Falling into the White (The Ancients Series)

by Christine M. Butler

  “I know.” She exhaled a big breath, allowing the tension to roll out of her shoulders, and let it all go, just like that.

  “I wish I could do that.”

  “Do what?”

  “You just, breathed it all out, and let go right then. I could see it happening.”

  “Yeah, well, years of yoga and meditation had to teach me something, right?” She laughed softly. “Now, what are you going to do about Evan and this mystery woman? Jess, you can forgive a lot, but you’ll never be able to forget that. Knowing you, there won’t be any getting past it either.”

  “I know. How do you work through and move past something like that? I keep trying to figure it out in my head, but then, I wonder if that isn’t the point. Maybe, I’m not supposed to.”

  Ashley shrugged, “The only advice I am going to give you is that you have to go with where you find the most peace in your life. You have enough struggles, you need to be with a person who is going to lessen the burden, not add to it.”

  “I never would have thought that you, of all people, would be rooting for Mikael.”

  “Hey, I’m not telling you who I am rooting for. I don’t want to put my opinion on you after what the witch said. You’re trapped already in so many ways. I don’t want you pinned down by what you think I want for you too. I’m just saying, if you can get past it, and Evan will do better, then pick him. If not, Mikael seems to be doing a good job of handling things. That’s all.”

  “Gee, thanks for the help!” I let my sarcasm sit for moment as I pulled at my shirt nervously. “Seriously, thanks for trying to not add to any of the crap I have going on.”

  “Jess, I’m always going to be on your side, no matter what your choices are.”

  “I know. I love you too!”

  “Hey, now! I never said I love you.”

  “Yes you did, you just didn’t realize it!”

  “Whatever.” She reached over and hugged me again, and this time we both held on for a good long while.

  “I guess we better go get Asi some lunch, since you promised and all. Hopefully, Evan will stay put wherever he is. I don’t think I can deal with seeing him right now.” I sighed, and got up off the couch to grab my bag.

  “No matter what you end up choosing, I really would like to punch him in the mouth one good time, at least. If the opportunity ever arises, I’m taking it.”

  I smiled over at Ashley then. “Good, add a little extra oomph for me!”

  LUNCH FROM HELL

  “What did you guys pick up?” Asi asked as he opened the back door to the club. We had parked around front, but couldn’t get anyone to answer the door there, so we had to walk our haul all the way around.

  “Chinese!” Ashley was giddy as she said it.

  “Mmm, I was just telling you that I haven’t had Chinese in quite some time.” He smiled at her as he took some the bags she was carrying.

  “It all makes sense now,” I added.

  “What makes sense?” Asi set the bags down on a table in the lounge area, and came back for the bags I was carrying.

  “Well, I was down for just grabbing some pizza, and Ashley wouldn’t hear of it. So, here we are, satisfying your cravings!” I batted my eye lashes at him, and grinned really big. He just laughed as removed me of my burdens, and set them down on the table too.

  “The stock crew just took off for lunch, so I’ll go grab us drinks.”

  “I’ll help.” Ashley jumped up and went with Asi. Personally, I didn’t care to help. I was just ready to dig into some food, because I was starved. I started dishing some of it out on a plate for myself while I waited for them to come back. When I was happy with what was on my plate they still weren’t back, so I took my phone out to check messages. There were two texts from Mikael. None from Evan.

  Hey, Jess! I hope you’re day is going well. Jackie says to tell you hi, and come back to see her sometime. The puppies miss you! I’ll be leaving here soon, let me know if you need anything.

  That had been from earlier when I was hanging out with Ashley. Then there was another text from Mikael about fifteen minutes ago.

  Jess, my dad called a meeting with us, not sure how long we’ll be. I’ll let you know. If you need anything call, otherwise stick close to Ashley and Asi until we’re done.

  Just having lunch with Asi and Ash. Sorry, didn’t see your messages before now. Hope all goes well with Antoine. Let me know when you’re done.

