Amy Sumida - Light as a Feather (Book 14 in The Godhunter Series)

by Unknown

  I'm not talking about being innocent of everything. Of course we all have our fair share of guilt and there are definitely monstrous people out there who deserve to die, but as far as war goes; we are all just fighting for what we believe. There was another quote that always came to my mind when I contemplated war.

  “Nothing except a battle lost can be half so melancholy as a battle won,” I whispered and Toby frowned a little in confusion. “War is hell,” I shrugged and simplified the quote. “We do horrible things that we have to live with later. I do understand you, Toby, and I'll even do you one better. I forgive you. Not forgiving you would cost me too much I think. So you have your forgiveness but it comes with a caveat.”

  “What's that?” His eyes had gone wide.

  “That you will forgive me all that I feel I must do to stop you and your brother. All's fair,” I shrugged.

  “In love and war,” he finished with an awed tone.

  Then he pulled me from the bed, dropping us both to the floor as his arms went around me. He was murmuring his gratitude into my hair, his arms stroking my back, but I wasn't interested in his appreciation at the moment. I'd been through some traumatic days and I needed comfort, someone to hold me and let me cry a bit.

  So I hugged him back and rested my head against his chest, taking comfort where I could find it. He tensed, sensing the change in me I think, and his words turned into kisses, gentle kisses along my hairline. He shifted me into his lap, so that he held me more like one would hold a child, and started stroking my arms and hair soothingly.

  I totally lost it. Bawling like a baby in the arms of my enemy. Maybe it was weak but everyone has their breaking point and I knew it would be far better to break there, in Toby's arms, than strapped to the stone altar with Ata's blood flowing down my throat. I needed that moment to strengthen my resolve, to help me recuperate mentally enough to be able to face the sun again come morning.

  To Toby's credit, he didn't use it against me. He didn't say much at all, just made soothing nonsense sounds until I was able to pull myself together. When I did finally pull away, he helped me back up into the bed and handed me my mug of chocolate like nothing had happened. I sipped at it, embarrassed even though he wasn't saying a word, then I made a face at him.

  “It's cold,” I complained, lifting my mug of un-hot chocolate, and he laughed outright, dispelling the awkwardness immediately.

  “Here,” he took my mug and carried his along with mine into the bathroom. He tossed the contents down the sink and then came back and refilled our mugs from the thermos. “Try that,” he handed me my mug again.

  “Better,” I smiled a little at him. “Much better, thank you.”

  “You're welcome,” his eyes went terrifyingly tender.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  I don't know how long it went on for, the daily routine of being tied to that damn cross until Naye came to take me down and force blood down my throat. All day the sun would weaken my defenses and Atahensic's blood would seep further into my mind, coloring my memories over with new ones. I would fight them until my head felt like it was home to a nest of hornets, just buzzing and stinging me from the inside. Then Naye would come and ask me who I was. I'd tell him I was the Godhunter and he wasn't the first idiot to try and drive me insane. Bring it on, sunny-boy. Then he would take me back to that corpse and force her blood down my throat.

  Everyday that is, until the blood ran out. One night, Toby went to cut into Atahensic's corpse and nothing came out of the wound. He'd looked up at Naye in shock but Naye only smiled.

  “Now you have all of her memories,” Naye said victoriously. “You are full of my beloved. It's only a matter of time until she eclipses you.”

  From then on, our routine dwindled down to just the roasting during the day and the healing at night. The only reprieve I had came from Toby. Whenever Naye left the territory, Toby would take me down, soothe my burned skin as best he could, and make me something to eat. Then we'd talk until Naye returned.

  There was so much of Mrs E in Toby. She was a goddess of change and rivers and the more I talked with him, the more I realized how the magic had stayed very similar through the generations of his family. Mr T had obviously passed his sun magic to Naye but Mrs E's magic had taken a more subtle route. Toby had become a god of water, ever changeable, but he was also a god of darkness, the opposite to Naye's light.

