Game Changer

by Max Sebastian

  ‘My guess is, you’ve gone too far, now, for things to ever go back the way they were,’ Hayden told me after hearing my full side of things.

  ‘I think you’re right.’

  ‘Jake can’t ever just be your buddy anymore. Or Hanna’s. There’s been too much put out there.’

  ‘So it’s all or nothing, huh?’ I asked him. Thinking: way to raise the stakes even further.

  ‘If he doesn’t want to see how it might be dating Hanna... I would say it might be a while until you all can get back to having friendly drinks every other Friday night,’ he agreed.

  I kept glancing at my phone to see if there was any news from whichever bar or restaurant Hanna and Jake were at.

  ‘I guess it’s too late to call anything off... but are you really sure this is all the right move for you guys?’ Hayden stressed his question. Then he said, ‘You know... I probably shouldn’t tell you this... but before you went and asked Hanna out in our last year of college... well, let’s just say Jake had his eye on her.’

  Well, that was news. I kind of felt bad, now, if I’d gone and swiped a girl from my best friend—and had ended up marrying her.

  ‘He never said anything to me,’ I complained.

  ‘Of course not. He was talking about asking her out for ages... really got hung up on it. You remember he was dating that blonde...’

  ‘Sheila Dumfries.’

  ‘Sheila. And they’d been together since sophomore year. She had the ring, the dress, the damn kids’ names all picked out already. But Hanna showed Jake that he couldn’t be with Sheila the rest of his life and be happy. Only... you know... he had to find a way to let Sheila down gently... and then you went and asked Hanna out instead.’

  ‘Jesus,’ I groaned.

  ‘You know he’s been comparing his dates to her ever since?’

  God. Every other sentence Hayden was saying to me was like a punch in the chest. Poor Jake. I felt like I’d taken his life. Maybe Hanna should have been his all along. Maybe if the two of them had been together, they’d have moved out to the suburbs already, and had a batch of kids like most of our other friends.

  I thought about the women Jake had dated since college. I tried to remember their faces. I couldn’t recall a single one since Sheila who wasn’t a brunette in the same mold as my wife.

  ‘Most of his dates have... kinda looked like Hanna, huh?’ I said.

  Hayden smiled, but with a touch of pity. ‘It’s been like watching every Star Wars movie ever made: the romantic interest is always a pretty, sparky brunette.’

  I sighed. ‘Did... Hanna ever know?’

  He shook his head. ‘He’s pretty much kept it to himself the whole time—I mean, I knew, obviously. He talked to me enough times about wanting to ask her out, about whether she was worth the risk of ending what he had with Sheila... but ever since you asked her out... and, you know, things went well for you guys... it hasn’t gone further than that.’

  ‘So when Hanna suggested that game of strip poker...’ I felt my heart being squeezed mercilessly by the realization that all this must have shredded Jake’s emotional wellbeing.

  ‘I thought at the time it probably wasn’t a great idea... but you know... I thought it would all be a little fun... never expected Hanna to actually go through with it all when Jake won the game...’

  Another sigh from yours truly. ‘So right now... we might just be reopening old wounds for Jake?’

  ‘Something like that,’ Hayden nodded.

  I took a big swig of drink. I was onto neat Bourbon by that point, it burned the back of my throat as it went down.

  ‘Well... I guess the ball’s in his court right now,’ I said. ‘If he thinks he can handle being in a relationship with her... when she’s still with me... then maybe it’ll all be okay.’

  ‘And if not... you guys might need to give him space for a while,’ Hayden advised.

  I took a deep breath. I’d been stupid not to consider Jake’s point of view in any significant way. I’d been hung up on the whole fact that Hanna had feelings for him, I’d overlooked how serious it was if Jake had a major emotional stake in Hanna.

  ‘You just need to see things from his perspective, I think,’ Hayden said. ‘You can’t feel bad if he turns you guys down. Or if, after he does, he needs some distance for a while.’

  I nodded. ‘I can see he would. God, I feel like an idiot.’

