I have Lily in my arms. Now I just need to bring her back to me completely.
She may be broken, but the pieces are still there and our love is the glue. We can put her back together.
I know we can.
32
My eyes open lazily to the darkness surrounding me, the faint glow from the clock on my nightstand the only source of light in the room. I can tell through the small crack in the curtains that it’s still the middle of the night or very early in the morning. The sun has yet to greet this part of the world with its presence, and I’m perfectly happy to go back to sleep until it shows up.
I roll to my other side and reach my arm out to grasp on to the woman who is the source of light in my life, but I stop.
She’s not there. The bed is empty next to me.
A surge of adrenaline initially races through me before I realize she could have just slipped out of the room to use the bathroom. Before I let myself panic too much, I give her a few minutes to see if she comes back to bed.
She doesn’t.
This is the first night after our talk by the edge of the waterfall, the first time I haven’t been consciously able to support her after she poured her heart out to me and divulged every horrifying detail of what she went through with Derek. Maybe she pretended to fall asleep when we came to bed early after dinner last night. I should have stayed awake and made sure she was okay. I should have kept a closer eye on her.
Why am I still in this bed?
I shoot up to standing and run to our bedroom door, throwing it open and racing down the hallway in my boxers. The moment I see Lily hunched over at the dining room table, my heart skips entire beats within my chest. I grasp her shoulders and pull her back, expecting to see tears or blood or lifelessness, but what I find surprises me.
She’s scowling at me.
“What the hell are you doing?” she snaps with a look of shock on her face. “Jesus Christ. You scared me to death.”
I immediately let go of Lily’s shoulders and step back from her, my brain trying desperately to process the scene in front of me. Lily looks perfectly fine. She’s not injured. She’s not crying. She’s sitting in a chair with two simple objects on the table in front of her.
A notebook and pen.
“Sorry,” I whisper. “I was worried about you. I thought something happened. I was afraid you…” I can’t even finish the thought.
Lily looks me up and down, glances back toward our bedroom, and bursts into a fit of laughter just as the door to my parents’ bedroom opens and Dad emerges with an open switchblade in his hand.
Now Dad is looking at me as I stand here wearing nothing but my boxers and a crazed look on my face. When he assesses me and Lily and concludes that there’s no threat in the room, he gives me a confused glance and asks, “What’s going on out here?”
“We’re fine,” Lily answers for the two of us, which I’m grateful for as I’m not sure I can properly speak right now. “Sorry to wake you.”
Dad nods at her before he returns his attention to me. He gives me a firm look, but it quickly fades into a teasing smile just as he closes the blade and turns around to go back in his room.
When his door clicks shut, I move over to Lily, wrapping my arms around her from behind as I look more closely at the notebook on the table. Both sides of the open face of the notebook are covered in Lily’s wild scrawl. This is nothing new to me. Lily had countless similar notebooks stacked in disorderly piles in the office space at her house.
“You’re writing,” I say quietly with surprise.
“I am, and I promise it’s not as dangerous as it looks.” When I don’t respond to Lily’s joke, she turns her head to the side to see my face. “I woke up and couldn’t fall back asleep. While I was lying there, an idea popped in my head for a story.”
“So you decided to get up in the middle of the night to start writing it?”
She manages a shrug despite my embrace around her. “Why not?”
A small laugh escapes me as I realize this is my spontaneous Lily making a beautiful reappearance. “Sure, why not,” I agree.
She gives me a playfully scolding look. “Hey, it’s your fault. I remembered you encouraging me to embrace something I love to do as a means to get over everything. It helped you when you got involved with Habitat for Humanity again.”
She’s right. I told her all about how my parents encouraged me to get back to volunteering after my mental breakdown that tore me to pieces when Lily kicked me out. Having something to apply myself toward and having a purpose again was a huge step in the right direction for me. I hope finding writing again will do the same for Lily.
I kiss Lily’s cheek and grasp her just a little tighter as I pick a random line from the notebook and start reading it out loud. “‘I hardly recognize him as he’s ripping my shorts and underwear off me.’”
“Hey!” Lily quickly wiggles out of my embrace and slams the notebook shut. “No fair reading that.”
“This sounds like the kind of book I want to read,” I tease just as Lily stands up from the chair, forcing me to take a few steps back from her. She quickly pursues me, grasping the sides of my face with her hands and pulling my lips to hers as her upper body collides with my bare chest. I can feel her nipples poking through the thin material of her shirt as her tongue explores my mouth. With the way we’re pressed together and engaging each other, my hands quickly find their way up the back of Lily’s shirt to feel her exposed back. I press her harder against me until I can’t tell if the heat I’m feeling is from our physical exchange or from the glowing woodstove in the living room.
Lily suddenly pulls back from our kiss and takes two deep breaths before quietly declaring, “I need a break from writing. Take me to bed.”
She doesn’t have to ask twice.
