Falling for the Rebel Falcon

by Lucy Gordon

  Sometimes the best and kindest thing is to let people believe what they want to believe, whether it’s true or not.

  She was there again, in his head, in his heart, in the air around him: invisible but now seemingly a permanent presence in his life, saving him from disaster. Saving his mother from misery.

  Varushka was regarding him fondly. ‘All this time you never really believed that he loves me, did you? But I always knew. When you meet the right one—the only one—there can be no doubts.’

  ‘It must be a wonderful feeling,’ he murmured with a touch of wistfulness.

  ‘Oh yes. And it makes me so sad that you’ve never known that joy. Mind you, I did think at one time that you’d found the perfect girl. You seemed so right together, but then…I don’t know…’

  ‘It just didn’t happen, Mamma,’ he said edgily. ‘Let’s not talk about her. She’s in the past.’

  ‘But it will happen one day. You’ll meet someone who seems at first just like everyone else. But then you’ll find that your heart is mysteriously open to her in a way that’s never happened before. You’ll tell her things you’ve never told anyone else in the world, because suddenly that’s what you want to do. And you’ll know that hers is opening to you.’

  ‘Will I know that?’ Leonid murmured.

  ‘Oh yes. Or perhaps you’ll only hope it. Things don’t always become apparent at first. It can take time to work matters out, but if she’s the one you mustn’t give up. And you will know, my darling, because there’ll be this little voice inside you saying, “This one is different”.’

  ‘Different,’ he murmured. ‘Yes, there’s no hiding from it.’

  ‘That’s true and you must always remember it. Never give up. I never gave up, and now I’m being proved victorious. The day when Amos and I will finally be together is drawing closer all the time.’

  ‘Mamma—’

  ‘Oh, I know you don’t want me to hope for too much. You’re a realist, my darling. Of course you are. How else could you control that powerful business, and stride the world in the way your father does? I see that side of him in you and it warms my heart. But you’ve inherited something else from Amos. You have his great heart, the heart that can love a woman endlessly through thick and thin, love her with power and generosity, pinning your life on the belief that one day you will be together, finally and forever. That wonderful aspect of him is also in you, and it fills me with joy. Don’t you understand that?’

  ‘I’m not sure…I mean…if I…one moment, Mamma. I think I see something out there—’

  Leonid rose swiftly and went to the window, staring out at the garden. His words were a pretence. He’d seen nothing. It had been a frantic device to turn away from her so that she couldn’t see his face, filled with emotion and even the threat of tears.

  He would die before letting anyone see those tears, even his mother—the only person who could provoke them. Nothing would change her conviction that one day Amos would come to her, and with all his heart he longed to be able to make that happen. He hated himself for his failure, but he could think of no way around it.

  She came to join him, understanding. ‘Miracles do happen, my dear,’ she said gently.

  He forced himself under control, giving her a bright smile. ‘Yes, sometimes they do,’ he agreed.

  ‘And yours will come in time. You’ll recognise it at once. Maybe not at once, but she’ll take up residence in your heart and simply refuse to go away.’

  ‘Even if I tell her to?’

  ‘Even then. In fact the more you tell her to, the more she matters. And the more she’ll dig in stubbornly.’

  ‘You make her sound like an annoying little pest,’ he managed to say humorously.

  ‘Well, it’ll take an annoying pest to get the better of you.’

  ‘That’s my mother’s opinion, is it?’ he asked wryly.

  ‘Who else knows you so well?’ she teased.

  That was true, he reflected. Despite the need for so much pretence with her, she still knew him because she saw a part of him that nobody else suspected, and could say to him what nobody else would dare.

  Except the annoying pest, he reflected.

  She squeezed his arm.

  ‘I hope it happens to you soon, my dear boy. I want you to be happy, and I know that somewhere there’s a woman who can give you that joy. She may be waiting, or you may already have met her and not realised. But she’s the only one. Oh my dear, don’t fight it.’

  ‘You think I would?’

