Peggy Klaus

by Brag!: The Art of Tooting Your Own Horn Without Blowing It

  For the rest of your career, when you are in a meeting, look around the room and, size permitting, make it a point to personally introduce yourself to every single person in the room. When doing so, imagine you are introducing a very good friend and not yourself. It makes it much easier. Just do it. Say your name, mention what you do with a smile and upbeat energy, and then let the bragging begin.

  TIMING AND DELIVERY ARE EVERYTHING

  “I told them about my promotion, and there was dead silence. I’m now afraid to say another word about myself.”

  “You’ll know your bragging has bombed when your listeners suck in what you’ve said and they hardly say a word in response. You either suddenly feel like you would rather be as tiny as that crumb on the floor, or you’re so self-absorbed that the silence goes right over your head as you keep blabbing away, sinking yourself deeper and deeper. A brag bomb is often the result of bad timing, a bad read on your audience, or both.

  Let’s take Anne. She has been putting in long hours with her co-workers for more than two years. The company is fiscally strapped, and there has been a freeze on salary increases for nearly a year. They’ve all been reporting to a slave-driver of a boss. While her co-workers have whined, she’s been angling for a better position in a new department. Anne learns that her efforts have been so successful, she has been asked not only to join the new department, but to run it as well. At a weekly project status meeting with her co-workers, she bursts into the room, interrupting the discussion, and announces: “You won’t believe what just happened. I got the promotion! I am going to be heading the new customer service department with thirty people reporting to me. This is big, my friends.”

  Here it comes: that deafening silence. What went wrong? First, she rudely interrupted a meeting. Second, she forgot to take the emotional temperature of her audience. How can you expect co-workers who are downtrodden by hard work and little pay to greet such news with applause? The way she delivered her message was better suited to those outside her immediate ring.

  Anne’s interests would have been better served if she had communicated the news in such a way that it had a positive value for those on the receiving end. She also could have waited to make the disclosure at the end of the meeting. Then her bragologue might have sounded like this:

  I got word today that I am going to be heading the new customer service department. It’s a good opportunity and step up for me, something that I’ve wanted for a long time. Although I’m sorry to say I won’t be working with you directly, I am going to be looking to you guys when it’s time for me to expand or replace new people in my area. I have a lot of respect for each of you and I really appreciate how hard you’ve worked.

  The art of tooting your own horn is knowing when and how to toot. It’s always keeping your sensitivity antenna raised. For example, a funeral is hardly the appropriate time to launch into a bragologue. Walking into your boss’ office when he or she is immersed in a crisis makes equally poor bragging sense. And don’t make the fatal mistake of lobbing your brag bites and bragologues into conversations where they don’t belong. If you’re intent on making a few self-promo points, work the conversation so that you introduce them naturally. If you can’t do that, wait for a better opportunity. Even if you get the context right and the style right, recognize that no matter what you say or how you say it, some people are simply not going to be happy for you. Period. Don’t let that stop you. Just walk around them and move on.

  STEP INTO THE SPOTLIGHT

  “I just worked night and day and my co-worker is stealing the credit!”

  There’s nothing worse than credit theft on the job. Yet when co-workers claim credit for the ideas of others or steal the spotlight, most people retreat or bite their tongues. If they do speak up, they’re afraid they will come off as whiners or whistle-blowers. And isn’t it better anyhow to stay invisible and demonstrate self-sufficiency, the belief being “The less I bother my boss, the better and stronger I look”?

  This mentality has been thirty-four-year-old Tom’s modus operandi. But the arrival of Julie, who has been assigned to work alongside him in his department, has changed all that. “She’s her own one-woman PR machine. We’re supposed to be a team, but every second she can she gets out there with this ‘I’m doing everything’ circus act. In fact, when she sees that the boss is on the phone, Julie will stand there waiting for her to hang up. She is so over the top, I don’t know how to rein her in,” he says.

  “But … if you’re at the top of your game, why do you need to self-promote?”

  Because no matter how high you go, you always need to prove yourself. The higher you climb, the more that’s expected of you. So you’d better speak up for yourself. Plus, as they say in show business, you’re only as good as your last film.

  Tom’s strategy for foiling this credit robbery is all wrong. Instead of reining Julie in, he should be planning his own attack, figuring out ways to be seen and heard while taking ownership of his own ideas. A revised bragging plan for Tom is amazingly simple and effective. It begins with him freshening up his bragologue by making a list of everything he has accomplished in the last few months and is planning to work on soon. Once a week he sends this list to his boss, then follows up with a phone call to discuss it. Before each meeting that she is going to attend with him, he shoots off an e-mail to her outlining his ideas. After the meeting he follows up with another note proposing the next steps. He copies everyone in attendance, including Julie. At client luncheons Tom now gets up and introduces himself, talking about his long history in the department. He religiously meets his boss once a month for lunch. And then to really top it off, he even compliments Julie to her face in the boss’ presence for her hard work. This simple gesture raises Tom up a notch by making him appear gracious, knowledgeable, and filled with true team spirit—all the qualities of an up-and-coming player.

