“I’ve got an early breakfast shift in the morning. I better get to bed. I’ll see you around,” I assumed, trying to lighten the mood.
The acute pain in his eyes rocked me to my core. I’d never seen Logan like this. He was always so in control and sure of himself. Now, with his hair falling into his eyes, he looked like a lost little boy. Always the gentleman, he walked me to the front door and opened it for me. Before I turned away, I gave him what I hoped was a reassuring smile and a quick wave.
“Goodnight Beth,” he murmured softly as I walked away.
He watched until I was safely inside before he closed his front door.
I didn’t see him until the next week when he came into the dinner for lunch. Much to my relief, he didn’t sit in my section. I covertly studied him as I made my way back and forth from my tables to the kitchen. I didn’t catch his eyes on me once.
Most of the time, he was looking at his phone—he must have a new one because I still had his old one. I decided the phone was a good excuse to stop by and see how he was doing. When all my customers had their orders and their drinks were refilled, I decided I could spare a few minutes. I walked over to his table as nonchalantly as I could.
“You got a new phone? I’ve still got your old one. I forgot to give it to you last week,” I began lamely
“Yeah, you can keep the other one. I’d feel a lot better knowing you had a phone in case you need it. Besides,” he grinned, “now I know your number.”
He seemed in a much better frame of mind than the last time I’d seen him. I was glad, but that didn’t mean I was going to let him pay for my phone.
“I’m not letting you…”
He interrupted me before I could finish.
“I knew that you would throw a fit about me paying the bill, so I took the liberty of having the bill mailed to your apartment.”
I was taken aback. He wasn’t going to insist on paying the bill and refuse to take the phone back? Who was this semi reasonable man sitting before me?
“Thank you, but I still can’t afford…”
He interrupted me again. Okay, he was still a tad bossy.
“And, I know you are on a tight budget, so it’s on the basic plan. You’ve got unlimited calling and 1000 texts for $20 a month. Can you swing that?”
Considering I didn’t have anyone to call or text, it still felt extravagant to have a phone, but Logan had a point. I was living alone. The threat of Jack always loomed in the back of my mind. Besides it was smart to have just in case I had an emergency.
“I can swing that,” I nodded, “Thanks.”
“No problem.”
He stood and put a twenty down on the table to cover the bill.
“It was really good seeing you. I’ve got to go. I’m looking for a job in between here and U of H. I’ve probably put in twenty applications, but I’ve yet to get an interview.”
“You’re going to the University of Houston?”
“Not until spring, but I’ve been accepted,” he explained with a slight smile.
“That’s over an hour’s drive. Are you looking for a closer apartment?”
My panicked heart refused to beat until he shook his head.
“No, I told you. This place feels like home. I’m willing to commute.”
I refused to acknowledge the sweet relief that flooded me with his answer.
“Congratulations. It’s a great school,” I encouraged.
“It is. Have you thought of applying?”
I scoffed at his question.
“Are you kidding? I don’t even have a diploma,” I confessed, “but I’m studying to get my GED.”
“That’s great. You could go to community college for a year, and transfer anywhere you want. They don’t care about high school once you have a year of college under your belt.”
“If you knew what my grades were after the first semester after my junior year, you wouldn’t have that much faith in my academic abilities.”
“You had a lot to deal with. Before that, you had better grades than me. Don’t sell yourself short. You’ve got the rare combination of brains and beauty,” he blatantly complimented.
I actually blushed.
“Good luck on the job search.”
“Thanks, I’ll need it. See you around neighbor.”
Colleen encouraged me to go to college and now Logan. Maybe I would surprise myself and do it. I still had to take my GED test, but I was pretty confident I could pass it. I’d been using Colleen’s computer to study before and after my shifts. I still had a couple more online tutorials I wanted to complete first. For the first time in a long time, it felt like things were going to be okay. I had a direction to go in my life. I had a few friends and a home where I was free from constant tension and fear. Things were looking up.
Chapter Twenty-Four
LOGAN
It was torture being so close to Beth without making up some lame excuse to knock on her door. I promised her space, and I was going to deliver. I’d seen her walking to and from work almost every day. I’d even passed her on my way into town a couple of times. It went against my grain to pass her without offering her a ride, but I’d done it. It didn’t stop me from watching for her every night after the diner closed at nine. She usually didn’t get home until after ten. I wasn’t able to relax until I knew she was safe.
I made it a whole week before I caved and went to the diner. I put the bill for the stupid phone in her name. I neglected to mention that I just added a line to my existing account, which made her monthly bill significantly lower than if she had her own plan. If I told her, she’d be stubborn enough to give me the phone back.
I was a little hesitant about renting a unit from her complex, because I didn’t want to freak her out. In the end, my need to be close enough to watch over her won out. It wasn’t ideal, but at least I could be physically close enough if Jack decided to test me again. I doubted he would try after my fierce performance the last time, however, I wasn’t taking any chances with her safety.
