The Christmas Ranch (The Cowboys of Cold Creek)

by RaeAnne Thayne

This was heartbreak. It was a physical, tangible pain in her chest and she wanted to cry, much to her horror. The tears welled up in her throat, behind her eyes and she had to take a moment to force them all back before she could speak.

  “What are we doing here?” she whispered.

  He eased away. “If you don’t know, then I obviously must be doing something wrong.”

  She made an impatient gesture. “Here. You and me.”

  He looked wary suddenly. “What do you mean?”

  This was a mistake. She should be casual and light, pretend their kisses meant nothing to her. She didn’t need to flay herself open to him.

  She couldn’t do that. This was too real, too important. She could feel her hands trembling and she folded them together “Every time you kiss me, you turn me inside out. You don’t have any idea, do you?”

  He stared at her, those beautiful hazel eyes wide in his dark features and a little wary. “I...do?”

  She wanted to be angry with him for being so oblivious to his effect on her but she couldn’t. How could she blame him, when she was the fool here?

  “You probably also don’t have the first clue that I could...easily develop feelings for you. I’m halfway there. I could fall hard for you, Rafe. I don’t want that and you don’t either, trust me. I need your help to make sure it doesn’t happen.”

  It was only a little lie. She wasn’t halfway anything, but he didn’t need to know that part—especially when he didn’t bother to conceal his shock. He swallowed hard, staring at her. “Hope—”

  She gave a short laugh. “I know. It’s a mess. Believe me, I don’t want to care about you. This thing—this heat, this attraction, whatever you want to call it—is crazy and intense and completely the last thing I need right now. When you kiss me, I lose track of everything I want, everything I’ve worked for. All I want is to stay right here in your arms.”

  He cleared his throat. “Why is that a bad thing, again?”

  She ground her teeth, fighting the urge to smack him. He didn’t get it. He didn’t see she was fighting to earn her family’s respect. She owed them. She suddenly remembered another Mother Teresa quote her mother used to say—Bring love into your own home, for this is where love must start.

  She hadn’t done that. She had left her family behind while she went off trying to change the world in some misguided effort to do what little she could to carry on her parents’ legacy.

  Meanwhile, she hadn’t been here for her family when they needed her after Travis died. This was her chance to make things right for them. By making The Christmas Ranch a success, she might be able to help save the Star N—but not while she continued to let him distract her, while she fell apart each time he kissed her.

  “If I let you, Rafael Santiago, you will break my heart.” She straightened and gave him the most steady look she could muster. “There’s only one solution to that. I just won’t let you.”

  “The last thing I want to do is break your heart.”

  “And the last thing I want to do is fall in love with you and then have to stand by with a broken heart while I watch you walk away.”

  “What if I don’t? Walk away, I mean?”

  Despite his careful tone and guarded expression, she felt a tiny flutter of joy, fragile and sweet—which she firmly squashed beneath her boot.

  “You would. You have a life in San Diego and you need to return to it. I get that.”

  “I don’t have to go back to California. You said it before. We’re both at a crossroads.”

  “If you didn’t—if you stayed—I would always wonder whether you are doing it for the same reason you volunteered to help at the Ranch in the first place. Because of some wrong-headed sense of guilt, to make amends for something you were never responsible for in the first place.”

  She knew she was being ruthless and even a little cold, using the Colombia card to win her argument, but it was the only way she could protect herself—and she suddenly had the epiphany that she had been protecting herself for a very long time. Maybe even since that fateful Christmas day.

  Her relationships were always casual, light, fun...and completely without depth and meaning. She had never had any problem leaving any of the men she dated behind when she went on to the next job, the next adventure.

  With Rafe, everything was different. She knew that instinctively. Her heart would break time after time and she couldn’t put herself through that.

  “Please don’t kiss me again. I won’t beg but consider this the closest thing to it. If you can possibly feel you owe me anything because of what happened in Colombia, after everything you’ve done this past week to help around here, this is all I would ask. I would prefer if you didn’t come around after tomorrow’s opening. Will you do that for me?”

  She folded her hands together, her nails digging into her palms. She hated asking him. Worse, she hated the hurt in his eyes as she basically told him she didn’t want him there anymore. They had begun a friendship before he ever kissed her and she was basically throwing that away, as well.

  What other choice did she have?

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Don’t say anything. This is hard enough.”

  She headed for the door, knowing if she didn’t leave now she wouldn’t be able to find the strength. “I’m going to head over to the Ranch office in the lodge and finish a few things. Thanks for your help here and with...everything, but you should probably go get Joey from the house so you can visit your sister. I would imagine visiting hours at the jail are limited, aren’t they?”

  He gave her a long, measured look, his expression murky. She had a feeling he had plenty of things he wanted to say to her but she didn’t give him a chance, only turned and walked out of the barn without looking back.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “Where is everybody?”

  Aunt Mary’s question was bewildered and completely genuine but it still gouged under Hope’s skin like uncoiling barbed wire.

