She could barely speak, but knew that San'lr'in’ now blamed herself for all their injuries, “Not your fault, High One."
She touched her left hand to her Queen's arm, speaking slowly, softly and with great effort, “Sle'nel’ was most brave. How does she fare?"
The High Queen felt more than sickened at the sight of all three of them, all so badly injured, all because of her. She tried to remain strong, smiling tenderly, her eyes slightly misting, yet her sorrow was beginning to consume her, “She is recovering and will heal. We will rest here for a few turns while you mend."
The High Queen placed a strong sleeping spell onto her Healer, needing her to rest, but The Healer tried to continue to speak, “Please, High One. Don't blame yourself. We knew that you woul..."
As she finally fell asleep. San'lr'in’ stood and placed her hand on Ann'wn's cheek, “My Treasured One. In full truth, I am sorry for this occurrence and know that it is My blame, solely. But your lover will heal. My greatest concern is for her head wound, but I have set it to healing. I will check on her later this midturn. She will sleep comfortably."
"Thank you, My Queen, but it is not your blame that—"
But The High Queen had already turned and left, not hearing what Ann'wn now said. She returned to her own lover, checking once again on her great wounds, now sensing into her womb.
Good. She remains barren. He was unable to plant his seed into her.
Whatever he had used to pierce her shoulder had been so hot that it had seared the inside, so little bleeding had occurred. She placed her hands on top of each other, then onto the wound. She closed her eyes and concentrated, sending great healing powers onto the wound, hoping it would help, using many of her powers, and much of her strength. She did the same to Sle'nel's breast and knee, where he had stuck in the tip of his sword. She removed more of her Elf's pain, and saw that Sle'nel’ was now breathing more comfortably. She touched her hand to the Elf's head lightly, removing some of the more painful memories from her, taking them as her own. Her breath left her for a moment as she did so, and her heart all but quit beating, horrified in the learning of the painful tortures that Sle'nel’ had endured.
She well knew that she couldn't endure the same tortures nearly as well.
She examined her for a moment, thinking, I have lost My Elf to the Dark Sorcerer.
These healings took much of her strength, but she didn't care. She gave all she could and used many of her powers, knowing that Sle'nel’ deserved everything she could give. She then stood and looked at her attendants, “She will sleep for a long while. If there is any need of Me, if there is any change, send for Me."
Before the attendants could say anything, she turned and left the tent. Ann'wn, Meera and Sam had all become concerned about their Queen's belief in her own blame, so were having her closely watched. Since Caitha and The Healer would sleep for many moments, Ann'wn remained close to her Queen, worried over her. She watched as The High Queen moved away from all others, moving into her meditations as she so often did, alone, while in her High Queen's Gardens, prior to the Elf.
The High Queen removed herself away from the sounds of The Realm, from the sounds of the ongoing torture of the Dark Sorcerer, I should have known better. I have failed them.
She tried to avoid the meditation she had vowed to avoid, willing herself to remain near The Realm as her punishment for her own stupidity, I knew he would attempt such as this. I should have known better.
I am a fool.
The rescue of Sle'nel', Caitha, and The Healer had taken until the midmorn, so all those who had been on the mission had remained without sleep, including The High Queen. Since she had commanded that they would now remain here for at least three turns while Sle'nel’ and the other two began to heal, Ann'wn sent for the remainder of the travelers. During the turn, Meera, Sam and Ann'wn took turns watching over their Queen and the three injured ones, while The High Queen remained separate from them and all The Realm, unmoving. On various moments, The High Queen would shift from one meditation to another, often returning to her first, crying softly to herself.
Upon each of these moments, whoever was watching over her would go to her, place their hand on her shoulder and say, “It wasn't your fault, my Queen. You saved them."
"Leave Me,” was the only response they got.
Ann'wn became worried, so attempted another strategy. She went to her and said, “My Queen."
"Leave Me."
"The Elf needs you, my Queen. She moaned in her sleep."