  I hit send then, because the first time I typed it I wrote, see you later? At the end, and I wasn’t exactly sure what possessed me to do that. I put my food down then, to be polite and wait for my friends to come back, but that just gave my mind time to worry about things I didn’t really want to focus on, like time spent in a the hot springs caves with a certain person. I was feeling the flush of heat from the memory as Ash came back in the room, looking a little rumpled, and handed me a coke. “Is it sanitary?” I laughed as I took the drink.

  “What?” She asked, but she couldn’t hid the blush creeping up her cheeks.

  “Yeah, you know what. Might want to fix your hair, Ash!” She put her drink down and started fussing with the unruly curls on her hair, trying to smooth it down more. When she grew frustrated enough I laughed. “I think you got it now.”

  “Oh, you’re an asshole, Jessica!” I was laughing so hard I nearly spilled my drink, so I put it down.

  “Come on, I couldn’t resist, and seriously you put your shirt on backwards. So, it was obvious.”

  Ashley looked down and saw that a tiny bit of tag was hanging out of what she thought was the front of her shirt. “Oh my God! I can’t believe…” She started to leave the room again, then looked back at me, “I’ll be back in a minute. Not a word from you, missy!”

  I mimed zipping my mouth shut, but laughed through it, so I don’t think it meant much. Ashley flipped me off as she headed for the bathroom.

  “Where’s she headed?” Asi asked as he came back in. I looked him over, and he seemed put together really well. I figured he’d taken him his time coming back for a reason.

  “Her shirt is on backwards.” I said with a completely straight face, and picked up my coke again.

  “Oh.” Asi looked away, and then seemed to be distracted by everything else in the room all of a sudden.

  “Whatever, Asi. Not like I’m ten years old or something. As long as you guys got me a clean coke, I don’t care what you’re doing when you sneak off for drinks!”

  Asi eyed me for a minute. “You are too astute for your own good sometimes. So, how’s everything been? No more visits from Sophia, I hope?”

  “No witches that I’ve seen.”

  “Good. How about everything else? You able to keep up with your man meat schedule okay? Not slipping the salami in on a date when you’re supposed to be with the bologna and shit are you?” There was a twinkle of delight in his dark eyes as Asi teased me.

  “The fact that you just compared them to lunchmeats is disturbing, Asi! And they aren’t getting slipped anywhere, either of them.” I was red-faced while Asriel laughed, and Ashley joined him. She had snuck in sometime during the conversation, and I hadn’t noticed.

  “You deserved that, for the hair thing.” She told me.

  “What hair thing?” Asi asked.

  “Brat there was messing with me when she saw my shirt was backwards. She told me my hair was all out of whack.”

  “In her defense, it probably was a little bit.” Asi ducked as he said it. Ducking didn’t help, she got a pretty good hit in on his shoulder.

  “Um, anyway, I’m really hungry, and I’ve been kind enough to wait for you guys to do your thing, and then get straightened back out. So, if you don’t mind…” I picked up my plate then. As if on cue, the back door to the club started to open as soon as I tried to take my first bite. Mikael walked in wearing his typical jeans, t-shirt, leather jacket, and boots. Man, did he make it all look might fine too. I put my empty fork back down on my plate, and just enjoyed the view whil
e I chewed.

  “What are you doing here?” Asi asked him, rudely. Then he looked at me, “Did you invite him here? Of all the places, Jess!” I hadn’t even answered, I was just shaking my head, about to choke on the one bite of food that made it into my mouth. I swallowed hard, trying to make it all go down in one gulp. I should have known noodles were not going to go over well today. I was taken aback by Asi accusing me of inviting Evan’s brother on a date in his club. That was just tacky. Mikael moved closer to me, and answered before I could get my mouth clear though.

  “My father sent word that Evan and I were supposed to meet him here,” Mikael looked as though he were about to say more, and judging from the look on his face they weren’t going to be very nice words either, but then the back door banged open again.

  This time Evan walked in, followed by a woman I’d never seen before. She had long, flowing, golden-blond hair with just enough bounce to make women in shampoo commercials jealous. She was laughing though, and I knew the sound of that laugh. A sick feeling settled in my stomach. And I turned an accusing eye on Asriel, because if Evan was parading her through the club, Asi surely must know her or seen her with Evan before. The mystery woman was also way too close to Evan, her hand tucked around his arm in a possessive manner. As if to add insult to injury, Evan looked over, and when he noticed me, he rudely asked, “What are you doing here?”

