Envy (Seven Deadlies MC Book 1)

by Kaitlyn Ewald

  He obviously noticed the blood on her hands, because he held her wrists in his tight grip for a moment before he released her.

  His question finally resonated with her and she realized how poetic it was that he’d asked her that when she'd been asking herself that for months…

  Am I okay?

  Despite the word vomit and actual vomit clogging her throat, she only nodded because what the fuck was she supposed to say? That her previous old man was a lying, junkie traitor? That her president had lied to her for almost a year? That her new old man had almost (gallantly) manipulated her into killing him? That she’d just murdered two people?

  Nothing makes sense.

  There was nothing that she could say at that moment that could portray the truest depths of her agony, so she tore through Prettyboy’s bindings and wrapped her arms around him as soon as he was free.

  Her brain was ready to shut down after doing what she’d just gone through.

  She was now officially an old lady.

  The sound of gunfire was minimal and ended almost as soon as it began, but Esme didn't care.

  She’d done a lot of things for Chris, for Prettyboy, but she’d never committed murder for anyone. She certainly hadn’t been held hostage against her will before, either.

  The entire room faded away when she pressed her mouth to Prettyboy’s.

  “You dumb, arrogant, selfish asshole!,” She chastised as she pressed kisses to both cheeks.

  His hands were everywhere all at once, but he didn't seem to care about the blood covering the front of her dress or her hands.

  Esme gripped his cut with both hands and worked her mouth over his until she was sure that he was okay, that he was still breathing and that the entire evening wasn't some fucked up nightmare.

  Her mouth ached and her side was on fire, but at that moment all she needed was to feel his heartbeat against hers.

  “I fuckin’ love you, Esme. I’m so sorry,” He said into her ear.

  “Shut up. Later, when we’re alone we can talk about it, and we will. But, right now I need you to hold me.”

  Prettyboy wrapped his arms around her as Axel and Fury joined them.

  “Place is cleared out. The rest of his crew is gone or dead. What the fuck happened?,” Fury asked.

  Esme shook her head.

  “We’ll talk about this later. Back at the clubhouse. I need to get her out of here,” Prettyboy said roughly.

  All around them, Esme could see familiar faces moving in and out of the warehouse. She wanted to speak, but she was so overwhelmed that everything felt heavy and numb. Like her soul had fallen asleep, and she needed to wake it back up.

  Prettyboy lifted her into his arms, and against her protests, pressed her face into his chest and carried her outside.

  “I’m sorry,” She whispered.

  “Don’t you dare apologize.”

  “I wanted to shoot them all, but I was afraid they would kill you first,” She admitted.

  “Esmeralda Quinn, stop it right now. None of us knew how to handle that shit show back there,” He said.

  Ox met them halfway, his worried gaze sweeping over the both of them.

  “She okay? Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine, but she needs medical attention. Fucker poked her with a cattle prod,” Prettyboy said.

  “Shit, is that it? Anything else?”

  “We’ll talk about it back at the clubhouse. Right now I need to get her home so she can rest,” He said.

  “Of course. Here, take my car back. It’s parked down the road,” Ox said.

  “You sure?”

  “As long as it doesn't find it’s way back to Myrtle Beach, yeah.”

  Prettyboy smiled at the mention of the infamous Myrtle Beach incident where Rayna and Fury were ambushed by the Blazin’ Eagles, the club that had held Rayna captive for three months.

  “I won’t leave your car anywhere but outside the clubhouse.”

  Ox handed him the keys.

  Esme wondered how he was going to carry her that far on his bad leg, but he didn't complain. He held her closer to him, whispered sweet things in her ear, told her she was a damn good old lady. Once Ox’s Mustang came into view, Prettyboy eased her onto her feet.

  She was still missing a shoe and her mouth tasted like blood, but she wanted to kiss him. To touch him, to feel him, to convince herself that he was okay and that they were alive.