The High Queen instantly exited her meditations and went to Sle'nel'. Seeing that she was yet asleep, she removed more of her pain, provided more healing, then returned to her stance and meditations. Throughout the remainder of the turn, Ann'wn used the ruse to keep her Queen within The Realm.
"My Queen."
"Leave Me."
"The Healer is in pain."
Upon each occasion, The High Queen would remove more of their pain and provide more healing of their wounds, growing weaker within herself from doing so. When it came the moment for the eve meal, none could get The High Queen to eat. When it came the moment for sleep, none could get her to remove herself from her meditations. She stood without moving, as she had so often prior done in her gardens. All alone throughout the entire eve, without sleep, without rest.
The morn came, and yet again they couldn't get their Queen to eat. Throughout the turn Ann'wn would force her Queen to remove herself from her distant stance.
"My Queen. It is the moment you tend to Caitha."
"My Queen. It is the moment you tend to the Elf."
"My Queen. It is the moment you tend to The Healer."
In the meanwhile, Sle'nel’ had gained consciousness, but now wondered as to why her Queen wasn't with her. She became as depressed as her Queen.
She no longer desires me.
She no longer can stand the sight of me.
By the end of the second turn, Ann'wn thought that her Queen would be overly exhausted and would choose to sleep. But the same pattern continued.
"My Queen."
"Leave Me."
"You must sleep."
"LEAVE ME."
The third turn came, and yet The High Queen wouldn't listen to anyone, unless it was to tend to Caitha, Sle'nel’ or The Healer. The remainder of their traveling companions had already joined them at the site, and all now just waited until it was the moment to regain their journey.
Ann'wn tried yet another idea, “My Queen."
"Leave Me."
"It is the third turn. This is the turn is which you wished to remove the Dark Sorcerer."
The information was received, and Ann'wn heard only silence in response—a good sign.
The High Queen exited from her meditations, then turned to Ann'wn, “I have need of the High Sorcerer's staff."
"Yes, my Queen. But you look weak."
The comment went ignored, “How fares the torture?"
"Except for the severe head injuries of The Healer, we decided to give him the same tortures he inflicted onto Caitha, The Healer, and Sle'nel', plus a few more."
She grimaced at the thought, thinking of everything he had done to Sle'nel'. “He lives?"
"Yes, my Queen. Fully. He is also fully alert. But crazed from fear of more torture."
"A good lesson to others in The Realm who would desire to follow his example. Lead Me."
Ann'wn led her Queen to where they had the Dark Sorcerer waiting. She could tell that her Queen was well weakened from using all her healing powers, from lack of sleep, and from lack of food. The High Queen moved slowly, looking as if the entire weight of The Realm was upon her. She also hadn't allowed her attendants to tend to her, so she looked very different than her tended norm, her clothes hanging limply upon her.
She walked up toward the Dark Sorcerer, but remained somewhat at a distance. Their eyes met. Barely able to speak from the great pain, he pleaded, “Please, San'lr'in'thel'ineln'. Release me from this realm. Have I not suf
fered enough for my crimes?"
She listened, wondering if she should consider the request. After a moment, she chose to ignore his comments, not wishing to come this close to The Realm as yet.
She turned to Ann'wn, “The staff?"
Ann'wn's guards had retrieved it. She handed it to her Queen, saying nothing.
She studied it, then looked back to Ann'wn, “Have you achieved enough vengeance for your need?"
She looked back onto him as Ann'wn spoke, “He has been tortured throughout the three turns, including the eves. Never was he allowed to rest. Except for the tortures he inflicted onto the three, the tortures were mainly small, but many, so as to keep him alive and well alert. We are well satisfied, Highness."
She observed his now well-abused and exhausted body. Ann'wn, Meera, and all the guards had inflicted so many small tortures upon him that there were very few unused portions of his body remaining. She looked at him more carefully and saw that many parts of him were missing. She looked upon the ground and saw the now rotting parts. She kept herself distant from such, neither wishing to take pleasure in this or to become overly close to the pain.
For three turns she had distanced herself from all her emotions so that she wouldn't go insane from the tortures she knew had been inflicted onto the three. She wondered at the cost of love, now realizing that loving Sle'nel’ had cost Sle'nel’ overly much pain.
