The Madness Project (The Madness Method)

by Bralick, J. Leigh

  I reached out again, but suddenly my torchlight flared off the shiny cylinder of a revolver resting on his knee. I froze, pulse racing. What was he doing with a gun? I couldn’t imagine where he’d got it. Didn’t want to imagine. I just stared at him, praying that it didn’t mean what I feared. He couldn’t mean it.

  His fingers twitched on the gun. “Go. Away.”

  I realized the heat streaking down my cheeks were tears, silent, breathless tears.

  “Give me the gun,” I said.

  My voice rattled with terror but still I held out my hand, waiting.

  “No way in hell,” he said, hunching over his knees. His left hand traced the lines of the cylinder. “They failed, you know,” he said. “Should I fix it? Finish what they started?”

  I flinched and drew back. Took a step away, then another. He wasn’t watching me anymore. Just stared at the gun in his hand like he didn’t know what it was. And before I could stop myself from fleeing, I was over the wall and pounding through the Hole, blind with terror, shaking with anger. Anuk caught me outside the lounge, like he’d been waiting for me to get back. His arms flashed out, wrapping around me, ending my flight. Ending my panic. I buried my head against his chest.

  “Anuk, you gotta help him!”

  “Don’t let the kids hear you,” he murmured in my ear, and marched me down the hall to an abandoned office.

  I scrubbed my sleeve over my face, ashamed of my tears. But Anuk just folded his arms and frowned down at me.

  “That bad?” he asked.

  “He…” I closed my eyes, drew a slow breath and switched off the grief. “He had a gun.”

  “What?” he cried, bright red with anger. “Hayli. Did he threaten you? Where is he? I’ll beat the—”

  “It’s not like that, Anuk!” I said. “He’s been drinking. And that gun… Why’d he…why…”

  Anuk cursed under his breath and clawed a hand through his fiery hair. “Worse than I thought,” he muttered.

  “Please help him,” I whispered. “Please. Dan’ let him fall.”

  Chapter 3 — Tarik

  I woke to splitting pain in my head and no memory of how I’d gotten back to my cot. The world tilted dizzily under me, making my stomach hitch with nausea. I rolled onto my back and found Anuk standing over my cot, glaring murder at me.

  “What the hell is your problem, Shade?”

  I groaned and shielded my eyes from the light, bit by the sinking feeling that whatever I’d done, it hadn’t been worth it.

  “What’s yours?” I snapped. “What do you want?” My gaze drifted down to the bandage on his upper arm, splotchy with bright blood. “You’re bleeding.”

  He cursed me and slammed his fist into the wall over my head. “Next time you decide to try to destroy yourself, I’m not going to try to stop you. Just thank all your stars it’s me who’s bleeding and not her.”

  “Not who?”

  I struggled to think of what he meant but my thoughts churned like mud, fighting off the memories that burned like a headache.

  “Hayli,” he said.

  He reached out suddenly and grabbed me by the shirtfront, dragging me upright. The change in position set me swallowing bile. My head pounded so hard that my vision turned red, then grey.

  “If you ever hurt her because you decide it’s a fine time to get the devil in a doghouse, I will kill you.”

  I tried to shake his hands off, but my muscles didn’t seem to want to function. “What are you talking about?”

  He just shot me a disgusted look and let go of me all at once. I couldn’t catch myself in time, and landed in a heap back on the mattress. Pride told me to move, to sit up and face him, but I couldn’t make myself care.

  “You’re pathetic,” he snapped. “Those kids look up to you. What if they saw you like this? Is this how you want them to think of you, so? You, the great Shade, the great leader, curled up like a rag on his bed, too stupid to remember what he’s done?”

  I pressed my forehead into the pillow, trying to beat my thoughts into submission. Failing. I wished I could remember whatever it was he was talking about, but I had a blank in my memory. My heart ached. One brief, sweet moment of blankness, and now all I had was the regret. The forgetting never lasted. The regret always did.