  Hayden smiled, ‘Maybe when you realized you... you know... liked the idea of Hanna going with other guys... you shouldn’t have chosen a good friend for her to go with, right?’

  I shrugged. ‘I’m not sure it was completely my choice to begin with.’

  ‘Well, the cards did have some say in it, didn’t they?’ Hayden pointed out.

  I was a little less nervous as I parted ways with Hayden and headed home again. Probably something to do with all the alcohol inside me, but I think I also felt prepared for eventualities other than the perfect one. In the taxi on the way back to our apartment, I tried to imagine how it might have been if Jake had asked Hanna out first. How I’d feel having a secret crush on her while my best friend got to date her, and move in with her, and get engaged, married.

  I hadn’t been in love with her when I’d asked her out originally. I’d just thought she was attractive, she was fun, she seemed to like me and my friends. I’m not sure when I did ask her out whether I was even properly asking her out. There had been a night when I felt like going out clubbing, and none of my friends were in the mood to do anything other than play video games. I’d asked Hanna if she wanted to go with me, and she had readily agreed. We’d had an amazing time, just the two of us, drinking and partying, and ultimately we’d ended up in bed.

  I guess that could have been Jake who took her out like that.

  How would I feel, loving her as I did, and not being able to be with her?

  Poor Jake.

  As I got to my apartment, a text message came through from Hanna. My heart froze inside my chest.

  (Hanna): You still awake, sweetie?

  (Thad): Yeah. Just went out for a quick drink with Hayden. So you guys having a good time?

  Typing those words into my phone, my cock thickened between my legs, and my pants and underwear started to feel restrictive. It was hard to believe I was really texting my wife to see if she was enjoying her date with my best friend. But here we were.

  (Hanna): We’ve had such a wonderful time.

  My heart swelled, and started pounding heavily. I was glad the date had done well—but what now? Was she going back to his place? Was she going to sleep with him? Had she changed her mind, at all, about me and our marriage in the light of what she felt for Jake?

  (Hanna): Jake said he’d escort me home... I just didn’t want things to be awkward between you guys... if I invited him in for a little while.

  I stared at her message, trying to read between the lines, trying to interpret every little nuance in the limited number of words she’d sent to me. ‘Awkward’. What did that mean was going on between Hanna and Jake if she thought there was a danger that things between Jake and I might be ‘awkward’?

  Actually, I took it to be a hopeful message. Was Jake intending to pursue, her, then? To date her, to sleep with her, and therefore worried that I wouldn’t actually be entirely comfortable with another guy seeing my wife romantically?

  I guess it was a difficult concept to cope with, understanding someone like me, who wanted to be married to a woman who is free to see other people.

  I texted her back:

  (Thad): I don’t see why anything should be awkward. I’m totally okay if Jake wants to bring you home, or if you want to invite him in. Or even if you want him to stay the night.

  My heart was jumping up and down by now, it seemed. My erection was just about straining to burst out of my pants. I felt a little light-headed—if I wasn’t already collapsed on the couch, I might have needed a good sit down. Was this really happening? Or was I pre-empting things.


  I added another text message before she had time to reply:

  (Thad): Would you rather I get out of here? I could go check into a motel or something.

  A few moments later, she replied:

  (Hanna): No, it’s okay. You shouldn’t have to leave home on our account.

  My hard cock throbbed at that—and more than that, I was left breathless by what she’d texted. It was her use of the word ‘our’, as in ‘our account’. In my eyes it made it really seem like Jake and Hanna were a couple. Jesus.

  So she was bringing Jake over. She wanted me to say here, and to be here when she invited Jake up. What was her plan? From the way she’d said Jake had wanted to ‘escort her home’, it seemed to me that perhaps they intended to take things slowly. If this was a first date, regardless of what had happened in Slovakia, then maybe there would be no sex on the first date.

  And yet why would the two of them pursue some slow courtship like a couple of people uncertain how they felt each other? It was clear as day that Hanna wanted Jake, and Jake certainly wanted Hanna.