I vowed only her happiness. And look at what she has had to endure. She could never wish to be with me again after I allowed as such to occur. I have failed her.
She wondered if her love for the Elf was mere selfishness on her own part. She thought that because of her need for Sle'nel', she had become overly close to her emotions, rather than distant and hard as she had been taught. All this had hurt her closest of companions.
All because of Me.
She looked back up to the Dark Sorcerer, “Your tortures have just begun, Dark One. Now you will go to the Sorrows, where they await you. This is the cost of your crimes.” As she spoke, Ann'wn noticed that she sounded distant and well apart, with no emotion of any kind. A chill swept through Ann'wn at the thought; a warning.
"Have you no sympathy, San'lr'in'thel'ineln'? I know you to be a kind High Queen. Have mercy on me."
She blinked, then softly replied, “There is no mercy for our crimes, Dark One."
She held Sle'nel's staff out away from her side, raised her head to the sky and called the Sorrows of the Stones to her, “Great Sorrows. On behalf of the High Sorcerer, I bid you come. Come and take the most evil of The Realm to you. Take your Vengeance upon him for all of us."
As the dark clouds quickly flew in, and as the winds blew their own vengeance, the Dark Sorcerer watched in total terror as San'lr'in'thel'ineln's eyes and cloak both turned a blood red. He screamed as her hair blew about her as if she were a banshee. As the winds raged and as the clouds thundered their anger, she drove the staff into the ground, just in front of her. Finally released from their captivity, the Sorrows of the Stones came raging out of the staff, circling the Dark Sorcerer. The Sorrows raced toward him in their fury. He screamed as they encircled him within them, making him imprisoned into their realm, then flying furiously back into the staff.
As they were completing their vengeance, The High Queen called to them, “Great Sorrows. I too am as such. Take Me as well."
The Sorrows halted in midair as if examining her. For a moment, nothing moved. The Sorrows then suddenly returned back into the staff, carrying the Dark Sorcerer to his eternal torture. They had considered San'lr'in'thel'ineln's plea, and rejected it.
When they had completed their vengeance, the clouds left and the winds halted. San'lr'in'thel'ineln’ removed the staff from the ground, sensing its slight increase in momentary weight. She closed her eyes for a moment, forcing herself to yet hold her immense rage within. She allowed herself to cry silently for a moment, then breathed deeply. She was disappointed she yet remained within The Realm.
* * * *
Sam stood close by, watching over her sister, now seeing that she was crying. Ann'wn stood in disbelief that her Queen had wished to be taken into the Sorrows of the Stones.
Sam went up to her sister, “They are alive. It is all that matters. They will all recover from this moment."
San'lr'in’ looked at her sister as if confused, then said, “Leave Me."
Sam had watched from a distance for three turns, but had decided that it had been long enough, “No. It is the moment you must return to The Realm. For Sle'nel', if nothing else. You owe her this much, High Queen."
"LEAVE ME!"
Softly, Sam shook her head, “No. You are needed. And you are loved, whether you like it or not. You cannot do this to Sle'nel'. It will surely kill her."
"LEAVE!"
"Sle'nel’ deserves better than this from you. And do you think that I as Highest have never had these issues? You are not special in this regard, Sister."
San'lr'in’ spoke softly, mostly ignoring Sam, “You know not of which you speak. You know nothing of this."
"In spite of her wounds, I saw her love for you. You cannot remain so distant as this. SHE NEEDS YOU!"
Sam's words rang out like a death toll to The High Queen, But she can no longer desire Me.
San'lr'in’ became enraged, no longer strong enough to control or withhold it. She raised her hand toward her sister and began to send a power of rage against her, then as quickly, changed her mind and held it back. She looked at her hand as if it were a stranger to her, then to her sister.
"Leave M..."
Suddenly, her body sagged as she began to fall to the ground, fainting from the mental and physical exhaustion she had inflicted upon herself. Sam caught her and lifted her into her arms, as Ann'wn came running over. The stronger of the two, Ann'wn took The High Queen from Sam, carried The High Queen to her tent, then laid her gently down.
