Heartstrings

by Lily Graison

  Heartstrings

  A Willow Creek Short Story

  Lily Graison

  Heartstrings - A Willow Creek Short Story

  Copyright © 2019 by Lily Graison

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means mechanical, electronic, photocopying, recording or otherwise without the prior written consent of the publisher, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

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  All characters in this publication are purely fictitious and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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  Visit my website at lilygraison.com

  Contents

  About The Book

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Epilogue

  Authors Note

  Want More?

  Reading List

  About The Author

  About The Book

  Life as a mail order bride has turned out to be everything Grace Samuels thought it would be but after 13 years, her dreams of being a mother are still not fulfilled. When she finds a homeless girl living behind the mercantile in town, her motherly instincts kick into high gear but the girl has a secret that take Grace and Rafe by surprise, a secret that will either tear them apart or give them both their hearts desire.

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  *Note: This short story is part of the WILLOW CREEK SERIES. It “does” stand alone but follows characters we’ve previously met earlier in the series.

  Chapter 1

  Willow Creek, June, 1885

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  The sign on the door read Doctor Evan Reid and not a letter had changed since the day they were painted on the glass. Grace read the words for what had to be the hundredth time and took a steadying breath. If he told her to leave, then so be it, but the suspense was killing her.

  Evan turned to her as she stepped inside, his ever present smile firmly in place. “Grace. It’s a pleasure to see you again.”

  “And you as well. Welcome home.”

  “Thank you.” He put the stack of notes in his hand down and stood to his full height. “I hope nothing’s wrong.”

  “No, I’m perfectly healthy.”

  “Well, that’s good.

  She nodded and clutched her reticule. “How was the trip?” His smile wavered. Evan was one of the most perceptive men she'd ever met and if the look on his face was any indication, he knew exactly what she wanted.

  “It was good.” He looked toward the door that led to his personal residence. Trying to find an escape if she had to guess. “The new doctor showed up right on schedule.”

  “Oh, well, I’m sure the residents in Missoula are all pleased there's a new permanent doctor in town.” Just get it over with, Grace. She fidgeted, then cleared her throat. “Do you have a moment?”

  His smile returned and the tone of his voice told her he knew why she was there, just as she’d guessed. “I’ll always make time for you."

  Grace removed her bonnet and patted down her hair. “I hate to keep bothering you but did you find anything?”

  The look on his face said he hadn’t.

  "I'm sorry, Grace. I searched through every medical journal I could find in Missoula, but I saw nothing beyond what I've already told you."

  She hid her disappointment behind a weak smile.

  "I'll keep trying, though.”

  He stared at her for a long moment and it looked as if he wanted to say something, but hesitated in doing so. Was he tired of her coming into his office asking for answers he didn’t have? Probably. She would be. “Whatever it is, Evan, just say it.”

  He motioned to the chair next to his desk. "Come and sit down, Grace." She wanted to refuse but settled into the seat to hear him out. If he told her to never come back, then so be it. Maybe that’s what it would take to convince her heart it was truly over. “I'm sure it's tiring for me to keep coming in but helping Alex with those babies—“

  “You don’t have to explain, Grace.”

  The tears she promised not to shed burned her eyes. She lowered her gaze and blinked them away. Not once has she begrudged a second of time Alex asked her to help out. Tending to Catherine and James was the highlight of her day most of the time, but leaving them and going home alone wasn’t the same as rocking one of your own to sleep and laying them down knowing they would always be there. As much as she loved her niece and nephew, it was different than loving one of her own. Every time she looked at them, the face of her own baby, delivered months too early, filled her mind's eye, and every time it did, her heart broke even more.

  Evan took his seat behind the desk. “I spoke with the new doctor while I was in Missoula. He's never run across a treatment for your condition but…"

  "But what?" Grace prompted when he stopped talking.

  He gave her a reassuring smile. "He told me of a medicine man who lives out near Guilford.”

  Grace sat up straight in her seat. "A medicine man?" She blinked and clutched her bonnet in her hands. "You mean an Indian? That kind of medicine man?"

  Evan nodded. "Yes."

  She opened her mouth several times but never made a sound.

  "It’s just a suggestion, Grace. I'm not even sure what he'd do or how…"

  A medicine man? Grace stood and paced away from the desk, stopping at the window. She moved the curtain aside, staring at the school for long minutes.

  "Talk to Rafe,” he said. “See what he thinks. I'm here to answer any questions you have, you know this, but I don't know what else to do. I've tried everything I can think of. It may be time to take a leap of faith."

  Faith was all she had left. She nodded, let the curtain fall and turned back to face him. She blinked to ease the sting of tears wanting to form in her eyes again. "I'll talk to him.” She smiled, the corners of her mouth barely lifting. “I’ll let you know."