  “Stop crying, beautiful. It’s gonna be okay.”

  “I pointed a gun at you.”

  “You weren’t going to shoot me.”

  Esme swallowed a gasp.

  “How do you know?”

  “Because I know you.”

  She opened her mouth to argue, but he stopped her.

  “Get in the car. I’m taking you home, and then we can hash this out for as long as you need.”

  Esme didn't say a word, but she did get into Ox’s car and the second the door closed behind her, she burst into tears.

  Chapter 28

  Prettyboy hurried to get Esme back to the clubhouse. They hadn't even made it back onto the main road before she was hysterical in her seat next to him.

  He tried to calm her as best as he could, but she was far past listening to reason.

  “Esme, calm down. It’s okay,” He said calmly.

  She screamed, slamming her palms against the dash board.

  “No. It’s not fine! I just killed two men, Damon. Two! I’m a fucking murderer!,” She cried into her palms.

  “Esme, they were going to kill us. That was self-defense. You have nothing to be sorry or ashamed about,” He said.

  “You wanted me to kill you,” She said raggedly.

  Prettyboy pulled Ox’s car over to the side or the road as easily as he could.

  “Baby, come here.”

  She hesitated long enough for him to reach for her and pull her onto his lap.

  He smoothed the hair out of her face, wiping away as much blood and mascara from her cheeks as he could.

  Even like this, even torn to pieces and sobbing she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.

  “I was going to talk to you about this when we were out today, but I never got the chance. Obviously Chris didn't utilize the full disclosure thing with you, but I want to. I want you to know what’s going on because I couldn't stand to see that look on your face when you found out the truth about Chris.”

  She buried her face in his neck as she cried silently.

  “Why didn't he tell me?”

  “Wouldn’t have changed the fact that you loved him, Esme. Axel was right to keep that to himself for you. He obviously cares about you more than any of us thought.”

  “He lied to me.”

  “No, he let you believe that the man you married was doing right by you, which Chris wasn’t. It would have hurt you more to find out the truth. He was trying to preserve your memory of him,” Prettyboy argued.

  She pulled back and rested her palms against his chest.

  “We almost died tonight.”

  Prettyboy ran the pads of his thumbs along her mouth.

  “Hazard of the job, Esme. You know that.”

  “I do know that, I just- tonight I was a part of it. I’ve never been in the thick of things before and I swear to God if you ever fucking order me to do something so stupid ever again-”

  Prettyboy pressed his mouth to hers in an effort to quiet her.

  “Stop it. What happened tonight was nothing but a group of unorganized bikers tryin’ to get their rocks off on a power trip. You did great, Esme. I’m so proud of you. You did everything right, okay?”

  He was being sincere when he told her that, but he could see the fear getting ready to bury her. He didn't want her to slip away from him so soon, he wanted her to own what had happened. For a brief moment his soft woman had been a warrior, and he was so fucking proud of her for it.

  “I’m so confused.”

  “You have every right to be. I’d be nervous if you w
eren’t, but I’m not gonna let this ruin you. You just got your life back together. Watching you come into your own has been the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done,” He said truthfully.

  She sniffed and kissed him gently.

  “I could say the same thing about you, ya know.”

  Prettyboy grinned.

  “Yeah. I guess you’re right about that. I know this was your first time being directly involved with club business and that you’re trying to work it all out in your head, but just remember something for me. Can you do that?”

  She nodded, “What’s that?”

  “Remember that no matter what happens, I’ll be right here with you. I won’t leave you. I love you, and I’m not going anywhere,” He vowed.

  Esme was still crying when she pressed her mouth to his and cuddled up against his chest.

  He knew they had a long way to go, and that he still had to deal with Ox and the rest of the club when he got back to their lot, but at that moment he was ecstatic to be able to hold his old lady.

  ◆◆◆

  Esme stumbled towards the restroom, ready for a shower.

  Laura had just finished checking out her burns, informing her that given a little time and a little rest, she’d be good as new.

