for you for doing it,” Dakota says and I nod. I guess not freaking the fuck out is a good thing to be happy about.
Prez laughs and I pull Beth’s hand while I move closer to her. We meet in the middle and walk with everyone to the Activity Center. The kids are handing everyone booklets as we walk in. They’re so cute, and everyone stops to touch or hug them. They won’t give us one. Brandon shakes his head. “We give you yours later. It will spoil the surprise.”
Beth laughs and I kiss her. Pres is laughing behind us and moves us out of the doorway. “Taylor! Get over here, we have something for you and we have to do it now!”
I lift my head and look back. Everyone is on the stage and in front of it. “Was fuckin’ busy.” They laugh.
“Get busy in four fuckin’ minutes,” Jessie yells. Beth starts walking toward them.
“Fuckin’ Brothers,” I mutter following her.
Mucimi walks to us handing me a page. I lift him up and kiss his little cheek. He hugs Beth and tries to bounce out of my arms. When I put him down, he sits with my dog.
Beth reads the page and smiles up at me with tears in her eyes. “I think you need to wait to read it.” I nod and look at my Brothers and the old ladies. Jeremy is playing a guitar and Jacob is on the drums. Mase has a keyboard in front of him and I laugh. We all play different instruments, but I’ve never heard him on a keyboard. The beat is familiar and I’m shocked when Pres steps up.
“This is for you Taylor. The man who literally wouldn’t lay down when his old lady was taken. You show us every day how determined you are to keep going. The strength you’ve shown humbles us and gives us a reason to do more for the men and women that come back needing a little extra. In Brotherhood, we are never alone.”
He steps back and Christian moves up.
When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment, please
To tame your wild, wild heart
Uncle Danny steps up to him snapping his fingers like it’s a Sinatra song and Christian moves back.
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It’s hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door
And you feel like you can’t take anymore
My eyes are burning and my throat closes up. My fuckin’ Brothers telling me they have my back. Beth grabs my hand and squeezes it.
Prez moves forward and the beat changes to faster and everyone sings with him.
Let me be the one you call
If you jump, I’ll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away
With you into the night
When he says lift me up and fly away I laugh. He did too.
Sheila steps up telling me I’m not alone, then Jessie talks about the monsters in my head and I’m smiling. I’m so surprised by the way it all works, but it’s amazing to hear them all sing to me. At the end, it’s just Christian and Prez each singing a different round over and over. It’s fuckin’ awesome. I hug every single person here. It’s a lot of fuckin’ Brothers and old ladies, but I let them know I appreciate them.
The music starts again and I look around for my Precious Beth. “Since we have time slots and I’m up, this is for you my new husband. The tattooed biker that stole my heart and saved my life.”
She’s on the stage and I know this beat. Nickelback’s Never Gonna be Alone. She sings it with so much passion that I feel her words. I hope I do as good for her. She’s got an awesome voice and everyone is quiet listening to the words with me. People are touching me as I move to the front of the stage, but no one makes a sound. When she’s done, everyone is so fuckin’ loud I can’t hear her. She motions for me to come up. I jump up and kiss her.
Christian pulls me away and hands me a guitar. I smile and Beth stays right up here with me, but she’s shaking her head. “Brothers’ hidden talents.” The drums start, and I start playing. Everyone quiets down and I sing H.O.L.Y. She has tears running down her face, but I get the sunshine smile. When I’m done, the Brothers cheer again and Beth launches herself at me. “You are amazing! Thank you.”
The music changes and we look at all our friends and family. “We wanted this to be fun, we’re done with the pu—sappy part, for now.” Everyone laughs. “Let’s have some fun!” Jacob is on the drums again and Mase on the keyboard playing along to the music. We sing Party Rock Anthem and everyone is dancing. Beth cracks me up, but we get through it and let the next person up.
Tiny and Darren get up and I’m smiling. Fuckin’ Darren showing Beth he’s all in for her. They sing Bad to the Bone and have everyone smiling. The deep voices work together making t
hem so good.
My mom pulls me down. “Who knew?” Beth laughs. “It’s so good to hear you sing, but better to see you smiling. I’m so proud and happy for you both.”
I hug her. She took a kid no one wanted and made me who I am. “I love you Mom.” She cries and my dad pulls her away.
Brothers and old ladies are singing in between the Officers and I’m struck by how much fun everyone is having. Everyone is getting their chance at showing Beth they’re ‘all in’ for her.