  When I finally opened my eyes again, Anuk had disappeared. I let out my breath, wincing as it stung over my lip. My fingers brushed my lower lip, gingerly, and found it badly swollen. I couldn’t even recall how that had happened. I rubbed my hand over my face and over the roughness of my hair, trying to wake up. My mind hummed with confusion. Somehow I knew I had to be somewhere…that I had something I needed to do…

  I pushed myself to my feet and groaned, doubling over. Anuk was right—I was pathetic. My face flushed with shame, burning, wretched shame. What would Bugs think if he walked in this minute? Stars, what would Zagger say? I sat on the edge of the cot and buried my face in my hands. He’d probably expect it. I couldn’t do anything these days without making a mess of everything.

  A weight settled in my heart. I remembered, suddenly, what I’d done. Remembered why I had done it. And now that I remembered, I only wanted to forget again.

  Forget.

  I tried standing again and this time kept my feet. The barracks felt eerily empty; I wondered what time it was. Even Bobs had already abandoned his cot, which meant it had to be after noon at least. No one stirred in the corridors outside. No one sat in the mess, and no food was out. The whole place had the empty, lonely feel of abandonment.

  Maybe I was imagining it.

  I stopped by the warehouse floor and found, with more relief than I’d expected, a handful of kids conversing in the corner. Before they caught sight of me I pulled back, blushing fiercely again, cursing myself, cursing my weakness. Hating all of it. Why did I care what they thought? I could keep up this farce of Shade’s existence without them idolizing me. So why did it hurt so terribly to think of their contempt?

  A sudden clash of footsteps behind me brought me out of my thoughts. I turned, not too quickly, and found Kantian stalking toward me. He wore his long overcoat and coach hat, so I knew he wouldn’t stop long to chat with me, thank the stars. But still, the knowledge didn’t keep me from pulling back a little as he drew up beside me.

  “Did you get any juice for me?” he asked, eyes sharp in the shadows.

  I swallowed. I’d been expecting a lecture; I’d forgotten I was supposed to give him information.

  “There’s a train coming in today,” I said, letting myself lean on the wall. “Arms shipment. Think it’s meant for the physicists at the Science Ministry, not sure what for. Some kind of special new weapon, I think. Maybe something the Meats could relieve them of.”

  Why am I telling him this? I wondered. I’d seen Kantian outside the Hole lately, heading up to the high-streets, meeting with people that didn’t seem quite his type. And if Hayli was right and he was meeting with the palace boffins…

  Kantian had always just seemed to me to be a petty, two-bit criminal, playing at being a mob boss with his band of misfit skitters while really being nothing more than a glorified guardian. But maybe I was wrong about him. Maybe he was more dangerous than I’d thought. But I couldn’t quite pin together the pieces. My thoughts warped and drifted, useless.

  Kantian eyed me closely, until I was certain he could see last night’s idiocy written in my face—and I knew what it would mean if he could. But he just nodded crisply.

  “Good work. Derrin’ll have another job for you later.” He turned to walk on, but stopped a few paces away. “Go wash up. You look like a corpse.”

  And then he was gone. I wandered up into the enclosure and turned the spigot at the trough. Cold water gushed over my hands, shocking away the numbness that still clung to my thoughts. I splashed water over my face and arms, then gave up and dunked my whole head under the icy torrent. I kept still until I couldn’t feel my skin anymore, but the water couldn’t wash away everything I wanted to forget
. Finally I slammed the spigot shut and lifted my head, shaking it like a dog to dry it as best I could. Even in the rather mild air I shivered from the cold…and kept shivering, like I had a fever. I leaned against the trough and drew long breaths through my teeth to steady my nerves.

  “Shade! You jake?”

  I winced and straightened up. Bugs had crept up behind me and stood there staring, all wide-eyed with concern. I managed to plaster a smile onto my face and shook my head ferociously again.

  “Sure,” I said. “Thought I was coming down with something. Nothing keeps you healthy like cold water, right?”

  He gaped at me, then grinned and nodded. “That’s what I always say!” he proclaimed, and I knew he’d never said it once in his life.

  “I knew you were smart,” I said. “Where’s everyone off to today?”

