Falling into the White (The Ancients Series)

by Christine M. Butler

  “You don’t seem surprised by what I’m telling you.”

  “I’m not surprised about the white wolf histories. I knew that part. I just always thought that Evan had already triggered it. I figured you didn’t understand what it meant that he did.” Now, emotion started breaking through whatever façade he had built up. “All this time, I thought I was just the second choice because Evan cheated, Jess. I thought he was supposed to be here, not me. I had no clue that you hadn’t… White wolves bond in two ways. First by triggering the heat cycle only for the mate they choose to be with, and then in an actual bonding the way the others do it.”

  “I can’t believe you’ve been thinking you were just the runner-up all this time. Did I not do enough to let you know how I felt? Or why?” I stopped thinking then, and just acted. I slipped from my chair right over to Mikael’s lap, straddling his legs with my own, and leaned into him. My hands traced the features of his face, the pronounced jaw line that was always lined with a shadow of facial hair, the cheekbones, and just under them where dimples would appear when he smiled. He closed his eyes as I traced my fingers over each feature, and then moved my hands through his hair, to grasp the back of his head, and pull him closer to me. “Let me show you that you are the choice I made, not a consolation prize.” I kissed over his eyes and then his cheeks. Finally, my lips flickered, feather light over his. Then I brought them down harder. I worshiped his mouth with my own, and only broke away long enough to whisper in his ear. “You are my choice, because no one else shined as bright.” I kissed my way to his other ear then. “You are my choice, because you never walked away.” Again, I switched sides, moving slowly, trailing kisses as I went. “You are my choice, because I left my heart with you in a moment of weakness, and you cared for it, filled it, and freed it without asking for a thing in return.” I kissed him again, before whispering in his other ear. “There was no choice. There was only you. There is only you.” When I moved back in to kiss him again, I realized his cheek was wet.

  “God, Jess.” His voice was thick with emotion as he spoke, and I kissed a tear away. It lingered, salty on my lips. “I am so in love with you.” He didn’t give me a chance to respond. This time, his lips were on mine, taking from me, everything I had to give. When we finally broke away again he whispered, “mine,” into my ear.

  I put my hand over his heart, and whispered right back. “Mine.”

  “Always.”

  ROSES AT DAWN

  “Always.” That one word played on instant repeat in my head as we kissed. I would have been content to stay there, glued to Mikael, but my parents returned. We heard them coming in the front door, and I moved off his lap, and into my own chair before they hit the kitchen. As they entered the room and started moving about, my eyes never left Mikael’s. They were vividly green and shining brightly as he smiled, his dimples just barely visible. I was mesmerized by that look, enough that my father had to clear his throat and repeat himself again.

  “For Christ’s sake, can we put the lovey-dovey stuff on hold for a minute, and discuss the state of things?” My dad’s gruff voice was drowned out by my mom laughing as I turned narrowed eyes back on my dad.

  “What would you like to know? Antoine is still pushing to get us bonded before the solstice. He claims it’s because he has to get back to his estate. He is allowing Ashley to finish out her degree, since she only has a semester left, but I have to drop out of college, and no other wolves will be allowed to attend human-run schools.”

  “Damn it!” My father threw the hand towel he’d picked up across the room. “I was afraid something like this would happen while he’s here. He told me about the schools, but I was hoping it was just a bluff to get your cooperation.”

  “It’s my fault, I’m sorry. I pissed him off, and he used Ashley against me.”

  “He may have used Ashley against you, but believe me when I say, he was going to do something like this anyway.” Mikael spoke with authority on the subject. “He can’t exactly be seen as a ruler if he’s not actually making rules. If it weren’t the school thing, it would have been something else. It may still be something else, so keep your secrets close, and make sure the rest of your pack understands that as well.”

  My father nodded to him, then turned to me. “We still need to discuss the latest dream you had, Jess.” He looked back and forth between Mikael and I. “We can do it now, or later.”

