Always Red

by Isabelle Ronin

  He leaned closer. “I do.” He pouted his lips for a kiss.

  I let out a strangled laugh. “Caleb, move over.”

  “Sure thing.” He moved his chair closer so our arms touched. “Close enough?”

  His phone started vibrating, and since it was on the table, my eyes automatically glanced at the screen.

  It was Beatrice-Rose calling him. He ignored it.

  “My kiss, Red, where—”

  It rang again.

  I sighed. “Aren’t you going to answer that?”

  “No.” He shrugged. “I have nothing to say to her.” He grabbed his phone and turned it off.

  What did it say about me that I felt thrilled that he’d turned his phone off so he could concentrate on me? Just me.

  He reached for my hand, interlacing our fingers.

  “Is it okay with you if we don’t make an announcement yet?” I asked him carefully. “I’ll tell Kar and Beth when I see them, but besides them, let’s just keep it to ourselves for now.”

  He leaned away from me, but not before I saw the hurt look in his eyes. “Why?”

  “Caleb, it’s not what you’re thinking. I…” I paused, gathering my thoughts. I knew I had to find the right words to make him understand. I hated seeing him hurt.

  I turned to face him. He was sprawled on his seat, his head bowed low so I wouldn’t see his eyes.

  “This. Us. It’s too important to me,” I began, willing him to understand. “I’m too selfish to share this with the world yet. I’m not ready. I want—”

  He cut me off with a gentle, tender kiss.

  “Okay, Red,” he said softly, smiling. “Okay.”

  It was hard not to smile back. “Thank you.”

  “But I’m telling everyone at my party.”

  I sighed. “All right.”

  “But you still won’t move in with me.”

  “Can we talk about this after finals?”

  “Let’s talk about it now.” There was just enough authority and demand in his voice to raise my hackles.

  “Why are you being testy?” I asked, frustrated.

  “Testy? I’m not the one who is refusing to live together.”

  “You know why.”

  “I don’t know why, because you won’t even discuss it.”

  “It’s different now,” I said simply.

  He waited for me to continue.

  “It’s not like before when you were just helping me. We’re…engaged now, Caleb.”

  There was a flutter in my stomach at the word engaged. It was still so new, so overwhelming, so…wonderful.

  “Exactly. All the more reason for you to be living with me.”

  “Caleb…”

  “What’s the real reason? Why won’t you tell me?”

  He would push and push until he was satisfied. Or until he had me convinced that what he wanted was what I wanted too. It was just the way he was.

  “Your mother,” I admitted finally.

  “What?”

  “Your mother doesn’t like me. I can’t imagine she’d approve of our engagement. And if we moved in together, she will dislike me more. I”—I raised my hands in frustration—“I want her to like me,” I confessed quietly. “I know how important she is to you, Caleb. And I want her to like me because it’s important to you.”

  “Red,” he murmured, reaching for me. “I love you. It makes me happy that you want to make me happy. Baby, look at me.”

  He tipped my chin up so I was looking straight into his green eyes.

  “You’re what’s important to me. You matter to me more than anyone in this world. More than anyone,” he repeated. “And I can’t wait to start our lives together. Nothing else matters. Move in with me.” He pulled me closer. “Please?”

  I’d known this was going to happen. “Okay.” I let out a soft sigh. “But I want to give your mom some time to get used to the idea first.”

  “She will love you. How can she not? We’ll get your stuff from Kar’s—”

  “Caleb!”

  I stepped away from him and let out a frustrated sound, tears threatening to spill. I didn’t know how I could explain what was really bothering me. I told him I wanted his mom to like me because it was important to him—and that was totally true. But deep down, it wasn’t the only reason.

  His parents were getting divorced, but he still had both of them. They were still alive. He grew up with the support of his mother, his brother. When my mom died, I had…no one. Some nights I would wake up, unbearably sad and lonely, wishing for my mom. And I knew, just as sure as the sun would rise, that she would never be back. I would never hear her voice again or see her face. A heavy pain in my chest always came at the thought of her.

  How could he possibly understand what it was like to be an orphan?

  I knew it was irrational of me to want his mother’s love, but I did. And I just couldn’t explain it to him right now.

  “Baby, what’s wrong? Please don’t cry. We’ll give her some time if that’s what you want. Whatever you need, Red. I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry.”

  He opened his arms to me, waiting. I blew out a breath and stepped into them. He embraced me readily, kissing the top of my head.

  “I just…miss you,” he said quietly. “So much. I can’t sleep when you’re not here…beside me. I think of the time when I almost lost you, and I know that pushes me to be unreasonable.”

  I knew his techniques now—the way he charmed and cajoled—but what always got me was his sincerity. I sighed deeply, wrapping my arms around him.

  “And demanding,” I said to his neck, trying not to be obvious that I was inhaling his scent.

  He chuckled. “And demanding. I’m sorry, Red. Forgive me?”

  I nodded, pressing a soft kiss to the base of his throat. “I really need you to drop me off at Kar’s after class.”

  I knew he was frowning but felt him nod his assent.

