by Harte, Jenna
“Nah. If there was a problem with the horses, he wouldn't have come on the trip.”
Tess nodded. It fit with what the trainer had said about Danforth's commitment to his horses. “You and Mr. Danforth were working on a business project, isn't that right?”
“Yes. We got a pretty piece of land down in Bucks County that we were developing.”
“Homes?”
“That's right. Affordable homes within commuting distance to Jefferson Tavern.”
“It's been a tough market. Have they been selling?”
“They ain't even built yet.”
That took Tess by surprise.
“You know how it goes. If you dig up something other than rock or dirt the historical people have to come in and make sure it's not a Civil War burial ground or something. Then there are the permits and inspections. Nothing ever seems to go as quickly as you hope.”
“So the project is behind?”
“A little. But we hoped to have the roads and water in by the end of the year and first houses on the market by next spring.”
Tess frowned. If the homes weren't going to be sold until spring, where was Danforth getting the money for the horses?
“Are you aware of any other business dealings Mr. Danforth had?”
Wilson shook his head.
“He was planning to make some big horse purchases? Any idea where he'd come up with the money?”
“His family has money.”
Tess knew that was an option. Perhaps one of Danforth's relatives was going to go into the horseracing business with him.
Chapter Six
Mrs. Shauffer cheerfully announced Tess' arrival. One nice thing about Jack working in Jefferson Tavern was that his secretary liked her. Mrs. Standish in Washington didn't like Tess much, even after Tess bribed her with chocolate caramel goodies.
Tess found Jack looking out his office window, brooding. He turned. His face softened when he saw her, but didn't perk up as much as Tess would have hoped.
“Daniel said you stopped by.”
“Did he get beat up a lot as a kid? That's what always happened to tattlers when I was in school.”
“I don't know. I didn't know Daniel then.” She studied him. She had seen him mad before, but there was something different this time. “It's not like you to go off like that. What's going on?”
“Haven't you seen the paper?” he asked.
“Yes.” He waited for her say more. “I don't believe that's what this is about. What do you care about gossip?”
His face darkened. “It's not just me that gets hurt in gossip, Tess. The Senator, Lauren and Philip were here this morning worried about the reputation of the company. Brad called about the same thing.”
Tess began to feel sorry for Jack.
“But you, the one person who has a right to be mad, you don't care.”
Huh? “What are you talking about?”
“I left you last night to help Liv and you're completely indifferent about it.”
“Wait a minute. You're mad at me because I'm not mad at you about last night?”
“I can feel you moving away from me, Tess. You've always had one foot out the door in this relationship, waiting for me to mess up and prove that you shouldn't trust your heart.”
He had to be joking, she thought. Except the fierce look in his eyes told her differently. “I did tell you last night before you went that you shouldn't go. So what would be the use of rehashing it after the fact? Especially since you would accuse me of being jealous.”
“So you just gave up on us?”
“I didn't give up on us. Just on the argument. I can't believe this is why you're so angry. If you want to be mad at someone Jack, look in the mirror. You knew what you were doing last night. You brought this on yourself.”
“Is that your version of 'I told you so'?”
“Yes, it is! I can't seem to win here. If I speak up, you think I'm jealous. If I don't speak up, you think I'm indifferent. What do you want from me?”
He turned away. “I don't know.”
Tess' heart dropped. He didn't know what he wanted from her. The shoe she'd been waiting to drop was now dangling precariously, ready to fall at any moment. And then what would she do? She knew for a fact that it was hard to go through the motions of life with a broken heart. But what motions would she go through? She had no job, no house. She'd become completely dependent on him, despite the fact that she'd promised herself she'd never let that happen again.
He turned back to her, his eyes more tortured than angry. “I can deal with negative press. I can manage the Senator and Lauren, but Tess, I need to know I have you.”
Tess nearly sobbed in relief. The few seconds of waiting for him to tell her to leave left her weak and she stumbled to find a chair.
“Are you alright?”
“I thought you were done with me.”
She thought the tension was over, but she'd been wrong. In an instant his eyes were stormy and dark.
“Of course you'd think that,” he snapped. “It's insulting how you keep looking for ways that I'll hurt you.”
“No.” She shook her head, working to get her bearings again. “I admit our relationship scares the hell out of me. But I'm not looking for reasons to end it. I let my fear get the best of me once and it was a mistake. I almost lost you.”
“And yet you just thought I was leaving you.”
“I misunderstood.” They both fell silent, giving Tess time to reflect on the night before and the conversation they were having now. The unsettling feelings she'd had while waiting for him to come back from Liv's returned, only now she began to understand them. The dependence on him was part of it. But so was the fact that she was living with a man after committing herself to celibacy. Jack had turned her life completely upside down and while she was happy about it, it also terrified her and made her feel vulnerable.
“Do you know we've only been on one date.”
Jack stared at her, wondering where the hell that question came from. “I've taken you out plenty of times.”
“We went on one date and then I was staying with you.”