  ‘I know you. On the day you realise how deeply you love her, you’ll run a mile. You resist people, resist trusting them, because part of you believes they’ll betray that trust.’

  ‘A lot of people do,’ he said ironically.

  ‘But she won’t. Whoever she is—if she’s the special one she won’t betray you. You must remember that, and always be ready.’

  ‘Yes,’ he murmured. ‘I think I know that now.’ He reached for her. ‘Come here.’

  Gathering her in his arms, he pressed her head against his shoulder, then rested his own head on her hair. That the mother whom he spent his life protecting from reality should have spoken to him with such wisdom touched his heart. He wondered what she would say if she met his ‘annoying pest’ and the desire grew in him to see them together.

  Faintly he heard a long sigh break from her.

  ‘Are you all right, Mamma?’

  ‘Yes. I’m just happy.’

  ‘That’s all that matters. Let’s go in. You’ve been out a long time and you’re probably tired.’

  Together they strolled back to the house. There Nina took over, helping her lie down on the sofa and only leaving her when she was safely dozing.

  ‘How has she been?’ Leonid asked when Nina joined him in the kitchen.

  ‘It’s hard to say. Sometimes she’s seemed agitated, sometimes peacefully happy. She would talk about when you returned, bringing your father with you. I was so afraid of how she’d suffer when he didn’t come, but she seems all right now. Thank goodness his letter comforted her.’

  ‘Yes, that’s a blessing.’

  ‘Perhaps that’s hope for the future. If he’s found the way to say things that help her—who knows?’

  ‘I don’t think we can rely on that,’ he said heavily.

  ‘Oh, I’m sorry. I expect you wrote it really, didn’t you?’

  ‘No,’ he said quietly. ‘It wasn’t me.’

  ‘I suppose you have to be off to Moscow to catch up with business.’

  ‘I’m afraid so,’ he said heavily. ‘I’ll stay here as long as I can, perhaps a couple of days, but I should get back to the business soon.’

  ‘The world is full of enemies,’ Nina said wryly.

  ‘That’s true, but…sometimes I think maybe there aren’t as many as I feared.’

  She surveyed him with the frankness of one who was a trusted friend as well as an employee.

  ‘You? Letting down the defences?’ she queried.

  He smiled. ‘Sometimes too many defences can do as much damage as too few. You never know.’

  She stared at him. ‘You said that?’

  ‘No,’ he said hastily. ‘I didn’t say anything. I must hurry. I have work to do.’

  *

  Soon it would be time for the TopGo award ceremony. For Travis, with four nominations, it would be a big night. Also for his family, whom Perdita guessed would gather in Los Angeles, ready to cheer him on and enjoy being together. And Leonid would be there.

  She tried to turn her thoughts away from him. She had a living to earn. Returning from the wedding in Paris without a story wasn’t what she’d planned for. Her previous success had made her prosperous. She could afford to relax for a while, but she badly wanted to keep her mind occupied.

  ‘Perhaps you should chase after Elizen,’ a friend told her over a drink one night.

  ‘Who on earth is Elizen?’

  ‘A psychic with contacts in another world, so he claims
.’

  ‘Oh yeah?’

  ‘People swear by him. Some of his successful predictions have been hard to explain but rumour says he’s got spies out there who find out things for him, which he then pretends to know by “divine inspiration”.’

  ‘Sounds fascinating,’ Perdita mused. ‘Perhaps it’s time I had my fortune told.’

  Her meeting with Elizen confirmed all her worst suspicions. He was dressed to resemble a wizard, with a long white beard and a hoarse voice. He went through a performance of reading her mind and made various pronouncements about her life and personality. None of them were exactly wrong, but they were vague in a way that could apply to most people.

  Someone who wanted to believe this impostor could be easily fooled, she thought. She made a polite speech, and rose to leave.

  ‘Wait!’ he cried. ‘Another inspiration has come to me. You’re approaching a big decision in your life. You must choose which way to turn, and the consequences of that choice will be with you always.’

