Saving This (The McCallans #5)

by Hadley Quinn

  “And you said he died a few years later?” Max asked.

  Swallowing, Anna nodded. “Yeah, he committed suicide.”

  He bowed his head. “I’m so sorry.”

  “Thank you. It still hurts, but sometimes I look back and wonder what the hell was going on for me to not put the pieces together.”

  “About what led him to that?”

  “Yes. And how my father used all of that to his advantage by making the public think Chad was my driving force in all my competitions. Of course he was because he’d always supported me one-hundred-percent, but my parents started to over-glorify me in that aspect. And then so many people had that ‘oh, Anna surfs in memory of her dead brother’ mentality. Even if I didn’t win, I was still the media’s soft spot. It stripped away my method of coping and turned it into tabloid drama.”

  Max slowly nodded as he leaned forward onto his knees again. “I get it. Is that why you ended up quitting?”

  “Yes. I’m not sure why I let them manipulate me for so long, but I just couldn’t deal with it any more. And I found out some things about Chad that made complete sense to me. My injury was a blessing in disguise. I had enough down time to really look back on my life and consider my options instead of my father constantly distracting me with new things. And that’s when I met Tyse for physical therapy,” she added, looking at Max.

  His expression was neutral but he was listening.

  “And I was a total bitch to him at first,” she smiled guiltily. “I wasn’t about to do the therapy my father was forcing me to do. But…I guess Tyse had a way of getting through to me. I think we could relate to one another because of our family situations and I learned to trust him. I really did want to get better, but for myself. And upon going through some of my brother’s life and his past during that time…things really became clear to me. I knew I needed to walk away from what was currently happening, and what I finally realized had been happening for a while.”

  Sitting back against the couch again, Max sighed. “Some situations in our lives show us things we’re not expecting to learn. About ourselves, or about others in our life.”

  “I honestly believe that. I have no regrets after walking away from the pro circuit. I’m a happier person. It made me who I am today. I can’t change what happened with my brother, but I know he’d be proud of me no matter what. I feel he’s in a better place, not hurting or struggling anymore with who he is.”

  He didn’t ask her to expound, nor did she expect him to. But she truly wanted to. She wanted to open up to him and share a part of her life she had always kept private. Putting complete faith in Max was a bit daunting, but she honestly felt she could trust him.

  “Chad was gay,” she informed him. “He came out to us first when he was seventeen. I had suspected, but you know, it didn’t matter to me. I loved him no matter what, and he was truly the only person I could talk to back then. He never judged. Not one single time. And even though it’s a lifestyle that is more widely accepted these days, I just thought he wasn’t ready yet. And my parents reacted in a way that would shame even the worst criminal. It was so awful. My father refused to believe it, for one. But he also threatened Chad’s silence, and forced him to keep it private. He even went as far as using my career as leverage, claiming there shouldn’t be anything distracting me from my next title; that it was for the good of the family.

  “Long story short, it’s been a very bumpy ride. Sure, I was successful, and yes, my brother’s life was kept a secret. I told him I supported him completely, but he said he only wanted us to know and wasn’t ready for the rest of the world. I believed it at the time. And the year leading up to his death, he was seeing someone who didn’t want the relationship public. Do you know how hard it is to love someone so much, but they won’t let you in all the way? The only thing I wanted was for Chad to be happy, but he closed himself off to everyone. Including me.”

  She didn’t mean to get emotional, but a single tear pushed its way down. She brushed it away quickly, but Max already witnessed it. He sat there completely still, probably by design, and let a few moments of silence pass. She wondered if she’d made him extremely uncomfortable, but when he moved her direction a couple of feet and slid his arm around her shoulder to hug her to his body, it seemed like he’d just been contemplating the action.

  Not questioning it, she allowed the contact. It was amazing to be pressed up against his body, but she also felt relieved, like he understood what she’d struggled with.

  “One thing you should never take into consideration is what the outside world will think,” he finally said, his voice soft and deep. It was soothing, and actually made Anna take a deep breath and relax. “You can do great things and you can do shitty things, and there will still be mouths that will judge. My father always tells me that it doesn’t matter what actually happened; the only thing that matters is what the media thinks happened.”

  She scoffed. “That’s…” She was going to say terrible but didn’t want to offend him.

  “It’s awful, I know. He considers the McCallan family to be royalty in a sense, and the amount of time he spends building up our name and the image it represents is extreme. It’s all about the perfectly placed stories and news, and all about a random spotting of us during this good deed or that. And when something does blow up that’s not on the good scale, it’s all about damage control and a shit ton of well-placed write-ups that are redeeming enough to turn some opinions around. It doesn’t matter that we’re human too. When we fuck up like any person does, it’s worldwide news and blown way out of proportion, causing debates like you wouldn’t believe. It’s incredibly absurd.

