Transcending Regrets (No Regrets book 3)

by Noalane, Aimee

  “What do you mean?” There was a distinct frown in her voice.

  “I don’t know. Just tell me something that’s true. Something that I don’t know. Something new.”

  “I hate Oliver Langton.”

  “That’s not something true, Abby.”

  “Fine.” She sighed. “I wish you hadn’t called Stephan.”

  “You would’ve died,” I retorted. It definitely wasn’t the last memory I wanted to have of Abbygail Evens. My hope was that it was her reacting from the drug withdrawal, but I knew better. I hated what she was going through, and the worst part was that all of it was my fault. I had ruined her for my own benefit.

  “I know.”

  “Abby?”

  There was a light knock at my door that made me stop talking. “Mr. Bushmans?”

  I raised my head to see Jane, my social worker, standing in the door for me. I pulled my finger up, asking her to give me a minute.

  “Damian, you’ll come right?” Abby asked me unsurely. My thought was that she was starting to realize that I wasn’t going to show up.

  “Nine p.m. at the football field. I promise I won’t be late. Little Bird?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I’m still waiting on that something true.”

  “How about I tell you when you meet me at the park.”

  Abbygail

  “That something true,” Damian asked. “Did you really want to die?”

  The pain of the memory hit me so hard, that it felt like my heart was being ripped apart all over again.

  I nodded. “Why didn’t you come?”

  “I couldn’t”

  “If you really wanted to be there, you would have made it.”

  He took a step towards me. “No, Little Bird.”

  “Please stop calling me that,” I whispered. I wrapped my arms around my body, trying to hold myself together.

  “Abbygail,” he sighed. “It was either I left town and lived with my mother’s sister, or go to jail. I didn’t have a choice anymore. I was still under eighteen. I got lucky and avoided jail time because before that night I never got caught. I listened to you.” I looked into his thankful eyes. “For once in my life, I made the decision I needed to make for myself. And the more I think about it, I’m grateful I chose to leave you behind. At least now, you’re alive.”

  “And so are you,” I bit back. “Being his puppet all over again. Tell me Damian, how does it feel to be under your father’s command?”

  “It’s not what you think.”

  “How did you know where to find me?” I asked curiously “Did you track me down?”

  “You’d like to think that, wouldn’t you?” he sniggered.

  “Your father had me followed then? What was it?”

  “My father doesn’t have the resources to have you followed, Abbygail. I was in B.C. on a business trip, and my running into you was purely coincidental.”

  “Right.”

  His jaw ticked. “I’m not a criminal defense attorney, Abs. I do business law. I came to my father’s aid because he has nobody else. By asking me, I could––” he interrupted himself.

  “You could what?

  “He knew that I couldn’t say no.”

  There was something else. I hated that he wasn’t being honest with me.

  “I didn’t know it was you. I received that police report minutes before I got on the plane. It’s the reason why I got in at the last minute. I wanted to look it over during the flight, so I had to wait for it to download on my laptop. When I set foot inside the plane I was heading towards my seat in business class, but then I looked at the people in their seats and spotted you. I thought I was hallucinating. My curiosity got the best of me so I changed my mind and pretended to go to the bathroom. Just to sneak a peek. I passed your seat, and as soon as you looked up to me I knew––I couldn’t fucking believe it was you.” He smiled. “At first when you looked at me, I thought you recognized me, but when I realized that you didn’t have a clue who I was, I decided to have a little fun. The way you were looking at me…I missed you so damn much, Abby. I’ve always wondered what happened to you.”

  “You sure have a nice way of showing it.”

  “You don’t get it do you? I didn’t know you were her,” he growled. “I studied the police report on my computer and saw your name while you were sitting beside me. I thought I was reliving a fucking nightmare. I mean what were the odds? In any case, that’s when I decided to drop all hopes of talking to you. But you and your questions…” There was a mixture of anger and longing in his soundless laugh. “You always have a million annoying questions and things to say. It used to drive me nuts, because you could never shut up.”

  I smiled, remembering all the times he used to ask me to be quiet or complain about my talking, until he silenced me with his lips.

  “And then you pushed me, testing my boundaries like you always used to do, and it reminded me of how we used to be. So I kissed you. Fuck, Abby, that kiss––it felt exactly the same as it did six years ago when our lips touched for the first time...and when I looked at you, I knew you felt it too.”

  He looked up at the ceiling. “You’d think that for once, just once, life could give me a fucking chance…”

  He snickered and I watched him. His eyes, everything about him felt real, and at that very moment, I could tell that he was telling the truth. Unfortunately for him, it wasn’t going to change the outcome.

  I gave him a hard hateful stare because regardless of his remorse, regardless of how I was feeling, the outcome remained the same. He chose to help his father over what should have been the right thing to do.

  “You should have done us both a favor, and stayed away.”

  Chapter 26

  Oliver

  By the time I made it back to work, the issue between Jane and the teen had been completely resolved. Obviously, no one made a point of contacting me to let me know, so after being dismissed from Greg’s office I decided to stay and work in my office for an hour. After returning several phones calls, I went back to my apartment to grab a change of clothes and left for Carrington.