I quickly scoop her up in my arms and take her quietly down the hallway to our room, softly nudging the door closed behind us. Using the soft glow of the clock on the nightstand as my guide, I gently lower Lily to the bed before climbing on top of her and claiming her mouth with mine. Our kiss becomes hungry and desperate, and within moments my hands are slipping Lily out of her cotton pants and panties. I separate our lips only long enough to get her shirt over her head and toss it to the side.
Though I’m enjoying her taste and mingling with her tongue, my lips become too tempted by the rest of her naked body beneath me. With one final kiss to the corner of her mouth, my lips find their way down her neck and collarbone all the way to the firm nipple of her breast. Small moans fill the silence around us as my lips enclose around it and my tongue teases it. The moment I suck down hard on it, Lily gasps loudly, but I don’t even care if my parents can hear us. My only concern in the entire world right now is eliciting those beautiful sounds from Lily again.
When I’ve thoroughly worked her up on one breast, my mouth moves to the other, pleasuring it until she’s quietly pleading with me for more. I move down the bed with my lips venturing lower on her bare skin until I have her legs spread apart and my lips are devouring her core.
Her hips writhe against each swipe of my tongue across her clit. I tease her there until she’s practically gasping for breath then let my tongue focus lower, prodding just inside her opening with tiny flicks of movement before plunging in deeper, causing a primal groan to escape her chest.
“I need you inside me,” she pleads in a whisper. “Dante, please.”
Though I could keep tasting her like this for hours, I also feel her desperation for more and the need to put myself deep within her. With one final movement of my tongue inside her, I pull away and roll off the bed. In the time it takes me to grab a condom from the nightstand and put it on, Lily’s repositioned herself so that she’s bent over the bed with her perfect little backside facing me.
I pause in confusion, recalling very clearly our conversation just after Lily moved in with me in which she asked that she be able to see my face when we were having sex. Her request didn’t make total s
ense to me until she told me about Derek forcing her against her dresser and planting his seed inside her from behind.
In response to my hesitation to jump right back in where we left off, Lily gives me a reassuring nod, her face barely lit up by the glow of the clock from the nightstand as she glances back at me. “It’s okay. I need to get over this fear. I want you to make love to me like this.”
Even with Lily’s reassurance, I’m still not completely sure she’s ready for this, but I won’t deny her this request. I’ll make this as pleasurable and wonderful for her as I can. I’ll be gentle and loving and treat her the way she deserves to be treated.
Grasping softly at Lily’s hips as I press up against her, I take a moment to plant slow and deliberate kisses down the length of her back just before I ease into her. She relaxes her forearms down on the bed as I slowly pump in and out of her, careful to watch and listen for any sign that she’s becoming upset.
As Lily’s soft moans begin to fill the room again, my pace gradually increases. I lean forward just enough to grasp her breasts that dangle and bounce beneath her as I move inside her. My fingers gently knead them against my palms and occasionally move outward to pinch her hardened nipples before grasping them entirely again.
Lily’s hips find perfect rhythm with my thrusts, causing my hands to abandon their play to focus on maintaining this pleasurable pace we’ve found together. I hold on to Lily’s sides as I lose myself inside her, penetrating deep and quick with steady thrusts. Lily’s breathing becomes more ragged, and when I hear her cry my name into the bed sheets and feel her warmth clench around my cock, I let it all go, my fluid movements turning my body rigid with each final thrust as I find my own release.
As the height of pleasure works its way out of my body, my movements come to a stop and I lean down to kiss Lily’s bare shoulder. I can’t see her face. I’m almost afraid to look at her in fear that I may have been too rough or brought back too many horrible memories in what I just did.
“Are you okay?” I whisper cautiously in her ear.
Lily turns her head and nods slightly. For a moment I question how okay she really is until she bites her lip with a playful grin. “I think you parents could have heard us.”
I breathe an instant sigh of relief and let loose the smile I was holding in moments before. “Let them hear us. I don’t care.” At Lily’s shocked expression, I lean in to kiss her on the cheek. “They know I love you.”
Lily grins. “Okay. I’ll make sure to be louder next time.”
“Bring it on,” I challenge.
“What’s got into you?” Lily questions with a soft laugh.
“You. This is what you do to me.”
Slipping out of her, I crawl up onto the bed and lie down sideways. Lily scoots herself up further so that she’s on her side facing me. We’re close enough that my adjusted eyes can see her curious expression even in the darkness.
“You’ve changed me,” I explain. “I used to be some lost and lonely kid content to hide from the world forever, but you brought me out of that empty existence. You showed me life and love and filled me with a sense of meaning and purpose. You’ve taught me how to live, and I’m so lucky to have you. I’ll thank God or Fate or whoever every day for the rest of my life for giving me this beautiful, incredible woman to be my other half.”
“The other half of your forever,” Lily clarifies for me, and with those words, I have to kiss her for understanding just how much it means to me that she understands that.
When our lips finally part, Lily nuzzles her head into mine and wraps her arm around my back. We remain still and silent for a long moment before Lily whispers, “Thank you for listening to me and being there for me yesterday. It helped to let it all out.”
“I’m just sorry you’ve been alone in this for so long.”