  He made a show of pondering that, tapping his finger against his chin like he was three times his age. “Well,” he said, drawing out the word. “Think Bobs and Pika went to talk to that kid Zip you told us about. Wouldn’t that be swell, if they could bring him in? Those Bricks are awful nasty, but he’s not like the rest of them. And…Anuk was here a minute ago but he got in a gang fight last night so Kantian told him to stay at the Hole.”

  I wrinkled my brow. That wasn’t true, but I couldn’t figure out how I knew it.

  “What about Hayli?” I asked.

  Bugs scrunched up his nose. “She’s right behind you.”

  I spun around and saw Hayli across the enclosure from me, sitting on the ground with her knees pulled up, leveling a stone-faced stare straight at me. My heart hitched, and for a moment I forgot about breathing. Something about seeing her sent me into a fog of confusion—churning memories and that ache like despair that had rooted itself somewhere in my heart where I couldn’t reach it.

  I forced an easy grin. “Thanks. What about you? What’re you about today?”

  “Got the whole day off! Kantian said I could, ‘cause I got walloped by some of the Bricks yesterday. Like I said, they’re nasty folks!”

  I put my hands on both of his shoulders and bent to get a good look at him. His eye looked a bit swollen, rimmed with purple and green rings, and he had a long gash on his head that I hadn’t seen through his hair a moment ago. I frowned at him.

  “Who did this, Bugs? Someone I need to have a chat with?”

  His eyes got wider than ever. “Oh, no. Oh…no. You dan’ want to mess with those kids. They’ve got a couple mages and…”

  I straightened up. After all the times I’d talked to the Bricks, I’d never known any of them were mages.

  “What kind?” I asked.

  “They’ve got a Shard and a Flint.” He rolled back his sleeve, and my stomach twitched. The wide white bandage couldn’t hide the edges of the burn that covered his whole forearm. “That’s from the Flint. Stars, she was something canny mad!”

  “God,” I said, and tugged the sleeve back over the wound. “She?” Somehow I couldn’t imagine a girl doing something like that to a child. The thought made me sick. “Rivano’s got a Blood. Did you go see him yet?”

  Bugs’ fingers twitched, twisting in his shirt. “Nah,” he said, sounding shaky. “Not yet. It’s fine, Shade. I’m tough.”

  “Bugs,” I said, crouching down to look him in the eye. “Going to get help doesn’t mean you’re not tough. It means you’re brave, and strong.”

  “Really?”

  My face flushed—or Tarik’s face did—because I knew what a hypocrite I was. “Sure. It takes a strong man to ask for help.” I turned my face aside, and stood back up. “Go on. Go find the Blood and get that arm fixed. He’s pretty swell, once you get past the creepy.”

  “Right!” he hollered, and mock-saluted me, and bolted back into the Hole.

  I waited till the door had settled behind him, then turned to find Hayli. She still stared at me, stonier than I’d ever seen her, with something like contempt written all over her face. I set my jaw and wandered toward her.

  “Is that right, Shade?” she asked as I got closer. “Takes a strong man to ask for help, does it?”

  She bit her lip; I almost thought her eyes shone more than usual, like she was fighting tears. I ground my teeth. What had I done to her to make her so angry? That was the worst part…the most frightening thing about the night before. The notion that I might have—or could have—hurt her, and never known the difference. I shuddered.

  “What’d I do?” I murmured. She drew back as I reached her, fear and disgust warring in her eyes. I sighed and slumped against the wall near her, but not too near. “What’d I do wrong?”

  “You dan’ remember.”

  “No.” I snorted. “That was sort of the point.”

  She narrowed her eyes, chewing her lip. “What’s got into you lately? You’re never here. Always off when you haven’t even got a job to do. And Jig says you’ve got a mean streak these days—Jig! If Jig says it… If…” Her voice trailed off on a wisp of sadness. “But then you had that gun…and Anuk said… Anuk said…”

  “I had a gun?” I echoed. And suddenly I remembered Anuk’s arm, and what he’d said… Alarm and horror prickled over me, stopping my heart cold for what felt like an eternity. “Hayli. Did I do it?”

  She shot me a bitter look. “What do you think?”