  “Abby?” I called walking inside her house.

  The place seemed deserted. I ran up the steps to her room thinking she might be sleeping, but she wasn’t there. Since I couldn’t find her upstairs or on the ground floor, I figured that she might be at her mom’s. I went to the kitchen to empty my coffee mug and that’s when I saw her sitting on the ground by the willow tree I had finally managed to transplant in her backyard. She’d changed her jeans for a long summer dress. She looked peaceful and comfortable, and I couldn’t help smiling at her simple beauty.

  As I climbed down the steps to join her in the yard, I noticed her puffy red eyes and got worried. “Abs?”

  She jumped in surprise and turned towards me. Fresh teardrops ran down her cheeks and she wiped them away. “When did you plant this?”

  “Two days ago. I was starting to wonder when you’d notice.” I teased and sat down beside her. “Is this why you’re crying?”

  She shook her head no.

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “I doubt you’d want to know.”

  “Come on Abs,” I replied taking her hand in mine. “Talk to me. What’s going on?”

  She bit her upper lip worriedly. “I ran into Damian at the grocery store today.”

  I frowned. I wasn’t expecting Damian’ to be the subject of another one of our conversations, but somewhere deep down I was glad his name had finally come up. We had ignored the topic for far too long. “Abby?”

  “Yeah?” She sniffled and nervously played with the leaves of her new tree.

  “Um, listen, I have to ask. Why is Bushmans in your life at all?”

  “Damian is part of my past, Oliver.”

  “Yeah, I get that. I just don’t get why.”

  “Because he was there when you weren’t,” she replied without looking at me.

  “That’s not fair A
bs.”

  “Maybe, but it’s a fact.”

  “Okay, then enlighten me, because I can’t quite seem to understand. When I left, it was because I wanted to save you from that life. I came back to realize that not only what I tried to do failed, but you went to the exact person I wanted you to stay away from.”

  “Does that piss you off?”

  I tried to remain calm to her sudden mood change, but to be honest it wasn’t as easy as one may think.

  “What do you think?” I replied arrogantly.

  “What do you want me to say, Oliver, huh? I fucked up. And guess what? Damian was one of many. But you were gone, and I had nothing left.”

  “What about Kylie, or Stephan, or Ty, or Ava? Damian shouldn’t have been a person to run off to.”

  “You don’t get it.”

  “You’re right I don’t. They were your friends.”

  “And they reminded me of you.” She cried. “I didn’t want to be around them. You know what that feels like, right? It’s the same bullshit you pulled on me when your dad died. It would be pretty damn hypocritical for you to be mad at me for something you did yourself, Ol.”

  “But it’s fucking Bushmans.”

  “And?”

  I grimaced. Surely she could understand why I was having issues with him.

  She sighed. “If it makes you feel any better, I didn’t want to be around him either, but shit happens.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Do you really believe I ran after Damian?” she asked. “Because trust me, I didn’t. Damian’s a predator. He prays on the vulnerable. My mistake was to give him the one thing I knew you would have never wanted me to give, and I did it because I was angry with you. It felt like payback.”

  I waited silently for a better explanation.

  “I gave him me and he took it.”

  She’s right I don’t want to fucking know about this.

  I swallowed the angry words that wanted to get out.

  “But the thing is, Oliver, all I wanted was to forget about you, and he helped me do that. And if it wouldn’t have been Damian, it would’ve been someone else. Maybe then I wouldn’t have been as lucky.”

  “Lucky?” I asked bewildered. “You think that being with him made you lucky?

  She groaned and shook her head. I had a feeling she wasn’t going to answer my question. “Damian was my poison Oliver, but at least he cared. I don’t think we knew how bad we were for each other until we got sucked in, and it was just too late. I loved everything I felt when I was with him. I felt alive. I felt like I could conquer anything.”

  “Drugs…”

  “Yeah, and lust, and anger. Addiction…” she whispered lost to her own memories. “It has a fucking funny way of screwing up your life, doesn’t it?”

  Silence lingered between the both of us. I hated what she had put herself through, but what I hated even more was that her motivation to go down that road was fuelled by my suffering.

  “What happened today, beautiful?”

  “I confronted him. About his dad, about him, about us…it just brought back a lot of pain.”

  “How long were you with him?”

  She shrugged. “A few weeks. Just enough to crave bits and pieces of him, and what he could do for me.”

  “Did you love him?” I asked, not wanting to hear her answer.

  Her eyebrows furrowed together thoughtfully. “Love is a complicated emotion.”

  “It’s a yes or no question, Abs.”

  “No, Ol, it isn’t. I love to lose control. It’s what I do. Damian gave me exactly what I needed. I wanted to forget how much I missed you, and he used that opportunity to do whatever he saw fit to work it to his advantage, and I let him because I loved it. ”

  “And that’s your definition of love?”

  Her jaw tensed, but she didn’t answer.

  “What happened, then?”

  “I lost,” she responded with a grim smile. “I overdosed and almost died.”

  What the fuck?

