“You know what Madison? I’m gonna let Amy take care of your table. You’ve amused me long enough.”
I marched into the kitchen without a backwards glance and begged Amy to take their table. Amy, bless her, agreed to take it with no questions asked. I went to the bathroom and gave myself five minutes to get it together. I pasted on a brittle smile and was able to get through the last few hours of my shift. I saw Madison and her group talking to Colleen out of the corner of my eye. I wasn’t really worried about what they were saying to her. It felt good to know Colleen always had my back, but she wasn’t the only one.
Even though I never felt Logan dream walk to me again, I still thought of him as phantom Logan. He was always there, but he wasn’t. I knew he watched for me to come home every night. I’d usually spend an hour or so looking over the material for the GED test before I left the diner after closing. Colleen got tired of waiting around for me every night, so she actually gave me a key to lock up. She’d never given one to any of the other employees. I was honored that she trusted me enough to give me one. I would notice Logan’s lights on as I walked down the street. His blinds would be open until he spotted me coming. Mysteriously, by the time I passed his door, his blinds would be closed.
One night, when I stayed late working on a tough math tutorial, I noticed his car go around the square a couple of times while I was locking up. He passed me on the way back to town without even offering me a ride. I probably wouldn’t have accepted it, but still… I only saw him when he came into the diner about once a week.
I found myself looking forward to seeing him. I wondered why he never texted me. He obviously knew my number, but he’d never contacted me that way. It would save him a lot of effort if he would just text me when I was running late instead of trying to be so sneaky about it. If he had just asked, I would have texted him when I got home.
When I asked Logan for space, I didn’t mean he had to skulk behind blinds to keep me from seeing him. Even when he came into the diner, he’d nod towards me when he saw me. Silently asking permission if I was okay with him eating a meal in a public place. He was still taking care of me, as much as I would let him. Unlike the past, he didn’t just run over my wishes when I wanted to handle things my way. I requested space and he gave it to me. He hadn’t gone back on his word…yet. I knew I still had very strong feelings for Logan. The proof was when my soul cried out for him when I was in serious danger. My heart couldn’t lie.
When Logan walked out on me, I fell apart. He didn’t choose to break off all contact, I had. He didn’t force me to act like an out of control druggie. After he left, he texted and called for two days straight until I threw the phone he gave me into the lake. He begged me to reply. He begged for forgiveness. He said he would be back when he could and he was. My feet found their way outside his door. I smiled when the door opened before I could even knock.
“You were watching again,” I teasingly accused.
He looked at me sheepishly and didn’t bother denying it. He knew he was caught.
“I’m not spying, I swear. I just want to make sure you make it home safely. Walking home by yourself late at night can be dicey, even in Fort Grange.”
I doubted it, but I wasn’t going to argue.
“You haven’t texted me your new number. If you were worried, I would have sent you a text letting you know when I got home,” I offered.
He ran his fingers though his hair nervously.
“Of course I was worried Beth. Why else would I sit by my window every night waiting for you to come home?”
“Can I come in?”
“Of course,” he swept the door open and stepped back to give me enough room to enter.
In his surprise at finding me on his doorstep, his normally immaculate manners slipped. He recovered quickly.
“Can I get you something to eat or drink?”
I sat down on the couch as he started to walk toward the kitchen.
“No, I’m fine. I usually eat at the diner.”
He walked around the back of the couch and sat down, careful to leave a cushion between us. He was nervously running his hands on the thighs of his blue jeans. It was unusual to see Logan unsure of himself, especially where I was concerned.
“You’re home early. Was the diner slow tonight?”
“No, I usually get off at nine when it closes. I just stay late to use the computer in Colleen’s office. I’m still studying for my GED exam.”
His eyes lit up.
“That’s great Beth. Good for you.”
“Don’t praise me too soon. I haven’t passed yet. I’m taking the test next Tuesday in Houston.”
“Oh, so do you need a ride?”
He thought I’d finally gotten to the reason for my impromptu visit.
“No. Thanks, but Amy’s going to take me.”
“Ah yes, Amy. She’s not my biggest fan,” he admitted.
“Why not?”
“I walked into the diner a couple of days after you were in the hospital. She wasted no time telling me off. She was furious that I’d left you such a mess and warned me to stay away from you. I’m happy to see you’ve got such staunch defenders.”
His allusion to my delivery made me wince. It was still hard to hear it mentioned out loud. I was astonished that Amy told Logan off. We had slowly become friends over the last year. Besides Colleen, I guess she was the first real friend I’d made. Alex and Wyatt didn’t count. I kind of borrowed them from Logan.
“What did she say exactly?” I was curious.
“She said you were a mess when I left. That you showed up to school drunk or high and you flunked the first semester of junior year because of me.”
I could tell he was holding something back. I wanted to get all our cards on the table.
“What else did she say that you aren’t telling me?”
He bravely met my challenging stare as he answered.
“She said you slept around.” He paused. “A lot.”
Obviously he knew I wasn’t a virgin anymore. Now he knew I was a slut too.