People start moving around and we’re directed to a table in the back, but where we can see the stage. Drinks are flowing and it’s a fuckin’ awesome sight. We dance to Pres and Prez. They get the whole place cheering again with, We Weren’t Born to Follow.
While we’re eating I almost choke. VP and Jessie are singing Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap and everyone is shocked then laughing. VP sings ‘Done dirt cheap’ and Jessie sings the rest. This will be one the Officers never forget. I look around at them and stop at Pres and Prez—they’re both staring at them shocked. Uncle Danny, Darren and Rich are cracking up.
When Beth goes up again I stand in front to watch with Jessie, Dakota, Brantley and Prez. They sing Lady Marmalade and I want to pull her off the stage. They dance as they’re singing and I’m watching every fuckin’ move she makes. She’ll be doing it again for me later. When they finish, they jump right at us. I catch her cracking up and relieved she didn’t hit my arm.
As soon as her feet hit the floor I’m dragging her to the stairs. We go up and I hear a ‘fuck’ as we hit the top. Jessie’s got to find his own place.
I pull her to a room and lift her dress. “That was the sexiest fuckin’ thing I’ve ever seen.” I kiss her with my hands all over her panties and stockings. I need to see this and look down. Fuckin’ Flash. I pull them down and the strips for the stocking go down with them, they’re connected to Flash. “How the fuck do they make sexy superheroes? They’re Badass not sexy.” I shake my head and decide they don’t need to go further. I’m so fuckin’ hard it hurts. I spin her around and push her back down toward the desk. Sliding my fingers in her I moan. “You need me Precious?”
“Yes, hard and fast.”
I drop my pants to my thighs and give her hard and fast with my fingers on her pussy. “Your dance is playing in my head. My sexy fuckin’ old lady.” She yells my name and I fall on her back letting her squeeze me until she’s done and nothing is left in me. “That was hard and fast. Shit.” She moans as I pull out. I look around and see paper towels then get her cleaned up and look at the panties and stockings. Fuck. Sexy superheroes.
I check her and stop at the bathroom so she can fix her hair. I like the look she had going, but she fixes it and I kiss her. “Thank you Precious.”
She laughs. “If I say anytime would you take that literally?”
I smile walking her downstairs. “Yeah.”
“Anytime, my tattooed biker man.”
I laugh walking out then see the dog and think he’s cool if he sits quiet while I’m fuckin’ my Precious. We hear Alex singing and stop to watch then cheer with everyone else.
Sheila has Ally, Elizabeth and Aubrey. I’m wondering what they’ll do then laugh. Ally used to say this all the time. Their So What by Pink is perfect. “They’re incredible. I’m so glad I wanted this, but honored they’re actually singing and they’re all really good. You have the best family. Thanks for showing up even if you were a week late.” She smiles and I kiss her thinking I’m never telling her why I was a week late.
Jared, Prez and Kaleb are singing and everyone stops and watches. I never would have guessed Jared and Kaleb could pull off rap, but they do and it’s badass.
We get to the cake and the Jesses start singing Kryptonite. Every fuckin’ Officer is laughing from both Clubs. The cake is forgotten by us and a Prospect cuts it. They are too fuckin’ funny.
I’m getting nervous as my time gets closer. Mitch stands in front of me. “It’s time.”
I nod and kiss my girl. My dog walks with me and we take the stage. Mitch is singing background and it helps to see her smiling up here. She sped up the music and raised the bass so it’s a little different, but I liked the words for my Precious.
Sometimes I wonder how I’d ever make it through
Through this world without having you
I just wouldn’t have a clue
She’s smiling, but she’d smile at anything I do. I keep going and watch tears roll down her face but she keeps the smile on, just the way I tell her in the song. When I’m done, I hug and thank Mitch. Everyone is clapping, but I jump down to my precious girl and kiss her. “You’re like my lifeline. You were before I even realized it. Thank you Mrs. Blackhawk.” She kisses me.
We dance to sappier shit and my Precious loves it.
Driscoll gets everyone dancing and snapping their fingers with Mack the Knife. The swing dancing starts and we watch smiling. I love the fuckin’ Brotherhood.
When I’m thinking about leaving I hear Prez. “In both Clubs we have Blackhawks. They have never been a quiet family.” Everyone laughs. “Through the years we have seen tough times and they’re always right there. It’s just this year that we’ve seen how deep Badass runs through them. Not one will allow the others to fall and collectively they won’t allow us to fall. If there were a theme song for the Blackhawk family, this would be it.”