  “It wasn’t his fault.” she defended him immediately. “Something went wrong, I convulsed, and woke up in the hospital. The thing is,” she looked up to me with teary eyes. “I wanted to die, Oliver. Nobody knew. In fact, I’m pretty sure that I didn’t know. It was like an epiphany when I woke up.”

  “That’s a pretty fucked-up epiphany, Abs.”

  A soundless sarcastic chuckle escaped her. “Remember last November we went out for dinner and played twenty one questions? You took my phone and noticed that your home phone number was in it.”

  I nodded.

  “The first time I called you, I was in the hospital…I’d just woken up from whatever state I was in and you were the first person on my mind. Stephan was furious with me. My mom was confused and had no idea what to do with me so she called my dad. Thirteen years without seeing him and there Simon was, leaning against the door of my hospital room, looking at me expecting God knows what. I hated her. I couldn’t believe her…you were the first one on my speed dial and you answered the phone. I couldn’t make up my damn mind––what was I supposed to say? That I hated you? I fucking loved you?” She observed the cloudy sky, and I could see her clear blue watery eyes. “I missed you. Every single bit of you, and I wasn’t even able to say it.”

  I swallowed the heavy lump in my throat.

  “I kept thinking that you’d hate me for wanting to die, but the other part of me also wanted you to pay for leaving me. When I heard your voice…the pain felt raw all over again. I almost broke down. God it hurt. I wanted to beg you to come home. I wanted to tell you that I needed you, that Simon was here. I knew that if I told you he was in the same room I was in, you wouldn’t have given it a second thought and came home. But then I heard a girl’s voice in the background and you called her baby and…I just––it hurt.”

  “I thought I dreamt that phone call,” I admitted grimly. “My mother was gone for the weekend and I had a party. There were so many people at the house––but Abby, I was drunk, I swear, if I would have known…”

  She gave me a tight smile and went back to telling her story as if what I was saying wasn’t relevant. “When I got released from the hospital, my mother told me that I had to leave and live with Simon. I flipped out. I called Damian’s cell. We planned to run away together…well, I planned. I think that deep down it was always his plan to never show up. Now I know why he didn’t come, and deep down I’m glad he didn’t. I think that by not showing up on the field like he promised, he saved my life.”

  “Why is he here now?”

  “I don’t know. Truly. But I can’t help but think it’s something big because he never came back. He never called. He didn’t give me anything since we last spoke on the phone. He just disappeared for six years. Seeing him today…” she shook her head again. “It just brought it all back. Damian really isn’t a bad guy, Oliver. I think that in some way, he’s just like me, but didn’t get so lucky when it came to family.”

  I moved closer to her and stretched out my legs so that I could face her. With my hands on her stomach I looked deeply into her eyes. There were a thousand things I wanted to say. I wanted to yell and shout at her. I wanted to cry with her. I wanted to tell her that she should have said something when she called me six years ago. But in the end, I realized that it didn’t matter. Whatever I had to say wouldn’t make a difference because I couldn’t change the past. What counted was the future. What counted was that she was right here with me, carrying my baby. What mattered was that she was alive. And for that, I could never thank her enough.

  Chapter 27

  Oliver

  “Listen to me you little twerp.” Liam growled as I made my way across the field. I couldn’t help myself from laughing, it was impossible to count the number of times our own coach had yelled at us in the same way. “Either you run laps with the team or you don’t, and you get the fuck off my field.”

  “But it was a joke, coach. I’m sorry. Okay?”<
br />
  I noticed Jake’s fists tighten. He was working very hard at controlling his anger.

  “I’m taking all the blame. Could you please just let us take a break?”

  “No. You might be the instigator, but they’re just as guilty as you are for following through with your stupid idea.”

  Liam angrily pointed at the rest of the team running together. He wanted his captain to understand that joining his team on the tracks wasn’t a leisurely request. It was an order. What Jake failed to see was that looking after the well-being of his team is exactly what his coach was expecting him to do. He wouldn’t win his case, but he was definitely gaining the recognition and merit of his position.

  “Dude, I’m fucking hungry.”

  “Did you just call me dude? Do I look like your friend Mr. Campbell?”

  Jake’s eyes grew wide, realizing that he’d just dug his hole even deeper. He shook his head about to apologize, but Liam cut him off.

  “Drop and give me twenty. I swear to fuck, Jake, if another peep slips out of your mouth, I’m suspending you for three games.”

  “Yes, coach,” he mumbled, hitting the grass.

  I laughed a little too loudly, and both of them looked up at me. Jake was angry as hell, but I just winked at him encouragingly. Liam, on the other hand, looked so happy to see me that his frown immediately turned into a friendly grin.

  He extended his fist. “It’s about time you made it. I thought you weren’t going to show up.”

  “Sorry.” I replied. “I’ve been busy. Working two jobs isn’t all that easy.”

  “Two jobs and a pregnancy,” he pointed out and winked.

  “You knew about that, huh?”

  “Things kind of have their way of getting around in this town,” he vaguely responded. “How is Abby? I haven’t seen her in weeks.”

  “A lot better than she was, thank God.”

  “Good. I’m glad to hear it. I remember when Victoria was pregnant with our first born, she started taking weight around her second trimester. Abby seemed like she was shrinking more than anything else.”