  ‘I’ll remember,’ she said. ‘Goodbye.’

  Driving home, she mulled it over, wryly amused.

  Who does he think he’s kidding? He didn’t say a thing about me that he couldn’t have said about anyone. Approaching a big decision, am I? Me and the rest of the human race. It’s time I looked for a more promising story.

  When she reached home there was an email from Leonid.

  I had to write to say how deeply grateful I am, he wrote. The letter made my mother weep with happiness, which is all down to you.

  She wished he would have voiced his feelings more, but the rest of the email was unrevealing, and she guessed this wasn’t a place where he would display emotion.

  Or was there such a place? And, if so, when and how would she find it?

  She wrote back warmly, and received a friendly reply. But Leonid’s armour of restraint was still in place. She must wait for their next meeting to find more than friendliness.

  One afternoon Gary called her.

  ‘Have I got a job for you!’ he exclaimed. ‘Brazen Bob is in town.’

  This was a film star with a big reputation, not only for starring in major films but for his colourful love life and his lack of manners. Brazen Bob wasn’t his real name, but everyone agreed that it fitted.

  ‘He’s renting a house in London,’ Gary said, ‘and hiring staff to attend to his needs. Well, we all know what they are. If you get along there fast you could be hired, and then you’ll have a bird’s eye view. You can look all over the house, discover his secrets.’

  ‘I…I don’t think so,’ she hedged. ‘It sounds a bit sneaky.’

  ‘Sure, and if he was a decent bloke I wouldn’t suggest it, but he isn’t.’

  That was true. Brazen Bob seemed to think that his handsome looks freed him for every kind of low behaviour. At one time Perdita would have pursued him with a clear conscience. But now something had changed.

  ‘I don’t think I can,’ she said. ‘I’m a bit busy at the moment.’

  ‘What else are you working on? Is a big scoop about to land on my desk?’

  ‘It’ll take a while,’ she hedged. ‘I need a bit of time.’

  ‘Hmm. All right, but you’d better come up with something soon if you still want people to think of you as the brightest and the best. I just don’t know what’s happened to you these days.’

  He hung up.

  Neither do I, she thought. Or maybe I do know. Then again, maybe I’d better bide my time, and find out.

  She had said that her heart had never been broken, making the claim partly as a joke. But increasingly she realised that it was true. Thomas, who’d dumped her for fear of vulgar notoriety, and Frank, who’d grabbed what he could and run; they had hurt her pride rather than her heart.

  But now, she thought, now—how can I tell?

  One corner of her mind was annoyed with herself for turning down the chance of a lively story because it would have called for concealment. But her brief time with Leonid had planted a little seed of unease that was now flowering into something that threatened to make life difficult.

  It had started in the first moments when she was apologising for spilling his drink by landing on him, and he’d said, ‘Don’t worry. Accidents happen. It’s not as if you fell on purpose.’

  The slight guilt from that moment had never quite left her. And now it seemed to be changing her life.

  ‘Oh heck!’ she said, reaching for the phone and dialling Gary’s number. ‘So I’d have to act a bit “iffy”. So what, he’ll never know.’

  But I’d know.

  Gary’s voice reached her. ‘Hi, Perdy, is that you? Fantastic that you called me back so soon. You’ve decided to do it after all. That’s great.’

  ‘No, I…I’m sorry, Gary. I pressed the redial button by accident. Just a mistake.’

  ‘Now, look—’

  ‘Gotta go now. Goodbye!’

  ‘Perdy—’

  ‘Goodbye.’ She laid the phone down and sat looking at it before whispering again, ‘Goodbye.’

  Somehow she knew she was bidding farewell to more than a man, more than a job, more than a way of life.

  She was saying goodbye to her one-time self. And doing so for a vague future in which everything was uncertain and confusing.

  It was risky.

  But she was going to do it.

  Suddenly Elizen seemed to be there with her, whispering, You’re approaching a big decision in your life. You must choose which way to turn, and the consequences of that choice will be with you always.