“Your house burnt down,” he pointed out. “Where else were you going to go?”
“I had plenty of other places to go.” He knew she meant Daniel, which only irked him more. “But I went with you.”
“For how long? Don't think I don't know that you plan to leave when your house is done, despite the fact that you know I want you to stay.”
“I don't think we're ready for me to stay.”
Jack felt his heart tear. Here it was. She'd been denying it, and yet here it was. She was getting ready to bolt again. He pushed away the urge to beg and instead welcomed the anger. “Because I didn't take you on dates?”
“You're mocking me.”
“I'm trying to understand why after all this time you don't love me enough to trust me.”
“I do trust you, but I can't give you what you want. Not right now. I…I think I should move out.”
His heart completely split. “So that's it! One little bump in the road and you're dumping me again?”
“No. I love you and I want to be in a relationship with you. But I can't give you more than that. Not right now.”
He sought her soul through her eyes, desperate to understand what she was saying. “You love me, but can't live with me?”
She nodded. “I need more time to learn how to be in a relationship. For us to know each other better. I didn't know you were afraid to fly. That seems like something I should know.”
He turned away and ran his fingers through his hair. She felt she didn't know him. And right now he was proving it to her. He knew he was overdoing it by going to Daniel and then picking a fight with her, but dammit, he could feel her slipping way. And the more he reached for her, the farther away she seemed to get. His only recourse now was to show her that she did know him.
“My favorite color is green; not that light green, but dark green. I
like alternative rock music and besides chocolate, my favorite food is tater tots. I don't like to fly— I never have, but I'm not afraid of heights. I'm afraid of falling out of the sky. I knew I was in love with you within the first five minutes of meeting you, and,” he took a deep breath. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
At first, her expression reminded him of the first time he told her he loved her— horror. But then she smiled.
“I don't know your favorite color,” he added, “But you love old R&B music and have a French underwear fetish, which I totally support and appreciate. You have legitimate fear of love, which I'm doing everything I can to alleviate…the fear, not the love. And you love me, I know you do.”
Tess nodded. “My favorite color is whatever your eyes are.” It wasn't what he wanted to hear, and yet, he could feel the panic start to dissipate. “And I love you more than I ever thought was possible.”
“Then stay.”
“Last night, when you said I was indifferent?”
He nodded, wishing they didn't have to revisit that part of the conversation.
“I was unsettled, but I didn't know why. But now I do. I'm not ready to live with you. We've taken the fast track in this relationship and it's too fast for me.”
He tried to understand what she was saying, but couldn't. To him it was so clear that they were meant to be together. If she'd just stop for a second and allow her heart to guide her, she'd know it too.
“My fear of love is like your fear of flying. It's not rational, but it's there. And jumping into living together and committing to a life together won't cure that fear any more than you going skydiving will cure your fear of flying.”
Jack didn't like that her analogy made sense. She was resistant, but all his pulling wasn't helping.
“And the other issue is that I've let myself become totally dependent on you.”
“And that's bad?”
“It unsettles me and makes me feel vulnerable. That won't go away either, until I do something about it.”
“Then get a job!” He hadn't meant it to sound so terse, but if her work was the only thing keeping her from loving him, then he wanted her to fix it. “I'm sorry. I'm frustrated. I can't lose you.”
“I don't want to lose you either. I'm not ending things. I just want to slow them down. You are more sure of yourself and your feelings. More impulsive. I'm not.”
He could see the conviction in her eyes and he had to trust that by moving out she would find her way back to him. “Where will you go?”
“A hotel. It's completely neutral with no distractions.”
He nodded and hoped he didn't show the relief at her not choosing to stay with Helen and Tom. That would have been the obvious choice as they were like parents to her. But Helen had never warmed to Jack. He wasn't sure if it was because he'd ended any chance for Daniel to be with Tess or if it was because he was Helen’s illegitimate stepbrother.
“And what about us?”
“I want what we'd have if my house hadn't burnt down. You come see me. I go see you…”
“To date?”
“It could be fun.”
“It would be more fun if you were at my place. And it would allow us to get to know each other faster.”
“I know this is hard for you and you think I'm using it as an excuse, but I'm not, Jack. I promise. I want all that you've promised me, all that you want for our future. But I can't give you that until I get my life in order and ease my way into it. Tell me you understand.”
“I understand,” he said reluctantly. “I don't like it. But I understand it.” He dipped his head and captured her lips in a hard, desperate kiss. He wondered if she could feel his frustration, his fear. “I'm not sure I can let you go,” he finally said.
“It's not goodbye.”
“When can I see you?”
“I'm free for dinner tonight.”
He nodded. He wanted so much more than a dinner date. As he looked into her whisky- colored eyes, he could see she wanted to give him more. He held on to that.