  She forced a smile for her aunt and leaned forward to hug her, setting off the little jingle bell on her ridiculous elf hat. “That’s a pretty bad snowstorm out there. On a night like tonight, most people want to be home cuddled up by the fire watching It’s a Wonderful Life or something. They don’t want to tramp around in the snow and wind to look at a few lights.”

  Opening night at The Christmas Ranch usually was one of their biggest events. They offered free hot cocoa and cookies, a live band playing Christmas music and of course the big event itself, when they turned on all the lights in the vast display.

  Instead of the two hundred people she had anticipated, she could only see a fraction of that, maybe thirty or so, mostly close neighbors and friends who lived in Cold Creek Canyon.

  The Dalton brothers—Wade, Jake and Seth—were there along with their wives. They all stood talking to the Dalton matriarch and her second husband, who happened to be the mayor of Pine Gulch.

  Caidy and Ben Caldwell and his children had come, along with Caidy’s brother Ridge Bowman and his wife, Sarah, and daughter. The wealthy and powerful Carson McRaven and his wife, Jenna, who had provided the refreshments for the evening, stood talking to the Cavazos—Nate and Emery—as well as Faith’s best friend, Ashley Hartford, and her hottie former action movie star husband, Justin, who had just been there for Thanksgiving dinner.

  Those who lived in Cold Creek Canyon were always supportive of The Christmas Ranch, which meant the world to Hope and her family.

  It wasn’t quite enough, though, she thought, looking at the sparse crowd. This was close to a disaster.

  “Did you put an ad in the paper, honey?”

  She put on a fake smile for her aunt. “Sure did. I called them earlier in the week, but I was too late by then to make the deadline for yesterday’s edition. They couldn’t run anyth
ing until next week’s issue since all the Black Friday ads had already been scheduled. Our ad will run in the Pine Gulch community paper as well as the Idaho Falls, Rexburg and Jackson Hole papers next week. A radio spot started yesterday on all the area stations. And I put flyers up on all the community boards I could find in the region.”

  She was quite certain it hadn’t helped their attendance any that for weeks that blasted Closed Indefinitely sign had hung over the gate. She couldn’t seem to get the message out—everybody in town still seemed to think they were taking the year off because of Travis’s death.

  Was she supposed to go door to door throughout town to let everybody know the Nichols family had changed its collective mind—well, okay, she had changed it for them—and the Ranch would now be open for business as usual?

  This was no one’s fault, she reminded herself. Not Aunt Mary’s. Not Faith’s or Celeste’s. Not really hers either, since she had worked her tail off trying to get ready for tonight. None of them could control the weather or alter newspaper deadlines.

  “Things will pick up,” she assured her aunt, wishing she believed it herself. “Now, go mingle and have a good time. I’m going to grab another tray of appetizers.”

  She hurried to the little kitchen off the office and grabbed one of the beautifully prepared trays. At least they had good food. Jenna was an amazing cook, which was why her catering business was enormously successful.

  She adjusted her stupid hat a little with one hand then headed back out.

  “Can I give you a hand?”

  Her heart skipped a little beat at the low voice and at the sight of Rafe, big and strong and gorgeous.

  He and Joey had come out earlier in the day to do a few last-minute adjustments to the tow rope on the sledding hill but she had been busy in the office and hadn’t spoken with him. Now, seeing him here dressed up in a button-down shirt and trousers, her breath caught and her knees felt ridiculously weak.

  “I like your outfit.”

  Oh. Son of a nutcracker, to steal her favorite epithet from Buddy the Elf. He looked gorgeous and masculine...and she looked like Buddy’s dorky little sister.

  “I couldn’t talk Faith or Celeste into wearing it so I guess I was stuck. Somebody had to.”

  Though why, she suddenly wasn’t sure. No one was even there to see her dressed in the stupid elf costume. “This is a disaster. Only three dozen people—and they’re all friends and neighbors.”

  He looked back through the doorway into the party. “Don’t worry. Things will pick up. Word of mouth will spread. As soon as word gets out that you’re open this year after all, the crowds will follow.”

  She didn’t deserve his reassuring words, not after the things she had said to him the day before. She couldn’t believe he’d even showed up tonight.

  All the work the two of them had done ahead of time. For what? A handful of people? She thought of all the money she had poured into this, most of her savings, all the promises she had made to her sisters. This was supposed to be her chance to show them she could contribute to the family.

  She gripped the tray harder, fighting the urge to sink down to the floor, appetizers and all, and cry.

  “I wish I could believe that.”

  Rafe gave her a searching look and she knew he must see the emotions swimming in her expression. His hard, formidable features softened. “Yeah, maybe the turnout tonight isn’t what you’d hoped, but give yourself a break. It’s only the first night.”

  “I know. I just had such high hopes.”

  “You’ve done a good thing here, Hope. You’ve thrown your heart and your soul into this and people are inevitably going to respond to that. You’ve brought Christmas magic to Pine Gulch. Everyone needs a little of that right now.”

  “Even you?”

  He looked out at the brightly lit lodge with its big Christmas tree, the blazing fires, the grand Santa throne where Mac Palmer presided in his glorious costume.

  “Especially me,” he said quietly. “I’m honored I had the chance to be part of it.”