  “Now’s good. I was just going to tell Mikael about it anyway.” My mom handed me a cup of coffee and I took a sip before I started. “There was a tall man, he’s bigger than Jack by a few inches at least. He had blond, longish hair.” I pointed to my shoulders to indicate the length. “Brown eyes. Oh, and there was a tattoo on his arm. It was a wolf’s face, mouth open, teeth bared, ready to chomp down on a long stemmed bit of purple flowers.”

  “That’s Avery Daniels. The wolf eating the wolf’s bane is his own personal ‘no fear’ symbol.” My dad seemed amused by the idea, as did Mikael. Must have been a guy thing. Having been on the wrong end of wolf’s bane when I was kidnapped and tortured by Marcus.

  “Anyway, he was there, and he was talking to Jack and Andy. I didn’t see Tom, but there were others gathered too. They looked like they were going out for a hunt, because Avery was giving direction.”

  “Well, what was he saying?” Mikael asked.

  “I have no clue. My visions don’t come with audio. The only time I hear anything is when the wolves are speaking to me, or when the witch broke into my dream that one time.” I looked down at the hands I had wrapped around the coffee mug, stealing its warmth for myself. “I’m trying to figure out how to turn the volume on, or up, or whatever. So far, no luck though. When I asked the wolves about it, they told me everything comes as needed.” I huffed in frustration then. “I’m beginning to think that’s their shady way of saying, ‘who knows.’”

  “Well let’s try to figure out what’s going on with Daniels’ pack, and go from there. I’ll give him a call.” My dad left the kitchen, and headed back to the study that was tucked into his master suite.

  “Jess,” my mom called out to me as she noticed the bowl and spoon on the counter where I’d left them. “Were you going to make something?”

  “Pancakes.” I laughed when I turned to look at Mikael. “I got distracted with everything else going on.”

  “Yes, I see how that could happen,” she gave me a knowing look then pulled the mix out of the cabinet above her, and sat it down on the counter next to the bowl. “I’m heading into town to do some shopping. Try not to burn my kitchen down while I’m gone.”

  Mikael laughed, “oh no, you didn’t tell me you were a horrible cook. Maybe I should rethink some things.”

  “You’re both horrible people. I can make pancakes! It’s not like they’re difficult.”

  My mom grabbed her purse, and stopped on her way out of the kitchen to lean down near Mikael, “the fire extinguisher is under the sink.”

  “Good to know.” He answered back.

  “I can still hear you!” I called out as I started putting ingredients together. “Jerks!”

  A moment later, my mom was gone, and Mikael was standing right behind me. He leaned over by my ear as he wrapped an arm around me, and grabbed the spoon. “You know, I am a fantastic cook. I can help you out, if you want.”

  I leaned back, just a little, enough that my back was resting on his chest, and I closed my eyes and just let my other senses take over for a minute. I stood there, appreciating the woodsy, masculine scent that was all Mikael, feeling the warmth coming off of him in waves, and the tiny hairs near the nape of my neck that were tickling me as his breath pushed them around. It was one moment, stolen, and I wished that I could have lived in it forever. There was a sweet, simple kind of bliss involved in that one act of him putting his arm around me to help, and feeling his presence envelop me. “Okay,” I whispered, because I didn’t want him to go anywhere.

  “Jess, focus! If you keep purring while you le
an into me like that, I’m going to have to take you to another room, and we won’t be having pancakes for breakfast.” I wasn’t even aware that I was moving against him or making any noise at all.

  “Um, maybe a little space is a good thing, I said stepping out of his embrace finally.”

  Mikael laughed then. “Well, I’m not going to lie and say I’m not a little disappointed. I was kind of hoping for the other room option.” He winked at me, and those adorable dimples took up residency in his cheeks as he smiled playfully.

  “Just stir the batter, I’ll get the pan ready.”

  We were half way through eating when Mikael got a phone call. “Damn, the contractor needs me on site, apparently there’s a problem with the electrical guy.” He shoveled another bite of pancake in his mouth. “These were really good!”