  Then came Naye's sons, another set of twins who were gods of light and darkness. Naye, with his healing feather, had passed that ability to Teharon, who was also considered a god of light. Then the darkness of Tobadzistsini had been passed to Tawiskaron, though it had gotten a little darker in the transfer. It made a lot of sense. It was one of the many things I talked about with Toby. One of the many things we agreed upon. Too bad there was still that one big issue that we didn't.

  “So Naye passed down his healing magic,” I observed. “Did your feather's magic get passed down with the darkness?”

  “The vanquishing?” He considered it. “If it did, it was altered into Tawiskaron's destruction magic, the mutating ability he had.”

  “Is it difficult to have half of your power within a feather?” I gestured to the feather, where it hung at the end of his braid.

  “All of it is within our feathers,” he corrected.

  “Oh, right,” I remembered how Mrs E had said the same thing once. “So if I stole your feather, I could vanquish you?” I teased.

  “Yes,” he said soberly, his eyes widening as if he were surprised that he'd admitted it to me. Then he seemed to make a decision and carried on. “You'd hold my life in your hands. It's why we always have them braided into our hair.”

  “Like Samson,” I said softly. “Your power is in your hair.”

  “In a way,” he smiled a little. “That's kind of an accurate reference. I think the only reason I'd ever remove it would be for love.”

  “There's no better reason than that,” I agreed, “but then I hold love magic so maybe I'm a bit biased.”

  Then we steered the conversation back to safer waters. That happened a lot with us. We'd share something personal, intimate, and then just stare at each other, knowing that our friendship was doomed. Any kind of relationship between us was. If Naye accomplished his goal, I wouldn't be me anymore and if Naye didn't, that would mean I somehow escaped this mess. In which case, I'd hopefully never see either of the brothers ever again. Or I'd have to kill them.

  Yep, doomed.

  Still we went forward with it. I, because he was my only comfort within the torture, and he, because... well, I don't know why but I was grateful he did. When I was with him, I was able to conquer the rising tide of red in my mind, to still the screaming memories that wanted to take over, and hold onto who I really was. With him, I had a chance of making it through it as myself and of course, I used the opportunity to broach the subject of my release as often as possible.

  “I once saw a spider in my bathroom,” I said during one of those occasions. “He'd made his web high up in the corner above my bathtub but he must not have had enough to eat because he died. I looked up and saw him as I was washing my hair one day. Just this tiny, pale, husk of a spider, delicate looking really. All I could think was; Why didn't he leave? Why didn't he just go and build his web somewhere else? Find food and survive? What would make a creature stay in an environment that was killing it?”

  “I'm not a spider,” Toby had said softly to me, “and my brother isn't killing me.”

  “Isn't he?” I'd countered. “Is this really what you want? Is this the path you'd have chosen if he hadn't asked you to tread it?”

  “Maybe not,” he lifted his strong jaw proudly, the blue within his eyes flashing, “but he is the other half of me and where he goes, I go. I will not let him journey alone, no matter where the journey leads. I will stand beside him.”

  “Well,” I sighed, “at least your web will have more than one spider husk in it.”

  “Damn you, Vervain!” He'd snapped th
en, the only time I'd seen him get angry with me. “You, of all people, have no right to question a man's loyalty. To judge my devotion to my brother. How many men are faithful to you? How many would walk through Hell for you? Or hang in their web until they die?”

  His hand had gone to my shoulder, clenching it and pushing me back in his frustration. We'd fallen together off the couch, landing on the rough rope rug with him on top of me. My flesh had stung painfully but I didn't make a sound. His face was too close, the fresh scent of him overpowering me, and those eyes were deep enough to drown in. We were both breathing harshly by the time I was able to find my voice.

  “You're right,” I whispered. “My Intare have often said they would follow me anywhere, that any fight of mine was theirs as well.”

  “I don't just mean your lions,” his voice lowered, as his mouth did, and the touch of his lips on mine was a tease. His warm breath fluttered across my mouth. A ripple across a calm lake. I almost pushed forward, took us that last step over the edge, but I knew what I was feeling for him was compounded by stress and dependency. It wasn't real. It couldn't be real. I wouldn't let my need for comfort outweigh my love for my men.

