Amy Sumida - Light as a Feather (Book 14 in The Godhunter Series)

by Unknown

  “Okay,” I sighed. “I can accept that and I can even appreciate it. I'm grateful for your interference because without it, I wouldn't have all this,” I waved a hand toward Arach and then around the room. “So, thank you and thank you for telling me about the magic.”

  “But?” He lifted a brow.

  “But I need to know the decisions I make are made by me alone and not influenced by you.”

  “They are,” he assured me. “I've manipulated situations, brought people into your life, but you make your own decisions. You wouldn't allow it to be any other way.”

  “Now that I believe,” Arach muttered.

  “Shut up,” I hissed at him.

  “Now that we've met though,” Alaric continued. “I hope that you'll allow me to speak to you as Faerie does.”

  “Yeah, okay,” I sighed. “Just don't interrupt any intimate moments.”

  “I'll try to be a little more considerate than she is,” he nodded.

  Watch it, Faerie growled.

  “No offense meant, my lady,” he grinned.

  Yeah, I bet.

  “Perhaps one day you'll even consent to hosting me?” Alaric studied me.

  “Hosting you?” I lifted a brow. “Like Aradia is right now?”

  “Aradia isn't a complete being, as you are,” he waved a hand toward me. “I can only speak through her. My magic is unable to flow out of her. She is a vessel but not a conduit.”

  “And you'd like to be able to do cool things like Faerie can when she's in my body,” I smirked.

  “Yes,” he grinned. “That would be cool.”

  “We'll see,” I said and he nodded his acceptance.

  “There's more to your path, your star, than even I could have foreseen,” he continued softly. “You're much more than a bridge now and it's imperative that you survive. I can't tell you what lies ahead but know that there's the possibility for accomplishing much through your star. A lot of good can be done.”

  “Good to be done,” I sighed. “If you say so.”

  “Do you remember when you took all of the energy of the forest fire and filtered it into the Intare and Froekn?” He lifted one of Aradia's black brows at me.

  “Yes,” I whispered as something fluttered inside my chest, some kind of awareness.

  “Did you think that was all you?” Alaric smiled indulgently. “Did you really think all fey could do that?”

  “I told you,” Arach turned smug eyes toward me.

  “Yes, I remember. It's like using water to fuel a fire,” I recalled Arach's words. Then I turned back to Alaric. “Using fey energy to empower gods is impossible. I knew it was the star who'd made it possible but I'd thought it was as you said, a type of bridge between my races.”

  “It is,” he nodded, “but not in the way I'd intended. It's a bridge within you, a way of joining all of your powers together and making them into something greater. Just like you do with your men.”

  “But what?” I tried to still the anxiety rising in my chest. “What will it become? What will I become?”

  “I can't tell you that,” his tone was apologetic. “I will say that you did yourself a disservice when you shared that fire energy. It's why your healing abilities have diminished. You gave away too much of it.”

  “I don't care,” I huffed. “I'd do it again, if it meant saving the Intare and Froekn.”

  “I know,” Alaric grinned as Arach rolled his eyes. “Don't get defensive, I agree with your actions. I just wanted you to see that you stumbled across your own source of renewal and failed to note it. Just as you recharged your lions and wolves, you can recharge yourself.”

  “What?” I gaped at him.

  “How have you not realized this?” He laughed, shaking his head. “You heal yourself with fire and you've taken energy from fire before. It should have been obvious to you that the solution to your slowing healing abilities would be to take another sip from the fire well. Go suck up some fire energy, Vervain. You'll feel much better, I promise.”

  “Oh,” I blinked as Arach started chuckling. “Well duh. Damn it, why didn't I think of that?”

  “Well, I have a few years on you,” Alaric said magnanimously. “Maybe it wouldn't have been obvious to everyone.”

  “Nope,” I sighed, “I'm an idiot.”

  “You've had a lot to deal with lately,” Arach offered while still chuckling.

  “And you,” I pointed a finger to him. “Why didn't you think of it?”