  On the outside, at least.

  She needed to wash the blood off of herself, and maybe a drink- or ten.

  She had no idea how she was going to face anyone yet, and she wasn't ready to anyways.

  Instead of waiting around for any instruction from anyone, she ambled down the hallway that led to her bedroom and threw the door to the bathroom open.

  She was still numb, still shaking, and as she turned the faucet on the shower. The hot water felt good against her bloody palm and she watched the water turn pink and swirl around the drain.

  “Esme?”

  The husky voice belonged to Rayna, but Esme didn't turn around.

  “I killed two men tonight.”

  “Fury told me. You did real good, baby.”

  “I kept telling myself to think like you- be strong like Rayna- but I wasn’t.”

  Esme jumped when Rayna’s hands began to work the zipper on the back of her dress.

  “You did a good job. Proved yourself a fuckin’ amazing old lady, Esmeralda Quinn.”

  Esme shook her head, but she stepped out of her dress anyway and let it pool at her bare, bloody feet.

  “I almost shot my old man.”

  Rayna frowned, Esme could see her in the mirror.

  “No, Esme. No. That was not your fault.”

  Esme choked out a laugh as she stepped into the shower.

  “No, you’re right. It’s my dead junkie husband’s fault,” She said bitterly.

  Rayna slid to the floor in front of the shower, and Esme knew she was probably remembering the time Fury had to help her into the shower after she’d escaped from the Blazin’ Eagles.

  “That sucks, yeah. That bites, but there’s nothing you can do about it now.”

  “Axel lied to me, Rayna. How can I trust him again?”

  Rayna sighed as she shrugged.

  “He did lie to you, but only because he cares about you. You have to know that deep down, Esme. Axel would never hurt you.”

  Esme pressed her forehead to the filmy shower wall, her nose making an imprint on the steam adhering to the wet glass.

  “I feel like I didn't know Chris at all,” She admitted.

  Rayna shook her head.

  “Think about it this way, Esme. You knew him in a way most didn’t. He came home to you. He made love to you.Wilder was married to you, baby. It’s okay to cherish his memory.”

  Esme choked on a mirthless laugh.

  As she scrubbed her skin raw she replayed the entire evening in her head over and over again.

  Blood.

  Tears.

  Boom! Boom! Boom!

  Esme could still feel the blast of the gun in her hand as she scrubbed her palms clean.

  “I almost lost my old man tonight, Rayna. I don’t know if I can ever go through that again.”

  Rayna responded instantly to the raw fear in Esme’s voice.

  She stood to her feet and placed a palm against the warm glass, her blue eyes boring into Esme’s through the billowing clouds of steam.

  Esme was still crying even though she knew was safe.

  She knew that her and Prettyboy would be okay and that eventually, she would forgive Axel.

  “You’re going to be okay, Esme. Trust me.”

  Trust me…

  Those words made a huge difference coming from Rayna, because Esme knew she was telling the truth. Rayna had survived hell to get to where she was now, and what Esme had gone through was child’s play compared to the blonde’s past.

  “I’m not used to this life.”

  “You’ll get used to it. Chris died before you got a taste, but Esme? You have all of us here to help you through this. Prettyboy loves you. He won’t let you down.”

  “I feel like I let him down,” She admitted.

  Rayna watched her from behind the glass.

  “You didn’t let anyone down. After a good night’s sleep and a conversation with your man, you’ll feel a lot better.”

  Esme’s fingers slid from the glass and landed back under the steady stream of water.

  “You’re right.”

  Rayna was right again.

  Esme knew what she was getting into when she got married the first time. She knew what she should expect, she knew what the lifestyle was like.

  “I need to be stronger.”

  “It’s okay to be upset. It’s never easy takin’ a life, Esme. Your circumstances were different than mine, but the act is still the same. Just remember that you helped Limit save Axel and your old man.”

