I am Iron Man

by Colin Cook

  Sure enough, one by one smaller Replicator spiders and beetles began to move up through the hole into the Corsica, each of them spreading out and taking in their new

  surroundings with extreme interest.

  "Great, now I've been turned into a mother duck…" Alec grumbled as he stood up after re-slinging the Super-rifle across his back and rubbed a hand tiredly across his face.

  The Replicators were still pouring through the hole in a steady stream of bodies as they continued to detach themselves from the Spider Ship, each of them now

  surrounding Alec across the floor and on top of the many crates packed throughout the area, all awaiting any kind of instructions the Guardian may have had for them.

  "Well since the whole family's now getting settled in, it may be time to introduce you guys to another friend of mine upstairs," Alec said to Polly and Sparky as he made for

  the plated door of the elevator. As Polly climbed up Alec's arm and perched on his shoulder, Sparky and the rest of the growing Replicator horde scurried after him in an

  orderly rush. After pressing a glowing red activation pad and opening the sliding door, Alec calmly stepped into the small elevator cabin with Polly and Sparky in tow.

  However he immediately held up a hand as the rest of the group tried to make a dash in alongside him.

  "I think it'd be best if you guys took the ladder for this one," the Guardian suggested quickly as he jerked his head over to a ladder built into the wall rising up from the

  floor to a closed hatch in the ceiling. The horde complied immediately, all of them shifting to the side and clawing up the walls or the bottom rungs of the said ladder.

  "And please, don't eat any parts of the ship!"

  As the plated door slid down in front of them and the elevator cabin began to rise up to the Corvette's command deck, the very catchy tune of the 1950's song 'Yakety

  Yak' began playing through a speaker set in the corner.

  "Take out the papers and the trash…Or you don't get no spendin' cash…"

  "This is one Mass Effect elevator I might not be bored with," Alec said with a wide grin to Polly and Sparky, the second who had positioned himself next to the Guardian's

  foot. For several long seconds the cabin continued to rise up past the many square block tiles that were built on either side of the elevator shaft, The Coaster's snappy

  lyrics making Alec and even the Replicators bob their head or bodies up and down to the tune, until finally the trio felt the agonizingly slow machine slow down even more

  as it neared its destination.

  "Okay guys, this friend of mine might be a bit startled when he sees you. So just keep calm, don't act rashly, and follow my lead," Alec explained to the two spiders as the

  song cut off and the plated door rose up, allowing them to step out onto the blue-lit CIC deck.

  Alec and Sparky only got about two steps before freezing in place as a familiar snap-hiss followed by a deep humming sound caused Alec to focus on what was ahead of

  them. Standing directly before him on the edge of the large black conference table set up in the middle of the room, was the Jedi Master Yoda, who at the moment was

  pointing his green lightsaber at the Guardian with a grim look of suspicion on his face.

  However, it wasn't just Yoda that had caught the trio's attention. Floating in the air on either side of the elevator's doorway were about a dozen Kessler pistols and assault

  rifles taken from the ship's Armoury, all of them being levitated by an invisible Force Grip. Each were fully activated and training their sights on the Guardian and the

  spiders!

  "Uhh, hey Yoda. What's..uhh, what's with all the guns?" Alec asked with an awkward laugh as he raised his hands in half surrender, half indication of the platoon of

  weapons behind pointed at him. Ironically this was the moment when Polly and Sparky actually decided to listen to his instructions, specifically that last one about following

  his lead as they both straightened up and raised their front legs into the air in an imitation of Alec's surrender.

  Yoda didn't answer the Guardian's question but frowned in further suspicion as he eyed Polly sitting on Alec's shoulder, the Replicator answering that look with a small hiss.

  Suddenly a harsh clanging sound came from a small sealed hatchway built into the floor right beside the elevator's doorway.

