Blood Like Poison

by M. Leighton

  “What’s so interesting over there?” Drew tipped his head toward Bo and Savannah.

  I shrugged. “Everyone’s talking about Savannah. I was just wondering what the big deal was.”

  Devon leaned around Drew to look me in the eye. “Have you ever even met her, Ridley?”

  His tone and the firm set of his jaw and mouth reeked of defensiveness. He’d obviously decided he wasn’t going to stand by and listen to another attack on Savannah, even though that’s not what I meant at all.

  “Not officially, no, but—”

  Devon cut me off. “She’s a nice girl. She’s funny and smart and she plays the bass guitar, which is awesome.”

  I quirked a brow at Devon. I wanted to continue the conversation, but I was all too aware of our surroundings and that Trinity was only a few feet away. As if he’d suddenly realized the same thing, Devon’s ire visibly waned and he turned his attention back to his tray. By silent agreement, we both let it drop.

  Luck had apparently deserted us, however, because Trinity, with her ears like satellite dishes, had picked up on our quiet conversation.

  “That’s it,” she yelled, pushing her chair back from the lunch table and turning a furious glare on Devon. All eyes shifted to Trinity, everyone curious about her sudden outburst. “If you’ve got a thing for white trash, then have at it,” she spat, her eyes flashing angrily at Devon.

  “Trinity,” Devon said, pushing his words through gritted teeth. “That’s enough.”

  “Don’t you tell me wh—”

  Devon cut her off, standing to his feet so quickly that his chair nearly toppled over. “Trinity! How long is it gonna take for you to realize that it’s over? We’re over? I don’t know, but I hope this sinks in a little better because I’m only gonna tell you this one time: stay away from Savannah.”

  He turned around and stomped off.

  Most mouths agape, nearly the entire lunch crowd watched him go. Devon didn’t have much of a temper and I’m sure everyone else was as surprised as I was to finally see it. I could tell by the look on her face that Trinity was the most stunned of us all.

  “You won’t think she’s so special when I scratch her frickin’ eyes out, will you?” she asked, though Devon was already long gone. “Come on, Summer.”

  Before anyone could recover, Trinity had grabbed a shocked Summer by the hand and was dragging her across the grass. As they neared the picnic tables, I saw Bo and Savannah look up. Bo’s face was a blank mask, but I could see tension in the stiffness of his body.

  I thought of Savannah’s words to Trinity at Caster’s party. Obviously, she wasn’t afraid to stand up for herself, but I wasn’t sure she knew what a handful Trinity could be when she was really riled, and this time Bo couldn’t run interference. He couldn’t step in between the two girls on school grounds. If he so much as touched Trinity, even if it was just to subdue her, he’d be in a world of trouble.

  I knew I had two options. Since Trinity was already gone and I could no longer stop her, I could let the scene play out, as was my habit. I could silently root for Savannah, hope that she had her brave-girl hat on today, and watch what happened along with everyone else.

  Or I could get up and, for the first time, do something. I could intervene on Savannah’s behalf, take a stand for once, and feel better about the person I saw in the mirror.

  My most egocentric inner voice spoke up, reminding me that if I did that, I’d be basically sticking a sword into the heart of my cheerleading career and, therefore, my scholarship and future at Stanford.

  With longing, I thought of all my plans. I thought of my much-needed escape from this life and, for a moment, I considered taking the selfish route.

  But then, unbidden, I saw Bo’s face when he came to me after Caster’s party. Somehow, when he looked at me, he saw the better person that lives inside me, the person I quell every day. He could see her, but I couldn’t. Today, I wanted to see her, too.

  Nothing was worth selling my soul for, and that’s what I felt like I’d been doing all this time by going along with Trinity. I was as guilty as she. Though she only physically took Summer with her, by sitting back and doing nothing, it was like we all went with her, supported her.

  I, for one, didn’t want to sit idly by any more. I was nothing like her and it was high time I stood up and let that show.

  Without giving it any more consideration, I raced across the grass after Trinity. She had just opened fire on Savannah when I reached them. Summer was standing back, trying to be involved as little as possible.

  Trinity was bent over Savannah, jabbing a finger in her face. Though Savannah looked positively mortified, behind that, I could see a spark of anger lighting her eyes, too.

  “And if you so much as look at Devon, I’ll kick your—”

  “Trinity,” I shouted.

  Trinity’s head snapped up and she looked at me in confusion, but only for a moment. After quickly writing me off, she turned her attention back to Savannah and continued her tirade.

  “You are nothing but a skanky—”

  “Trinity!” This time, I called her name even more forcefully. “Stop!”