  Esme had no idea how Rayna knew that so soon, but Fury came to mind as she washed her hair.

  “Where is everyone?”

  “Getting ready for church before they call it a night. Gotta make sure everyone’s on the same page.”

  “And then what?”

  “And then we move on, baby. The only way to do things around here.”

  Esme wasn't shaking anymore and the urge to vomit was slowly dissipating, but her and Prettyboy still needed to have a discussion. Fuck, there was a lot they needed to talk about, but right then all Esme could think about was getting clean and breathing.

  Chapter 29

  “Everybody take a fuckin’ seat. We got business to discuss,” Ox ordered.

  Every man in the room, including Axel and his men, took a seat.

  Prettyboy was in no mood for church but the sooner he got that shit done and over with the sooner he could go console his woman.

  “Axel, tell us what happened.”

  “I was riding back to the clubhouse after checkin’ out a lead and I got bombarded. Three riders, Andy at the head, they told me they had Esme. Andy told me he would kill her, so I went with them. I didn't know they had her and you,” He said as he tipped his head towards Prettyboy.

  “And then what?”

  Ox was obviously pissed at the situation, not at Axel, but his biting tone made Prettyboy angry.

  He was the one that almost died.

  He was the one who watched Andy from the fuckin’ Silver Bullets poke his woman with a cattle prod.

  “Turns out your whore Tasha laid a trap for us. Went right to ‘em and told them who to go after if Andy really wanted my attention. Obviously, it worked.”

  “You’re leavin’ something out,” Limit said.

  Axel narrowed his eyes.

  “You never told us why you’re so against workin’ with the Silver Bullets. Why is that?”

  Axel ran his hands through his hair.

  “Everyone in this room knew that Wilder had a problem with drugs. He snorted coke faster than he sold it, but it wasn't until Tango overheard him talkin’ on the phone to some ghost rider that we realized he’d double crossed us, or planned to. I confronted him the night of his
‘accident’. He was working with Andy behind our backs to try and take over my club,” Axel explained.

  “So, he didn't die in an accident?,” Limit asked.

  Prettyboy knew the tone he was using. He was interrogating Axel, and he wasn't being discreet about it.

  “I tried my best to reason with him. I told him we could put it behind us, that we could work through it. I knew that if the rest of the club found out, I’d have to bring it to the table, and then we’d have to kill him. Those are the rules. He pulled his gun on me, and we fought. He hit his head,” Axel said.

  “You made it look like he laid his bike down?,” Green asked.

  Tango and Rebel were standing beside Axel, and Prettyboy could tell that they were beyond pissed. Why wouldn't they be? Their president had lied to them for months.

  “I did.”

  “And you never thought to tell Esme the fuckin’ truth?”

  Fury was angry, and that wasn't a good thing.

  There was one man in the room who knew every weak spot Axel had, and that man was currently staring at him as if he alone could drag him down to hell.

  “I was trying to protect her.”

  “You watched her go crazy for months, and we both know the truth could have helped her.”

  “He was trying to keep her safe, man. If he’d told her the truth she’d have been doing then what she’s doing now- beating herself up for not seein’ the signs,” Prettyboy said.

  “Her old man was a junkie traitor! She deserved the know the truth.”

  Prettyboy actually appreciated the way Fury was standing up for his lady, but there was no need to argue.

  “This isn't a matter for the table. This is between me and Esme, and if she wants to talk about it, she will. End of fuckin’ discussion ,” Prettyboy bit out.

  Fury finally nodded.

  “What happened after they got all of you together? Esme had a gun at one point,” Limit said.

  Prettyboy’s heart pounded against the bruised walls of his chest as he remembered the utter terror in her eyes when she’d leveled that gun at him.

  “He gave Esme an impossible choice. Him or me,” Prettyboy said.

  Ox swore.

  “Was there a reason for that?,” He asked.

  “Yeah, he said it was fun for him,” Axel said.