  "Oh no…" Alec said with a wince a second before the hatch broke open and a collective river of Replicator beetles and spiders exploded out onto the deck. Yoda's eyes

  widened in surprise as he snapped the point of his lightsaber over to the growing hoard, all of the floating weapons switching their barrels onto them as he did. Upon

  seeing him, many of the new Replicators began hissing angrily at Yoda, all of them flaring their wing flaps and preparing themselves to attack. In that instant, before any

  shots could be fired, Alec threw himself in between the two forces with his arms spread wide, while Polly jumped from his shoulder and joined Sparky in opposing the

  horde. As both of the spiders began hissing at the rest of their family to calm down, Alec spoke loudly to both sides, turning his head back and forth while keeping his arms

  and hands extended out to them.

  "Okay whoa! HOLD ON! And when I say hold on I mean it this time!" Alec's voice boomed throughout the room, turning his head specifically to the Replicators as he

  mentioned the second part.

  "We're all friends here. Which means there will be no shooting or slicing…" the Guardian began listing off, pointing a finger over at a now thoroughly confused Yoda.

  "Or pouncing or stabbing pincers into people's heads!" he finished, making another specific jab at the machines, the memory of his first ordeal with them making him

  shudder slightly. After a tense standoff moment, Polly and Sparky managed to convince the Replicators to stand down, all of them relaxing and ceasing in their hissing.

  Turning back to Yoda, Alec had to swat away a few pistols that were floating a bit close to his head.

  "What manner are these creatures of Alec?" Yoda asked as he begrudgingly closed down his lightsaber; however he still kept his arsenal of floating weapons trained on the

  machines.

  "They're called Replicators Yoda, they're a bunch of new allies that Axel and I made after we managed to ditch C-Sec for a while," Alec explained earnestly. Yoda gave a

  severe frown of uncertainty as he clipped his lightsaber to his belt, giving one of his deep 'hum's as he remained still somewhat suspicious of the machines.

  "Its true! Look, they're actually quite friendly when you're nice to them," Alec insisted, as he turned around and roughly picked up Polly with both hands. The surprised

  spider hissed angrily and began hopelessly thrashing its legs and pincers in an attempt to get free, clearly not liking being suddenly lifted up from behind.

  "Oh knock it off you big metal baby. Yoda, this is Polly…" Alec scoffed down to the squirming machine before he carried him over to the conference table and introduced

  him to the Jedi.

  "Polly, Yoda," he continued politely with a hand gesture in between the two as he placed Polly on the table's surface next to Yoda.

  Yoda's look of suspicion faded into one of curiousity as he brushed the folds of his claw torn robes behind himself and sat down cross-legged in front of Polly, his large

  yellow eyes gazing over the red and silver interconnecting blocks that made up the Replicator's body. Polly now seemed to be taking the same interest in the Jedi, for as

  soon as he was placed on the table he turned to the little green man and began staring up at him in the same manner that he had to Axel when they had first taken a

  liking to each other.

  "Strange, a great many minds connected to this one there are, and yet thinks with only one it does," Yoda stated slowly in fascination, extending his right hand out to

  Polly and using t
he Force to feel the hundreds of other Replicators connected to him. For a few moments they stayed that way until Polly took several hesitant steps

  toward Yoda's hand, pausing for another moment before suddenly extending his legs up and gently nuzzling the Jedi's palm with the flat of his facial area.

  Yoda chuckled softly in his croaky old voice as he pet Polly's wing flaps and belly with both hands, looking like a green toddler playing with a new kitten. Grinning happily at

  this outcome, Alec turned and beckoned Sparky to come over.

  "Sparky, this is Yoda. Yoda, Sparky," Alec introduced the Master to the smoking and still periodically electrocuting spider as it scurried over and climbed up onto the table

  next to Yoda's other side.

  "I'd be careful around him, you might get a bit of a shock," the Guardian warned as Yoda turned his attention to the second machine while still petting Polly with one hand.