  I’m getting paranoid, she told herself wildly. He’s a shyster. He didn’t know about this. He didn’t mean anything.

  Again she stretched out her hand to call Gary and agree to do the job. But it fell back into her lap and lay there, refusing to move, and she knew she wasn’t going to make the call.

  Over the next few days she wondered what the future held if her normal method of earning a living was hampered. Crazily, it was Gary who came to the rescue.

  ‘I don’t know why I’m doing this,’ he said on the phone, ‘but I’ve been talking to Lily Folles. Remember her?’

  ‘I should think I do. One of the biggest film stars going.’

  ‘Yes, well, she’s going to do an autobiography, if she can find a good ghost writer. She remembers you from an interview you did. She liked it, and she liked you. Said you had a sympathetic ear. Here’s her number. Just try it and see what happens.’

  He hung up without waiting for her reply.

  At first she refused to believe that luck could be so much on her side, but she dialled the number, just in case. Lily was thrilled to hear from her.

  Over dinner next day they settled it, and Perdita got to work, thanking a kindly fate for sending her a job that she could do openly and without concealing secrets.

  It was the step in the right direction that she had longed for. Soon would come the day when she could tell Leonid everything about her career—her past career, as she now thought of it—and their meeting.

  For the next few weeks she devoted herself to the book, spending her life interviewing Lily, or at the computer where Leonid’s emails reached her. They were not passionate documents, but they buzzed with something unspoken, something written between the lines.

  The award ceremony was being held at the grandiose Felsted Cinema, next to which was the Felsted Hotel, a luxury establishment, and the place of choice for anyone attending the awards. This was where they would both stay, with him taking care of the booking.

  I can arrange my own booking, she protested online.

  His reply was short and to the point. No need, I’ve taken care of it.

  By the same post her booking arrived. Leonid had left nothing to chance.

  ‘Another woman might think you were a bit of a dictator,’ she murmured. ‘But I guess I’ll just have to put up with you.’

  Since Los Angeles was eight hours behind London and the flight lasted nearly eleven hours, it was
going to be a tiring journey. Nor did she like flying at any time. But Leonid would be waiting at the other end, and that was the only thing that mattered.

  She worked until the last minute, cramming in one more interview with Lily, with her packed bags waiting by the door.

  But suddenly luck turned against her. Lily had turned up some old memories that she simply had to explain before she too departed for a few days. Perdita kept giving frantic glances to the clock, until even the self-centred Lily noticed.

  ‘Am I keeping you from your flight?’ she asked.

  ‘I really should be going,’ Perdita said.

  ‘All right, just one more thing. Did I tell you—?’

  It was an hour before she made her escape, and even before she reached the airport she knew it was too late. She was right.

  ‘I can get you a seat on the next one,’ a sympathetic steward told her. ‘It leaves at ten o’clock tonight.’

  Sitting in the café, she sent Leonid an email explaining that she had missed the plane and would not land until the early hours of the morning.

  He replied politely. Thank you for letting me know. Someone will meet your flight.

  She supposed she couldn’t blame him for not being effusive. He was probably glad of the delay. Suddenly he had extra hours to spend with his family, or making business contacts.

  Yes, she thought, business. He would use the time making money and, being an efficient man, he would certainly remember to send someone to meet her.

  *

  It was dark when they landed. There below her were the glittering lights of the city, growing closer. Where was he now? What was he doing? Who was he with?

  It seemed to take forever to get through Customs, and she stood looking around, feeling suddenly abandoned. She closed her eyes and shook her head, trying not to believe it, wishing she could simply lie down and go to sleep.

  A brief touch on her lips startled her.

  ‘Leonid! Oh, thank goodness you’re here!’

  She kissed him back with fervour, and they stayed like that until somebody asked them to move because they were blocking the way.

  ‘Weren’t you expecting me?’ he asked when he could speak.

  ‘I thought you’d send someone else.’