  “So yes, I understand what your father’s intentions were, and it’s not that I agree with it, but I just recognize that desperation to keep what you can of your family name intact. Trust me, I’ve lived with it my whole life. My father and I have different opinions when it comes to all of that, but I do know that discretion is most often your biggest defense. If he taught me anything useful in my life, that would be it. I’ve never been allowed to just be. It has always come with a list of carefully drawn up instructions. Because of my career and status, I could never go anywhere mediocre. Since my brother and cousins had ‘rebelled’ against his wishes, I wasn’t allowed to be gracious to them in any way. I pretty much had to be a dick to show that I supported my father and the empire he’d helped my grandfather build.

  “But…some of that has slowly been changing. I’ve had too many slip-ups, apparently. I’ve been slumming it with my ‘lesser family members’ too often. I guess at some point…enough is enough. I cannot be pulled in two different directions anymore, and seeing that one side has been more affable than the other… it’s obvious that my decision to make some changes is warranted. There will be hellfire as a result, but it’s necessary.”

  He’d been softly drawing circles on her arm with his fingers, and along with every word he spoke, Anna was enjoying every second of his touch. But wow, she’d never heard him speak anything so openly about his family. The McCallans really were Hollywood royalty, and yes, any news about them was big news according to the media. She didn’t know Max had been planning a split from his father, but she could only imagine the apprehension he felt. She’d gone through the same thing with her dad, but the result was not as colossal as the news will be for a McCallan.

  “So…you know more about me in thirty minutes than anyone else in the world except my family,” he added, almost regrettably. Or maybe she was reading into him too much and assumed he was disappointed in himself for sharing so much.

  Anna sat up and faced him. “I told you you could trust me and I meant it, Max. I would never betray your privacy.”

  He smiled but she couldn’t really decipher its meaning. Even if she did take his secrets and run to the press, she could only imagine what kind of damage he could do to her life in return. Not that she believed he would, but she could never do such a thing in the first place.

  �
��You don’t believe me?” she finally asked when he didn’t respond.

  She watched his tongue dash between his lips to wet them, and after studying his sexy mouth for several seconds, her eyes traveled up to his. He was watching her.

  “I never said that,” he answered carefully.

  She smiled a bit sardonically. “But you’re not confirming you trust me, either. It’s kind of the same thing.”

  “No. It’s not, Anna. Not with me.”

  He leaned over and kissed her. Gently at first, but the intensity built naturally. It was amazing how something so simple could make her forget her own name…

  Chapter Eighteen

  Explaining to someone that his levels of trust were somewhat warped was usually pointless. Max had never wasted the time because he’d never been in such a position in the first place.

  Well, not since Olivia.

  With a sigh he pulled away, deciding physical appreciation was not what he needed to be giving Anna right now.

  He chose to attempt an explanation, even though he was unsure. The bottom line was that he had respect for Anna, and so far she’d given him nothing but that in return. He was also drifting into deeper territory with her, but that was a topic yet to be discussed or fully acted upon.

  “I’ll say this,” he began, calculating his words sensibly. “I guarantee anything you’ve told me will never be repeated. At the same time, I actually do believe you offer me the same respect. Earlier I said I’ve been deceived, so yes, the worry is there just a tad bit. It might always be, I don’t know. But I feel you’re honest, Anna. And maybe that’s why I…” He swallowed, unable to control that little glitch in his deliverance. With a soft clearing of the throat, he took his hand and gently caressed the back of her neck with his fingertips. “Maybe that’s why I’m here. Because I feel comfortable with you. And believe me, that’s…” He turned his head away but sighed with disbelief. “That’s hard for me to admit to someone.”

  “I feel comfortable with you too,” she replied instantly, causing him to look her in the eye again. The warm, chocolate brown drew him in, and when she studied him like that—like she could thoroughly read the sincerity in him without even trying—it made him feel completely exposed.

  And, surprisingly, it didn’t make him panic.

  He increased the pressure against her skin, kneading his fingers into the nape of her neck. Her eyes flitted to his lips another time, and that’s when he leaned down to kiss her again. He took in those gorgeous lips eagerly, not at all concerned with how smooth or calculated he was being. The passion was speaking from his chest and his body was only complying.

  He laid her back onto the couch, carefully propping himself above her so his weight wasn’t too crushing. The soft moans from Anna’s lips infused him, her fingers in his hair encouraged him, and her center arching upward to meet his drove him crazy. It wasn’t the first time he imagined himself deep inside her, but this time he didn’t plan on holding back.

  “I really want you right now, Anna,” he spoke softly in between devouring her mouth with his own. “Tell me to stop and I will.”

  “I don’t want you to stop,” she gasped. “Please don’t stop.” Her hands moved down his back and gripped his ass, pushing him firmly against her to aid in her plea.

  He didn’t plan on stopping…until there was a knock at the door. Max pulled his mouth off of Anna’s and she groaned.

  “Dammit, I forgot about the pizza,” she exhaled.

  Just as well, maybe it would give her some time to second-guess what was going on here. Max removed himself from the couch and offered a hand to help her up. Anna’s cheeks were flushed, and she straightened her clothes while giving him a sheepish smile.