  I pulled up my knees and rested my head against them, not caring how weak it made me seem. I was falling apart and I wasn’t even sure I wanted to stop it.

  “Why, Shade? Can’t you let me help you?” she asked. “I thought…I was so afraid we’d lost you last night.” She bit her lip, shaking the hair from her face. “You’ve got no ken what that would do to all of us, do you? If you need a reason to fight, isn’t that enough?”

  I wish, I thought. But if you knew the truth about me, you would all be lining up for a chance to pull the trigger on me, too.

  Hayli got up when I didn’t say anything. “I might not see you for a bit. Rivano’s got work for me.”

  “Rivano!” I said, picking up my head, but she was already halfway across the enclosure.

  I had to pull myself together. If Hayli had gotten an inside track to Rivano now, she’d be able to find things out. Maybe enough for me to end it all, if I could just find a way to get her to share what she learned…

  I dug my hands against my eyes and laughed. All the lies. That’s all that mattered. Lying, this poisonous game… Maybe Kor was right. It was all I lived for now. The moments of the chase were glorious, full of adrenaline and the fierce fire of competition. Calculating, maneuvering, persuading…winning the little victories and finally the ultimate conquest. And as soon as it was over…as soon as the chase had ended…I remembered what I was.

  I remembered what a monster I’d become.

  Chapter 4 — Hayli

  For a good five minutes, I stood in the corridor just outside the swirl of magic lights that marked the Clan’s wing, trying to spine up and soldier forward. They were just mages like me. I couldn’t be afraid of them. And…I had to find Rivano. After talking to Shade, then seeing him slip away again not minutes after, I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t know who could help him except Rivano, and Shade was running out of time.

  Finally I sighed and balled up my hands, and stepped forward. It felt different than the last time, when I’d come with Anuk all in a panic about Shade bleeding in the street. This time the light had a calmness to it that made it feel less like light and more like peace. I swallowed and headed on, tiptoeing though I didn’t know why.

  “You lost?”

  I jumped and spun about, only to find a mage I’d never seen before leaning against the wall just behind me. My skin prickled, but I managed to keep my voice steady-like as I asked,

  “Where’d you come from?”

  He smiled, crinkling the corners of his eyes. His hair was longer than mine and black as Jig’s, and his hands were covered in ebony marks, sinuous, circular patterns and sharp geometric edges from wrist to fingertips.

>   “I asked first,” he said.

  “You’re from Tulay?” I asked, because he had that kind of complexion.

  His green eyes sharpened, but he just pushed away from the wall and took a step closer to me. “Do you only know how to ask and never answer?”

  “I’m not lost,” I said.

  “I’m not from Tulay. And I came from there.” He nodded at the wall behind him.

  I scowled, moving to lay my hand against the wall. It felt solid, cold and solid, painted dark olive above the wood wainscoting.

  “I dan’ get what you mean.”

  He grinned and brought his hands up, planting his fingertips together at his lips. When he was sure he had my eye, he moved one hand and pressed it straight through the wall. I flinched back.

  “You can walk through walls?” I whispered.

  “More than that. Want to see?” he asked, and held out his hand.

  I stared at it, then at him. His eyes glinted in the strange light, and I got an odd little curling in my gut.

  “I’m looking for Rivano,” I said. “Dan’ have time for aught else.”

  “You’re Hayli, right? Kantian’s girl?”

  I glared at him. “I’m not Kantian’s girl. Not anybody’s.”

  “A’right, a’right,” he said. “Dan’ get tetchy on me. He’s down the hall, big room on the left.”

  I started to leave, but stopped and turned back just as the mage moved toward the wall. “Wait. What do they call you?”

  “Shiver.”

  I laughed, faintly. “No, I mean, what kind of mage are you?”

  “I’m a Rift,” he said.

  I nodded. “Nice to meet you, Shiver,” I said.

  He grinned and vanished through the wall. Shiver. A tag never fit anyone so well—except maybe Shade’s—because watching him walk straight through plaster and wood made me shudder all over. I wondered if maybe, when I got to be part of the Clan, I could give up my name and pick a tag that suited me. I wasn’t sure what I’d want, though. Maybe it was something someone had to give you.