  Trinity slowly turned to look at me, her voice deadly quiet. “What?”

  “You heard me,” I said, stiffening my spine.

  It only took a fraction of a second for Trinity’s rage to turn on me. “You better take your bony—”

  “Oh, save it, Trinity. I’m sick of your mouth,” I said, feeling years of repressed emotion boiling to the surface. “Devon’s not yours and Savannah hasn’t done anything to you. It’s not her fault that you couldn’t hold on to Devon.”

  All the color left Trinity’s cheeks for a slow-motion second before it rushed back in vivid red blotches.

  “I will crush you, Ridley! You were a nobody at this school before the squad and I can make sure that you are a nobody again. I’ll burn you to the ground,” she threatened, nearly shaking in her anger.

  “Do it, Trinity. I don’t care. It’s not worth it anymore. I’m not like you,” I said, feeling courage and momentum build. “I’m not like any of you. And I’m sick of pretending that I am. I already hate to look at myself in the mirror and I refuse to stand by and let you tear one more decent person to shreds. No more!”

  “You know this is war, right Ridley? Are you sure you want to take me on?” Her voice was so low, I had to strain to hear her.

  For one uncertain breath, the seriousness, the viciousness, in her eyes gave me pause. She was right: it was exactly like declaring war, but I’d come too far to stop now.

  “Bring it,” I finally said, equally quiet and serious.

  “Fine,” she said, taking a step back. “I’ll bury you both. Together.” Trinity gave first Savannah then me one more withering look before glancing back at Summer. “Come on, Summer,” she said, turning on her heel and stomping back across the lawn toward the table of stricken onlookers that I used to call my friends.

  At Trinity’s sharp command, Summer jumped. She looked at me, indecision crossing her face for an instant before she shrugged and turned to follow Trinity. Silently, but very clearly, Summer had made her choice.

  I watched them go, still a bit flabbergasted by what had happened, by what I’d done. When they were both seated once more at the table on the patio, I looked down at Savannah and said the only thing I could say. “I’m sorry.”

  She nodded, her eyes big and round. Inanely, I realized that, just as I’d suspected, Savannah’s eyes are a soft, chocolately brown.

  Without another word, I turned and walked away. By sheer force of will, I didn’t look back at Bo. A couple of times, as I made my way to the closest school doors, I thought I could actually feel his eyes on me, but I didn’t give in to the urge to confirm it. Once I reached the building, I disappeared inside its walls, wishing that I could disappear altogether.

  For the rest of the day, as I walked the halls and entered my classes, I saw people stop and stare and whisper. I knew what the
y were thinking, what they were talking about: my social suicide. That was all it meant to them. It was nothing more than the equivalent of opting out of a popular club. To me, however, my actions had much more significant consequences, ripples that I could see washing away bits and pieces of my future.

  All day, I watched the clock anxiously. I wanted the day to be over, but I was also curious to see Bo in Chemistry, to see what his reaction would be to what happened.

  When the bell rang to let out fifth period, I dashed out the door and down the hall to get to Mr. Dole’s class. Despite all the other turmoil in my life, just the thought of seeing Bo made me achy all over and as jittery as a caffeine junkie. I thought it was funny that, of all the classes Bo and I could’ve shared, we were in Chemistry together. There was no doubt we had plenty of that.

  When I reached the door to the Mr. Dole’s classroom, I stopped to smooth my hair. I’d left it long and loose today, flowing down my back. Nervous and excited, I turned to walk through the door.

  I couldn’t help but feel crestfallen when I didn’t see Bo’s bag on his table. It would’ve been nice if he’d hurried as I had, anxious to see me, too. But then I reminded myself that it was still really early. Maybe his class had run over a minute or two or he’d been waylaid in the hall.

  I took my seat and surreptitiously watched the door. Kids started dribbling in and, little by little, the seats started filling up, but still there was no sign of Bo. I kept my hopes up by making plausible excuses for his tardiness, but when Mr. Dole arrived and began the lesson, I had to admit with crushing disappointment that he wasn’t coming. One of Mr. Dole’s rules was that, once his lecture had begun, there were to be no interruptions. He closed his door and didn’t open it again until the bell rang. Period.

  Just as I’d completely given up hope, the door creaked and Bo slipped in, muttering an apology to Mr. Dole, who merely gave him a deep frown and kept right on teaching.

  As Bo took his dangerous front row seat, he winked at me. Warmth flooded my body and I decided that my all-day agony was totally worth that one small gesture.