While I was happy that I was able to dream walk to her while conscious when she needed me, it wasn’t safe. I tried, in vain, to dream walk while awake several times. If I could consciously control it and could hold off for just a minute when I felt her call, I would be able to get to a safe place before I left my body. I vaguely remembered that my mother was able to do it, but she was gone before she could teach me. At seven years old, I was still trying to distinguish between an actual out of body experience and my dreams. My mother took me on a few dream walks with her in the months before her death, but at the time she was more focused on my safety, than developing my skills.
“Where are we Mama?”
“We are in a place called England. Remember, we looked at pictures of the garden before you fell asleep?”
I looked up at her in awe. My mama was a super hero. She could show me a picture of anywhere in the world and take us there as soon as I fell asleep -- no airplane or luggage required. I knew that my life was different than most kids my age. I knew that I could never tell them or the bad men would come and take me away from my precious mama.
Before I met Beth, I was sure my mother was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. Her expressive eyes were so dark, they were almost black. Her hair was the same dark brown as mine and it waved gently down to her shoulders. She usually had a gentle smile on her face for me. Her loving arms were always open and her lap always available when I needed to be rocked or read to. She rarely raised her voice to me. She was a very patient and loving mother.
It was before dawn and we were in a magical garden lit by the moonlight. We were standing by a placid lake surrounded with massive trees of every kind, marble statues, and beautiful little buildings built to resemble ancient Greek temple ruins. A rustic stone bridge crossed the lake at its narrowest point. I made a beeline for it, running and laughing gleefully. My mom followed behind at a more sedate pace. Once she reached me, I knew I had done something wrong. She knelt d
own beside me so she could look me in the eye. Her solemn expression told me something important was going to follow.
“Logan. Did you stop to think that someone else might have heard you out here in the garden?”
I hung my head dejectedly. Tears stung my eyes. I didn’t want to disappoint my mama.
“No ma’am. I’m sorry.”
“I know you are. I’m not telling you these rules to make you unhappy or spoil your fun, baby. It’s because it is very, very, important to stay quiet when you dream walk. We’ve been given an exciting, amazing gift, son. Other people wish they had it too. The bad men want to use our gifts to find out others’ secrets. They want to control us. To do that, they will keep us prisoners.”
“Like in Jail?”
“Yes, only we didn’t do anything wrong except have something that other people want.”
I didn’t completely understand everything she was explaining, but I knew my mother was frightened. I never mentioned my dreams to her since the night I’d heard her crying to daddy. It had been months before she finally came to me during one of my walks. They’d decided the best way to keep me safe was not to sweep it under the rug, but to give me the tools I needed to stay safe.
“How will they know where to find me? Even if they can hear me during a walk, no one can see me.”
“They know about mommy. When I was a little girl, I lived with the bad men until your daddy took me away.”
I gasped in horror. My sweet mommy in the clutches of the bad men terrified me. She gave my shoulder a squeeze before she went on.
“I got away, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t still looking for me or others like us that have the ability to dream walk. When they hear stories about people hearing voices or seeing shadows, they don’t think about ghosts like most people do; they investigate possible dream walkers.”
The confusion must have shown on my face because she stopped and smiled at me.
“I know it’s hard to understand, sweetie. There are ways they can trace us if they go to a place we’ve recently walked or are currently walking in. That is the danger. They can never catch you in astral form. You are already in danger in physical form because you are my son. If they find me, they might discover your gifts as well.”
“Why can’t we just go to the army men and tell them? They could beat up the bad guys!”
She stood up and smiled at me through her tears.
“We can’t tell anyone, ever. Logan, you must promise mommy that you will be silent during your walks. You never know who might be listening.”
I still thought my army man proposal was a great idea. I’d run it by daddy later. For now, I decided it was best to agree with her. It scared me when she was sad. If promising to be quiet on my dream walks would make her happy again, then I would do it.
“I promise.”
I put my finger over my mouth and didn’t utter another word. We walked together along the walking path around the lake. It wouldn’t have surprised me if fairies came out of the ancient looking temples and started dancing over the water.
It was one of my last memories of my mother. I remembered every detail of the last dream walk with her very clearly. I cherished it and relived it often. Memories were all I had left of her. I cried every night for her in the first months after her disappearance. Then, it was once a week, and later, once a month. Now, it was only twice a year: on the anniversary of her disappearance, and her birthday.
My dad tried to fill both of their roles as I was growing up. He was too swamped by his own grief to be very effective. I knew he tried, and I appreciated the effort. As I grew older, I reminded him too much of my mom, and he avoided me. He had taught me to be watchful and to keep my safety in mind at all times. He developed state of the art security systems to warn us of intruders. He had already arranged for an elaborate security system to be installed in my apartment. It was over the top, but I did sleep better at night knowing it was there.