  GATHER AROUND THE WATERCOOLER

  “I always take lunch at my desk. Who has time for idle chat?”

  The corporate canteen for lunch, the watercooler, the coffeepot, or vending machines for impromptu gatherings are key bases in your bragging operations. Although generally taken for granted, these spots provide nearly constant opportunities to gain a stronger personal footing with people you may want to impress.

  I can hear it now. Business is business and break time is my time. One of my clients, Lucille, used to be a perfect example of this attitude. She always ate lunch at her desk. Frustrated with her lack of progress on the career front, I suggested she change her ways and use lunchtime as an opportunity to casually get to know others. She went along reluctantly at first, coming back to me five lunches later saying, “I’ve been chatting it up, and I’ve even met a few interesting people, but where has it really gotten me?” I sent her back, insisting that she keep to her promise to try it for two months. A few weeks later, I got an enthusiastic call from Lucille, saying, “Well, how do you like that? Who would have ever believed it, but a woman I spoke to at lunch about my BA in women’s studies mentioned to the human resources director that she should check me out to run the company’s new diversity effort. The director just called and I’m meeting her next week.” It’s easier to accomplish the big things in our bragging campaigns when we wake up to the littlest opportunities that were in front of us all along.

  DON’T LET YOUR NUMBERS DO ALL THE TALKING

  “All I need is to deliver the numbers. They speak for themselves!”

  How many times have you sat in a weekly status meeting and heard people moan and groan about the issues they are facing in trying to achieve their goals and objectives? In your next meeting, try something completely different. Share your successes and the tough spots you’ve turned golden. Do it once, and I can guarantee that your bragging campaign will hit high gear and immediately begin to earn dividends that will pay out over time.

  “What’s the point, Peggy?” asks Gwen, a sales rep in the pharmaceutical industry. “My bosses see my numbers, and that’s
all they want to hear about—that I’ve met the goals.” I respond, “People like to learn from others how they have overcome obstacles. It’s one of the best bragging tools in your arsenal.” At my urging, Gwen kept a running log every day for the next week. She looked beyond the numbers, and started to write down in detail how she managed to win accounts. At her next meeting, recalling one of her recent victories, she explained to the group how she had worked on one big client for nearly two years:

  He had been on the fence for so long. Many times I was ready to give up, but every month I got in a call, just to banter and check on what he was up to and how business was going. When I saw news clip or a research report that I thought would be of interest, I sent it his way. Suddenly last week, out of the blue, I got a call from him. He had just received the funding he needed, and bingo, I was the first person he contacted. To everyone here, who feels frustrated, remember to keep plugging away. Persistence pays off.

  For the next six months, Gwen kept to this positive tone in her weekly status meetings. Before she knew it, her bosses were thinking of her as a “beyond the numbers” kind of gal. In fact, the way she inspired the group had the markings of a good manager and leader. And when one of her bosses was promoted, he recommended that she fill his shoes.

  BREAK THE ICE

  “Put me in front of five thousand people, but please don’t make me go to one of those corporate cocktail events!”

  Ask ten people what they dread most in business, even more than public speaking, and high on their list will be attending office social affairs or networking events where they know few of the other guests. One of my clients, an Alec Baldwin look-alike, works for a major oil and gas company and has just returned from a two-year assignment in Russia overseeing a new operation. He’s funny and charming—a man of many words—until he walks into a crowded room, and then suddenly all the life is sucked out of him. He becomes, in a word, speechless. The feelings he describes are similar to what I’ve heard from many other clients: “Dread. I feel like a lone animal in the wilderness. I can’t think of anything to say. It’s hard enough for me to even talk to people I know, and now you’re telling me I have to brag to perfect strangers?”

  But social phobia can be overcome. As I told Mr. Oil and Gas, set an objective that’s not too daunting. Make a promise with yourself that you will make contact with three people. There are all sorts of easy tricks you can use to break the ice. One is to acknowledge the elephant in the room—that is, to announce to the person next to you in the buffet line that you know absolutely no one and that it’s at these times you think to yourself “Why did I ever decide to leave home?” By being candid and upfront, you are taking the charge out of the uncomfortable situation, creating a very real and honest ground on which to extend the conversation. Another way is to go over and say to someone, “You look about as unfamiliar with this as I am.” On an elevator filled with other people attending the same event, try striking up a conversation with one of them, so when you enter the event you don’t feel so alone. Besides, by the time you get into the room you will probably still be talking and will likely end up sitting with the person and being introduced to his contacts.