Lily smiles at me, her beautiful, brilliant smile. “I’m not alone anymore, and neither are you. That’s all that matters.”
She’s completely right.
I’m no longer alone, and I never will be again.
33
Sunlight billows through the sheer curtains of our hotel room. It’s too beautiful outside to stay in bed a moment longer. I have to see it. I need to enjoy this view for what little time I have left with it.
My body rises from the crisp white sheets and plush mattress carefully so as not to disturb the beautiful woman still sleeping soundly there. Lily looks peaceful with her mouth barely pursed open and her brown hair spread wildly over the pillow. It takes all the willpower I have not to lean down and kiss her, but I don’t want to risk waking her.
With a few quiet steps across the room, I find myself staring out the window at the towering cityscape of Boston. From the height of our hotel room from the ground, the view makes it look like we’re living in the sky among the clouds. All I see are buildings and streets and cars before me, a vast landscape of concrete and brick to temporarily replace the forests and natural beauty of the Earth that I’m used to. It’s a welcome change of scenery, though. After four long months of living through yet another harsh winter in the backwoods of Maine, I was ready for this trip to experience late April in the city of Boston.
It’s felt strange for me to be here since our arrival a few days ago, like I don’t belong in this busy urban environment, but I’ve enjoyed every minute of this attempt to mark another item off my bucket list. Lily and I have walked the city from Fenway Park to the Charles River to Boston Harbor. We’ve done every possible touristy attraction we can find: riding the Swan Boats in Boston Common and catching sunset at the Skywalk Observatory at the top of the Prudential Center. We shared a few beers at an Irish pub downtown and went to a show in the Theatre District. It’s been an amazing trip with the woman I love and an experience I’ll never forget, but it’s also been a wakeup call.
It’s reminded of something I want more than anything in the world, but I don’t know if it will ever happen.
It physically hurts inside my chest to know that I can never legally make Lily my wife. She can never have my real last name, and I would never ask her to take on my fake last name. Even though Lily has supported me and protected me ever since learning about my real identity, she should never get tangled up in this precarious web my family’s been weaving since they went on the run so many years ago. I want Lily’s life and identity to remain pure and unaffected by my family’s continuing struggle to remain anonymous and hidden. I won’t get her involved in any of that.
It’s always been enough for my parents to not be legally married and for my mom to not share my dad’s real last name. I can only hope that will be enough for Lily, too.
The gentle touch of hands slipping around me from behind startles me out of my thoughts, causing me to jump slightly. I glance over my shoulder to see Lily’s soft smile beaming toward me. She places a kiss on my shoulder. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”
I want to turn around and return her kiss, but I’m enjoying the warmth of her arms around me just a little too much to make the move. “It’s okay. It’s my own fault getting lost in thought over here. How are you?”
“I’m wonderful. Going to miss that bed and this view.”
“Are you saying you don’t like our bed at home?” I tease.
Lily’s arms release me just before she slaps me playfully on the shoulder. “Don’t go putting words in my mouth. I like our bed just fine. Our room doesn’t have anything on this view, though.”
She moves in front of me, brushing aside the curtains so there’s nothing to block the skyscrapers painted across the pristine blue sky canvas outside our window. It’s hard to focus on the view when she’s standing there in that tiny tank top and panties that conform perfectly to her body.
I take Lily’s hand in mine and join her right up at the window, my heart swelling within my chest as I savor this moment with her knowing that we’ll be packing our bags and heading back to Maine within hours. As I’m holding her hand, though, I realize she’s still wear
ing a couple of the rings she put on for our formal dinner date last night, the final splurge of our vacation. The silver bands around her fingers only remind me that I can never properly get down on one knee and offer her a ring to bind us together in marriage. She may be part of the Marini family, but she will never bear the Marini name.
“Hey.” Lily’s eyes are on me. She’s facing me, holding both of my hands now and pulling them tightly to her. “What’s wrong?”
The pain in my chest is back again, only this time I feel it bubbling up within me and threatening to come out because the woman I love is right here asking me about it.
“It’s nothing. I’m fine.” I brush it off as best I can, but by the skepticism in Lily’s face, I can tell she doesn’t believe me.
“Talk to me, Dante. I owe it to you after all you’ve done to help me these past months.”
“You don’t owe me a thing,” I respond automatically. “I told you I’d be there for you every step of the way after what happened last year, and I meant it.”
“Regardless,” Lily interjects, “I can tell something’s bothering you, and I want you to talk to me about it. If there’s anything I’ve learned from days and weeks of being snowed in at the house this past winter, it’s that we can’t keep this stuff bottled up. You need to talk to me.”
She’s right. I know she is, but I also know that I’m not ready to have this conversation. We’ve both enjoyed these months of living together, even through the hardships of dealing with frigid winter nights and surviving on limited supplies until the roads were passable again, but we haven’t talked much about our future. I know we have a future together, I just don’t know what it will look like. I want to promise Lily the world, but I know I only have so much to give.
Beyond Resistance (The Ransom Series) Page 25