Ann'wn ordered her attendants to tend and watch over The High Queen, then went outside. She looked about her, wishing that The Healer was well, or Caitha, or Sle'nel'. She felt lost without them, and didn't quite know what to do in regard to The High Queen.
She looked at one of her guards and gave an order, “Have the High Counselor brought to me."
The High Queen slept fitfully as the images of Sle'nel', Caitha, and The Healer's tortures played over and over in her mind. Her guilt consumed her.
You have become soft.
No.
Yes. You have failed your teachers.
No!
These three were harmed because of your softness.
I didn't want them to be harmed.
It is your fault.
No!
Yes! You should have prevented this. You are lucky that they didn't die.
Leave Me!
You are to blame, solely.
No. This cannot be truth.
She fought against her demons in her sleep, while yet fully believing it was her fault that Sle'nel’ had endured such depraved acts. She didn't want to see the memories she had taken from Sle'nel’ and the others, yet forced herself to watch them, to feel the pain, to view the tortures slowly, one-by-one, as they had been endured, over and over again.
Watching as the Dark Sorcerer sent the burning red-hot iron very slowly through Sle'nel's shoulder, she saw the Dark Sorcerer laughing as Sle'nel’ screamed from the pain. She smelled the burning flesh; saw the tortured look upon her lover's face. She saw Sle'nel's look of terror and defeat as the Dark Sorcerer raped her over and over again.
"NO!"
The sound of her own terror violently woke her. She sat up and looked around, trying to determine her location. She took note that she was breathing hard and sweating from her eve-visions, then moved closer to Sle'nel’ to examine her wounds.
Good. The wounds are beginning to heal.
She studied her Elf's beautiful but well-injured face, So beautiful, even with all this done to her.
She provided more relief from the pain, and gave yet more of
her healing powers to the wounds, then rose and left the tent. The guard had been surprised to see her Queen exit the tent, being told that she would sleep for over a turn. She ran to inform Ann'wn.
Ann'wn quickly rose, checked on The Healer, then left the tent to find her Queen, “Bring the High Counselor and The Highest to me."
The High Queen had returned to the spot in which she had held herself so removed from The Realm. She urgently entered her meditations, needing distance from her uncontrollable emotions. The guilt was consuming her, but she didn't know what to do with these feelings. Never prior had she dealt with such, and now she fully understood why her teachers had wanted her to remain distant and aloof from all others.
Feel nothing. Remove yourself from these thoughts and emotions.
Feel no pain.
Feel no hurt.
Feel no love.
Feel nothing. Nothing at all.
Aloof. Observant.
As High Queen, prior to Sle'nel', she would escape to her gardens, meditating until she could distance herself enough from The Realm, until she could make sense of the events. On this occasion, however, she could make sense of nothing, unable to distance from the memories of the tortures the three had endured. Her guilt was consuming her fully, and she knew no way to halt it.
She moved into one of her mediations, distancing from The Realm, then moved into another, testing the stance, only to find that when bringing forward the memories of the tortures, she couldn't remain distant. She then backed out of her meditations, cried softly for a long while, then tried again. The weight of her guilt lay upon her as heavy as if she were being crushed by a thousand stones, yet she knew no way to halt the burden. More than once, when bringing forward the memories of the tortures, she ran quickly to a sheltered location, and lost her stomach's contents.
As she was crying to herself, Ann'wn, Sam, and Mil'der'in approached, “My Queen."
"Leave Me."
"I call for an audience, my Queen."
The voice startled her, but she quickly regained her distance, “Leave Me, High Counselor."
"I demand an audience."
She ignored the comment, returning to her meditations. Ann'wn, Sam and Mil'der'in attempted to speak to her for many moments, then were finally made to give up. Ann'wn knew not what else to try, so the pattern continued for two more turns. Finally, as she was standing near her Queen, watching over her, The Healer appeared.
The High Queen's Vow [The Mystic Women of The Realm Series Book IV] Page 22