  I waited on tenterhooks for the happy couple to return.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  And here they were, coming through the door looking like a glamorous couple walking the red carpet to some lavish awards ceremony or something.

  And goodness, they did look like a couple. It was breathtaking, it was frightening, it was seriously, seriously exciting.

  ‘Hey, sweetie!’

  ‘Hey, how’s it going?’

  ‘Hey, buddy. Good, good. You okay?’

  It almost felt as though I was throwing a small house party, and I’d invited Jake and his girlfriend along. I was dressed casually, in jeans and a fairly informal blue shirt, camped out on the couch as though I’d been in all evening. Jake was smart in a dark blue suit and crisp white shirt, Hanna in her tiny little black cocktail dress. And his arm was around her waist as they came through the door—my heart leapt at the sight.

  ‘You have a good time?’

  ‘Oh, really nice. You know Bannerman’s? It’s, like, four blocks down from—’

  ‘I know it, we took some clients there once. Really nice.’

  ‘The food was just great...’

  Small talk, like I was just part of the party crowd, and Jake and Hanna were the couple doing the tour, making sure they mingled enough to do the party justice.

  ‘Hey, can I get you guys a drink?’ I even said. Playing host, even if the girl on Jake’s arm lived here.

  ‘Uh... yeah...’ Jake said, nodding. I could see that he was a little nervous himself. I had to remember Hayden’s advice, to try to see things from his perspective. He wasn’t sure how I would take it if he wanted to actually be with Hanna, if he wanted to actually take us up on our offer of dating my wife. As far as he was concerned, what if I changed my mind at any point?

  I smiled warmly as I handed Jake a tumbler full of his favorite tipple, Johnnie Walker. As I handed it to him, I silently admonished myself for not even asking him what he wanted to drink. Was he driving? Would he have preferred something a little lighter like beer, wine?

  But he accepted the drink gladly enough, as did Hanna her glass of chilled Sauvignon Blanc.

  ‘You know, I could easily just slip away...’ I said, as we all relocated to the sofas, and there was a brief moment where Hanna didn’t quite know where to sit... with her husband, or with her date. As I made my offer, Hanna turned to look at me, and I flicked my eyes toward the front door to show her that I had a small overnight bag already packed.

  My wife chose to sit with her date. I felt like fireworks were going off inside my chest.

  ‘There’s a Best Western not too far from here...’ I said, taking a slurp of my water-disguised-as-vodka, which I was drinking on the rocks, as it were, so they might imagine me to be relaxed and nicely inebriated, even though by this point I didn’t want anymore alcohol. I was intoxicated enough by the way Hanna was locked to Jake’s side.

  ‘You don’t have to go anywhere,’ Hanna told me. She glanced at Jake, as though to check she was on message. I saw a tiny little nod he gave her in reply.

  God, they really were acting like a couple. Suddenly I felt a touch fearful. Were they about to announce something? I’m sorry, honey, but we’ve decided to get married. I’m going to move out and live with Jake instead.

  ‘You really would just move on out of here?’ Jake said, breaking the ice with a somewhat perplexed smile.

  I shrugged. ‘If you guys needed your space... your... privacy...’

  Jake’s smile turned into one of amusement. ‘It wasn’t so private at the chalet, huh?’ he said. I flushed slightly thinking he was calling me out for eavesdropping on them—or worse, for outright spying on them while they were making love in the living room of that anything but soundproof chalet.

  But he said, ‘At least, as far as I was concerned... when you and Hanna were together... we could hear pretty much everything. I guess it was the same for you when she was with me...’

  ‘Those walls were pretty thin,’ I nodded, and gave a nervous smile.

  What was he saying? That after what had happened back at the chalet, I might as well stay here in our apartment while he slept with my wife? My heart skipped a beat or two. Or... was he somehow leading me to his decision that he was not going to pursue Hanna anymore, whether or not I vacated this apartment to give them privacy?