  To my complete surprise, Asriel jumped up in front of me protectively, and spoke up. “Ash and Jess came by to bring me lunch. None of us knew you’d be having a meeting here until a minute ago when Mikael walked in.” At the mention of Mikael’s name, the girl standing behind Evan perked up and looked around Evan to find him. Mikael was noticeably shocked at seeing her there, whoever she was. There was a moment when he looked from Evan to the woman, and then back at me. He was trying to work out what was going on. He could join the club, because I was just as clueless. Then he said one word, well a name really, “Clarissa?”

  “In the flesh, love!” She added cheerfully, then crooned, “oh, I see you’ve been growing your hair a bit. It definitely works for you!” Mikael stepped back as if someone had slapped him, then he slid further over towards me, as if to block my view. No, that wasn’t it, he stepped in front of me, just as Asi had. It was a protective gesture. Before he did it though, I could tell that Evan was none too happy with the way Clarissa addressed Mikael.

  My heart was running a rapid-fire beat through my chest. Part of me wanted to leap across Mikael and strangle that bitch for talking to him. The other part wanted to strangle Evan instead for what he’d done to break that tiny part inside of me that still had hope for something between us. My head was seriously screwed. I did the only thing I could at that point. I closed my eyes for a second, and started counting slowly in my head while trying to keep calm. Asriel turned to me and Ashley before I could finish getting myself under control. “Come on, we’ll take our lunch somewhere else.” He leaned down, closing containers when another voice rose up from behind me, having come in from the front of the club.

  “Maybe Jessica should stay for our little meeting.” It was Antoine, and he was throwing off power, trying to make sure everyone bent to his will. I’m not sure how the others felt, but to me it was like a stinging slap landing in all my sensitive spots. I was too pissed off to feel much more than that though.

  I shook off the invasion, and turned to face Antoine. His eyes darkened as I looked him over. Clearly, he knew what I was about to attempt. “I’d rather not.” I grabbed my bag, and pushed past the miniature man blockade that was Asi and Mikael. I was heading for the back door, ready to leave with my friends.

  “It really wasn’t a request.” He tossed the words out on a wave of power that threatened to choke me as I took one more step toward the back door.

  A small scream of frustration escaped my lips, followed closely by an animalistic growl, and I rounded on Antoine then, absolutely sick of his shit. His dark hair was cropped close to his scalp, which leant itself to the very masculine, intimidating aura he had. I didn’t care how scary he looked though. I had reached my limit, finally. “I am done with this! If you want me to cooperate, you need to ask, and do it nicely!” I stalked forward, getting closer to him with each step. All the while my own power was fighting the aching burn he was sending through my bones. Mikael stepped forward, trying to get between me and Antoine. I shook my head no, and he actually bowed his head to me and backed off. Evan never even made an attempt to move. He was just waiting and watching. I focused on Antoine again and pulled my own power forward. “I am sick and tired of being everyone’s pawn. You-telling me who the fuck to date. Evan-blaming me for what you’re forcing me to do…” I took a deep breath, stalked a couple steps closer, and continued. “I’ve been kidnapped, shot, tortured, and caged. I’ve been warned by a witch that one of them…” I pointed to Evan and Mikael, “would destroy me. But of course, she couldn’t tell me which one, because that would be too easy. I have to figure it out on my own. And now, when I want nothing more than to walk away before I rip that bitch’s throat out, I have you demanding that I stay!” I was right in his face now, and the rest of the room was so silent I wasn’t sure anyone was actually breathing in that moment. “Well, I am going to decline your invitation, even if I have to feel the burn of your power for the rest of the day to do it.” With that I turned to leave with an extremely stunned Asriel, and Ashley, who was beaming with pride.

  “Jessica, before you go…” Antoine had a cruel smile written all over his face when I looked back over my shoulder. “Which of my sons were you willing to rip Clarissa’s throat out over?” I looked at Evan, and then Mikael, but I didn’t answer that sick son of a bitch. Instead, I turned and walked away.