  For the rest of the period, I couldn’t take my eyes off him. Hungrily, I watched his every move, every gesture, as if they were what was keeping me alive, like the blood flowing through my veins. I cursed Mr. Dole’s lesson plan, wishing that today was a lab day. I’d gladly have partnered with Bo to fire up the Bunsen burner, but instead, I had to be content with just watching him.

  About five minutes before class was over, I heard a faint buzzing sound. Bo quickly reached into his pocket and glanced down at his phone, careful to keep it from Mr. Dole’s eagle eye.

  Sliding the phone back in his pocket, Bo gathered up his things and slipped out of his seat and out the door. Once again, Mr. Dole just frowned at him. I wondered vaguely if he was under Bo’s spell, too. He sure wasn’t acting like himself today.

  I was a little deflated that I hadn’t gotten to talk to Bo, so between that and the hoopla I expected from the other cheerleaders at practice, I was pretty cranky by the time I got to the field.

  I half expected there to be a coup, one where Trinity usurped my position as Captain and then summarily dismissed me from the squad. But if that was to happen, it wasn’t going to be today. Trinity didn’t even show up for the camp, which didn’t disappoint me one bit. I’d done enough emotional spewing for one day and I still had Drew to deal with.

  Ugh, I thought, filling with dread at the reminder of what was yet to come.

  When the camp was over and all the junior high cheerleaders had left along with most of our squad, I started packing up all the equipment and mentally preparing myself for what I had to say to Drew. The trouble was, I’d start thinking about Drew and, within a minute or two, I would find my thoughts had wandered back to Bo again.

  “Are you alright, Ridley?”

  It was Summer. She had her duffel slung over her shoulder and was apparently ready to go.

  “Yeah. Why?”

  I’m sure we were both thinking Duh!, but rather than saying anything, Summer just eyed me skeptically.

  “You just don’t seem like yourself today, that’s all.” That was a nice way to put it.

  “Nope, I’m fine,” I said, gluing a smile on my face.

  “You’re not, but it’s alright if you don’t want to talk about it.”

  “I’m fine. Really,” I said reassuringly. I knew she wanted me to talk to her about Trinity, but if she didn’t have the nerve to just come out and ask me, I wasn’t going to volunteer anything. Besides, she’d picked sides and, whether she would admit it or not, we were at odds.

  She started to walk off, but then she turned back. “You know you can talk to me, right?” When I nodded, she continued. “I mean, it’s not like Trinity has to know everything.”

  Ha! I felt like laughing right in her face. Although she wasn’t as bad as most of the other girls, she was certainly not a person to whom I’d tell anything important or confidential. In fact, I had no one in my life that I could talk to about things like that, serious things. I just held them inside until, like a cancer, they slowly ate away at me from the inside out.

  “Well, there’s nothing to tell, but thanks anyway.”

  “Do you want me to stay and help you clean up?” As she asked, she hoisted her duffel further up on her shoulder, as if a silent reminder that she was ready to go. Talk about your conflicting body language.

  For the first time all day, I nearly laughed. “Thanks for the offer, but I’m almost done.”

  “Alright. Well, see you tomorrow,” she promised, walking off the field toward the parking lot.

  Five minutes later, I was still contemplating her behavior when Drew arrived. He leaned in to kiss me, but I put my hand on his chest to stay him.

  “We need to talk,” I announced.

  I hated the look that came over Drew’s face. It said that he knew what was coming and he didn’t like it one bit. I must’ve been more transparent that I’d thought.

  “Alright,” he said slowly.

  “Drew,” I began, resuming my task of packing pompoms away. “I don’t want you to think that this has anything to do with you or something you’ve done wrong, because it doesn’t.”

  I put as much sincerity into my voice and my expression as I could manage. I had never wanted to hurt Drew.

  He nodded, his face a tight, blank mask.

  “Things are changing so fast this year, it’s crazy. It’s our senior year and things are probably only going to get crazier, not less crazy.”

  Drew’s brows came together in a small frown of confusion. I was mucking this up and I knew it. I should’ve practiced what I was going to say, but I was too wrapped up in thinking about Bo to give it adequate attention.

  I stopped what I was doing and stepped over to stand in front of him. “I don’t think we should see each other anymore. Not like this anyway,” I said, putting my hand on his arm. “You are a great guy and I don’t want this to sound cliché, but I really hope we can still be friends. Besides, I’m sure you won’t want to be associated with a social pariah for the rest of your senior year.”

  Drew hadn’t said a word. He just stood there in silence, watching me. When he finally spoke, he surprised me.

  “This is about that new guy, isn’t it?” Anger was evident in every hard line of his face.