  I stole a peek at Hanna, and it surprised me how she was looking at Jake. She seemed nervous, waiting, in suspense. It struck me that she did not know what Jake had decided, whether or not there would be a second date, or indeed how this first date would end.

  Jake turned his head and saw for himself just how anxious his date seemed.

  I guessed that Jake was keeping his cards close to his chest as far as what he was thinking about all this. He was maintaining, throughout, a perfect poker face to hide his emotions. As we had seen in Europe, Jake was pretty good when it came to poker. But now he seemed to grasp just how Hanna felt not knowing whether he wanted her, or whether he did not.

  He smiled.

  ‘Okay,’ he said, taking another swig of his Scotch. ‘Look, if we’re going to do this...’

  I caught my breath—and then Hanna’s eye. I could see how thrilled she was, just from the positive tone of Jake’s voice, just from the hint that he really might go for it. I guess I looked just the same—we smiled at each other as we recognized that we were both reacting the same way.

  Jake continued: ‘...there’s a few issues I figure we need to get... you know... out there.’

  I took a swig of my water-on-the-rocks. Well, it didn’t help with my resolve so much, but at least gave me a moment to get my shit together and regain some kind of poise.

  Then I said, ‘What’s on your mind?’

  Jake sat back, so that he could see both Hanna and I without too much twisting and turning. He said, ‘I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about all this. Ever since... well, mainly ever since you told me your whole deal with Hanna, Thad.’

  ‘Uh-huh,’ I said.

  ‘Before that... well, Hanna and I had decided it would be better for all concerned if she and I just tried to be friends, instead of anything more.’

  I nodded, and the look I received from Hanna was the kind that said, silently, that she was now entirely proven right in what she’d said to me about those nightly chats with Jake, while he was in Japan, being platonic in nature.

  ‘I did a lot of thinking... and a little research,’ Jake added.

  ‘Okay...’ I said, uncertain what was coming next. ‘Research is good.’

  ‘The thing is,’ he continued, ‘This is not what you’d call... a normal polyamorous situation.’

  I nodded. ‘No, I guess that’s not the word I’d use to describe it.’

  He said, ‘You read stories in the press about polyamorous people and... well... it’s always this woman needs more than just her husband. Or that guy fell for two girls at the same time...’
>
  I’d read some of the same articles. ‘Usually it’s the woman who needs more than one guy, right?’ I smiled. ‘Because in the media, that’s your story to shock the readers. Guys are expected to need more than one woman.’

  ‘You’re right,’ he said, taking another swig of Scotch. ‘But here’s what you never see: the guy wants his wife to see other people. The guy... gets off... on his wife seeing other people.’

  ‘A little too shocking for our poor media,’ Hanna laughed. She sat back a little in the sofa.

  ‘I never thought I’d be a pioneer,’ Jake said, but as the mood seemed to be lightening, his face reset in serious mode. ‘But here’s the thing... I think it would be probably easier for me to understand if it was just Hanna... you know... dating me while she’s married to you... keeping things separate...’

  ‘Compartmentalized,’ I nodded.

  Now Hanna was looking at me with a kind of pleading expression. Could it work like that? Keeping everything she had with Jake separate, private from me? That wasn’t the terms of my particular fantasy, I had to admit, but I’d already considered the possibility.

  Before I could say anything, Jake went on: ‘So here we are... and you want Hanna to date other guys... and you’re buzzed by that whole thing. So you kind of want to know everything that goes on between her and me.’

  ‘If you’re not comfortable...’ I started.

  But he cut me off. ‘I get the sense that this isn’t going to work if you try to be like those guys in the press articles who accept that their partners also have boyfriends, and just quietly ignore what goes on when they’re with them.’

  ‘Maybe,’ I agreed. I could imagine it if Hanna came back from a date with Jake, I could picture myself trying to subtly find ways around her relationship firewall, to garner little snippets of detail about how it might be for her to really fuck another guy while she was married to me.

  ‘Okay,’ he nodded, ‘so I’ve got to get used to the idea that what I do with Hanna... it’s between the three of us, not the two of us.’