The Madness Project (The Madness Method)

by Bralick, J. Leigh

  I laid my hand on Bugs’s head and closed my eyes, fighting back the tears with every ounce of my will.

  “I’ll make it worth it,” I murmured.

  “Get back,” Jig hissed, coming up behind me. “Leave him be!”

  I sighed and got to my feet, not caring if my eyes betrayed me. I’m not sure what it was—I know I didn’t Mask again—but Jig suddenly dropped a step away from me, his eyes widening, mouth agape. Behind him, I caught a glimpse of Coins watching me with a strange knowing smile.

  “Oy now, Shade?” Jig whispered. “Is that possible? You…you disguised yourself as Tarik?”

  I smiled. “Sorry,” I said. “You’ve got it backwards.”

  “No,” he hissed. “All this time? You liar! Wait, are you here to have us arrested? Did you turn us in? Is that what this was about, making us do all kinds of dodgy things so you could come kick us when we’d already gone to mat?”

  I shook my head. “If anyone is about to be arrested, it’s me,” I said. “Think about it, Jig. I’m a mage. What does that tell you?”

  His mouth opened, and for a good minute he just stared at me. “Oh,” he said finally. “I see.”

  But he still glared at me, like he wasn’t entirely sure what to make of me. I watched the other kids sitting in the dust behind him, because they’d heard enough of our conversation to guess the truth. Some of them looked positively excited. Pika had a kind of smug look on her face, and Coins just leaned back against the wall with his arms crossed, grinning. I imagined it would take a miracle to find anything that would surprise Coins.

  “Look, it’s still me,” I said to Jig. “I’m the same person I was.”

  “Shade wasn’t Tarik,” Jig said, withdrawing another step.

  I nodded, flicking a glance at Zagger. “No. Tarik was a pompous, self-absorbed idiot who didn’t care about anything. But he isn’t that person anymore.” I smiled, sad. “Shade changed him, made him better. Almost killed him in the process, but he came out stronger for it in the end.”

  Anuk crossed his arms, tossing his head back. “All fine and good. You’re Prince Tarik, so. Just tell me I’m not going to have to start bowing to you, because that’s not going to happen.”

  “I’m not a prince anymore,” I said quietly.

  Some of the skitters and a handful of the mages muttered in surprise at that.

  “I fought against you, once,” I added. “Will you let me fight for you now?”

  Jig didn’t move. He stared at me through the wild mess of his hair, face drawn and cold as stone. He had a haunted darkness in his eyes—I’d noticed it as soon as he had approached me. And somehow I thought I understood why. I just feared what it would do to him.

  “Don’t let what happened with Kantian change you,” I murmured. “We’ve both done things we’d take back if we could.”

  “You think I’d take that back? I wouldn’t. Not ever,” he snapped, and turned away. “Just leave us alone, Your Highness. Give us some peace, won’t you? We’ve been through enough today.”

  I snorted; I couldn’t help it. But I just nodded and turned away, because I didn’t really expect anything else from him.

  “Make yourselves comfortable,” I told Kor and Zagger. “I’m going to talk to the other mages.”

  “They might have the same reaction this lot did,” Kor said. “They might not be ready to have a royal—even an ex-royal—as a leader just yet.”

  I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. “Maybe I should just Mask as Shade and forget that I was ever Tarik,” I said. “But I can’t do that. Not yet anyway, not with my mother still in danger inside the palace.” I looked at Zagger. “I mean to go back for her. I wouldn’t put it past Trabin to…bypass the justice system. Court trials are so public, you know.”

  “One thing at a time, Tarik,” Kor said. “You’ve got no idea how long the road is you’re about to walk.”

  I nodded and turned away, leaving them to follow or stay as they chose—I rather didn’t care which. But I hadn’t gone ten steps when the air shimmered in front of me, and Derrin appeared out of nowhere. He stared at me, and I stared straight back. Then, before I could stop myself, I had him pinned against the wall with my revolver pressed against his temple. A second later I realized I had a ring of cold metal shoved against my own jaw.

  “You bastard,” I hissed. “It was always you! And all this time I trusted you!”

  “When have you ever trusted me?” Derrin asked.

  His hand tightened on my shoulder; I shoved my arm harder against his chest.

  “Going to kill me now?” I asked. “Is that what you mean to do? Because you’re just a mindless slave to those scientists and can’t make any decisions for yourself? Will you betray all your friends because they tell you to, or just me?”

  Derrin’s eyes widened, filling with something like horror.

  “Shade!” Coins shouted, suddenly striding toward us. “Derrin, Shade, cut it out! We can’t be turning on ourselves now, right? Drop those guns, both of you!”

  Derrin’s face turned rather pale, and I stifled a smile. Coins would know just how to save me from having to explain my identity.

  “Shade?” Derrin whispered. “That’s not…that’s not possible, is it?”

  I Masked my face, letting Shade glare murder at Derrin. “Oh, it’s possible. But I didn’t think this was possible. That I’d spend how many weeks living under the same roof as the man who tried to assassinate me?”

  “I didn’t know,” he said, turning his head aside. “I don’t even remember it. I swear to you, I don’t remember! You know what it’s like, don’t you, learning what terrible things you’ve done that you can’t remember?” Utter horror passed over his face, draining it of every last bit of color. He jerked his gaze back to me, his eyes searching mine with something like desperation. “Oh God, Shade. Hayli…”

  He pulled the gun from my jaw, letting it clatter to the ground. His hand pressed against his head, his brow all creased with confusion and terror. I lowered my own revolver, slowly, and released my grip on him.

  “Derrin? What’s wrong?”

  He tore at his hair, lips parted on a silent cry, eyes shining. I grabbed his shoulders and shook him, fiercely.