The music starts and I smile. Prez and his Bon Jovi songs. He sings It’s My Life for us. I throw him chin and stand with my family proud to be recognized. Beth pulls me down. “Love the fuckin’ Brotherhood.” I crack up. Fuckin’ Beth.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Beth
My head is fuzzy, but not hurting. Yesterday comes back to me like a tidal wave. It was so sugary the way everyone sang and partied last night. I swear every single person sang. I smile.
“When I see you smile,” he sings and I giggle. I loved his songs to me, but he always comments on my smile so that one meant more.
“I love you. Is there such a thing as saying it too much?”
“We were taught that actions speak louder than words. We learned to show it more than say it. I don’t think it’s ever enough with you and I love hearing it.” I move and moan. “You okay?”
I smile up at him. “A little sore in all the right places.”
“I’ll run the tub Precious.” He rolls out of bed and I can’t help but smile. He’s showing it. Of all the things I’ve learned about him, this was the biggest surprise. His gruff moody biker exterior hides his sugary soft inside. “What’s got you smiling your sunshine when you’re sore?”
“My tattooed biker M&M.”
He stops and just looks at me. I laugh and roll out of bed. “You don’t want to know.”
He nods and walks out of the room. I’m surprised, but get in the tub just as he’s walking back in. “I would have gotten you here. I just wanted the bag from the table.”
“I’m good to get in all by myself.” I bat my eyelashes at him as I sit.
He smiles and sits down next to the tub. He’s too damn sugary. “This is fuckin’ cool. They sent the song they did in a frame. Do you know this one?”
“Yes, it’s Savage Garden’s, Crash and Burn, but it was a rock version I haven’t heard.”
“It says Jeremy remixed it. That kid is unbelievable. Did you see Mase on the keyboard? I’ve only ever heard him on the guitar. They were all unbelievable.” He shakes his head looking in the bag and I smile. He doesn’t realize he is too. I like that for some reason and decide to leave it alone. He pulls out the booklet.
I haven’t seen it so I lean close. “The kids made these on the press. Holly said Smithy was shocked he was teaching toddlers and almost left until Brandon asked him something about spacing special characters. He stayed and showed him how to do it then they set the rack or something so all they had to do was put the list in.”
He looks at me shocked. “Look.” He turns the book so I can see the front. It has our names and flower
s at the bottom with the date. It’s a keepsake for our wedding. They are cute and so freaky I laugh. “This is great though, it tells what songs every Officer sang. They showed you they’re ‘in’ for you, but it’s more—they all have meaning behind them. Even Jax and Digs with their songs that could be ours. Fuckin’ Brothers.”
“They love you and now me. I love the Brothers. This is nothing like what I thought you would bring to my life. Thank you for this.” He kisses me and I notice he doesn’t smell like menthol. “No ChapStick?”
He looks back at me and I see that nervousness he gets every once in a while. “I thought I’d try without it. It’s in my pocket if I need it, but my arm isn’t that bad anymore. Christian said I wouldn’t smell the burnt again from it.”
He told me too. I should have washed his clothes, but didn’t think about the smell lingering on the clothes in the basket. Christian said he had a gun on him and was looking for ChapStick instead. We wouldn’t have known that change in his reaction if I did wash them. They still don’t want him to have guns here, but they saw his reaction change and it relieved everyone. Even yesterday they moved to step in, but didn’t change anything so he could get back himself. I’m so glad he did too. It was the best day of my life. I look at him.
“What’s with the dog?”
He laughs. “I was wondering when you’d ask. VP trained him for me. He says he’s for PTSD, but trained in Mohegan. I have no fuckin’ clue how that works before you ask. He listens and leaves me alone like yesterday. Today I let him out, fed him and gave him a bone. He slept on his bed and didn’t make a sound. I don’t know what to do with him, so I don’t know what to say other than we have a dog.”
“Can we name him at least?” I have no idea why I’m smiling. I never had a dog and like that he’s trained. There will be no cleaning up after the dog. I do enough of that at the hospital.
“How about Delta, it’s from SEALs, that’s the call for the Team I followed.”
It means something to him. “I like it. We have a Greek name with Mohegan language spoken. The dog is already smarter than me. With the kids thrown in there, that’s getting to be a problem. I think I’ll ask them to give me a crash course.” He laughs.