  “Well, you made them.”

  “Yeah, but you inspired them. That makes everything better.” He smiled at me and leaned in for a quick kiss. “What do you have planned for today?”

  “Just a quiet day. I might go for a swim later at the lake or something.”

  “Okay, I’ll come back later and join you, after I get this mess taken care of. I was hoping to be operational by next week, but there’s been one damn thing after another hanging the project up.”

  “Go, take care of your stuff. I’ll be around when you get back.”

  Once Mikael was gone, I cleaned up, and then went back up to my room to grab my phone. That’s when I found the message from Ashley.

  Call me ASAP. What the hell is going on? Asi is leaving.

  “Shit!” I swore under my breath as I dialed Ashley. When she picked up, I could tell she had been crying. “Ashley, what’s going on?”

  “I was hoping you could tell me,” she sniffled. “First, I get word that attending human colleges is banned now. Then a message was delivered that I would be allowed to finish up my degree since I was so close, and it was in a field that could be useful to the pack.” She huffed, “I don’t even technically belong to a pack, do I? Whose pack? And then, to top all that confusion off, I get a call from Asi this morning telling me that he has to get his shit together and be prepared to join Evan by the end of the week.”

  “I got a surprise visit from Antoine this morning.” I told her, and took a breath, because I honestly wasn’t sure where to start. “I made him wait, and pissed him off, about a few things. He was trying to punish and control me with the decree about the schools. He knew I could ignore him and keep going. He used you to make me bow to his will. He told me that if I willingly gave it up, you could continue. So, I did.”

  “Jess! You had plans too,” she whispered.

  “Plans change, Ashley, and you’re too close to be forced to quit.” I sat on the edge of my bed before I started in on the rest. “Antoine was here to gloat. He thought Evan had just discovered his old love and taken off, out of the country without telling me.”

  “Did he?”

  “Does it matter? I told Evan he wasn’t my choice. What he decided to do after that was none of my business.”

  “Yeah, I guess so.”

  “Antoine thought he was hurting me by telling me about it first. That’s when I had to explain to him that no one bothered to let him know I had already made my decision and it wasn’t Evan.”

  “I bet that was a bite on the ass for him.”

  “It was, and at the same time, he was happy about it, because it meant he got his way about Mikael. Then he tried to insinuate I would be going through this all over again with Mikael and Malachai this time.”

  “WHAT? He can’t do that! Mal is bonded already!”

  “Yes, well, that’s what I said, but he was quite clear that bonds could be broken. He made the threat in front Annabelle and Malachai. She was devastated, and sick enough, Mal seemed interested. I let him know, there was no way in hell that was going to happen. Ever. He doesn’t have the ability to make do it anymore. Not unless he were to attack my friends or family and try to force it that way. He did, finally, seem content in the fact that I was going to be with Mikael. Although, he wasn’t happy that we were planning on taking our time going about things.”

  “Jess, this whole thing is a mess! There’s something fundamentally wrong with that family.”

  “Don’t I know it? And look at me, stuck right in the middle of it, because one way or another my wolf and I want one of them.”

  “Couldn’t you want someone from a family that raises fluffy bunnies for a living, or volunteers at children’s hospitals for kicks?”

  “Or someone who rescues animals? I got that, Ash, he just comes with family baggage.” I thought for a minute about Ashley’s limited choices where Asi and school were concerned. “What are you going to do, Ash?”

  “I don’t know. If I leave with him, I can kiss my degree goodbye. If I don’t go with him, maybe I’m kissing him goodbye for a piece of paper I won’t ever get to use.” She was crying again, and I couldn’t blame her.

  “Talk to him, Ash. Maybe he’ll decide to stay with you, now that you’re bonded, instead of following Evan on his latest run-away adventure.”

  “He can’t, Jess. He’s been ordered to go with Evan, and make sure he stays safe.”

  “I swear, Antoine’s racking up reasons for me to be less than kind when this white wolf thing finally kicks in.”