  “Derrin! What about Hayli?”

  “I betrayed her, Shade,” he whispered, the words thick with tears. “Just like you said. I thought I was telling her to find the other mages and tell them where we’re hiding, but…but I remember now. I triggered her. Sent her…” He doubled over his knees, shoulders shaking. “I sent her to the Ministry. Oh, no. Forgive me.”

  I took a step back, staring at him, numb. My hands shook, the fury boiling deep inside me until I could barely breathe. Slowly, I lifted the revolver. Aimed it right at Derrin’s heart. I couldn’t say a word. In the vague red corners of my vision I saw Coins and Zagger standing paralyzed. Kor with his hand hovering over the grip of his gun. The Hole skitters and the Clan mages in the background, watching, waiting.

  “Kill me,” Derrin said, lifting his head to meet my gaze. “Just do it. If this is what I am…if they will make me do this again and again…I’m better off dead.” He waited, lips trembling, then he threw his hands out at his sides and shouted, “Kill me!”

  He sank to his knees, head bowed, and waited. The muzzle of my revolver followed him, trained now on the top of his head.

  Kill him, the voice in my thoughts whispered. Kill him. Traitor assassin. You know you will never be able to trust him.

  I drew a thin, slow breath, and lowered my hand to my side. For a few endless moments I stood there, and Derrin knelt still, as broken and terrified as me. When I could finally make myself move again, I put away the gun and grabbed Derrin by the arms, pulling him to his feet. He kept his head bent and turned aside, but through the static bond I felt his shame and grief as strongly as if they were my own.

  “Derrin,” I said. He shuddered and raised his gaze to mine. “Help me.”

  He let out all his breath.
“How can you trust me to help you?”

  “Look at all the lies,” I said. My voice sounded thin and strained, lost in the emptiness. “We’ve all worn masks. Everyone wears a mask. We’ve hidden so much. Given so much. We’ve betrayed each other and hated ourselves for doing it. But not anymore.” I tightened my hands on his arms. “Not anymore, d’you hear? Help me. Help us mourn Bugs, and bury him so he can ride the stars in peace. Help me rally the mages and keep this place safe. And help me rescue Hayli, because I’ll die before I let anything happen to her in that place.”

  He straightened up, holding my gaze steadily for a long while. Then, just when I feared he would break and turn away, he lifted his hand and clasped my arm.

  “I will,” he said. “God help me, I will.”

  He released me and spun away, stalking away into the shadows. I almost feared he would Ghost and return to the Science Ministry, but I had to trust him. I’d made my choice.

  After a moment I realized Zagger had come up beside me. He folded his arms, his face calm and unreadable as he watched Derrin retreat. When we lost sight of Derrin behind a jumble of machinery, he turned and studied me quietly.

  “You really trust that kid, knowing what you know now?” he asked.

  “I have to, Zagger. I have few enough allies as it is.” I glanced toward the Hole rats, at Jig crouched in the shadows. “Besides, could I condemn him for a sin I carry? We all need a chance to be saved. God knows I’ve needed more than my share.” I sighed, rubbing a hand over my hand. “You were right, you know? You said this was a madness project, and it was.”

  Zagger bent his head. “You’re very brave, you know that, Your Highness?”

  “I’m not Your Highness anymore, Zag,” I said, laughing quietly. “And I don’t know how you can say that. I’ve been terrified from the day this all started.”

  He smiled. “Of course you were,” he said. “We’re all afraid of something. But it seems to me, a man proves his courage by what he does when he doesn’t feel brave.”

  “You make me ashamed,” I murmured. “I’m not very proud of most of the things I’ve done.”

  Zagger just smiled. “I didn’t say you had to be proud of them. But maybe you’ll find a reason to be proud of the man you’ve become.” He took a step away, giving me a small bow. “I know I am.”

  I didn’t watch him walk away. My face burned, and my heart burned, turning shame into confusion. I’d made a liar of myself and betrayed everyone I cared for. I’d caused the deaths of more good people than I could stand to count. I’d driven my country to the brink of war.

  But I swore to myself and Zagger, to Hayli and Bugs and the police sergeant, that I wouldn’t let any of it be in vain. And even if my mind was shattering and the night was fracturing around me, I would never let the world see me fall.

  I meant to live.

  And I meant to fight.

  Acknowledgements

  This book would never have come into existence without the patience and support of my family and friends. Major thanks are in order for my sister-muse Shannon, who has always helped me find my direction (and grammatical errors); for my mom, who is the most amazing person in the world and not just because she’s always willing to listen to me; and for Valerie and Natalie, my wonderful betas who helped me remember why I was writing this crazy book in the first place. Also, a huge thank you to April and Isaac (“Fedora”) for providing the awesome photo for the book cover. You guys are fantastic.

  Of course a huge thank you goes to my readers. You’re the reason I do what I do. Thanks for hanging in there with me and being so enthusiastic! You guys deserve cookies.

  About the Author

  J. Leigh Bralick is the author of The Lost Road Chronicles, a young adult fantasy trilogy, and slave to a dozen more works in progress. When she isn’t writing or studying for her nursing degree, she enjoys learning and experiencing new things, from beekeeping to microbiology to Krav Maga. She lives in a suburb of Dallas, TX where she kills every houseplant she tries to grow and has much better success growing wildflowers in the garden (read: weeds). In general, she is a fan of peanut butter, boots, things-that-are-not-pink, and the unexpected.

  Find Me Online:

  @JLeighBralick

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  Other Titles By J. Leigh Bralick

  Down a Lost Road — Lost Road Chronicles #1

  Subverter — Lost Road Chronicles #2

  Prism — Lost Road Chronicles #3