  “How was I to know what would sustain you?” Arach stopped laughing finally. “I'm not even sure what you are.”

  “What did you just say?” I narrowed my eyes on him.

  “I didn't mean it like that,” Arach sighed and ran a hand over his face. “Just that I have no idea what you're capable of or what can fuel you.”

  “Yeah, okay,” I grimaced and then looked back at Alaric. “So you think I'll be able to do some good with this star, huh?”

  “I do,” he nodded. “It shines so brightly within you. A candle in the darkest pit. You draw others to you, not just to huddle in your light but to light their own candles from your flame. You force others to illuminate their shadows, to peer into their own darkness. Some will love you for it but some will try to destroy you.”

  “Why?”

  “Because some shadows should be left alone,” he smiled sadly. “Some people are happier in the dark. Just remember, you are three races. You have three souls. Don't let one be eclipsed by the others. You must give all three their proper due. Sometimes you seem to forget that you're also a witch, not just a goddess and a dragon-sidhe. The irony is that she was the last piece of your puzzle and the most integral. The human element. It's always been unpredictable but that can be a wonderful thing. Remember all of yourself and your potential will be realized.”

  “Well no pressure or anything.”

  “Vervain,” Alaric chuckled, “you've dealt well with the responsibilities that come with this path. I'm so proud of you. Know that. I've watched and hoped and worried for you and I've loved and lost along with you. Keep embracing the blessings that come with your life, focus on them as you have in the past, and they will give you the strength to hurdle your obstacles.”

  “Thank you,” I whispered.

  I know it shouldn't have mattered but his approval meant something to me. I didn't know him but yet, I did. My soul, one or maybe all of them, remembered him, knew him, and loved him as a child loves any guardian who has given them devotion and support.

  “I'll leave you now,” Alaric stood and came around the table. “Aradia's father is looking rather anxious. But I'll speak with you soon. Please, remove that magic as soon as you can. And one more thing before I go.”

  “Yes?” I stood to face him.

  “May I give you a hug?”

  “Of course,” I smiled and held open my arms.

  He slid around me and the power of his energy coursed over me like a rush of adrenaline. I could feel it filling Aradia, surging beneath her skin as if it wanted nothing more than to get out. If this was what he was like inside her, what kind of things could he do inside me?

  Hopefully we'll find out one day, he said from within my head. Until then, know that I'll be watching over you, guarding you as best I can.

  “Thank you,” I said and pulled away from him but it was Aradia who was looking back at me.

  “For what?” She asked.

  “For letting Alaric visit,” I smoothly covered.

  “Oh, you're so welcome,” she grinned. “Isn't he wonderful?”

  “Yes,” I grinned back, “he is.”

  Goodbye, Vervain.

  “Goodbye, Alaric,” I whispered.

  Chapter Fifty-Six

  Aradia and her father stayed for dinner, through which she told us about her past with Alaric. The more she spoke, the more I remembered of him from my time in Hvergelmir, and the more worried Arach looked.

  “I'll go back to the God Realm after dinner,” I whispered to him when a lull
came in the conversation.

  “You should have returned immediately,” he hissed back at me.

  Poor dragon, he was extremely worried about my unbalanced star. I think the idea of “burning out” was offensive and doubly frightening for a dragon. I know my own dragon was curled up in concern inside me. Now that Alaric had alerted me to the situation, it was clear as day. I could see the unbalanced point inside my chest. See how it was pulling energy from the other points and starting to glow brighter than the rest.

  That couldn't be good.

  “Why are you procrastinating?” Arach continued. “What are you afraid of?”

  “I don't want to see Toby,” I whispered the truth and felt the weight of it as the words left my lips. “I don't want to have to stand before him and tell him that not only were we never meant for each other but that our union is killing me and that I have to destroy it in order to live.”

  “If he loves you like you say he does,” Arach narrowed his bright eyes on me, the pupils little slits of black, “then he will be eager to do this for you.”