“Yeah, rumor has it I slept with half the guys in the junior class,” I blurted.
I ruthlessly swiped the tears out of my eyes before they could fall. Logan’s expression was unreadable. His jaw was clenched tight and his hands were fisted in his lap.
“I don’t believe that,” he choked out.
“I don’t even know who the father of my baby was Logan! I don’t know! It could have been one of three different guys,” I challenged.
His eyes never left mine. He scooted closer until he was next to me.
“Beth. I don’t care if you slept with half of Houston.”
He held my head in his hands and gently wiped the guilty tears spilling from my eyes. He kept one hand on my jaw as he leaned in on the other side and tickled my ear with his soft whisper.
“They don’t matter, because I will be the last.”
The dam around my heart broke with those words. He pulled back from my ear to meet my tear filled gaze with a question in his warm eyes. I nodded and his lips were on mine before I could take another breath.
He kissed me ravenously. He anchored the back of my head in his hands and pulled me closer demanding more. His eager hands tightened in my hair as he continued to kiss me. My heart soared, I wanted it to last forever. We were both a little light headed before he came up for air. His grip on me didn’t ease, but he allowed a few millimeters between us so I could catch my breath.
“I love you Beth. I’ll always love you. Someday, I’m going to convince you to give me another chance, then I’m never going to let you go.”
He started to kiss me again, but my hand on his chest stopped him.
“You never left me, not really. When I needed you the most, you were here. I cut all my ties with you because I was afraid to believe you’d ever come back.”
“I abandoned you. I left you bleeding.”
“You didn’t abandon me Logan. You made a promise you
couldn’t keep. You made sure Jack stayed away from me even after you saw me with other guys. You didn’t abandon me like my father and mom did. You came back when I needed you most.”
“Can you forgive me? I love you Beth. I’ll always take care of you. I swear.”
I smiled at him and gave him a peck on the cheek.
“I’m so lucky I met you. You were strong enough to battle my demons and loving enough to heal my heart. Last time I gave you complete responsibility for taking care of me. When you left, I fell apart. I had to learn to take care of myself. Can you forgive me for becoming a self-absorbed masochist after you left?”
“I can forgive you for anything, as long as you keep loving me.”
“I’m afraid I’ll never be easy to love. All I know is I love you and I’m tired of pushing you away. Maybe you can just join my crazy.”
I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I knew I never wanted anyone else to gaze at me with that kind of love shining in his eyes. He was my first love, and he would be my last.
We fell asleep on the couch, tightly wrapped in each other’s arms. Something woke me up from a deep, contented sleep. Beside me, Logan, stirred in his sleep. He sat up slightly and started to stretch his cramped muscles. I snuggled back into my pillow, hoping for a few more minutes of sleep, when I heard Logan’s strangled gasp. My frightened eyes flew open. The specter of a stunningly beautiful woman was standing at the end of the couch, just inches from where we were sleeping. Logan began shaking uncontrollably. I put my arms around him, attempting to ease his trembling. He held on to me for dear life.
“Mama?”
The woman before us smiled sorrowfully.
“Hello, son. We have a lot to talk about.”
Author’s Notes
I hope you enjoyed Logan and Beth’s story as much I enjoyed writing it. If you’d take the time to leave me a review, I would truly appreciate it. As the end of the book drew closer, I found myself very reluctant to say good-bye to Logan and Beth. Their story isn’t over yet. The next book in the series is coming late this fall. Logan’s parents are clamoring to have their story told too. If you’d like to keep up to date on my next projects please follow me on twitter-- @TraceyEChambers and Facebook-- facebook.com/breathetraceyechambers.
Thank you so much to my amazing friends and family who supported me every step of the way.
My baby sister, my first love, thanks for being the person who I can always trust to give me constructive feedback.
My amazing sister-in-love, Marcy, who is the grammar queen and helped extensively with the editing.
My beautiful niece, Morgan, and brilliant son, Zac, who were willing to read my early draft on short notice and review it. Your insight was extremely helpful.
My parents who taught me to love fiercely and always strive to be the best me I could be. Your love and support mean the world to me.
My awesome kids were such good sports, encouraging me, and eating sandwiches for dinner when mommy was in the middle of an intense chapter. I love you more than air.
My amazing husband who never let me give up on my dreams. Thanks for pushing me to make this happen. Love isn’t a strong enough word to express my feelings for you, but it will have to do. I love you with all of my heart and soul.
I owe my greatest thanks to my creator. I am so grateful for this life and its lessons. You didn’t promise it would be easy, but you promised to always be here and you have. Thank you for all the love, forgiveness, and compassion you’ve taught me through your example. I look forward to meeting you face to face.
About The Author
Tracey is a Christian who has been married to the most amazingly patient man on the planet for twenty four years. She is the mother of eight children (including her newest daughter-in-love) ranging in age from six to twenty-two. She lives in a tiny town in northeast Texas with her husband and five youngest children. She is fascinated with history, enjoys reading biographies, and traveling to historic sites.
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