~~~~
Tess sat at the table in her room at the Jefferson Inn looking out the window, but not seeing the busy historic downtown mall. She was discouraged. She was supposed to be filling out a questionnaire to help her identify the perfect career, but she wasn't able to answer the questions. What did you want to be as a child? Free of my parents. What is your passion now? Chocolate, couture underwear and Jack. How was this program supposed to help her find a job based on that?
She might be able to find better answers, but her mind couldn't let go of the image of Jack as she left his office. He said he understood, but she could see she hurt him. She knew deep down moving out was the right decision. She needed to get her life together before she could give him more. But every minute since leaving his office, packing her things at his house and closing the door of her hotel room, she felt wrong. She wished she could think of an alternative, but her mind was blank. All she could do was work out her life as quickly as possible. She turned back to the computer. List qualities that describe you. Heartbreaker. Uncommitted…
Her phone chirped and she lunged at it, grateful for the distraction. The caller ID let her know it was Daniel.
“I stopped by the house, but you weren't there. Where are you? I want to talk to you about these notes you sent over.”
Tess sighed and hoped that Daniel wouldn't gloat when he discovered where she was. “I'm at the Jefferson Inn.”
“In the restaurant or in a room?”
“Room.”
There was silence on his end of the phone. “Can I see you?”
“Yes.” She gave him the number. He told her he'd be there in a few minutes and they clicked off. Her relief that he hadn't pressed her on the phone was short lived, she knew. He would ask her what was up when he arrived. She hoped he understood her answer.
True to his word, he arrived quickly.
“It's not what you think,” she said as she let him.
“So what is it?”
Tess explained her need to get her bearings and her discomfort at being so dependent on Jack. Daniel looked as confused as Jack had.
“Jack's okay with this?”
“He doesn't like it, but says he understands. Or at least he'll give me the time I need. But I hate that it hurt him. Especially today. He's had a rough day.”
“He could have easily avoided it,” Daniel said.
“He knows that.”
Daniel studied her for a moment. “Well, as long as you're alright…”
She nodded, “I'm fine. What did you want to go over with me?”
He took a seat at the table while Tess pushed her laptop aside.
“I called Charles' brother in New York. He's head of the family company now. I asked him if he was investing in horses with Charles and he said 'no'. He also said that Charles was on an allowance, a really good allowance, but not quite enough to cover the horses he wanted to buy.”
“So it had to be a business venture, like the trainer thought.”
“Right, except we don't know what venture. The brother made it sound like he and Charles weren't close. He said Charles was always odd, on his own. The only thing he'd ever shown any real emotion for was horses.”
“Everyone else says that too,” Tess verified.
“And according to your notes about Wilson, that deal hasn't produced any money yet.”
Tess shook her head. “No. He hoped to have the first homes for sale next spring. I want to do a little more research on the project though.”
“Why? Did Wilson say something else?”
“No. But business partnerships, particularly when construction is involved can have all sorts of problems. I doubt there is anything to it, but I'll check it out anyway.”
“You didn't talk to Boone?”
“He wasn't there. I'll try to catch him again another time.”
Daniel's phone rang. “I've got to go,” he said after taking the call. “Do you
need anything?”
“No. The goal is to have some quiet time to get my head straight.”
“So I guess dinner is out of the question?”
“I'm having dinner with Jack.”
He sighed. “Right. Well, call if you need anything.”
“I will. Thank you.”
~~~~
Jack adjusted his tie and checked his mood as he stood outside of Tess' door. It had been a bad day all around. Getting home and seeing her side of the closet empty didn't make it any better. But he had to pull it together. He didn't like that she moved out, but he knew he had to be supportive to have any chance of a future with her. So he'd do things her way, starting with an official date.
“Hey you,” he said when she opened the door. He tried for casual to hide the wave of need that nearly had him grabbing her.
“Hey you, back.”
He presented her with the vase full of flowers he picked up on the way over. “I couldn't get tulips. I hope roses will do.”
“Jack. They're gorgeous.”
“And this,” he said holding out a blue bag of Lindt chocolate.
“Chocolate and flowers. It’s a little early for Valentine's day.”
Jack grinned. “Every day is Valentine's day with me.”
“Oh, yeah. I forgot.” She took the vase and chocolate.
“One more thing,” he said as he wrapped his arm around her waist. He'd promised himself he'd be hands off, but it turned out he had no willpower where she was concerned. He dipped his head and kissed her.
“Bittersweet.”
He gave her a boyish grin, pleased that kissing wasn't off limits. “I had a piece of the chocolate on the way here. You've got 70 percent cocoa in there,” he said pointing to her bag.
“Yum.” She gave him another kiss. “You didn't have to get all this.”
“Sure, I did. We're dating. That's what people do on dates.”
She set the flowers and chocolate on the table and retrieved her sweater. “Where are you taking me?”
“Since we’re on the mall, I thought we'd go to Marco’s.”
“Italian sounds good,” she said.
He took her hand as they walked. Jack still didn't like that she wouldn't be coming home with him, but he had to admit there was something nice about walking hand-in-hand on a date.