  “That's not the point,” I sighed. “This will just be more salt in the wound. It will hurt him, emotionally, and I don't want to do that.”

  “Better that than him mourning your death,” Arach stated bluntly.

  “Yes, I know.”

  “I wish I could go back with you,” he said softly and my eyes shot to his.

  “Arach,” I leaned in and took his hand. “I'll be okay, it's just a ritual.”

  “A ritual that will not be easy,” he quoted. “Maybe you should do as he recommended and take a new magic.”

  “From who?” I shook my head. “Shall I just ask around and see if anyone knows a god that needs killing?”

  “Vervain,” Arach growled and slammed his fist upon the table, startling everyone into silence. “Stop with the comedy! I cannot bear it. Every time you put your life in danger, I am terrified. You hold my heart and the future of our race in your hands. In your body. Losing you would be an end to all that is good in my world and you sit there and make light of it.”

  “I make light of it so that I don't fall apart,” I whispered and set sad eyes on him. “Do you think I don't know all of that? That I don't think of you and our unborn children every time I face a new threat? I think of that and more. I think of Trevor, how he would die horribly. I think of the Intare and how they will go mad without me. I think of Kirill and Odin and Azrael. All of the love I would destroy, all of the lives. But I can't dwell on it anymore. I can't cripple myself by sitting here and wallowing in the possibility of worst case scenarios. I cannot bear that.”

  “I know,” he sighed and let his head fall back, his eyes closing in defeat. “And I know I need to find a way to be there for you, to try and bear this burden with you. So after you return to the God Realm, mirror me and I'll come for a visit. I'll sacrifice some of my time with you so that I can do what Alaric suggested and get to know the others better. I'll do my part as best as I can from this point forward, just please stop making jokes, Vervain. That's all I ask.”

  “You might as well ask her to stop breathing,” Roarke called out and lightened the mood. Bless his little kitty heart.

  Everyone started laughing in relief, even Arach let out a slightly hysterical chuckle. He sat up and looked at me, his chest rising and falling with a deep sigh. I took his hand and smiled. He smiled back. I was about to tell him that I'd head back immediately, when Guirmean came striding into the room.

  “King Arach,” he said as he walked down the center aisle between the dining tables. “Queen Vervain.”

  “King Guirmean,” Arach frowned. “You're always welcome but what, may I ask, is the reason for your visit?”

  “I need to speak with Nora,” his eyes were already searching the room but Nora wasn't there. I knew it without looking since I myself had looked for her. After seeing her in the halls earlier, I'd been concerned.

  “Does anyone know where Nora is?” I asked the room at large while Guirmean continued to search.

  “She's in her chambers, I think,” one of the phookas said. “I'll go fetch her, my Queen.”

  “Thank you. Tell her to join us in King Arach's office,” I stood and went to Guirmean. “Why don't we take this somewhere more private?” I gestured to Arach behind my back and felt him join us.

  “Yes,” Guirmean's wild turquoise eyes settled on me. “Yes, I think that's best.”

  “This way,” Arach led us out and up the stairs to his office. He loved having an office and even in the midst of this obvious drama, I could tell that he enjoyed showing it off again to Guirmean. Dragons, sigh.

  As we waited for Nora to join us, I watched Guirmean pace the length of the room, his long legs eating up the distance between the window and door in seconds. His dark blue skin had a slight purple flush to it and his pale green hair was wild, puffed up in clumps. When he ran a hand through it roughly, I realized why. I glanced at Arach and he shook his head at me.

  “King Arach,” Guirmean finally stopped and turned to him. “I'm about to make a huge imposition on our friendship but I hope that our relationship is strong enough for you to understand.”

  “Go on,” Arach sat on the edge of his massive desk and focused his intense eyes on Guirmean. Nothing could match the intensity of a dragon stare.

  “Would you consider letting me reside in your kingdom?” Guirmean asked just as Nora entered the room.