  She left and hurried down the sidewalk, ducking between the buildings and hurrying over to the bench nestled underneath the trees behind the mercantile. Countless days had been spent sitting there while her heart bled out what she thought was the last tear she had in her, but today proved she still had more. She hated feeling like this. Hated the pain that came with the wanting and cried until she felt hollow and the wind chapped her cheeks nearly raw.

  Dabbing the wetness from her face, she inhaled deeply, composed herself, and stood. She’d been gone too long and Alex would wonder where she was. Catherine and James would never be hers but she could love them as if they were. They were family after all and apparently the closest she’d ever get to being a mother.

  The expression on her face told him something was wrong. Rafe took the horses reins and opened his mouth to ask what happened but Grace turned and headed to the house without a word.

  He saw to her horse, getting him bedded down for the night and finished his chores before heading inside. She was by the stove, her shoulders drooping. He hung his hat and crossed to where she stood. “Grace—” He didn’t get another word said before she turned, threw herself at him, and buried her face against his chest.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing,” she mumbled.

  He laughed. “Woman, I’ve lived with you long enough to know that’s a lie.” He wrapped his arms around her, hugging her to him as he placed a kiss to the top of her head. “Now what is it?”

  She sighed. “I saw Evan toda
y.”

  “Grace—”

  “—I know I shouldn’t but—”

  “—No buts, Grace.” He pulled back enough he could see her and cupped her face in his hands. “I love you—”

  “I know you do—”

  “—Let me finish.” She sighed again and nodded her head, staring at his chest. “I love you and not having a baby will never change that.” His chest clenched when a single tear slid down her cheek. He brushed it away and leaned down, kissing her softly on the lips.

  He’d lost count of how many times she’d done this. Gone to Evan with some new hope of being a mother burning in her eyes only to return disappointed and heartbroken all over again. Helping with Jesse and Alex’s twins over the last several months hadn’t help matters either but he didn’t have the heart to tell her to stop. It might be time to talk with Jesse instead. If they told Grace they were fine, then maybe she’d stop going over there every day on her own. Doubtful, but it was worth a try.

  He wrapped her in his arms again, burying his nose in her hair. As much as he wanted to ignore the whole conversation, he couldn’t. “What did Evan say this time?”

  She raised her head and for the first time that day met his gaze without looking distraught. “He found something while in Missoula.”

  “Oh?”

  She nodded and glanced away, toying with the buttons on his shirt. “You’ll probably not like it though. I’m not even sure I do.”

  “What is it?” When she didn’t answer, he cupped her chin and brought her head back up.

  “The new doctor in Missoula told him of a medicine man who might be able to help.”

  “Medicine man—as in an Indian?” She nodded. “Grace—”

  “I knew you wouldn’t like it but it’s worth trying, don’t you think?”

  No, he didn’t, but he didn’t say as much out loud.

  She turned back to the stove and went into great detail about heading to Missoula to find this Indian. He let her talk, nodding when appropriate, and tried to think of a way to tell her visiting Indian territory wasn’t going to happen. She’d already lost three babies, one of which was big enough to see her tiny fingernails had already started to grow. The heartbreak those three failed pregnancies left behind wasn’t worth taking the risk again. He was losing the vibrant woman he married to one who was preoccupied and stressed and worrying herself into an early grave and he’d lost enough already. He wouldn’t lose her as well. Come morning, he’d talk to Jesse and put a stop to all this baby talk once and for all.

  Chapter 2

  “There. All done.” Grace pulled down the dressing gown, covering Catherine’s kicking feet before reaching up to brush a hand over the soft downy red hair on her head. “You are still the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen. Well, aside from your brother, of course.” Catherine raised her hands, reaching for her.

  “Come here, precious.” Grace lifted her, hugging her to her chest. At eight months old, the babies were still rather small, she thought, and Grace was beginning to worry they weren’t eating enough. She’d wanted to ask Evan about it when she’d seen him the day before but her own inquiry, and heartbreaking answer, left her so distraught, she’d forgotten all about it.

  She knew nothing about how much milk the human body could produce and worried Alex wasn’t producing enough for both of them but didn’t dare say as much. It wasn’t her place, and she had no doubt Alex would know if they weren’t getting the nourishment they needed. They were eating soft foods now so maybe they’d plump up soon.

  James was still sleeping when she peeked into his small cradle and carried Catherine to the sitting room with her. Alex wasn’t there. She headed to the door but stopped when she heard a whispered voice say, “I don’t ask her. She just shows up.”

  Grace’s heart skipped a beat. Even though the words were barely audible, she knew Alex was the one who’d said them.

  A heavy sigh was heard before a man, Jesse she soon found out said, “Rafe said she’s fretting over babies again. Said she paid another visit to Evan.”

  The delight from moments ago was extinguished in an instant. Her heart hurt as Alex and Jesse continued to whisper beyond the door.