  "Indeed, hence how he got his name I suspect," Yoda said with another chuckle as he began stroking Sparky's back with his other three fingered hand, a dim blue light

  glowing from his palm and protecting his skin from the arcs of electricity that would move across the spider's limbs. With an even wider grin on his face than before, Alec

  sharply spun around to the rest of the silently waiting horde of insects.

  "Replicators, YODA! Yoda, REPLICATORS!" Alec announced in a comedic way with dramatic lunging gestures between the two parties. Right away a large portion of the

  horde screeched with joy, rushing forward and climbing onto the conference table, smothering the now laughing Jedi Master like a bunch of lovesick puppies!

  The force of the many spiders and beetles that began gently pulling at him knocked Yoda over onto his back, causing him to laugh even harder as he began petting each of

  the machines surrounding him.

  "Quite starved for attention they appear to be!" Yoda managed to say through his chuckling as he strained to sit up, pushing down several of the needy machines that

  clung to him.

  "I don't blame them, Axel didn't really have time to give them the same affectionate treatment that he did for Polly," Alec responded with a nod over to the red and silver

  Replicator.

  "Where is Axel now?" Yoda asked as he stood up, sweeping his hand through the air to make all of the pistols and rifles still floating around the room deactivate and fall

  into a pile next to the table.

  Alec raised a reassuring hand and opened his mouth to answer when suddenly a tremendous CLANG! echoed harshly throughout the entire CIC, emanating simultaneously

  from a massive inward dent that had just formed against one of the sealed emergency hatches built into the nearby bulkhead!

  Alec's eyes widened and a worried frown formed on his face as he listened to a very faint and yet very painful groaning beginning to filter into the ship from the outside.

  "Now, I could be wrong…" he began slowly before abandoning that thought and quickly rushing over toward the bulkhead, Yoda and the rest of the Replicators following

  right behind him as the same idea occurred to them.

  "Now I know I just heard something!" the first marine said firmly with a sharp jab of his thumb over to the far starboard side of the Corsica, having just heard the sharp

  sound of something metallic slam into the ship. The second merely gave an exasperated breath and snapped his head over to his partner, harshly pointing a finger up at

  the lower area of his own face.

  "Read. My. Lips! You did not hear anything!" he roared angrily at the other. A very long, drawn out, and tense stand off began between the two men before the first

  marine suddenly raised both his hands toward the second's head in a gesture of extremely confused indication.

  "YOU'RE WEARING A HELMET!"

  The second immediately jabbed the finger he had been pointing at himself directly at the first marine's masked/helmeted face.

  "Shut up!"

  "Come on you dumb machine, open up!" Alec hissed angrily as he continued to press the glowing green pad set up next to the emergency hatch; but the damage caused

  by the huge dent that had formed in it was preventing the hatchway's operating system from actually working properly. Suddenly the Guardian paused after realizing what

  he had just said, casting an uneasy glance over his shoulder at the uncomfortably silent horde of Replicators spread out across the deck behind him.

  "No offense guys," he added in quickly, getting a small venomous hiss from Polly afterward.

  "Stand aside," Yoda commanded as he placed himself directly before the hatch. After Alec quickly jumped out of the way, the Jedi stretched forth his hands and clenched

  his fingers, willing the energies of the Force to surround the hatchway. With a great screech of straining metal, Yoda closed his eyes and grimaced in effort as he forced the

  sections of the damaged hatch door to instantly part away from each other.

  Immediately a surprised yell sounded throughout the room, followed by a large humanoid figure dressed in a smoking and badly scratched suit of silver and black armour

  somersaulting head-first through the opened hatchway, landing harshly onto the floor sprayed out on his back!

  "Well, that's an entrance if I do say so myself!" Alec stated up to everyone with an amused grin as he looked down on the groaning Iron Man.

  Pain wracked every inch of my body, my aching head feeling like it was about to split open at any second.