  IT MATTERS

  We walked out the back door, around the corner, and climbed into my Jeep. My hand was shaking so bad that Asi took the keys from me and asked if he could drive me instead. I agreed, handed them over, and climbed into the backseat with Ashley. Asi walked around the Jeep and got in the driver’s side. “Back to the apartment, then?”

  “Yes, please.” I answered, and then no one spoke for the remainder of the ride. Ashley kept glancing at me with pride and wonder written all over her delicate features. It didn’t take long to get there, and still no one spoke as we opened the door and went inside. As soon as the door was closed though, I think Asi must have felt a little more comfortable, because he nearly collapsed right there.

  “For the love of all that we are and will ever be…” Asi started reciting the beginning of one of the old werewolf creeds, akin to a prayer humans would say to their god. “Do you have a care for your own safety, Jess?”

  “Of course I do, Asi. I just, well, I freaking snapped okay? I’ve had enough of this whole situation. It hasn’t been that long since Marcus, and I can’t keep doing this. Maybe I’m flawed. Maybe being the white wolf makes me not want to bow down to anyone. I don’t know. I just couldn’t.”

  “Don’t apologize, Jess.” Ashley said to me, as she sat on the couch.

  “I understand how you feel, Jess, but maybe have a care for those around you. Ashley is a new wolf. Guilt by association could cost her a lot when you force her to walk away with you.”

  “I didn’t force her…” I started.

  Asi held his hands up in protest. “I know she went willingly, but your friendship is a bond I have never seen the likes of before. You would both eagerly walk through fire for one another. I’m just asking that you think about how openly defying Antoine, before you’re ready, could backfire. He will hit you where it hurts. You would hurt for Ashley, and he knows it.”

  “You’re right. I’m sorry. I will be more careful. I just couldn’t deal with any more crap from that family today.” With the thought of Clarissa sharp in my mind now, I turned to Asi, eyes narrowed and asked the question that I had been wanting to ask since we left De’ Lune’s. “Did you know?”

  “I didn’t know they were going to be there for a meeting, Je
ss. No one told me.”

  “That’s not what I’m asking.”

  “I don’t understand.” Asi seemed sincere in that, but I wasn’t sure.

  “Clarissa. Did you know about her and Evan?”

  “Jess, I didn’t know Clarissa was in town until a few minutes ago when she walked in with Evan. I haven’t seen her at all. I swear that to you. I owe Evan my fealty, but I would never stand by an action that would humiliate you. You have no choice in what is happening with the brothers. He has every choice. Please, believe that I wouldn’t condone it.” His dark eyes were shining, as if covered in a sheen of moisture as he spoke. “I will get to the bottom of that situation, and pull the truth from him, if you request it of me.”

  “Don’t worry, Asi. I wouldn’t ask that of you. I just wanted to know if you knew.”

  “Maybe she just got here, and he was escorting her to his father?” Asi offered hopefully.

  “Not according to what I heard on his phone earlier.” I hissed, not meaning to.

  “What exactly did you hear?”

  “You know what? I need a drink. Ashley, you can fill him in if you want.” I wandered into the kitchen and grabbed the bottle of vanilla rum I kept there, along with some coke from the fridge, and started mixing. I was pouring the rum in a glass, and ended up with probably three shots worth in it before I added the coke. Yeah, it was that kind of day. I stirred twice, picked the glass up, and knocked it back. Then I made another. I grabbed the glass, the rum, and some more coke, and headed back into the living room.

  “Jess, I want to apologize again,” Asi said when I came back into the living room. “I wish I had known. I would never have told you guys to come. Honestly, I was hoping Evan would drop by, so you two could work some things out. I didn’t have any clue that something else might be going on.”

  “It’s not your fault, Asi. It really isn’t. I can’t stop going places and being with my friends for fear of what I might see when I’m there. And honestly, if I have to fear seeing things like I did today, then I’m walking down the wrong path anyway.” I took a big swig of my drink. “I am so not that girl.”