  Nora and I both gasped. Nora didn't look much better than Guirmean. Her hair was even more wild than his, not unusual for a phooka but for Nora, who was probably the most disciplined of our phookas, it was very unusual. On top of that, her skin was sallow with deep bruises under eyes that were normally fiery but were currently a sad looking yellow. Her clothing was rumpled, her top a little askew. and her boots were dull, unpolished. She was practically unrecognizable.

  “Why would you wish to do that?” Arach's tone was casual but his body had gone still.

  “I've given up my throne,” Guirmean said as he faced Nora. “And I hope to make a new home with the woman I love.”

  “Well in that case,” Arach shrugged, “of course. You're very welcome here.”

  “Thank you,” Guirmean glanced at Arach and then back at the astounded Nora. “Nora?”

  “Have you gone mad?” She finally screeched.

  “Yes,” he said simply. “I've lost all of my sanity without you. I can't think, can't sleep, can't eat without seeing your face. You don't even know how disturbing that is when you're trying to eat a bowl of octopus stew.”

  “You can't just give up the throne,” Nora continued.

  “I can and I did,” Guirmean nodded. “I told you I'd sooner give it up than give up on us and I meant it. What use is a throne to me when I don't have you sitting beside me?”

  Nora made a small, disbelieving sound and then crumpled. Guirmean was there in an instant, catching her and holding her against his chest. She cried full out then, clutching him to her desperately, as if she thought he might disappear if she didn't.

  “I love you,” I heard Guirmean whisper. “More than any throne, more than any kingdom, more than this entire realm. There is no me without you.”

  “But the baby,” Nora whispered. “Your heir will no longer be in line to rule. You're giving up too much.”

  “The water fey have agreed to have Lorna as their new Queen Regent until the child is grown. The baby has proven itself to be remarkably powerful and the water fey want that in a monarch. Besides, what kind of example will I be to my child if I simply gave up on love because it was too difficult?” Guirmean was starting to smile. “I can still be a part of the baby's life, I'll just have to do it from another kingdom.”

  “Maybe I could move to Water,” she suggested and he laughed.

  “You wouldn't be happy in Water,” he shook his head. “But I will be happy as long as you're beside me.”

  “Well, I'm glad you've finally got your priorities straight,” Arach nodded
and we all gaped at him.

  “You approve of this, my King?” Nora seemed to only just realize there were other people in the room.

  “I once gave up my throne for Vervain. Without her, I was of no use to it,” Arach's tone was careless but his eyes, when they settled on me, were tender.

  Funny how I'd forgotten all about that. How he'd had his own little break down after I'd left him and had refused to rule his kingdom. I remembered how he looked in that underground prison cell King Cian had thrown him in. Cut off from his element and wallowing in his heartache. Punishing himself. It made a lie of what he'd said earlier, that he'd only thought of what I could give him and his kingdom. If that were true, Arach would never have renounced his throne.

  So why had he said that? Why hadn't he reminded me that he almost gave up his kingdom for me? Maybe because he hadn't really given it up for me but because of losing me. He hadn't sacrificed it to be with me like Guirmean was doing for Nora, he'd thrown it away because he was heartbroken over me leaving him. Yeah, I guess that was a little different. I couldn't fault him for it though, I'd been in a similar state when Odin died. Heartache is a lot like a toothache. It's a pain you can't distance yourself from. It's just too close, in your head constantly. That kind of pain can make you crazy. Crazy enough to get yourself thrown in jail.

  “Wait,” I frowned as the memories reminded me of something. “Did you speak to King Cian about this?”

  “His approval has been granted,” Guirmean grinned, “and his blessing has been given.”

  “Really?” Nora finally began to smile.

  “I have to hand it to you fey men,” I shook my head. “You don't fall in love easily but when you do, you go all out.”

  “Indeed, we do,” Arach smiled and walked over to me. “Now go back, do what you need to do, and call me. I'll use this time to prepare Isleen so she can look after the kingdom while I'm gone.”

  “I could call you before I do the ritual,” I offered. “Then you can be there like you wanted.”