  After you get beyond breaking the ice, the opportunities for promoting yourself will flow if you’re prepared. For Mr. Oil and Gas, we worked on several brag bites, his favorite being “I would gladly take the tundra any day over wearing a black tie.” It all comes back to a simple premise: The more people who know who you are and what you do the better, because you never know where opportunity is going to come from. To be a successful self-promoter you need to adopt schmoozing and cruising as a way of business, a way of surviving, and a way of getting ahead. Think of it as a career maker or breaker.

  “But … do I really need to brag 24/7?”

  Like the Scouts, be prepared … to toot at any time. That doesn’t mean, however, that you do it all the time or that you do it at inappropriate times or places. You do it when it feels comfortable. And learning how to make it feel more comfortable is what this book is all about.

  MAKE IT MEANINGFUL

  “I’ve sat in on way too many business pitches where the presenters are focused entirely on themselves and their accomplishments.”

  Bryan, a fifty-something financial consultant based in New York City, is working on a new business pitch for the director of a family foundation in the Boston community. I asked Bryan to let me hear how he was going to introduce himself and his team members. After he finished, I wished I hadn’t asked. What I got was a three-minute, nonstop chronological recap of where and with whom on Wall Street he had worked since college. After Bryan brought me up to his present job, he then tortured me with another two minutes devoted to the other members of his pitch team. It had to rank as one of the top-ten most boring introductions I had ever heard.

  I asked Bryan how what he just said related to the potential client. In other words, why should this person care? “Well, obviously it shows that I’ve been in the business a long time and worked with a lot of good firms and people, and that I have the experience,” he replied.

  While all that was true, I gently broke the news that the excellent recall of his career didn’t speak to who he was, how he collaborated with clients, and how his past successes directly related to the prospect’s situation. And worse than all of that, he left out the most important fact. The prospect wanted a financial adviser with strong ties to the Boston community, but Bryan forgot to mention that he was a native of the area, that he had attended both graduate and undergraduate school in Boston, and that his ninety-three-year-old mother, as well as all his relatives, lived within a fifteen-mile radius of the foundation’s office!

  “Geez, how could I have overlooked something so simple?” Bryan asked with his head hung low. He took a deep breath, straightened up, smiled, and started again:

  Hello, everyone. I want to thank you for having us up here today. My ninety-three-year-old mother, who still lives in my childhood home in Waltham, says thank you. My coming here on business means that she now gets to have her son take her to her favorite restaurant. Actually, many of us are natives of the area. I went to Brandeis and got an MBA from Tufts. Henry grew up in Wooster, crossed the state line to go to Brown for a few years, and he heads up our office here. Both of us have had a lot of experience working with private family foundations of varying sizes. We have helped families who are in the beginning stages—as yours is—in determining the focus, setting up the organization, hiring the personnel and acting as consultant once the foundation is up and running. This is all in addition to our financial responsibilities of…

  It’s amazing to me how often people dash off to new-business presentations without spending the time to really think through how what they are going to say is of benefit to the prospective clients and customers. ‘Your bragging campaign will completely flop if you don’t serve up yourself and your credentials in ways that have specific value and meaning for your audience. If something in your history has no benefit, then drop it and rework your bragologue to focus on the most compelling points of your background and successes.

  THROW KISSES

  “I thought that my co-workers would think I was kissing up! So I never approached the director at the dinner.”

  I always thought peer pressure went out the window once adulthood set in, but amazingly it is alive and thriving on the playgrounds of corporate America. A client named Denzell, a twenty-six-year-old insurance executive in the initial stages of his bragging campaign, had been angling for months to meet up with someone powerful at his firm whom he had targeted as absolutely imperative to get to know. Mr. Higher-Up was on the road nearly nonstop, and it had been difficult for Denzell to connect with him.

  A perfect opportunity, however, presented itself at the company’s Christmas party. Mr. Higher-Up was not only there, but was seated alone at his table for a large part of the evening. You would think that Denzell would have jumped all over this chance, but his mission got scuttl
ed for the silliest of reasons: He didn’t want to appear to his co-workers like he was kissing up. It was better not to run the risk of potentially exposing himself to their jealousy and judgments, and quite possibly ridicule and back-stabbing. He might blow his image as a team player. It was much safer to be discreet, stay with his pack, and roam the room in obscurity. There would always be other less public opportunities.

  If you want to get ahead, I have one response to the kissing-up dilemma that Denzell and so many of my other clients grapple with: Get over it. The game of getting ahead is the game of being secure and confident in blazing your own trail, and getting in front of the people you need to impress. It’s fine to have co-workers whom you enjoy and respect and to behave as a team player, but what isn’t so fine is succumbing to a herd mentality—to your own detriment, no less. People would rather be approached at a time that they have committed for open-ended mingling and conversing than when they are busy and involved in other things. The very fact they are at a public event is an invitation for you to engage them. And here is another secret: A lot of very senior executives whom I’ve coached have remarked that they often find themselves seated alone at corporate functions because so many people are afraid to approach them. The CEO lonely for some companionship? You bet.