  “Caleb. I know you want me to stay the night, but you’re distracting me. I can’t concentrate on anything but you when you’re around me.” I pulled back and glared at him. “Happy now?”

  His smile was wide. “Yes. You make me very happy, Red.”

  It was half past two by the time we were ready to leave for class. Caleb grabbed my hand before I stepped out the door.

  “Hold on.” The look he was giving me made it clear what he wanted. “You look really sexy in that top.”

  “Caleb—”

  “But I think you might want to put a sweater on. Or a jacket.”

  I raised an eyebrow. “And why is that?”

  He was not telling me what I should and should not wear. He hadn’t before, and it wasn’t starting now. Just because we slept together didn’t give him the right to.

  I frowned when he pointed at his neck, then his shoulder.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  “Last night was the best night of my life.” And then his mouth twitched. Right before he bit his lip.

  I narrowed my eyes at him. Humor danced in those green eyes of his. “Uh-huh.”

  “I think I sort of…lost control and…”

  My eyes widened in horror as I realized what he was trying to tell me. I ran to the powder room off the kitchen and stared at myself in the mirror.

  Hickey.

  No. Hickeys.

  There was one on the side of my neck and one near my ear. One—correction, two—on my shoulders. And those were only the ones I could see.

  What the hell.

  “CALEB!”

  * * *

  “I’m surprised Lockhart didn’t bind and gag you when you told him you weren’t going back to his place,” Kara mumbled after taking a big bite of her mushroom burger. We were camped in her kitchen with textbooks, pens, highlighters, papers
, and food competing for space on the small dining table. “He looked like he was going to set up a tent outside my apartment when he dropped you off.”

  I watched in fascination as Kara took another big bite of her four-patty bean burger, chased it down with Diet Coke, then wolfed down a bucket of fries.

  Where does she put all of it?

  “Well, if you ask me,” she continued, pointing at me with a fry, “I wish it would go to my tits and/or ass, but no, I think I expel all of it.”

  I didn’t realize I’d asked out loud.

  “I never seem to gain a pound. Anyway, spill it. The dean interrogated you?”

  I nodded, still watching her. She started another burger.

  “Tell me, does he still have that stupid mustache? The one that makes his face look like a vagina?”

  I choked on my drink. “Kar. Geez.” I laughed. She was right about the mustache, though.

  She raised an eyebrow. “Well? I haven’t got all day. Start talking.”

  “I went to the dean’s office after my last class. It wasn’t an interrogation. He was really nice about it. He just wanted to know if Justin had harassed me and if I’ve seen the poster—”

  “Which you didn’t, since Caleb has forbidden you to.”

  “Not really. I know he would show it to me if I really wanted him to. I don’t.”

  “Why not?”

  “Why would I? It would just stress me out. I don’t need that kind of trouble in my head, Kar. If I saw it, it would just make me angrier. I don’t want to give that creep any more attention than I already have.”

  She nodded. “I feel ya.” Leaning against the chair, she rubbed her stomach and covered her mouth before letting out a quiet, dainty burp.

  “It’s being addressed. Believe me when I say Justin is in trouble. This wasn’t the first time he’s done something like this. He’s suspended from college, and there was talk of expulsion.”

  “Good.” Kara snorted. “Anyone with half a brain would know he and that bitch Beatrice-Rose planted those drugs in Caleb’s car.”

  “Yeah. Caleb said the detective assigned to the case is a family friend so he gets inside information about the investigation. I think he mentioned he also hired a private investigator.”

  “It helps to be filthy rich and able to do all that. Are you going to eat your fries?”

  It didn’t surprise me that Kara wanted them. “No, you can have them.”

  “Thanks! Sssssssooooo…” she said.

  I looked up from my textbook to see her wiggling her eyebrows up and down.

  “Why the hell are you wearing Lockhart’s jacket?” she asked.

  I could feel myself blushing. “H-how’d you know it’s his jacket?”

  She rolled her eyes. “You think I’m stupid? His name is written on the back.”

  Oh. “It was cold this morning.”

  “It was sweltering this morning. If I had balls, they’d be scrambled and fried from the heat by now.” She narrowed her eyes. “You’re sweating.”

  “It’s just…water…from earlier when I washed the dishes. I washed them earlier. The dishes.”

  Kara leaned back, crossing her arms over her chest and grinning like the cat that ate the canary. “You did a good job. Feel free to scrub the tub later too. So.” She knew something was up and that she was going to find out what it was very, very soon. “What did you guys do last night?”

  I knew from how hot I felt that I was red as a ripe tomato.

  She suddenly stood up from her seat and leaned across the table, her hand reaching for the jacket. She grabbed the zipper at my neck and pulled it down.

  And just stared in silence.

  I didn’t dare look to see her reaction.

  “Wow. Lockhart sure sucks like a vacuum.”

  I couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled out of my throat. “Kar!”

  “Why are you still blushing? Holy motherfucking shit. You had hot jungle sex with Lockhart, didn’t you? Didn’t you?” She slumped back into her seat.

  And then in a reverent tone, she asked, “Was it rough, I’m-going-to-swing-from-the-chandelier sex, or was it gentle, even-my-soul-orgasmed sex? You’re not leaving until you tell me everything!”