  As it turned out, the loss of the Iron Man's right hand stabilizer hadn't been the suit's only problem. As I neared the Military Docks, the suit thrusters soon began to sputter

  and malfunction, while the already screwy navigation system began to short out and spark within several of the torso's plates. Suddenly I found myself giving out a thin

  trail of wispy smoke as I haphazardly spiraled through the air up toward the Corsica's pier, pushing the suit with every last shred of power I could draw from it's Replicator

  core.

  Unfortunately however that proved to be too much for the strained system to handle, because as soon as we came within a hundred feet of the ship's hull and tried to

  slow down, every flight system suddenly flickered and died, making both Haxon and I yell out as we drove straight into one of the closed emergency hatchways built into

  the ship's starboard side!

  After smashing a massive dent into this said hatchway, and groaning for several seconds as I lay plastered against the Corsica's hull like a bug on a windshield, I suddenly

  yelled out again as the doors to the hatch were forcibly pulled open, allowing me to somersault uncontrollably into the ship.

  "Hello? Can you hear me in there?!" a familiar voice asked loudly from outside of the pitch blackness that surrounded my face after the suit's HUD had disappeared. As this

  voice spoke, I could feel an irritating tapping sensation hitting against center of the Iron Man's faceplate, showing that my annoying doppelgänger was deliberately poking

  at me. Giving a severe frown with that same feeling, I used the last of the energy in the suit to make the Iron Man's faceplate rise up away from my eyes, allowing me to

  treat a grinning Alec with a dagger filled glare.

  "Yeah!" I answered back sarcastically before wincing in pain, the repercussions of my impact still fresh in my body.

  "Man, you really did a number on this," Alec remarked in astonishment as he looked over the scratched, scorched, and bullet torn armour of the suit.

  "Yeah, and its gone dead now. That's what happens when you're shot out of the sky and beaten to a pulp by an angry Krogan, help me get out of this thing," I retorted as

  I reached up and manually unfastened the Iron Man helmet before roughly pulling it off of my sweat soaked head. With a quick nod, Alec turned to the rest of the

  Replicator horde and hooked two fingers in his mouth, giving a loud sharp whistle. Right
away the horde rushed forward, surrounding and semi-submerging me as they

  began using their pincers to unclasp and pry apart the different sections to the damaged suit. Several of them also crawled up onto the wall and began making impressive

  repairs to the Corsica's dented hatchway, straightening and closing its doors before sealing them shut with several molten hot weld spots from their front Replicator

  pincers.

  After only a few minutes of simply remaining still and letting the machines work, I was eventually surrounded by an un-orderly ring of pieces of discarded armour, now

  lying in my mixed Spectre/ N7/ Pirate armour that I had been wearing underneath the whole time.

  "Wow, you look a hundred pounds lighter," Alec commented with a chuckle as he extended a hand down to me.

  "I feel a hundred pounds lighter, oww!" I said with relief before more waves of fresh pain hit me as I accepted his hand and was pulled to my feet. I closed my eyes and

  hissed through my teeth as the throbbing bruises on my torso and limbs that I had sustained in my recent ordeals began to sting at me, forcing me to stagger over and

  lean wincingly against the edge of the black conference table set up in the middle of the room.

  "Its at least good to see that we all made it back here in one piece without being seen," I said with a small smile as an ecstatic Polly scrambled up onto the table top and

  began fervently nuzzling my hand, overjoyed at seeing me again.

  "It was pretty straight forward on our end: we flew across nearly half the Presidium and got chased by pretty much every agent on duty. But what happened with you, it

  sounded like you had quite the adventure going on in your area," Alec asked with interest as he crossed his arms and leaned against one of the curved ceiling supports

  that rose up out of the floor spaced around the table, similar in design to the several supports that would surround the large Galaxy Map onboard the Normandy.

  "I don't know…there were assassins…there were cyborgs...there was a Jaffa, it was a mess," I listed off with a tired groan as I rubbed both my hands down across my

  face, trying to alleviate some of my fatigue and massage the headache I was still feeling simply from thinking about the events of the last half hour.