  Her throat felt tight, achy, and she wanted nothing more in that moment than to fall into his arms. How could she possibly resist this man?

  He gave her a sudden, unexpected grin that sent heat spiraling through her. “One thing, though. You might want to try to smile a little. Trust me, there’s nothing more depressing than a grumpy elf.”

  She laughed, as he intended, even though her heart seemed to ache. Everything she said the day before had been completely ridiculous, she thought again. She wasn’t in any danger of falling in love with him. How could she be, when she was already there?

  “Point taken. I will put on my perkiest smile. Thanks for the reminder, sailor.”

  “Anytime.”

  Except he wasn’t only a sailor. He was a navy SEAL—the toughest, most hardened of warriors—and he wouldn’t be here in a few more weeks for pep talks or anything else.

  The reminder was as coldly sobering as if someone had just shoved her into a snowbank.

  Ignoring the ache in her chest, she pasted on a smile so big it made her cheeks hurt and headed around the crowd with her platter of cookies and hot cocoa.

  * * *

  By the time Monday morning rolled around, Hope was afraid her face had permanently frozen in that rictus of a fake smile.

  She pulled the quilt up under her chin, gazing out the window at the pale morning. She could see daylight, which meant it had to be late—on these shortest days of the year, the sun didn’t rise above the mountains until almost eight.

  She had slept in, the first time in weeks she had done that. So why did she still feel achy and exhausted? Maybe because she hadn’t dropped into bed until after two in the morning, up late sewing more little reindeer toys so they could at least have twenty or thirty on hand in the gift shop, just in case.

  She flopped over onto her back and stared at the ceiling of the odd-angled bedroom that had been hers since she and her sisters came here, lost and afraid.

  She was seriously tempted to punch her pillow, pull the covers over her head and go back to sleep for another three or four hours. Why shouldn’t she? Why was she putting so much time and energy into what was turning into her most spectacular failure ever?

  The crowds had picked up a little on Saturday as the winter storm slowed but on Sunday, attendance had been way down.

  At this rate, they would barely break even for the season. All her good intentions about helping ease Faith’s burden would remain only that. Pipe dreams. Pretty little ice sculptures that melted away into nothing.

  She should have just let The Christmas Ranch stay closed and thrown her energy into the cattle side of the Star N operations. She wasn’t sure what she could have done there but it would have been better than creating false expectations.

  With a sigh, she sat up. As much as she might like to, she had too much to do to stay hidden away up here feeling sorry for herself.

  She pushed away, swiveled to the edge of the bed and was just about to stand up when her cell phone rang from its spot charging on the bedside table.

  She stared at it for a long moment, recognizing Rafe’s number flashing across the screen

  She couldn’t escape the man. He was in her thoughts, her dreams, and now on her phone. She almost didn’t answer it but finally picked it up, unplugged it from the charger and answered.

  “Hello.” She tried for a brisk, businesslike, didn’t I ask you to leave me alone? sort of tone.

  “Are you watching this?” he demanded, with more excitement in his voice than she had ever heard.

  “Watching what?” she asked, not wanting to tell him she was still in bed and wasn’t watching anything except a few cobwebs up in the corner.

  “The television. Channel six. Are you close to one?”

 
“Yes.” There was a small flatscreen atop the carved old-fashioned bureau, since Faith used this as a guest room when Hope wasn’t there. She wasn’t sure it worked since she hadn’t had time to turn it on once since she had been back in Pine Gulch.

  “Hello, Nation. Turn it on, right now!”

  “Why?” she asked warily.

  “Just trust me. Channel six,” he said again. “They were teasing a story right before the commercials I think you’re going to want to see.”

  The floor was freezing against her bare feet as she padded to the television, the phone in the crook of her shoulder. “Not your usual sort of show, is it? Or maybe you like all that celebrity gossip.”

  “Joey wanted to watch a cartoon this morning before school. I flipped through the channels to find something and happened to catch a couple minutes of this one. It really doesn’t matter why I was watching. Just turn it on. Hurry.”

  She flipped the television on and found the channel. They were just coming back from a commercial to a man and woman sitting together on a set decorated with poinsettias and a Christmas tree.

  “Welcome back, Nation. I’m Paloma Rodriguez.”

  “And I’m Mitchell Sloan. We hope you’re having a lovely Monday, wherever you are.”

  “So, Mitchell. You know my husband likes to ski, right?” Paloma said.

  “From what you’ve said, he likes to ski and you like to sip hot toddies by the fireplace.”

  “Exactly. I’m not much of a skier. This year we decided to take the kids to Jackson Hole, Wyoming, for Thanksgiving. It’s such a fun little town. We spent a week there and Kent and our older son had a wonderful time skiing. Meanwhile, toward the end of the week, the younger two were starting to drive me crazy—until I happened upon this wonderful little family attraction a short way from Jackson. It was called The Christmas Ranch and look at this.”

  The woman pulled out a darling little stuffed reindeer—her darling little stuffed reindeer!—and Hope shrieked.

  “Ow,” Rafe said in her ear and she realized she was still holding the phone.