  I worried my lip—and then thought, What the heck?

  “He asked me to marry him.”

  She blinked once. Twice. Opened her mouth, but nothing came out.

  Grinning, I pulled out my necklace from beneath my shirt. The ruby glittered in the light.

  “I said yes, Kar.” My breath hitched. “I said yes to Caleb.”

  Chapter Twenty

  Caleb

  I caught myself grinning again.

  Like a creep.

  I couldn’t help it, I realized as I grabbed a pillow and smashed it against my face.

  It had been a week since the best night of my life happened right here in my bedroom. Red was so…

  My seven o’clock alarm blared, half an hour after I woke up. I pushed up from the bed, and a pillow landed somewhere on the floor.

  What a miracle, I thought, scratching my chest as I headed to my bathroom. It always took a few hits of the snooze button before I got up. Maybe because I’d rather be awake and thinking of her than asleep.

  Did I go too fast with her? Too slow?

  Was I too gentle, too rough?

  Not enough? Or was it too much?

  Damn. I’d been torturing myself with these thoughts all week. What the hell was happening to me?

  I’d never had these doubts before, but with Red, it was a different story. It was very important to me that she enjoyed that night. I could only hope it meant to her even half of what it meant to me.

  Up until that night, I’d never realized how it was to give and take from someone who owned your body and heart.

  There was no doubt she owned both of mine.

  I knew how great a step it was to finally give herself to me. What it meant. Just thinking about it was tightening my throat, making my chest ache.

  She loved me.

  Red. Loved. Me.

  I grinned again.

  I grabbed my toothbrush, squeezed toothpaste on it, and jammed it in my mouth. Ouch! I should have been grimacing in pain, but when I looked in the mirror, I was still smiling.

  I’m a freaking psycho.

  All my exams were done yesterday, but Red still had two days to go. This week passed in a blur—sometimes too fast because of exams, and sometimes turtle-ass slow when I thought about when I could see her again.

  She had banned me from seeing her all week, complaining that I was a distraction and I’d better not even try or else. I wondered what or else meant. I promised to find out. And I did when I dropped by to see her at Kara’s. She booted me out not even ten minutes later.

  When Red was studying, nothing could take her away from it.

  Unless it was me.

  And how could that not make me grin like an idiot?

  I thought I could never want her more than I had before, but after that night in my bed, the want had only gotten worse. I wanted—needed—her so badly, I ached.

  I knew she felt the same. I could feel her desire when I broke her rules and dropped by to see her. The way her eyes lingered on me just a little longer, the way her lips parted at my slightest touch.

  There was something different between us after that night. And I loved it. I couldn’t wait to explore more of it. More of her.

  But I wasn’t going to do anything again until she was ready. The next move would be up to her. Even if it killed me, this time, I’d wait.

  I stepped in the shower, fantasized having her under the spray of warm water with me. How wet and soft she’d be. How responsive, making those erotic sounds at the back of her throat. Feeling her fingers digging into my back. Her hips risin
g to meet mine…

  It took me longer to shower this time.

  I was padding to my closet to get dressed when my phone burped a text. Rubbing the towel on my hair, I headed back to my bed to check my phone, nearly stepping on the pillow. Thinking of Red and how she always told me to pick up my stuff, I grabbed the pillow from the floor and threw it on the bed.

  She should be here with me right now.

  Sighing, I picked up my phone, barked out a laugh as I read Ben’s text, and sent him a reply. It had been a while since I’d seen him. I missed my older brother. His text said something about a woman he was dating. She’d accused him of being the most unromantic guy on earth.

  Romantic. I certainly wasn’t before Red. It took the right girl—my girl—before I’d realized I had a lot to give. I’d been wanting—no, needing—to do something romantic for Red. I wanted to make her feel special, to let her know how much that night meant to me. How much she meant to me.

  When she was done with her exams, I could take her to a swanky restaurant and pile gifts on her. Problem was, she didn’t like either of those things, I thought as I pulled on some jeans and headed to the kitchen.

  I wasn’t sure what to do.

  So much for my romantic side. I did a quick search on the internet on how to create a perfect date for your girlfriend. Correction, fiancée.

  I grinned again.

  According to the internet, the most-voted-for dream date for women was having a special dinner cooked for her (Click here for recipes that will blow her mind!) with the mood set by hanging fairy lights (What the hell are fairy lights?), arranging an elaborate table, and don’t forget to fold the napkins! It’s sooo important, and she will appreciate it! (Click here for instructions on how to fold a napkin!) Slow music, candles, and flowers will definitely make her swoon. It’s the thought that counts! Good luck and hope you get lucky tonight!

  Right.

  I took a glass from the cupboard, grabbed the orange juice from the fridge, poured, and drank deeply. I was definitely better at cooking. Maybe this wasn’t a bad idea after all. But what if I screwed up? I should practice cooking the meal before our real date. I’d ask her out in two days.

  I got dressed, hopped in my car, and dragged Cameron with me to the store. I wasn’t brave enough to go there by myself, and Cameron was done with his exams too.