  “Give me a minute.” She took a deep breath before opening the door, just as Max stepped out of view so his presence wasn’t an issue. He didn’t want to risk a reaction from the pizza boy, and he certainly didn’t want the press in his business.

  Anna shut the door and tossed the box on the coffee table. She looked at Max as he ran a hand through his hair, and whereas he figured their little makeout session had come to an end, she abandoned the food and came across the room toward him. Her eyes were drinking him in. The light in them reignited that spark in his chest, the one that travel straight down to his dick again.

  When she slid her hands into his shirt and touched his skin, it burned through him like fire. She began to touch him in a way that was tender and compassionate, and in return, he connected with her that same way.

  She pulled back slightly, her eyes studying him again. “What’s the matter?” Her voice was soft, concerned even, and then she waited for him to answer.

  He deliberately took his time with a response. He could tell her now or he could wait and see how things progressed, but this new territory made him somewhat apprehensive either way.

  “Do I make you nervous?” she asked, seeming surprised. She dropped her hands to her sides, as if to make him feel less pressured.

  “No,” Max shook his head, reaching for her hands to hold them in his. “I just… I’m just thinking to myself, that’s all.”

  “If it’s about me, then maybe you should share.”

  He paused for a moment, silently cursing himself for being so transparent. “I’m pacing myself. I think. And I might be over thinking too many things, but I’d rather do that than not at all.”

  She slowly nodded her head, as if to process his words. “Okay. So…you think we’re rushing things? I guess I thought because of that night up in Oregon… Well, I thought we were heading that direction again.”

  “We were. We are,” he corrected.

  Then he mentally slapped himself for the imperfect way he was handling this. He paused a bit longer, giving himself the time to regroup, to really analyze this situation for what it was. He studied Anna—from the intensity of her eyes to the way she was biting her lip, nervously waiting for him to expound.

  His moment of uncertainty passed by just as quickly when he felt her sincerity was impossible to fake. All his life he was faced with characters and simulated situations…and apparently even the real ones had been hard to discern. And he’d been duped, and he’d also been the one duping, but all of that seemed exhausting anymore. He just didn’t want to fight with it any longer.

  Max took himself back to their earlier conversation. He truly believed she was an honest person with good intentions. It was just the fact that he was finally letting someone back into his life again. It was a difficult step to take, no matter how much he tried to wrap his mind around it.

  Finally it was Anna who smiled softly, and instead of making an issue about his sudden lack of suaveness, she just slid her arms around his waist and gave him a hug. A firm one, one that felt assuring no matter what it meant.

  “If you have doubts about me, I completely understand,” she said. “Let’s take it slow.”

  He hadn’t been in a “real” relationship with someone for five years. There had been women, but those women had been more so of the “friends with benefits” variety—women who were of similar status to himself and wanted the same amount of discretion and mutual respect.

  “I think we’ve taken it slow enough,” he answered, brushing a thumb over her cheek. His hand settled against her neck as he waited for her agreement.

  “Good,” she nodded. “Because I want you so bad right now—”

  He tugged her forward and crashed his lips to hers, knowing that very second he’d wanted to bang this feisty little thing the moment he’d met her. That sexual tension had created ambitious goals he wanted to achieve with her in the bedroom.

  And anywhere else he could have her.

  They continued to kiss as Anna led him through the closest door until they stopped at her bed. She already had his jeans unbuttoned, and had he been given time to smile about that he would have, but she was already on her knees, sucking his dick.

  She was an aggressive delight, but even with his hand on her head and h
is fingers threaded through her hair, he chose to play nice and not be too forceful in return. He felt animalistic, wanting to grip her hair tighter while he fucked the back of her throat, but he held off and let her take the lead.

  She gave him just enough to leave him wanting more before she stood and began taking off her clothes. Her eyes were watching his the entire time, like she was challenging him to stare. Of course he was going to fucking watch. She slid her shirt off and he studied the curves of her breasts in a lacey bra. And when her shorts shimmied down, his eyes followed, soaking up the tanned skin and purple lace until he inadvertently licked his lips.

  “You’re beautiful.” He felt a compliment was standard at that moment, but it was the truth. Anna had that athletic beach beauty glow going for her without trying too hard.

  She only replied with a little smile, which he didn’t quite understand. Maybe she agreed, maybe she was questioning him, or maybe she didn’t care and was about to rip his clothes off.

  Max slipped out of his own shirt and her smile widened. Her eyes were also animated as she watched him toss it to the side. Simultaneously, they stripped the rest of their clothes off and ended up on the bed, tongues tangled and hands gripping whatever. She’d left him hard as a rock, and all he really wanted to do was put that to use. He thought he’d need to make his way through the appropriate steps to pleasure her, but she was a bit assertive and basically demanded his cock inside of her or else.

  Damn straight he wanted to fuck her like crazy.