  “I can’t tell her to stop coming. It would be cruel.”

  “No more cruel than letting her take care of Catherine and James and go home with her arms empty every night.” There was a brief silence, then, “Rafe said she told him about some medicine man near Missoula.”

  “What?”

  The horror in Alex’s voice made Grace turn away, tiptoeing out of the room. When she stepped inside the nursery, she hugged Catherine tighter against her chest and blinked away the sting of tears filling her eyes.

  Her gaze fell on James, still sleeping in the tall double cradle Jesse and Holden had made. How could she leave them? They needed her. Alex couldn’t do everything on her own. Tending to a baby was hard. Taking care of two required an extra pair of hands and she’d thought—

  She blew out a breath and closed her eyes, burying her face against Catherine's small head. She was so perfect and that sweet baby smell was one she’d never grow tired of. She changed messy bottoms and ignored upset stomachs when they spit up and soiled more than one of her dresses and she’d do it every single day without complaint but—they didn’t want her here. Rafe didn’t want her here.

  James stirred when she laid Catherine down beside him. Grace watched them both, blinking past tears to make sure he stayed asleep, her heart breaking at the knowledge this would be the last time she spent all day with them. As hard as it would be, she had to let them go.

  She dried her face and waited a few more minutes, hoping no one could tell she’d been crying, then went to collect her things. Alex stepped into the room as she slipped her coat on. She smiled and hoped it didn’t look as fake as it felt. “I hate to run, Alex, but I just remembered an errand I need to get done.”

  “Oh.” He eyes widened, her surprise evident. “Well, I don’t want to keep you … go do what you must. We’ll be fine.”

  Grace folded the baby blanket on the sofa, laying it back down before tugging on her gloves and hat. “I don’t know how much I’ll be able to come by this week. I have a few projects at the house I’ve been meaning to get sorted but I’ll try to stop by again soon.” Grace didn’t wait for her to respond as she crossed to the door, opened it, and stepped out on to the porch. “Kiss the babies goodbye for me.” She hurried off the porch and around the house before Alex could say a word. For once, she wished she would have saddled her horse so she could make a faster getaway, but quickened her steps in hopes Jesse didn’t see her, wherever he was. In the small barn behind the house if she had to guess.

  She darted into the trees a few moments later and let her feet carry her in an all too familiar pattern. When the small burial plots came into view, the ache in her chest intensified until she could barely breathe around it.

  Someone had been here recently. A small wooden bench was sitting near the base of the tree and she wondered who had placed it there.

  Rafe and Jesse’s parents both had large wooden crosses marking the spot they were laid to rest, and just beyond them, underneath the limbs of an old aspen tree, three small stones sat in a neat row. The sight of them still made her ache.

  Grace knelt in front of them and laid a hand to each one. The first two babies hadn’t grown big enough to even warrant a grave. She’d only carried them a handful of months but Rafe knew how much she needed them. He probably did as well. He hadn’t said much when she’d lost them but the devastation on his face matched her own. He’d felt the loss as much as she had and probably still did. He just didn’t let it show, unlike her.

  She sighed and sat down on the bench, leaning back against the tree and stared at those three graves. The years had passed so quickly here. She still had a hard time believing it had been eleven years since Jesse had sent her a marriage request. She smiled. He’d been fourteen when she arrived, and although Jesse had been on the cus
ps of manhood, it had become clear to her very quickly that he’d been looking for a mother and not a wife so she’d mothered him to the best of her ability. But—she wanted more.

  She wanted to hold a baby in her arms and know the joy that came with the knowledge that it was hers. That no matter what happened, no one would ever be able to take it from her.

  She wanted to be woken in the middle of the night and crawl out of bed to comfort them the way only a mother could. She wanted endless amounts of laundry and baby things scattered around the house and she wanted desperately to see Rafe hold a son or daughter of his own. She felt like such a failure. She’d traveled from Boston with dreams as big as the Montana sky and the one she’d held on to the longest would never be. Evan had done everything he could over the last eleven years, searched books and libraries from here clean to San Francisco, and if he’d not found a solution by now, she doubted a medicine man would make much of a difference.

  Half the day was gone by the time she stood and headed for the house. Rafe had business in town this morning so she’d have the house to herself which gave her time to do what she should have done years ago. She’d pack away the things in the nursery they were never going to use and put that dream to rest once and for all. Life was too short to live in misery like this. She had her health, and she had Rafe. She didn’t need anything other than that.

  Rafe’s head was pounding by the time he crawled back in the wagon and pulled away from the livery stable. The sun beating down on his neck, along with those three shots of whiskey he’d drunk with Holden Avery in the saloon, had given him a splitting headache. It was either that, or the guilt that had ridden his coattails since early that morning when he’d talked to Jesse.