  “I wish you could jumpstart it so that happens sooner, rather than later.”

  “Me too, Ash. We’ll figure things out. Maybe, you can go join Asi as soon as exams are done, and then come back for the last semester. By then, maybe things will be different. It’s not the end of the world, and you don’t have that much longer in school anyway.”

  “You’re right. I just worry that once he’s gone, he’ll want to stay gone.”

  “Are you kidding, Ash? I’ve seen the way Asi looks at you. I promise, he had to be ordered to go for a reason. That man has an Ashley addiction that only you can fill.”

  “You’re ridiculous, but thanks for that.” Ashley actually managed a small laugh, and for that I was thankful. “What are you up to for the rest of the day?”

  “I was going to go for a swim or something until Mikael gets done with stuff at the rescue. I can come over instead, if you want me there.”

  “No, it’s okay. You go relax. Asi’s coming back in a little while. He only has a week left here, and then he has to go, so I’m going to make sure I give him plenty of reasons to want to come back to me.”

  “That’s my girl! You show him what he’s going to be missing! I promise, he’ll be asking for all kinds of time off, until they’re so annoyed with him, that they have to cut him loose.” Ashley laughed again, which was what I had intended. “Hey, I saw Jack in my dream last night.”

  “How was he?” A tinge of worry coated her question, and I couldn’t blame her for that.

  “He’s good. He looked like he was giving them hell there! My dad is putting in a phone call in to Avery’s pack. I’ll let you know later, as soon as we know how everything’s going.”

  “Thanks, Jess. I worry about him too, in the middle of all of this. I really hope he finds Zach, and rips him a new asshole though. That piece of shit still needs to pay for his part in what Marcus did to you.”

  “He will, Ash. Go, get ready for your man to come home. I’m going to go work off all the stress the hard way, a run, a swim, and exhaustion.”

  “You know, there is a much more fun way to work off your frustrations!”

  “So I’ve been told.”

  “You would know for yourself, if you’d just give in and follow all the cues your body’s been giving you!”

  “Okay, I am totally not talking about it right now. It’ll happen when it’s supposed to. Bye, Ash!” I hung up then to what sounded suspiciously like Ashley calling me a prude. There wasn’t a moment in the past few months that I wasn’t thinking about what it would be like to finally experience having sex. And I certainly didn’t need any reminders or encouragement on that fr
ont.

  I grabbed the bag I usually used for camping, and without bothering to empty it, I started tossing in my beach towel, some suntan lotion, and a book. The lake was calling my name, and so was a little bit of relaxation and fun in the sun. Once I had everything together, I went to the kitchen to grab some bottles of water, crackers, grapes, and a couple apples. I always got hungry when I was there swimming.

  “Heading to the lake?” My mom was standing in the doorway between the kitchen and living room watching me.

  “Yeah, I need some serious downtime after dealing with Antoine this morning.”

  “Is Mikael going to be joining you?”

  “Probably, later. He had some things to go take care of first.”

  “Jess, before you go, I want to talk to you about…” My mom got quiet and looked away. “Well, your father probably won’t agree with what I’m about to say, but to hell with it. You don’t have to wait and do everything formally. I know that you’re trying to make sure it’s right this time, but with your heat cycle having come and gone, and discovering what that means for you as a white wolf, maybe you should just do whatever feels right for you, and not worry about anyone else.”

  “Mom, are you telling me to go get this bonding thing over with?” I was laughing at her, but I stopped when I saw she was completely serious.

  “I’m just saying that you don’t have to be on anyone else’s time line anymore. Do what feels right, when you decide to, not because you’re forced into it, or because someone wants to be a part of it. It’s your moment. We can have a ceremony later, celebrating the fact that it’s been done.”

  I walked over and hugged my mom then. “Why didn’t you say that to me when it was Evan?”

  “I don’t know. We’ve all been through a lot since then, and you’ve definitely proven that you know what’s best for you. I’m just saying, that you’ve been right so far. Trust yourself, and go with it.”