  So when he pulled back to stare at me in shock, I rolled out from beneath him and edged over to lean back against the couch. I was still on the floor with him, I hadn't the strength of will to go too far away. So we just sat there staring at each other until Nayenezgani returned. Then Toby hustled me back to the cross, back to the agony of my day. Except this time, I had more thoughts than Atahensic to fill my mind with. I had Toby.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  “Wake up, Ata,” Naye's voice was sweet, as it was every morning.

  “No more,” I said, as I always did.

  “Today, you won't be put in the sun,” he smiled.

  “I won't?” I narrowed my eyes on him.

  “Today I want to show you something,” Naye handed me a stack of clothes. “Go and freshen up. I'll meet you in the kitchen.”

  He left and I gaped after him. Freshen up? Kitchen? I'd only eaten once a day, the small plate he always left for me at night, unless Toby was able to sneak me some food during the day. The thought of breakfast had my stomach growling but I tried to calm myself. He hadn't said he was giving me food, just to meet him in the kitchen.

  But Naye wouldn't starve me, he loved me. He wanted to take care of me, wanted me to leave my cruel husband for him. He would protect me. He was a good choice, my best option. No! I gasped and shook my head hard.

  It was getting more and more difficult to separate Atahensic's thoughts from my own. The more of her blood I drank, the more I seemed to become her. Like a spiritual transfusion. A caterpillar becoming a butterfly, except this caterpillar didn't want to change. Just leave me fuzzy and fat, I'm happy fat.

  “I am Vervain Lavine,” I said with renewed determination. “Come on, girl, this isn't the first time someone's messed with your memories. You can take it. You can...” I drifted off as thoughts of golden brown hands on my skin filled my head. I fell back onto the mattress, seeing eyes of sunlight above me. My savior, my partner, my lover. Sun to my Moon. “Agh, dammit,” I snarled and rolled out of bed. You can close your eyes to reality but memories are harder to banish. “When I get my magic back, I'm going to whammy that bastard. I'll make him fall in love with a pig! No, that would be mean to the pig,” I muttered as I walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower. I needed a little wake up call and a cold rinse should do it. “I could make him fall in love with a cockroach. No, that's too gross. Maybe I'll make him a narcissist and have him fall in love with himself. Then he can stay home and fuck himself all day.”

  I let the cold water wake me up, then I soaped up, rinsed off, and got out quickly. There was fresh underwear in the pile of clothes and I gratefully threw my old ones in the trash. Making a woman wear the same pair of panties for days on end was another form of torture in itself. At least I'd been able to wash them every night but then I had to wear wet panties to bed because I didn't want him finding me naked in the morning. Oh the joys of captivity.

  I pulled on the soft cotton dress and looked in the mirror. My hair had long ago come out of its braid and without a brush, it had become a wild mess. I tried to finger-comb it but could only manage to smooth it out a little. My skin was turning a deep golden color, like it did when I used to sunbathe a lot. It wasn't just my Native American blood that helped me tan so well, it was my Japanese. You probably think of pale skin when you think of Japanese people but actually, they can tan really well. They just hate to because being tan used to be a sign that you were poor and had to work out in the fields all day. Well, I was looking like a field worker, I guess.

  You'd have thought, what with the healing every night, I wouldn't have kept the color, but there it was, making me look even more like Atahensic. I sighed, running my hands down the pink fabric of the dress. Other hands flashed over mine, thinner fingers, dark pink nails. I flinched and pulled my hands away. When I looked up at the mirror, another woman was staring back at me.

  “No!” I yelled at her. “I'm not you. I'm Vervain Lavine. Godhunter. Tima to the Intare. Mate of a Froekn Prince. Death's Lover. Queen of Asgard and of Fire. The Trinity Star. I know who I am and your blood can't change that!”