Dad kept in touch weekly via text. He didn’t give me too much grief when I told him I was staying and attending U of H. He knew it was pointless to argue. He offered to pay my tuition and living expenses. I accepted the tuition money, but the rest of my expenses I wanted to pay on my own. I know letting dad pay for college meant I wasn’t totally independent, but it was a start. He was still extremely concerned about me staying with Bethany. I hoped no matter what happened that he understood that I had made the only choice I could have.
Another important decision I made was to go back to church. My sole focus in Australia was wallowing in my misery. I’d never searched for a church to attend. As a result, I just felt more lost. When Beth suggested I find a way to live with the pain, it humbled me enough to pray and ask for God’s help. I knew I couldn’t do this on my own. I’d already tried and failed. While I still loved her with every fiber of my being, I found with God’s help I could “put one foot in front of the other”. Church had also always helped me feel closer to my mother. When I was young, she took me to church every Sunday and Wednesday like clockwork. But she didn’t just take me, she taught me about God. The faith I’d developed as a result was completely my own.
My next priorities were reapplying to school and looking for a job. I still hadn’t had a call back for an interview, but I wasn’t giving up. I wasn’t giving up on Beth either. I didn’t care how long it took. I was determined to earn her trust back. If that only meant as a friend, I would learn to accept it. God had a plan for my life and it would work out the way it was supposed to. That mindset gave me some measure of peace.
I was encouraged that she at least acknowledged my existence the first time I went into the diner. I’d been brave enough to go a couple times more in the last two weeks. The last time I even sat in her section.
“How’s the job search going?” she asked as she poured my coffee.
I scowled into my coffee cup.
“It’s not. I’ve filled out so many online applications, I think I’m developing carpal tunnel syndrome.”
She looked at me questioningly.
“Never mind. It just means my hands are going to fall off soon.”
“Have you checked in the paper? You might find something local. I know you were looking for something closer to school, but it’s better than nothing.”
“There’s a local paper?”
I’d just assumed Fort Grange was too small to support a newspaper. Besides, who reads paper copies of newspapers anymore anyway?
“Things move a little slower out here. They sell it at the drug store and the gas station, right by the register. I’m surprised you’ve never noticed it. You lived here for two years. It’s the Fort Grange Gazette.”
“Thanks. I’ll check it out.”
There were actually two jobs listed in the gazette that I was qualified for, a stocker at the feed store, and a cashier at Dairy Queen. I went by in person and filled out both applications. I still hadn’t heard anything back, but it had only been a week, so I was still hopeful.
Chapter Twenty-Five
BETHANY
A large group of teens came in on a cold December night. I was mortified when I recognized them as a particularly snotty crowd that had been in my grade. They’d pretty much ignored me throughout high school until my pregnancy was fairly obvious. Then, they enjoyed snickering and making snide comments at my expense. They were little more than annoying gnats to me at the time. I had bigger things to worry about than spoiled, catty, little brats. I didn’t care, and that just drove them to be more spiteful.
Lucky, lucky, me, they chose to sit in my section. I could hear ocean waves in my ears, but I squelched it. I could handle this, I wasn’t going to float away. I walked over, determined to be as professional as possible. I pasted a smile on my face and greeted them like I would any other customer as I passed out their menus.
“What can I get you to drink while you look over the menu?”
I couldn’t bring myself to look at them so I grabbed my order pad and pencil e
ven though I could remember their drink orders in my head. I keep my eyes averted as I waited.
“Bethany? You look a lot skinnier than the last time I saw you,” Madison snidely taunted.
Her fan section thought her observation was wildly entertaining judging by the cackles coming from the peanut gallery. I was sure smoke was coming out my ears, but I refused to rise to her bait.
“What can I get you to drink?”
“Did you even know who the father was?”
She broadcast it so loudly, I’m sure people in the next county heard her. I was humiliated. She had picked at the wrong sore. Losing my baby was still very fresh. It felt like she was attacking my son instead of me. I had no problem defending HIM. Last year, I would have walked away and hid in the nearest hole. Instead my blood was starting to boil. She didn’t intimidate me anymore. I looked her up and down. She felt superior to me with her daddy’s money, pedicures, and spray on tan.
“You know Madison, there is a very fine line between looking tan and looking like you rolled in a bag of Doritos.”
She stared at me incredulously. I doubt anyone had ever stood up to her before. To do so meant social suicide to any female at Fort Grange High.
“Shut up Bethany! I just asked you a simple question. If you don’t know then that’s all you had to say,” she hissed.
“I didn’t answer you because your question was rude and none of your business. I thought you’d be smart enough to figure that out,” I shrugged my shoulders carelessly. “If jellyfish can live without brains, I guess you can too.”
I heard a few muffled snickers from the tables behind me. They were obviously trying to pretend that they hadn’t overhead every word we’d exchanged. The story would be all over town before the sermon was preached Sunday morning. I was beyond upset, but I wasn’t going to let Madison know she’d hit her target. Madison was still sputtering to her cronies, who were trying to console her. I fought to give Madison my sunniest smile to hide my pain.
Breathe Page 17