  She only stared back at me, dark eyes like mine, an exotic almond shape. Her high cheekbones were sharper than mine, my chin wider than hers. The tan I had deepened and then started to glow. Light softened the brown, brightening it until I was white. I reached a hand out to the reflection and the light blinded me. When I was able to see again, I was myself once more.

  The truly disturbing thing was, I wasn't sure if the glow was from Atahensic's moon magic or my Trinity Star. They looked the same.

  “Ata,” Naye called from the kitchen. “Breakfast is waiting.”

  “I'm not Ata!” I growled but I did it under my breath because I was just so damn hungry.

  When I got to the kitchen and saw the platters of bacon, pancakes, eggs, and hashbrowns, I nearly passed out from ecstasy. The small plate of chicken and veggies I'd been given nightly was simply not doing it for me and when Toby was able to sneak me something, it had to be done quickly, so it was usually something small. I took a seat and started to devour the food.

  “Easy now,” Toby laughed. “You'll make yourself sick.”

  “Good, then I can eat more,” I sighed as he poured me a cup of coffee.

  “How very Roman of you,” Toby observed.

  “But we're not Romans,” Naye reminded his brother. “We're Navajo and today, we're taking you to see the Navajo Nation, Ata.”

  “Will you stop calling me that?” I growled around a mouthful of pancake.

  “No,” he said simply. “Though you're Iroquois, you're still an Indian goddess and the Navajo know of you.”

  “Feather not dot,” I mumbled and Toby choked on his coffee.

  “What?” Naye stopped to stare at me.

  “Nothing,” I tried to look innocent. Then something occurred to me. “Hold on, Teharon is a Mohawk Indian. I know because I remember commenting on how he doesn't actually have a mohawk.”

  “The Mohawks are part of the Iroquois Confederacy,” Toby explained.

  “Oh, okay then,” I nodded to Naye. “Proceed.”

  “As I was saying,” Naye frowned at me. “You're a Native American goddess and you'll see the need for our people to band together. Today I'll show you what peace has brought our people. Today you'll see why war is necessary.”

  “Okay, Crazy Horse,” I huffed. “Can you pass me the bacon?”

  “I'm not Crazy Horse,” Naye frowned as Toby chuckled under his breath.

  “Whatever, Dances with Scissors,” I rolled my eyes. “Bacon?”

  “Dances with...?” Naye looked to his brother for help.

  “She's teasing you,” Toby explained with laughing eyes.

  “You're making light of our people's culture?” Naye frowned at me.

  “No,
I'm making light of your insanity, Feathers for Brains,” I pointed at the platter on the other side of him. “Ba-con? It's the fried pieces of pork next to your right hand.”

  “Your tune will change by tonight,” Naye finally passed me the bacon.

  “Thank you,” I huffed and piled pork onto my plate. “You'd think I was asking him to do Calculus.”

  Toby burst out laughing.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  “Are we in a third world country?” I asked as I looked up and down the dirt road.

  “In a way,” Toby said softly from my left. “Welcome to the Navajo Nation.”

  “This is an Indian Reservation?” I watched a couple of dogs fight over a dead animal and a chill went down my spine.

  “The largest,” Naye nodded.

  The houses were shanties basically. Small boxes painted with the dark earth of their yards. They had walls and roofs but that was where their similarity to a normal home ended. The space was vast, miles of open of land, but it didn't matter. These people didn't have the money to build on it.

  There weren't any vehicles in sight and the people who wandered by looked downtrodden, overweight mostly, and apathetic. They glanced at us with mild curiosity and then went on their way. There was a man passed out at the side of the road, a bottle still clutched to his chest. The dogs started to wander over to him and Naye shooed them off.

  “Get up, my friend,” he said as he touched the man. “We don't lie in the dirt.”

  The man blinked his eyes open and stared up at Naye. Something shimmered over his irises and his slack face tightened. He took Naye's hand and got to his feet, still staring into Naye's eyes like they held the answers to all of his prayers. Naye nodded and took the bottle from him, casting it to the side.

  “Go to this place,” he handed the man a card. “We'll give you your life back.”

  “I know you,” the man whispered. “I know your face. Your eyes.”